


The Kids Aren't Alright

by siriusmarauderstrash (orphan_account)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drug Use, Harry Potter - Freeform, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Multi, Swearing, alcohol use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-20 06:54:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 29
Words: 118,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9480110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/siriusmarauderstrash
Summary: James Potter didn’t think he could fall in love.Well, he hadn’t expected to find anyone to love. Not in this world.And he definitely hadn’t expected to fall in love with his best friend’s brother.Regulus Black.Of all the people.





	1. Looking at the stars

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the Jegulus fic I have decided to write. I hope you guys enjoy, this is the first fanfiction I've ever written so leave me feedback!

It was fifth year, and James Potter was roaming the halls of Hogwarts. It was late at night and he was carrying the map with him, keeping a wary eye out for Filch of Mrs Norris. He wasn’t really sure where he was going, or why he was even up for that matter, but James had always had trouble sleeping and sometimes a night-time stroll was just the thing he needed. He was on the fourth floor corridor when he heard a shuffling noise coming from just a few meters ahead of him. His hand whipped up to eye level and he muttered,

‘Lumos’

A bright light erupted from the end of his wand, casting an eerie glow down the path. There was no one there and James cursed under his breath, his heart still pounding in his chest. He should have bought the cloak with him.

‘Put that light out boy, what are you doing down here anyway?’

One of the many paintings lining the walls had called out to him and slowly the remaining occupants where wriggling themselves awake to look at him, James quickly mumbled ‘Nox’ before scampering off behind a tapestry, he would have to continue down the hidden staircase to the dungeons, just in case.

As James emerged into the new corridor he admired the age washed walls and darks cracks of the dungeons, the lack of natural light making the darkness seem even more overwhelming and solid than on the upper floors. James had always admired the night. Day time was also so lively and full of energy, and James loved that, but there was something about the peace of night that made all his little worries seem to melt into the darkness, he had never understood why Sirius was afraid of the dark, it comforted him.

‘Who’s there? Don’t try and run I can hear you.’

The voice rang out through the corridor, and James relit his wand, intending to turn to whichever painting had said that this time and charmingly talk his way out of this. It suddenly hit him as light flooded the hallway that the dungeons didn’t have any paintings on their walls. Instead the source of the voice shocked him into silence.

Regulus Black stood not 6 feet away, his hand snapping up to shield his eyes. The boy was much shorter than James, and bore an uncanny resemblance to his older brother, but Regulus held himself differently, his posture was upright, his chin held higher in a self-righteous manner that Sirius had begun to lose as the years had gone on. Regulus moved with purpose, Sirius strutted. The black hair was the same, elegantly waved and always shining, but Regulus’ hair was much shorter than his brother’s, his nose was thinner and jaw less defined. But the eyes were the same, always the same, those piercing grey eyes that stood like beacons on the Black’s face, always both mesmerising and terrifying. James was wary of Regulus. He didn't know how the boy would react seeing his brother's best friend in the corridor. It hadn't been so bad for second and third year, despite him not being in the same house, Sirius had desperately tried to maintain a relationship with his brother, he had always gone on about how close they were before Hogwarts. But as Sirius' relationship with his family had deteriorated further and further, the two brothers had drifted, Sirius was the more loud and boisterous of the two and had always complained about Regulus' leniency towards their parents attitudes. It had broken Sirius' heart in fourth year when Regulus had stopped speaking to him almost entirely after a particularly bad argument in the Black household. But James had always got on well with Regulus, he liked him for some reason.

‘Oh, it’s you Potter. I hadn’t expected to see you down here, not without your little band-wagon of friends.’ Regulus narrowed his eyes with suspicion, but spoke in a matter-of-fact tone.

James shook his head, and let out his trademark crooked grin. ‘Nope, just me tonight Reg, Sirius won’t get to see his brother wandering around all alone.’

Regulus snorted. ‘I don’t know who Sirius is calling brother now days Potter, but it certainly isn’t me.’

James’ heart sank for the small boy standing in front of him. Sirius was his best friend in the whole world, along with Remus and Peter, and James would always be there for him through thick and thin. Through anything. Sirius was lucky like that. But James knew who Regulus’ friends were, Sirius would turn paler than usual and clench his fists when he saw his brother walking along with them, they were no group of marauders that was for sure. Regulus was much more alone than Sirius was, and James felt for him.

‘Maybe not to your face Reg, but you know he still cares.’

‘Yeah, whatever you say.’ Regulus paused for a second, considering James' glasses that were now halfway down his nose and his Quidditch pyjamas. ‘Why are you walking around here anyway?’

James shrugged. ‘Couldn’t sleep. Sirius snores like the Hogwarts express.’

Regulus giggled in an almost childlike manner. ‘I know.’ Then, looking like he felt he had said too much, he blushed deeply and turned to walk away.

‘Wait Regulus stop.’ James called out before he had thought anything through. ‘You want to see something cool?’

Regulus turned. ‘What?’

‘I said do you want to see something cool.’

‘I have to get to sleep, Potter.’

‘It’s worth it I promise.’

Regulus stopped to think and James noted he seemed to think things through, he didn’t have the reckless spontaneity Sirius did, which James had always considered Sirius’ greatest and worst quality.

‘Ok.’

James grinned. ‘Ok then, follow me.’

They walked in silence through the stone corridors of the castle for what seemed like an age. James hated silences and he was particularly gifted at filling them, but it felt different when it was Regulus Black standing next to him. Like if he spoke he would intrude on some thought that was not his to know, like he was standing next to the only person who could claim to know his best friend better than he did, but he wasn’t allowed to find out how. It made James uncomfortable.

After climbing staircase after staircase, having had to make a detour as James had spotted Filch not too far away on the map, the two boys finally reached James destination, the top of the Astronomy tower. It was cold night and the wind blew ferociously through the open space. But the sky itself was perfectly clear and the stars glistened like little jewels across the black.

James walked over to the railing and sat down, throwing his legs out into the air and flopping his arms over the bar, Regulus lingered cautiously behind him standing staring out into the night.

‘It’s nice to sit here without having to draw the planets sometimes, you know? The dark is kinda beautiful when it’s not turned into school work.’

Regulus remained silent.

‘Sirius hates it, he says it like having his whole family watching him from afar, Remus likes it though, sometimes we sit up here at night and just look at it all, he likes looking at the sky when it not a f-.’

James stopped himself, why was he saying all of this? Regulus didn’t want to know it, he probably hated it as much as Sirius did, and why had he brought him here? What stupid part of him was making him share all of this with a Slytherin boy who had been known to be friends with the people James despised?

‘I come here too, sometimes.’

‘What?’

‘Yeah. That’s actually where I was headed tonight. Up here. Something about seeing all those stars up there… makes you feel..’

‘Less alone.’ James finished. Then he smiled ‘You’re not so bad you know Black.’

A glimmer of a smile crossed Regulus’ face.

‘You’re not so bad yourself Potter, Sirius is lucky, he found people who were as crazy and stupid as him.’

James laughed. ‘That he did. I’m only sorry you couldn’t have done the same.’ James regretted the remark instantly, as he saw Regulus’ face turn sour and a cold chill, unrelated to the wind, seemed to rush past.

‘We can’t all be Sirius, James. Some of us have to do what is right rather than what you want. Some of us actually care.’

‘I-I know Regulus I just meant-‘

‘I know what you meant. But it’s not your place to judge me or my friends. You shouldn’t stick your nose into stuff that is none of your business.’

‘I wasn’t sticking my nose in! I was just saying-‘

‘Whatever. This night has been creepy enough as it is, I’m not sticking around for you pity complex to kick in. I don’t need you or him trying to help me, I can look after myself.’

‘Regulus I-‘

‘Good night Potter.’

Regulus swept out of the tower so quickly James knew he would have to run if there was any hope of catching up with the boy, but he didn’t bother, he knew the Blacks well enough to know following them now would be a lost cause, and possibly dangerous. So he sat for a few minutes longer, watching the tiny dot that was Regulus walk back to the Slytherin common room and into bed on the map, before doing likewise.


	2. Blackout

After the night on the Astronomy Tower James and Regulus didn’t speak for a few weeks, they barely even acknowledged each other, not that it mattered as the two boys were so rarely within contact distance, James always being in the common room with his friends or out on the Quidditch pitch and Regulus being off doing God knows what.

James didn’t tell Sirius about that night. He felt that Sirius had enough to worry about without the knowledge that his brother roamed around at night alone and had been fighting with his best friend. It was only this morning when Sirius had received a letter from his parents informing him that they had emptied his Gringotts account and were intending to leave it empty unless he spent the Christmas holidays with them.

‘Oh for fucks sake, I can’t do this!’ Sirius mumbled, crumpling a letter and throwing into his bowl of cereal in front of him.

Remus grabbed the now soggy letter and opened it up, Peter leaned over his shoulder to read along with him.

‘It’s okay Pads forget about it, you knew they would do something like this and it really doesn’t matter, you don’t need that money.’ James said as he rubbed his best friends back. He and Remus exchanged a worried look.

‘Yes I do Prongs, how else am I going to get out? I can’t buy my own house when I’m eighteen if I don’t have a penny to my name.’

‘That’s fine.’ James replied. ‘You can just live with me for the rest of eternity, now wouldn’t that be a treat.’ James grinned as Sirius looked up to playfully shove him.

‘Yeah right James, after living in the same room as you for 5 years I think I’ll pass on having to spend any more time in the presence of your stinking underwear.’

All four boys laughed loudly and Remus vanished the letter. They continued to joke about James lack of personal hygiene for another minute or so before a sneering voice sounded behind them,

‘Regulus just got a letter from your mummy saying that the Black’s Christmas ball this year is going to be even better than the last one, apparently they’ve come into some money from a certain naughty boys trust fund, now who’s money do you think they are referring to Black?’

The Marauders turned to face a sandy haired snobbish boy who was roaring with laughter as he stared at Sirius.

‘Piss of Crouch.’ Sirius snarled, but Barty Crouch just laughed even harder.

‘Oh come on Black, you must see how funny this? You being a Black but also penniless? It is sort of hilarious.’

Sirius rose out of his seat and James could see the bulge in his robes where his fist was clutching his hidden wand.

‘Walk away Crouch.’ Sirius threatened. ‘Before you have to be wheeled away.’

Barty’s smile widened and James could see a few more of the young Slytherin’s friends beginning to walk over when they noticed him taunting Sirius.

‘Sirius,’ Remus said calmly. ‘This really isn’t the time or the place, we’re all finished eating, let’s just go back to the common room yeah?’

James stood to stand next to his friends, close enough so their shoulders were touching. He could feel Sirius’ heavy breathing as the shorter boy glared.

Crouch spoke in a menacing whisper, barely audible so only Sirius and James could here.

‘Go on Siri, no one wants you anyway, what have you got to lose?’

James was halfway through pulling out his wand when a much louder, sterner voice broke through.

‘What is going on here? Mr Crouch why are you over at the Gryffindor table? Potter, Black, what are you doing?’

Minerva McGonagall was striding over, her hair tied in its usual bun and emerald green robes floating around her.

‘Nothing.’ Sirius grumbled, quickly stashing his wand back in his pocket. ‘We were just getting up to leave.’

With that, Sirius cast one last look at Barty Crouch Jr who had slunk back very quickly at the sight of the Professor and was now scampering back to his friends on the other side of the room, before turning and walking quickly out of the hall. James, not wanting to leave Sirius alone, dashed after him.

McGonagall raised an eye brow at the scene, before turning her attention to Remus and Peter. Peter was sitting open mouthed holding a forgotten fork of eggs halfway between his mouth and the plate. Remus however, had blushed slightly as he stood up. His hand was running up and down a particularly deep scar on his left forearm, something he always did when he was nervous.

‘It’s nothing Professor, James and Sirius were just finished and heading out. In fact, Pete and I are finished now as well, so we’d best be heading off’

‘Wait I’m not done!’ protested Peter, but Remus grabbed his arm anyway and began to drag him away.

‘Oh Mr Lupin,’ 

Remus turned.

‘Remember that you and Miss Evans have swapped your rounds to tomorrow night, you should remind her as well.’

Relief rushed through Remus and he smiled kindly, ‘Of course Professor!’ before walking away.

‘Those boys’ 

...  
…  
Sirius was in a foul mood for the rest of the day, he wouldn’t pay attention to a word of any lesson he attended, not that this was out of the ordinary, but he sat slumped over his desk, completely disinterested in any activities James could think up, simply muttering or snapping short replies whenever the other boys addressed him.

‘Padfoot, we have the 3rd floor corridor prank planned for tonight, remember?’ Remus said as the boys walked through the castle during lunch. ‘We can’t do shit if you’re going to stay in this temper all day.’

‘Whatever.’ Sirius replied. ‘Let’s just do it next week, who cares.’

Remus rolled his eyes and held back. Not wanting to engage with Sirius any further. So Peter walked over to him.

‘Sirius you know we can’t do it next week, it has to be tonight because Mrs Norris has been ill this week and we need Filch to be off guard.’

‘Yeah, I understood that the first time we discussed it Peter!’ Sirius snarled. Peter frowned and slowed to walk with Remus, who put his arm over the smaller boy.  
James was the next up, walking over and shoving Sirius gently on the shoulder. ‘Don’t talk to Pete like Pads, you know he hates it when you’re like this.’

‘Fuck off Prongs.’

James snorted. ‘Sirius, we’re only still here walking with you because we think you’re going to do something dangerous if you go off on your own, you’re being a right prick and it’s boring, so cut it out. I get you’re upset, that’s fine you’re allowed to be upset after the news you got today. But let us help you, how can we make it better? What shall we do? You want us to get back at Crouch?’ James grinned and shoved Sirius again, more playfully this time. ‘Because that can be arranged.’

At that moment, Lily Evans walked around the corner, she was walking the same way as them, and so had her back to the boys and was in deep conversation with Marlene McKinnon, but James face lit up anyway.

‘Hey Lily! Hold up one second!’ Remus shouted as he jogged catch up with the fiery haired girl. ‘Professor McGonagall said I should remind you about our rounds tomorrow.’

Remus and Lily then proceeded to have a small conversation that would have continued for much longer had James not interrupted.

‘Hey Evans!’ he shouted much louder than he needed to. His hand flew to his messy brown hair, like it always did when she was around, and put on a toothy grin. ‘You, me, and the transfiguration classroom at eight?’

Lily’s freckled face fell noticeably and was replaced by a look a disgust. ‘Really Potter? You couldn’t think of anything better?’

James grinned and began to walk faster to keep pace with the girl. ‘I feel like you and I need to cut the crap Evans, we are obviously made for each, let’s just get right to it yeah?’

Lily nose wrinkled, ‘Your disgusting James.’

‘Really Prongs…’ Remus sighed ‘I can’t have one conversation.’

‘Oh shush Moony, I talking about something much more fun than prefect rounds.’

‘Potter!’

‘James!’

‘SIRIUS!’

Amidst all the bickering, James and Remus had failed to notice the Slytherin fourth years file out of a nearby classroom and into the hall. Sirius and Peter hadn’t though and Sirius had in a flash strode over to the group pulling out his wand and pointing directly in the face of Barty Crouch Jr.

‘Shit’ Remus gasped as he pulled out his wand and ran to join his friend.

James grimaced. ‘Well, I would have liked us to be a little sneakier about the whole revenge thing, but I guess this will have to do.’ He quickly checked the corridor for teachers before walking away from a shocked Lily and Marlene.

As James reached the group of students, he couldn’t help making brief eye contact with Regulus. God he looked like his brother. But there was something else. Something else about him that made James want to go and stand next to him rather than his friends. Something about the striking boy in the green trim robes. Regulus almost immediately broke the eye contact and James stopped to stand next to Sirius.

‘Ready for round two Crouch?’ Sirius growled.

‘Watch me destroy you Black.’

Peter sighed, ‘Both of you are so dramatic you know.’ But Sirius just smiled sadistically.

‘Oh, I don’t think you’re gonna see me coming Crouch.’

That was the queue, as soon as Sirius had stopped speaking all four Marauders moved. James turned his wand to the window, shouting a spell that rendered them all useless as a black oily liquid flowed down them, blocking out all light. Remus and Peter cast a spell that blew out all torches down the corridor so they just became metal brackets on the wall. Sirius reached into his pocket. It was moments like these he was thankful he never emptied the pockets of his robes and that his Uncle Alphard had such dodgy connections with strange wizards.

The entire 5th floor corridor was plunged into total darkness as the Peruvian instant darkness powder swept through the air, blinding the all of students standing in its path. Several of the Slytherin fourth years shrieked and Sirius heard Barty Jr let out a particularly colourful string of obscenities.  
‘What have you done Black!’

Sirius was laughing harder than he thought possible.

‘Nothing Crouch, why what’s wrong? Got something in your eye?’

‘I can’t see shit Black stop it! Turn the lights back on! Now!’

‘Levicorpus’ 

James giggled as he heard a familiar cry as his spell his Bartemius.

 

‘Stop it. This is horrible it’s too dark!’

James felt someone brush up against him in the darkness, but he assumed it was Sirius as he called out.

‘Oh I don’t know, I’ve always thought there was something quite beautiful about the dark.’

A small, childish giggle erupted from beside him and James stomach clenched. It wasn’t Sirius, It was Regulus.

‘Reg-‘

A large hand that could only be Remus’ clasped James on the shoulder and tugged him back and into a secret passage on the corridor before James could finish. The four boys ran off as quickly as they could, stifling laughs as they went.

They reached the sanctuary of their bedroom just a few minutes later and collapsed onto the nearest bed which happened to be James’. Each boy was more out of breath than the other.

‘That… was … brilliant.’ Peter gasped.

James chuckled. ‘Well put Wormy.’

Sirius was clutching his sides ‘That was better than brilliant, it was incredible!’

‘Well at least now we now that stuff works’ Remus added.

Sirius sat up and smiled. ‘Yeah, good old Uncle Alphard, he always was my favourite, despite his more eccentric political views.’

Sirius then turned and punched James in the shoulder, grinning more broadly. ‘Nice one with the windows, they’re going to be cleaning that one up for a while.’

James laughed ‘Yeah it just came to me in the moment, pretty good right.’

The two boys high fived.

‘Well that cheered you up then Pads.’ Remus smiled. ‘You feeling like you’re usual self again?’

Sirius had a mischievous look on his face. ‘I’m not sure Moony, what would you say.’ 

The boy leapt up in one swift movement and jumped rather heavily on the taller boy who responded with an ‘Oomph’ sound before laughing hysterically as he tried to wrestle Sirius off.

Sirius and Remus play fought like this for several minutes, ending up on the floor of the small room whilst Peter laughed at them. James mind wandered back to that corridor on the fifth floor. 

Remus had gotten up to go and grab some food for all the boys and Sirius was giving Peter a piggy-back of victory when James excused himself to the toilet.

He stared at himself in the mirror. His wire glasses had been knocked off balance in all the commotion and James corrected them, running his hand through his permanently messy hair as he did, his dark skin was flushed from the rush and he was sweating quite a lot so he went to take off the robes he had been wearing. As he removed the heavy fabric he heard a crinkling noise coming from his pocket, so he stuck his hand in to see what was there and pulled out a small piece of scrunched up parchment. James opened it. The writing was scribbled and it looked like the message on it had been written in a hurry, but there was no denying that the writing had the marks of a beautiful cursive, of someone who had been taught from an early age how to write properly. James stared at the note for several seconds. Before smiling to himself. Regulus really was the more cunning Black brother.

‘I know how to get Sirius his money back. Tower. Tomorrow.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I mentioned it in my last post, but my Tumblr is siriuslestrange, so go follow it!! Hope you enjoyed this chapter leaves comments and kudos if you like.


	3. Night Time Adeventures

One week, 5 detentions from McGonagall and a severe telling off from Lily Evans later and the Marauders were all sitting at dinner, bent over, whispering quickly about tonight’s plans.  
‘This is going to be a good one. I just know it.’ Sirius said.  
‘Yeah, it will be if you pipe down and listen Padfoot, neither you nor James has been listening to a word I’ve been saying.’  
Sirius scowled, before closing his mouth and leaning in further to listen.  
‘Right, so, as I was saying…’ Remus continued, but James wasn’t listening to a word, he was glancing over at the Slytherin table, where Regulus Black was sitting and chatting casually to his friends. He hadn’t stopped thinking about what he had said up on the Tower the day after Sirius had gotten that letter.  
... ‘Get him to go to the ball.’  
‘You’re joking. As if.’  
‘I’m not kidding James, get him to go and my mother might let him keep the money. Plus my uncle is going to be there.’  
‘So?’  
‘So he is loaded. Totally up to his eye balls in cash. And he is a big fan of his two little heirs, seeing as he never got married himself. My mum, his sister, convinced him that I should get all of his money when he dies, but if Sirius can just go to this ball and get him to change his mind…’  
‘Oh I get you.’  
‘Exactly.’  
‘So I’ll just tell Sirius to get his Uncle to change his will.’  
‘No! The whole will thing is top secret. Sirius can’t know my mum got him to change it or she’ll know it was me who told her.’  
‘So what?’  
Regulus scowled. ‘So, my mother remaining in a good mood while in your company should definitely be something that is in your best interests.’  
James frowned. ‘I can’t just tell Sirius to go to this thing all alone. I wouldn’t do that to him.’  
Regulus shrugged. ‘Then go with him. But don’t bring your half-blood friends. I’ll be with him anyway.’  
‘Like you’ve spoken to him since we got back to school. And Remus and Peter will be coming whether you like it or not.’  
Regulus’ eyes narrowed. ‘There are some things Potter, which you will never understand about me and my brother. We may be very different people now, but at home, we’ve got each other’s back. I would never leave him alone there.’  
... ‘JAMES EARTH TO JAMES YOU IN THERE BUDDY!’  
‘Jesus, I think he must have gotten hit with a bludger or something during Quidditch practice. JAMES’  
Sirius and Peter’s shouts bought James back down to earth, and he tore his eyes away from the table across the hall.  
‘Sorry sorry, zoned out.’ He grinned. ‘Where in the plan are we up to?’  
Remus shook his head as Sirius punched him in the arm.  
‘Actually Prongs, we’ve moved on. We were talking about which Ravenclaw girl we would rather bang. I said that Pandora girl, she seems like she would be good in bed. Peter said Emmeline Vance, but I think she’s too boring. Remus won’t answer, he says he has these things called morals, but I don’t believe him.’  
Remus hit Sirius over the head with his fork. And Sirius just laughed and stuck his middle finger up at the boy. James laughed along with them.  
‘Go on James who would you pick?’ Peter asked.  
James cheeks flushed. ‘Ugh, I don’t know Pete, can’t I just say Lily?’  
Sirius’ head fell into his hands. ‘Noooo no enough about Evans I can’t, you’re incorrigible!’  
James shrugged. ‘What? She’s clever and funny and she hates me which always helps.’  
Sirius laughed. ‘You didn’t say she was hot mate, plus in your defence, puberty has served her well, she has great-‘  
Just as Sirius was halfway through making a ‘boobs’ motion on his chest and James was slapping him, Marlene and Mary McDonald walked past.  
‘Ugh, you are so revolting Black.’ Marlene stated as she sat down, Mary simply giggled from behind her.  
Sirius leaned over to grin at her. ‘Bite me blondie.’  
Marlene laughed and raised her eyebrows. ‘I’m serious, you’re so gross.’  
‘Really?’ Sirius said, feigning mock shock. ‘I thought I was Sirius?’  
The boys all groaned as Marlene rolled her eyes and went to serve herself some food.  
‘Come on Padfoot,’ Remus said standing up ‘I think you’ve caused enough of a scene for one night, let’s go back to the common room.’

 

Remus, Peter, Sirius and James all lay awake that night, and when the clock one o’clock in the morning, all four boys quickly shuffled out of bed, taking care to make as little noise as possible. Except when Sirius stubbed his toe on a table and swore loudly. And James shouted at Sirius for making noise. And Peter pointed out that by doing that James had added to the noise made. After that Remus just cast a silencing charm in the common room.  
James, Sirius and Remus all clambered under the invisibility cloak, with Wormtail sitting in James’ pocket. Over the summer all the boys had grown quite a lot and so there was no chance all of them could fit under without being seen. Even with just the three of them, the very bottom of their shoes were sometimes visible.  
Sirius checked the map.  
‘All clear, some 6th years in a cupboard on the sixth floor.. ooh cheeky I’m pretty sure I saw her getting off with some else yesterday and he-‘  
‘Sirius shut up, you perv’  
Sirius stuck his tongue out at James. ‘Come on then let’s go.’  
Remus was going over the checklist ‘Okay so we have the map, the cloak, the paint and banner, Sirius you have your knife?’  
‘Yupp’  
‘And the keys, still can’t believe Peter managed to get those off Hagrid.’  
Peter squeaked from inside James cloak.  
Remus smiled and nodded. ‘Okay, we’re off.’  
They boys had made it as far as the entrance hall of the castle before a suspicious voice called out from behind them.  
‘Stop. Don’t try and run I can hear you. I can see your shoes so I know there are three of you. Show yourself or I’ll stun you.’  
‘Shitttt….’ James muttered, he knew exactly who that was.  
The voice got louder and more confident and you could hear him walking closer as he spoke. ‘I heard that James Potter. It you four isn’t it? Or three of you. Ha! I’ve got you all now you pricks. I knew you would be up to something, I saw you all whispering at dinner. You are so screwed Potter.’  
James sighed. ‘Stay under the cloak Sirius. Rem take Peter and make sure you don’t all get yourselves all caught. With or without me get this done, it’s too funny not to do.’ He whispered.  
James slipped out from under the cloak, sweeping his hand through his hair and grinning menacingly.  
‘Snivellus, I would say how happy I am to see you, but I would be lying. Stalking me now? Anyone would think you’re obsessed with me.. Oh wait, you are.’  
Severus pulled out his wand and pointed it at James. ‘All of you out from under that thing. One more step Potter and I’ll hex you into next year you arrogant slime.’  
James snorted. ‘Please mate, I can smell you from here, I don’t want to be getting any closer.’  
Sirius let out a bark like laugh from under the cloak and Snap snarled.  
‘I see nothings changed. You’ve still got only Black to laugh with you at those jokes.’  
‘I see nothings changed. Sirius is still laughing at you when I make those jokes.’  
‘Levicorpus.’  
Before James had a chance to react he felt the familiar tug on his ankle as he was yanked 3 meters into the air upside down. ‘What the f-‘  
‘Like it Potter? How does it feel to be attacked by your own spells’ Snape chimed triumphantly.  
‘Petrificus totalus.’  
A look of shock and horror overtook Serverus’ face as his muscles seized up and he fell to the ground with a lout ‘thunk’. Remus pulled the cloak off a laughing Sirius and himself as he pushed his wand back into his pocket.  
James grinned down at him. ‘Nice one Moons’  
‘Shut up you idiot.’ Remus replied and he let James down a little rougher than he needed to. Sirius rushed forward to help James back up.  
‘That greasy bastard is gonna have the night of his life.’ He grinned. ‘I’ve heard the broom cupboard on the second floor is full of spiders.’  
‘Sirius’ Remus warned. Sirius rolled his eyes.  
‘Well what would you do Moony?’  
Remus shrugged. ‘We could just leave him here? Someone will find him in the morning.’  
James shook his head. ‘He will see us when we come back with the.. stuff.’  
‘Not if we roll him over put noise cancelling earmuffs on him.’ Sirius suggested. All the boys nodded.  
‘Okay we’ll do that, Sirius go roll him over now and we’ll ring the earmuffs back with us.’ James said.  
‘So we keep going?’ Remus asked.  
James smiled and nodded. ‘Hell yeah we keep going.’  
30 minutes and few squabbles later, the marauders stood in the great hall dirty and starting to get tired, but their bodies pumped full of adrenaline as they reached the end of the prank planning.  
‘Okay,’ Remus said as Peter walked in with the last few things they needed. ‘Me and Pete will go along the tables and put them at even intervals along the way. James, Pads you guy go up to the front and start on the banner, let’s try and do this quickly guys, I’m getting really-‘ Remus was interrupted by a long yawn. Sirius grinned and slapped him on the back.  
‘Message received Moons, let’s go Prongs.’  
James and Sirius moved up to the front of the hall and Sirius levitate the rather large banner up and charmed to hang gracefully from the enchanted ceiling whilst James charmed the can of spray paint he brought with him to float around and paint a long message across the banner. Once that was done Sirius set about charming the banner, so it would only be visible to students and teachers that weren’t member of Slytherin house.  
James looked over to his best mate as they worked away. It was now or never.  
‘Padfoot’  
‘Yes Prongs’  
‘I’ve been thinking. About that letter from your parents.’  
Sirius stopped for a second and James could see he was trying very hard to maintain a calm expression. He restarted with his wandwork.  
‘Right.’  
‘I think you should go home.’  
Sirius almost dropped his wand in shock.  
‘James you know I-‘  
‘No, no not for the whole holiday, just for the ball. Listen Pads, I know you need this money and maybe if you just attend she’ll let you keep it. Plus-‘ James took a deep breath ‘plus you uncle Alphard is pretty rich right? And you’ve always like him? Maybe you could ask him for money there? If you don’t think it’s going to work out. I know you weren’t planning on spending much time at home this year and I’m sorry, I know this is shit. But we’ll all come with you. Me Moony and Wormtail, we will be there right next to you for the whole time. So will Regulus I guess.’  
James glanced at Sirius. He had said his piece. He just needed to see if it had got through.  
Sirius remained silent for minute, thinking.  
James attempted a smile. ‘Come one Padfoot you’re scaring me. You don’t have to do it. We can think of something else. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-‘  
‘You’ll come with me.’ Sirius replied.  
‘Of course.’  
‘And you’re right about my Uncle. It’s a good idea.’ Sirius said. ‘I shouldn’t leave Regulus alone for Christmas anyway. It has always been our holiday. I don’t know if he’ll want me there though..’  
‘I’m sure he does Padfoot. You’re brothers.’  
Sirius looked up at James. ‘You’re my brother too. You know that right?’  
James smiled. ‘Course mate.’ He pushed his glasses up his nose again before ruffling Sirius’ hair. ‘Let’s get your money back yeah?’  
‘James! Sirius! Get a move on! Peter just saw Slughorn get out of bed!’  
James and Sirius stashed their wands back into their pockets and vanished what remained of the paint cans, before running to join Remus and Peter at the end of the hall.  
James turned to admire their handiwork. Along every house table were ten equidistant pots each one moving slightly as their occupants stirred, but the temporary silencing charms Remus had expertly placed on each one was holding in place nicely. The young mandrakes wouldn’t be heard until a student touched them tomorrow morning. At the end of the hall a messy banner read ‘COVER YOUR EARS’ to most students but ‘HOLD YOUR NOSES, SEVERUS SMELLS’ to all those in Slytherin.  
‘We did good boys’ Sirius said as he high-fived Peter.  
Remus yawned again. ‘People might actually believe Severus did it when they got down here tomorrow, no one is going to believe what the Slytherins say it says. Come on, I need to sleep for a couple years now.’  
So the Marauders trudged back up to their beds, excited to see the chaos that would happen the next morning.

In the week leading up to the Christmas holidays, Sirius had become increasingly twitchy and irritable, which the Marauders could understand. He had run up to Regulus in the corridor only a few days after him and James conversation and told him about his plan to spend a few nights at Grimmauld place and then stay on Christmas day until the ball. Regulus had merely nodded, saying he would inform Walburga about it. Regulus had made eye contact with James ever so briefly as he and Sirius turned to go. James had gotten a chills and a sense of foreboding about the whole affair.  
Now the Marauders were all in their dorms, quickly stuffing all of their belongings into their trunks in a last attempt to pack before they went home for the holidays. James and Sirius would be staying in James cottage in Godrics Hollow with Euphemia and Fleamont until Sirius went back with his parents and James went back to his much larger house in Kent for Christmas day. Remus would be going home to Cornwall so he could stay with his parents, but after Christmas he had promised to come and stay with the Potter for a week, the same went for Peter who was going back to Norfolk to stay with his Dad and Grandmother.  
James was checking under all the beds, pulling out stray socks and quills and handing them back to their owners. Folding jumpers for Peter and grabbing the last bottles of product out of the bathroom for Sirius.  
Remus, despite his organised nature, was a terrible packer, because he just couldn’t ever seem to keep track of how much stuff he had. His clothes when he found them on the floor would always go straight into the wash or back into his drawers, whatever textbooks were in his school bag would be laced in a neat pile in his bedside table at the end of the day and the endless supply of chocolate that seemed to form on his bed was always replaced in its top-secret hiding place if it was very discovered. Never-the-less students kept bringing up mounds of parchment Remus had dropped in the common room. James kept pulling up old jumpers and melted chocolate bars from under Remus’ mattress and at some point around 6 ties seemed to have ended up on top of his canopy, which Remus would swear Sirius had put up there.  
Sirius merely sat on his bed, playing idly with one of James’ many snitches. James reached through the air and delicately grabbed the small ball from out of the air.  
‘Come on Pads, either come help me pack or try out for seeker on the Quidditch team, but pick one because you’re kinda useless just sitting there.’  
Sirius smiled. ‘Maybe I should try for chaser and replace you.’ James snorted ‘you wish’  
Peter smiled, they loved getting under James skin about his Quidditch abilities. ‘I bet he could you know. We saw him fly over summer. He’s not that bad anymore.’  
‘Yeah Prongs, bet I could.’  
James grinned. ‘Really Pads you wanna go? Right now?’  
Sirius jumped up like a small puppy. ‘Try me’  
James crashed head first into Sirius as hard as he could and threw the boy back onto the bed. Sirius tried and failed to grab him around that waist and the two boys wrestled for a few minutes, it all ending with James pinning the shorter boy up against the headboard of the bed.  
‘Screw you Prongs. Let me go’ Sirius laughed.  
‘Haha, no way Siri, you deserve this!’  
Sirius’ face dropped. He stopped attempting free himself and he looked down. A look of fear and dismay passed over his face and in his shock James let go of him.  
‘Sirius are you okay?’  
Sirius looked up. ‘Wha? Oh yeah.. yeah fine.’  
Sirius continued to look troubled and James couldn’t figure out what had happened, they had been laughing only seconds before.  
‘Can’t believe I’m going home for Christmas.’  
‘It’s okay Sirius, we’ll all be there for the ball, and that’s the big one.’ Remus said walking over to place a hand on his friends shoulder.  
‘I know.. I just wish I didn’t have to go back there every holiday, even if it is just for a few days this time. Plus I have to miss the 18th, and I really want to go to the forest of Dean with you guys. I don’t want Moony to just have you two losers looking after him.’  
Remus laughed. ‘Don’t worry about me Padfoot, I’ll be fine, vene with just Prongs and Wormtail.’ But Sirius didn’t look any happier.  
James suddenly stood up. ‘You know, I was going to wait until you were leaving my house, but I think I’ll give to you now Padfoot.’ James walked over to his packed trunk and rifled through it for a few seconds before pulling out an oddly shaped, badly wrapped paper package. ‘Open it.’  
Sirius did, and inside was an old rectangular mirror. The glass was slightly scratched here and there but other than that the mirror was completely plain and ordinary.  
Remus laughed. ‘That’s good Prongs, Sirius can just pass the time by admiring his reflection, I’ve seen him spend hours staring at himself.’  
James laughed and rolled his eyes, before pulling out an identical mirror. ‘It’s an early Christmas present, I figured we could use them in school next term, plus whilst you’re at Grimmauld Place.’ James held the mirror up to his face. ‘Sirius’ he said.  
The other three boys gasped as James’ brown hair, wire rimmed glasses and face appeared in Sirius’ mirror.  
‘Oh my God…Prongs’  
‘Yes Padfoot’  
Sirius stood up and ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind him, before staring into the mirror.  
‘You can still hear and see me?’  
James grinned ‘All of your ugly face. Pretty neat right? I found all the charms in this random textbook in the library.’  
‘Genius.’ Remus smiled.  
‘Well Pads’ Peter called out. ‘What do you think.’  
Sirius would deny it later, and all the boys knew better than to bring it up, but a small sob came from the mirror in James’ hand.  
‘I love it.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to let you all know, I may or may not post a short chapter at some point this week, but other than that I am going to be super busy so probably won't be posting again till next week. Sorry! But don't worry next weeks chapter will be super long and crazy!!! Thanks :)


	4. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a small in-between sort of chapter! Its a selection of letters between the boys for the first part of the holidays, ending in the scene where Sirius leaves for his parents.

Dear Prongs and Padfoot,  
Hope the holiday is going well, although knowing you two Mrs Potter has probably already banished you from the house during the daytime. Mum has gotten a new job down at the post office, you guys should come visit there is so much free chocolate now! I haven’t eaten anything else in about three days. Dads been acting weird about you coming on the 18th, but I think I’ve persuaded him. Will let you know.  
What is Peter doing? He hasn’t replied to my letters yet.  
Remus.  
PS: I’ve grown out of my robes again?! We need to go to Diagon Alley at some point.  
…

Dear Moonilicious,  
Yeah, Mum told us we weren’t allowed back in the house unless we were completely clean, so basically Sirius is constantly locked out because I may have told my mum he has an STD. He just told me to scribble that out. Now he’s telling me I’m a prick. Nothing’s changed.  
Super cool your Mum is working at post office, save me some chocolate. Let me know about the 18th, I’m coming whether your dad likes it or not Moons. Sirius is walking off because he is sad he can’t come.  
James _and Sirius_   
_PS: miss you Moons come visit soon. Also Peter is off camping with his Dad at the moment which is why he may not reply to your letters._   
PPS: My mum says you need to stop calling her Mrs Potter. It makes her sound old. Don’t know why she cares I mean she is pretty old. My mum just flicked my ear. She says call her Euphemia.  
…

‘Hey Prongs!’

‘Padfoot?’

‘Yeah hey, can you see me?’

‘Padfoot you’re like 10 meters away, I can see you regardless.’

‘I know, I know, but can you see me in the mirror!’

‘…Yes.’

‘Okay awesome, look at the view from this tree I’m up.’

‘Oh yeah you’re right that’s pretty cool.’

‘I know right, so glad I climbed up here.’

‘…you’re stuck aren’t you?’

‘Yes. Please help.’

…

Dear Remus,  
Just got back from camping with my Dad, sorry I didn’t see your letter. Congratulations about your mum’s new job! That’s exciting! My Dad got fired a few months ago, but he says it’s okay and he’s going to find a new one down at the factory really soon. We haven’t got our Christmas tree yet, Dad says he’s just waiting for the money for it to come through, but I’m really excited, I love Christmas! Maybe you want to come up and decorate it with me? We just fixed the floo connection in my sitting room so come by whenever. I think James and Sirius are going to come over at some point. I’m not sure, their letter was kinda messy. I think they had a fight halfway through about who got to write. Oh well.  
Hope you’re well! See you on the 18th if not before!

Pete  
…

Dear James,

Haven’t heard from you for a few days, what’s up? I know Sirius must be leaving pretty soon, how is he?  
Let me know,  
Moony  
PS: Dad still being weird about 18th, maybe you shouldn’t come, it’s a pretty risky plan? I’ll be okay on my own.  
…

Dear Remus,  
I’ve sent another copy of this letter to Pete so don’t worry about filling him in.  
We’re okay here. Sirius isn’t in a great way but he’s putting on smile for my parents I think. He is getting really nervous about going home, he hasn’t slept and won’t let me turn out all the lights when we go to bed. It will be okay though, we are using the mirrors a lot and we’ve figured out how to talk to each other without taking them out our pockets now.  
My Dad said he wants to get you and Peter something for Christmas. What do you want? Sirius suggested a chew toy. My Dad didn’t get the joke and I think he now thinks you eat dog food… Oh well.

Laters,  
Prongs  
…

Dear Sirius,  
Really Sirius, a chew toy?

Just thought I would send you this to check up on how you are and tell you not to worry about going home. I’m sure James will have told you all of this but it’s going to be okay and we will be with you both in spirit and physically the whole time! I’ve enclosed some chocolate from the post office with this and I hope you don’t eat it all before you leave James’, but enjoy it anyway and don’t worry.  
I’ll see you sooner than you think. You’re going to be okay,

Remus  
…

‘You ready Pads?’

‘No’

James sighed, before bringing Sirius in for yet another hug.

‘James it’s okay, you can stop hugging me.’

‘No James, you are forbidden from stopping hugging Sirius until he cheers up.’ Euphemia Potter smiled from behind the two boys. ‘In fact,’ and she leaned down to hug Sirius herself.

‘Ah… Euphemia! I’ll be fine! James, you can stop fawning over me.’

Sirius grinned as James snorted and Euphemia rolled her eyes, she had long since given up on trying to understand the boy’s jokes.

‘I’m going to go upstairs and see what holding your father up’ Euphemia rested her hand on Sirius’ shoulder briefly, before turning to walk out of the sitting room.  
Sirius’ smile faltered slightly, and James noticed. 

‘Hey Pads, just remember, once you have the money you don’t ever have to go back there.’

‘I know.’

‘Look, if you don’t want to do this, you can just say. Give me the word and I will go unpack all of your bags for you.’

Sirius shook his head. ‘No, it’s okay. I know I can do this. I need this.’ He paused. ‘I feel awful about missing tonight though..’

James smiled. ‘Rem will be alright, it will be just like any other night.’

‘Didn’t he say his Dad was being odd though? Maybe you guys won’t be able to sneak him out.’

James sighed. ‘You know as well as I do Pads, that Remus’ Dad is not the problem.’

Sirius frowned. ‘After all this time he is still scared about us going to him when he’s at home? We became animals for that boy!’

James grinned. ‘And yet he still tries to scare us off with terrible lies about his parents. For a prefect with the highest grades in Gryffindor, Remus Lupin can be exceptionally thick.’

Fleamont and Euphemia Potter emerged as the boys giggled. Fleamont set down two of Sirius’ cases, packed full with an assortment of muggle clothing he had collected over the years.

‘Merlin Siri, I would have thought you were carrying lead cauldrons in here, not clothing! My arm nearly fell off!’ Fleamont chuckled as he walked over to embrace the boy. 

Euphemia smiled at James. ‘You’re a bad influence James, Sirius’ wardrobe seems to have doubled since he started staying here.’

‘What can I say?’ James laughed ‘I like clothes.’

Sirius smiled over at James. He himself was wearing black jeans and and navy blue Queen t-shirt. His long wavy hair had been pulled back into a messy bun and Sirius had clipped it up with a selection of muggle hair pins. His parents would just assume this was how Sirius always dressed, and this was true, but James knew Sirius had made a special effort today to look as muggle as possible for when he saw his parents. He had even stashed his wand in the rucksack he was carrying in an attempt to annoy them as much as possible. If there was one thing Sirius could do, it was piss off his parents.

The Potters and Sirius were now all standing around the large stone fireplace in the centre of the room, surrounded by Sirius’ luggage and giggling as Sirius attempted, badly, to pick up both the cases. 

‘Here,’ Fleamont said as he cast a weightlessness charm upon them. ‘I would have done it while I was holding them, but I couldn’t reach my wand, plus, your mother seemed to think watching me struggle along was rather amusing.’

Everyone laughed as Sirius picked up the cases and strode over to the fireplace, placing them down in the hearth before reaching for a handful of a grey powdery substance that was inside a small china pot on the mantel piece. He turned, now looking substantially whiter, his arm was shaking slightly as he clutched the floo powder.

‘Thank you all so much for having me for the last week and a half. It means a lot.’

Euphemia smiled. ‘Sirius, any time. I mean it. You are always welcome here, no matter what. Any Potter household is one you can call home.’

Sirius let out a weak smile. ‘Thanks, but I should probably be getting off to my real home.’

‘Not without one last hug you won’t’ James grinned. He stepped forward to clutch his best friend, followed quickly by Fleamont and Euphemia as they all embraced Sirius in a group hug.

Sirius laughed as they all stepped away.

‘Off you pop now sweetheart, come back soon.’ Euphemia said.

‘And Sirius,’ Fleamont added. ‘If anything happens in that house. Anything. You tell James and we will bring you straight back here. Do you understand? Anything.’  
Sirius nodded. ‘Ok.’ Then he threw down the dusty powder and disappeared into a ball of green flames. ’12 Grimmauld Place.’ And was gone.

Euphemia let out a small noise as her husband wrapped his arm around her back. James turned to his parents.

‘That poor, poor boy.’ Euphemia muttered. ‘I just pray he will be alright.’


	5. Warning

Hey guys, sorry about the delay with the next chapter, it's taken me ages to get out for some reason, plus I have been super busy this last week. Anyway, as well as an apology I've put this chapter in as a warning, because I will be posting the next chapter tomorrow.   
So; Trigger warning, the next chapter has abuse in it. Family/parental abuse and it's violent so I would recommend not reading the next chapter if that is something you struggle with.   
If you can't read the next chapter but want to know what happens in the part that you missed (without that part) send me a message on my tumblr, Siriuslestrange and I would be happy to fill you in :-)  
Thanks!


	6. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *VIOLENCE AND ABUSE WARNING*

He hated himself. He hated wearing this suit. He hated having his hair roughly combed back behind his ears and being fixed there with a charm. He hated the reflection of posh arrogance staring back at him in the mirror. Standing in his bedroom in 12 Grimmauld Place, all dressed up for the ball about to start downstairs, Sirius Black hated himself.

He had to keep telling himself that he could do this. The week had been hell but he had to do this. For his life outside of this suffocating world. So as he picked at a loose thread on his black robes, Sirius paced the room, quietly mumbling words of encouragement to himself. He had tried the mirror about a thousand times now, but for some reason James wasn’t replying. He kept telling himself that it was okay, James was with the boys, he was just getting ready, they would be here soon. But as the time continued to pass a sense of uneasiness grew in his stomach.

There was a small knock at the door, so soft you could barely hear it, but Sirius knew who it was before they had finished.

‘Come in, Reggie.’

The younger Black brother slowly crept into the room. The two boys had barely exchanged a word since Sirius had been back and they had pretty much kept to themselves for the whole time, both being too wary of the other to dare make the first move. But here he was, in a matching suit, blushing slightly under his colour but looking just as handsome and his taller brother.

‘Mother says you need to come down stairs now.’

‘My friends aren’t here yet.’

Regulus shrugged. ‘She doesn’t even know they’re coming Sirius, I doubt she’ll hold her party for them. Come downstairs.’

Regulus slowly shuffled backwards out of the room, and was set to leave when Sirius whispered.

‘I can’t go down there without them.’

Regulus stopped. He let out a quiet sigh before walking back into the room and sitting on the edge of Sirius’ bed, smoothing out the creases in the fabric. A moment of silence passed.

‘Do you remember when I used to have nightmares?’ He muttered.

‘What?’

‘I’d have those horrible nightmares. And I would always come and crawl into bed with you. Do you remember?’

Sirius slowly nodded. He did remember. He remembered cold nights alone in his room after a day of screaming matches between his mother and father, or him and his parents. He remembered being scared and alone. And he remembered the soft little knocks that would come at his door, the little boy who, with silent tears running down his cheeks would creep silently into the room. He remembered being so angry at himself for being selfish, for not protecting the crying boy more, for not shielding him better from what was going on. He would jump out of bed as soon as he heard those knocks, and though he was only a year older, he would scoop the little boy into his arms and carry him into Sirius’ bed, where he would spend the rest of the night comforting him, telling jokes or stupid stories, making exuberant plans for their futures. Making it all better. Together.

Regulus looked up at him. ‘That was the best part you know. When it was just us two alone.’

Sirius’ stomach knotted. ‘It was so long ago Reg.’

‘I know.’ He shrugged and stood up again, brushing himself off in the kind or pretentious manner Sirius hated. ‘But you were there for me when I was scared. You were my best friend. It’s different now, I get that. But the memories are still there.’

‘Regulus-‘

‘We’re not friends anymore Sirius. I can live with that. But we’re still brothers, and Mum wants you downstairs.’

Regulus walked out the room. Leaving a very bewildered Sirius standing alone.

…

James Potter had lost his shirt. No, no, he had found his shirt, now it was his boxers he had left somewhere. Crap no they were in the washing room, wait was that his socks he just ran past? No it was his tie. 

‘Fucking hell, I’m a mess. Where is Rem?’ He muttered as he dashed about the large house trying desperately to locate everything he needed.   
Peter was in similar state, though not quite as bad, as he hadn’t unpacked all of his suitcase yet from when he arrived earlier that day and so it was only around James room that his clothes were thrown.

‘Mum!’ James shouted down the hallway, hoping his mother would hear him from downstairs ‘MUM!’

‘Merlin Jamie what is it now?’ Fleamont called from his office on the floor above. Usually he would be found down in the basement, working on some new concoction or refining his formulas, but today he had locked himself away up there to attend to the masses of paperwork he had allowed to pile up. All throughout the day he had been shouting down to the two rowdy teenagers below as he had tried to work.

‘I’M GOING TO BE LATE FOR SIRIUS AND I CANT FIND MY SUIT JACKET’

Mrs Potter came running down the corridor out of the laundry room where the house elves had been washing the clothes carrying a very wet, crumpled piece of fabric.  
‘Godric Jamie, I’m so sorry but I’ve made mistake with the washing powder…’

James frowned as his mother rushed into the room and almost fell over Peter as he scrambled to find his shoes. ‘What do you mean?’

Euphemia held up the fabric. It was in fact a suit jacket. Only it was about as big a teacloth and still dripping wet. James groaned.

‘Mum….’

Euphemia threw the jacket onto the bed and pulled out her wand.

‘Its fine sweetie, I’ll just enlarge it. Engorgio.’

The suit grew significantly in size, but still not enough to fit James. She furrowed her brow and raised her wand even higher.

‘ENGORGIO’

Two things happened at once. The suit on the bed grew again, much more this time and had returned to its original size, the perfect fit for James. The extra effort on the spell had however, meant that Euphemia Potter had shot back as she cast the spell, this time sending her crashing into Peter who was still looking for his shoes and sending him stumbling very quickly across the room. He moved with such momentum that he couldn’t stop before he ran into the spilled contents of his trunk and stepping very harshly on a broken vial buried amidst the clothing.

‘AHHH’ Peter cried out as he jumped back falling onto his back as his leg sprung into the air, with the vial still very much stuck inside it, and a steady stream of blood now trickling down the shards of glass.

‘Oh Merlin’s beard! Peter! Godric I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.’ Euphemia cried as she ran over to him.

‘Oh shit that hurts!’ Peter moaned as he clutched his foot, scrunching up his eyes as he writhed on the floor.

‘FLEAMONT COME HERE!’ Mrs Potter called out as she ran out of the bedroom to find something to bandage the foot with.

James rushed over and knelt down by Peter. ‘You okay?’

‘What does it look like James… Christ this hurts..’ Peter said through gritted teeth. He used his free hand to try and pull one of the shards of glass, but as soon as he touched it he cried out again.

‘Peter?’

‘Jamie… Ah shit I can’t pull it out. I need you to.’

James was shocked. ‘You want me to pull the glass out of your foot?’ he grinned and made a grab for the foot. ‘Cool. Okay-‘ Peter smacked his hand away.

‘Don’t do that! Wait till I’m not looking… and do it quickly.. I don’t want it to hurt.’

Peter turned his head and scrunched up his eyes and as soon as James saw his eyes close, he reached forward and grasped the glass shards pulling in one quick tug all three of the broken pieces. Peter let out a whimper as a new squirt of blood leaked from the foot, running down Peter’s leg until it sank into the floor. 

Euphemia and Fleamont ran back into the room, Euphemia was carrying a bundle of cloth and bandage in her arms, which she carefully lay down by Peter’s side as she bent to look at the cuts. Fleamont had a small bowl in his hands, he had run down to his basement and grabbed what was labelled as ‘Coagulant potion’.

‘It clots the blood quickly’ He explained ‘Stops it bleeding so we can bandage it all up. Standard stuff, haven’t put it into circulation yet, been working on it for a while, just fine tuning any kinks and-‘

‘Yes dear. Now could we focus on the issue at hand?’ Euphemia cut in. She reached up and took the bowl from her husband, before gently kneeling down and pouring the contents onto Peter’s foot as he again closed his eyes and turned his head with James rubbing his back. Some of the contents splashed onto the floor, adding to the red stain that now encircled Peter, but James quickly vanished it all.

‘I’m sorry Prongs.’

‘What!’ James laughed. ‘Peter, you don’t ever need to be sorry for hurting yourself and accidently bleeding into my carpet-‘

‘Peter no! I should be apologising how you could say that. This is all my fault sweetie I’m so-

Peter cut off both James and Euphemia. ‘It’s not that. I’m sorry that I stepped on this because now we are even later for Sirius, James. I’m sorry we are late.’

James sighed. ‘Don’t be Wormy. Nothing to do with you.. Just wait till I find out why Remus isn’t even here yet.’  
…

Remus Lupin hadn’t left the house yet. He was having some problems of his own. He had been all set to leave for James’ over an hour ago. His trunk was packed with everything and standing by the fireplace, waiting for him. He had put on his suit for Sirius, combed his hair, and had just walked down the stairs, expecting to find Lyall and Hope Lupin waiting in the sitting room to see him off, like they always did. Only they weren’t there. Instead he had found them both in the kitchen, his Father leaning on the edge of the table, drumming his fingers on the wooden surface, staring into space. Hope was sitting at the other end, idly stirring a cup of tea that had cold a while ago.

‘Mum. Dad…’ Remus said as he slowly walked into the room. Both his parents jumped, like they forgotten he had been in the house. ‘I have to go now. To James’. Remember?’

Remus got a very strange feeling. His parents were never like this. They weren’t quiet and secluded. They were always moving, talking, bustling about and always paying attention to their son. They were never not standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting to see him off to James’. Lyall and Hope Lupin had always made an effort.

But now here they were.

Lyall stood up straight and moved away from the table, turning to face Remus and walking over to him, a small, kind smile on his face. ‘Remus I think we should talk about that.’

‘About what?’

‘Well about.. about..’ Lyall turned to look at his wife. She stood up and walked over to join the men, placing her hand on Remus’ shoulder as she did.

‘We don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go to James’ tonight, sweetheart. Not right now. You should be spending the holidays with us.’

Remus didn’t understand. ‘But..but I have! I’ve just spent three weeks with you! I’m coming back, I have to get my school things. I always spend this week at James’, its tradition.’

‘We know,’ Hope soothed. ‘But we think for this holiday at least, you should spend it with your parents. We never get to see you Remus and now you’re rushing off to go be with your friends again.’

‘What? No I’m not!’ Remus looked at his Mother. ‘Mum I’m sorry, I’m not rushing off. But they need me right now. I have to go to thing for Sirius and-‘

‘Oh yes.’ Lyall said resentfully. ‘The Black Christmas do.. I have to say Remus, I’m not entirely on board with you attending that kind of event.’

‘Dad.’ Remus replied. He straightened his back. He was a tall boy, easily taller than both of his parents and so he took a step back so as to not loom over the two of them. ‘Please. You said I could go.’

‘Remus.’ Hope replied. Her eyes were filling with tears. ‘We just need you here right now.’

Remus still didn’t understand. ‘Why?’ he replied angrily. ‘Why are you making promises you can’t keep? Why are you keeping me locked up here when I need to be somewhere else? Huh? Why won’t you just let me do what I want for a change rather than controlling my life all the time! I’m not always some animal you can just lock in the basement!’

‘REMUS JOHN LUPIN DO NOT TALK TO YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT!’ Lyall shouted. The muscles in his neck bulged as he shouted, and Remus flinched. His Dad wasn’t usually like this, so on edge and angry.

Hope sat down again and began to cry. Remus felt instant regret. Why was he so horrible? What was wrong with him?

‘Mum, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I’m so sorry.’ He said as he looked down at the floor, unable to meet their eyes.

‘I think you should tell him Lyall.’

Remus looked up. ‘Tell me what Mum?’

A silence passed through the room.

‘Mum. Tell me what?’ Remus repeated, looking at his Dad now, who couldn’t meet his gaze.

‘Please honey, I don’t think we should wait. Tell him Lyall.’

‘Mum?’

‘Sit down Remus.’ Lyall said quietly. ‘Your mother and I need to tell you something.’

Remus sat down. All anger had dissipated, now he was just scared, what did they need to tell him? Was this why they were acting so strange? He fingers started to trail along the deep scar on his arm, a repetitive movement that calmed him when he was nervous.

‘Remus.’ Lyall started. He walked over to his wife, placing his hands on her shoulders. She took them as she continued to stare at her lap, silent tears falling down her cheeks. ‘Remus, your mother.. she isn’t.. she has…. Remus she isn’t very well.’

‘What?’

‘She is sick Remus. She has a disease. Or a condition. I’m not sure what the muggle Doctor called it, but it is an illness. And they can’t cure it. It jeanetic or something like that.. I don’t think I’m getting this right…’

‘It’s okay.’ Hope said. She looked up. ‘Sweetheart. I’m sick. And the Doctors can’t cure it. I’m dying.’

‘Healers can’t help.’ Lyall added. He too was tearing up, but there was a trace of bitterness behind his voice as well. ‘They haven’t got the resources to look into muggle illnesses. And no has ever taken the time to come up with any cures before now, too focused on their own issues and diseases to look at the greater good if you ask me.. to wrapped up in their own minds to see that other people need help to and-‘

‘Shh honey.’ Hope said. She looked over to Remus. He hadn’t moved. He was sitting there, staring a crack in the table, his amber eyes shining as they bore into the wood. He had pressed so hard on the forearm there was a small bruise forming, but his expression was blank. Unreadable.

‘Remus baby?’

‘Remy?’

His neck snapped up to look at his parents. His mother, so small and fragile a wind could knock her over. Her short blonde hair always neatly stashed away in a ponytail. His father, thin and gangly like his son, but not to the same extent, his muscles more defined by years of work that had also given his prominent frown lines and sunken eyes. Both his parents, loving and good natured people, who had sacrificed everything in their power to keep Remus safe, happy, loved. Who had beaten themselves black and blue, who had cried behind closed doors, weeping for the son they had. Weeping for the son they wanted back. Remus had needed them so much as child. He still needed them now.

He would never stop feeling guilty for needing them, for burdening them with himself. For doing this to them. And here they were, old and sick because of what he had put them through. His Mother’s body giving up because she couldn’t handle the stress of having a son like him. He didn’t deserve them. 

He stood up.

‘I have to go.’

‘What, no Remus don’t go, let’s talk about this-‘

‘I have to go. now.’

His parents started to shout, calling for him to come back, but it fell on deaf ears, Remus had to go, He had to get out, he couldn’t be here, not right now. He needed to be at James’. 

He reached down and grabbed the trunk, it was heavy but he didn’t feel it as he walked into the fireplace and grabbed the floo powder from the shelf. He stood there. He heard his parents run into the room behind him, but he didn’t turn to look at them.

‘I’m sorry’ he muttered.

‘James Potters’ bedroom.’  
…

James heard the fire roar into life behind him. He heard the bang and clatter as Remus stumbled out of it, drooping his luggage into the ground in front.

‘Where the fuck have you been, Lupin?’

‘Language James!’

All of the Potters and Peter where still in James’ bedroom, Peter had just recovered from his ordeal and was pacing about the room, finishing dressing himself and testing his foot out. James was sitting on his bed, fully dressed and staring at the hands on his watch slowly tick by. He had steadily been growing more and more frustrated as the minutes passed and Remus had failed to show up, why was he so late? Didn’t he understand how important tonight was?

‘I’m sorry’ Remus Mumbled. ‘I’m here now, we have to get going.’

‘Damn right we do Moony.’ James replied, jumping up to grab the last of his things. ‘It’s okay, we’ve been having some issues here anyway, you came just in time. I’ve just checked the mirror, but I think I missed Sirius, he must have gone downstairs by now, so we need to get going. Ready Pete?’

Peter nodded, he could see how jumpy James was getting, and his behaviour matched how all the boys were feeling on the inside. Apprehensive and terrified. None of them knew what to expect.

Euphemia walked over to Remus and dusted off the soot from his jacket. He stared at her.

‘Are you okay Remus?’ She asked.

‘What?’ Remus said, seeming to snap out of whatever thought he had been in. ‘Yeah, fine. Everything’s fine. We should get going.’

James cast a glance at his friend. Something was up. Remus wasn’t usually late to things, he hated being late, and he had a strange look in his eye, like he was angry and becoming more distant. James knew he should investigate, but the boys were already so late. So instead he put an arm around Remus’s shoulder and grinned at his friend as Peter joined the boys in the fireplace.

‘Let’s go boys.’

Fleamont handed James some floo powder and he threw it down.

’12 Grimmauld Place.’  
…

Sirius was standing at the top of the staircase. He had made it this far down towards the large hall that had been transfigured to accommodate for the huge amount of pureblood guests attending the evening, he just wasn’t sure he could go any further.

He was so angry at his friends for not being here. How could they just ditch him like this? It wasn’t fair. He hadn’t been able to admit it at the time but he had only agreed to do this because they were coming, because he would be able to go through all of this with his friends by his side, and he couldn’t do it on his own. He didn’t think he had to say it. He had thought James would have understood. But they weren’t here.

Loud music was ringing up the stairwell. It was some classical piece, with sharp chords and a shrill tune. It made Sirius feel sick. It was the kind of music that had rung in his ears every moment of his childhood. It was the music that had played at every bad memory, every ball and gala, every suffocating dinner. He had an urge to smash the record player it was coming from and rip the noise out of the world. Instead he had to walk into it. But he didn’t think he could without his friends.

‘Not going down?’

It was Regulus. He was there again. Arms behind his back, staring forwards as he came to stand next to Sirius.

‘I hate this music.’ Sirius replied.

‘Me too.’

He turned to look at his brother, Regulus kept looking forwards.

‘Do you want to walk down with me?’

Regulus now turned to look at him.

‘They aren’t here yet?’

‘No.’

Regulus didn’t say anything for a moment, then,

‘I’m going to go and change the song. Coming?’

Sirius smiled. ‘Yeah’

The two boys walked in silence down the blackened staircase and along the short hallway until they were standing in front of the door to the hall. Regulus pushed it open to reveal the world of the Black Family Christmas Gala.

The large room that was usually used as a sitting room had been laboured over by house elves and employees for hours. The room had been magically enlarged, all the furniture had been cleared out and replaced with tables and chairs. These lined the edges of the room, the centre was filled with a large dance floor where the ballroom dancing for the evening was to take place, encouraged by the enormous enchanted grand piano that was playing away at the other end of the room, belting out t the screeching tune from its huge black ivories.

The room was full of people, and Sirius recognised almost all of them. He had grown up with these wretched people. They were all pureblood. All disgusting and bigoted in his opinion and all not a fan of his. He could see the Lestranges all gathered chatting away in one corner to the Rosiers. He could see his Aunt Druella talking to his grandmother Irma in hushed voices as their eyes raked over the crowd, no doubt gossiping about the latest blaspheme in one of the attending families. Over in the right hand corner were the pureblood children, all huddled together in a small, impenetrable group. Regulus started to walk towards them.

‘Reg-‘ Sirius called out. Regulus turned.

‘What?’

Sirius realised Regulus wasn’t walking over to the group of Slytherins out of obligation. He was walking over to say hello to his friends. Sirius’ blood boiled. But this wasn’t the time. He could hear Remus’ voice in his head telling him to think. Be smart. Don’t be impulsive like he always was.

‘Nothing.’

Then Sirius was alone. So he wandered for a little while, walking over to the table of food and filling up his plate with the delicious treats the house elves had provided. He thought about taking a glass of the firewhiskey one of the house elves had offered him, but tonight was not the night to get roaring drunk. So instead he kept walking, avoiding the looks and comments as he moved through the crowd, not trusting himself to talk to any of the foul people around him and trying especially hard to avoid the gaze of his parents, who he could see across the room, but was desperate not to have to interact with. The past week of stiff conversations and shorts arguments had been enough, he didn’t need anything from them tonight, especially not without his friends here. He needed them not to notice James Rem and Pete.

‘Feeling out of place Black? You should be.’ Cackled someone from behind Sirius, he turned. Bellatrix was standing behind him with Rodolphus Lestrange, his arm draped around her waist, but she didn’t seem to have noticed, or care. Her attention was focused on Sirius. 

‘Bella’ Sirius smiled kindly, throwing her off for a moment. ‘Fucking Lestrange now, are we? Didn’t realise your taste was that bad.’

Rodolphus snarled, snatching his hand away and taking a step forward towards Sirius, his nasty breath and oily hair being uncomfortably close to the boy.

‘Why are here Black?’ He spat. ‘You’re a disgusting piece of shit, shouldn’t you be off with you posse of creeps? Or did they not want you either?’

Sirius’ chest tightened as Bella let out a cruel laugh. He sneered back at the older boy.

‘I’d be careful buddy, I’ve heard she bites, and not in the good way.’

Sirius walked off quickly after, not waiting for a reply. Wishing the marauders were here to help him get through this. He marched through the hall, the ghastly music still filling his ears as he searched for his original target. He saw him. Sitting alone gulping away at a very full glass of firewhiskey and swaying slightly on his chair to the music. Uncle Alphard. Sirius quickened his step as he went over to his Uncle, putting on a charming smile and grabbing a half empty bottle from a table as he walked.

‘Hello Uncle, can I refill your glass?’ He asked when he was within speaking distance of the man.

Alphard smiled up at Sirius with unfocused eyes. ‘Sirius! My boy! How are you? Where have you been?’

‘Meh, nowhere special.’ Sirius smiled as he filled the out stretched tumbler.

‘Well. I have been meaning to speak to you, you know. Have to speak to all my nieces and nephews it seems.’ He slurred. ‘I’ve gotten old Sirius. Life’s caught up with me.’

‘What. No. You don’t look a day over 30’ Sirius grinned as his uncle roared with laughter.

‘Day over 30! Oh my boy you do crack me up!’ He laughed. ‘Not enough of that around here, too many Mudbloods about for much laughing.’

Sirius shifted in his seat. This wasn’t a path he wanted to go down. He had always known his uncle to be and eccentric man with his opinions, but Sirius had realised he had never heard him speak about blood purity before. He was a Black, so Sirius knew not to expect much, but he had never got the impression that his Uncle was really the same as the rest of the family and that was what had attracted him to him in the first place. Alphard eyed his through bushy grey eyebrows.

‘Not gonna reply then hey? What happened to you my boy? Where’s the Sirius that would have insulted me for speaking like that.’

Sirius shook his head. ‘Trying a new thing uncle, keeping my head down.’

Alphard snorted. ‘I’d like to see how that turns out for you.’

Sirius opened his mouth to reply, but at that moment his Aunt Druella walked up to the pair. She was a tall woman, with the same jet black hair as her brother. She had a pinched face and always looked like she had just smelt something particularly nasty, at least she did whenever she was around Sirius, who she had a particular dislike for. It didn’t bother him though, because she was so close with his mother, and such a despicable human being, that the feeling of dislike was entirely mutual.

‘Aplhard, Sirius.’ She said. ‘What are we doing over here? Not really getting into the spirit of the party are we. Little rude seeing as you sister and mother is the host after all.’

Alphard rose to his feet slowly, swaying as he went. ‘Of course Ella, you’re completely right, Siri and I will get right to it!’ 

Druella rolled her eyes, ‘Don’t call me by childish nicknames Alphard, everyone else seems to manage it.’

‘My apologies.’ He smiled.

Druella turned her attention to Sirius next. ‘Why aren’t you socialising with the other children here Sirius?’

Sirius hadn’t really heard the question though, because he was staring off into the distance at the door to the hall. It had just opened and in had walked three very well dressed young boys. Boys Sirius could have recognised from a mile away. They were here. They had come, they hadn’t forgotten about him! Sirius’ heart swelled with excitement as he saw James’ glasses scan the room for him. He was so pleased they were here now, but still so frustrated they had left him like this for so long, what were they thinking? A part of him was furious that they seemed so casual about turning up so late when he needed them. That anger didn’t translate well as he registered the question his Aunt had asked him.

Sirius shrugged, trying to act casual. ‘Couldn’t see anyone I liked.’

Sirius’ fists clenched as saw Remus spot him from across the room and point him out to Peter who waved as they all started to pick their way through the crowd towards him. What were they doing? Could they just get over here already? Sirius looked away and stared at his aunt instead.

Druella’s lips pursed. ‘Well all my children seem to have managed it, Bellatrix and Narcissa are having a wonderful time.’

‘Well not all your children managed it though did they?’

A flash of anger crossed Druella’s face as Uncle Alphard gasped from beside her. ‘Excuse me?’

‘I said not all your children managed to find lots of friends here did they? Or are you just choosing to forget the Andy is shacking up with a muggle born?’ He shouted at his Aunt.

‘How dare you say that to-‘ Druella began to cry out, but Sirius shouted over her.

‘She has a kid you know! Her name is Dora, but she’s a metamorphmagus, so at least she can hide the ugly Black family features you may have passed on!’  
Out of the corner of his eye Sirius saw James gape as he noticed the fight shouting and call for the other two to hurry up as they came across the room. Good, now they were taking it seriously.

‘You horrible boy. Do not speak to me about my daughter. How dare you, you disgusting-‘

‘Oh shut up you blind old bat!’

Both Druella and Sirius had drawn a large amount of attention to themselves and the room was slowly turning to focus on the pair as they screamed at eachother. Sirius was so angry at his Aunt and family, so angry at his friends for being late. This would show them, if they would just get here and… wait no… no James had taken them the wrong way, they were going through that group of people.. no… no Walburga was in that group she was going to see James before he got to Sirius.  
Sirius stopped shouting for a moment as looked at his mother. He could see the shock on his mother’s face as someone stepped on her foot and the anger as she turned to berate them. He saw the horror as she realised it had been James and who the boys pushing past her were and he felt the dread as she turned again to look at her son again.

Sirius had fucked up. This was not how this was supposed to go.

Time seemed to stop for a moment. Druella had just been reaching forward to grab on the front of Sirius’ robes. Alphard had just been taking a step backwards to get out of the way of the woman. But none of these actions could be completed before Walburga seemed to have apparated to stand right in front of her son. Sirius wanted to run, but for that moment he felt glued to the floor, too scared to even attempt escape. 

The room was in silent shock. James, Remus and Peter had stopped, unable to comprehend what was happening. The room was still. Everyone staring at Walburga and Sirius.

‘What is this, Sirius.’ Came a hard voice. Every syllable was like a dagger. 

No, no this wasn’t supposed to happen, she wasn’t supposed to have seen them.

‘Who are these people? Why are they in my house? At my party?’

Sirius couldn’t reply.

‘Do you mean to tell me, that you have let three vile pieces of dirt walk into my home? Under my roof? Is that what you are telling me?’

Sirius couldn’t reply.

‘Are these your friends Sirius? Did you let them in my house? Did you?’ Walburga paused. Her voice was dangerous, people had backed away, her wand was raised at her hip and her eyes burnt like fire. ‘Sirius Orion Black. If you do not reply to me, telling me you lets these mudbloods and blood traitors into my house, I will kill them. Do you understand?’

‘I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND’

This was all Sirius’ fault. Why had he done this? He couldn’t let his Mother hurt his friends. This was all his fault.

‘Fuck you, Mum.’

There were three loud bangs. Sirius didn’t know where they came from, but he could guess. He felt like he had been hit by a truck as an invisible force catapulted him into the floor. All oxygen was expelled from his lungs and he was crushed by the smack. Several screams came from above him, but he couldn’t open his eyes. He seemed to slip in and out of consciousness.

‘I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND’

He came around momentarily. Something dragged across his abdomen and he felt something running across his chest, pooling around his throat and dripping off his sides. He still couldn’t open his eyes but the smell.. It was like copper. He tried to understand what was happening but his body was to shocked to move. The pain was immense. 

‘MOTHER STOP!’ came a voice from far away. Sirius shook his head, the ground seemed sticky below him but he did it anyway.

‘Regulus.’ Walburga hissed. ‘stand back. This is nothing to do with you.’

‘SIRIUS!’ That was James. Sirius could hear James. Where was he? If only head could lift his head up to see.

‘Mother please.’ Regulus replied. ‘These are Sirius’ friends, he just wanted them here. They aren’t mudbloods. That’s James Potter.’

Sirius’ eyes shot open and his head snapped up. He could see. He stared at his brother. Why had he done that? Why had he told her who they were? No, no this was all so wrong. Sirius could see the gashes across his body, the thick blood that was pouring out of them. The floor was sticky with blood and his vision blurred again as he look at it all. He tried to move himself away, but it was too painful. He look over his shoulder slightly. Most of the people in the room had crushed themselves backwards, he could hear the distant ringing of screaming and shouting as people tried to back away from the sight before them, as people moved for the exits. Even these people couldn’t watch this. Sirius saw James through blurred vision, desperately trying to get to him, move out of the crowd. All of them were, but with not a lot of luck. 

‘James Potter’ came a cry. ‘JAMES POTTER, SIRIUS. YOU LET A POTTER INTO MY HOUSE!’

‘Regulus why.’ Sirius whispered. Why had he done that? 

‘SIRIUS!’ One of the boys screamed.

Regulus moved to step in front of his mother, block her from Sirius, but she threw his aside with a sweep of her wand.

‘NO’ Sirius cried out. No. He had to help Regulus, no matter what. He tried to lift himself and more red liquid poured from his body, spots danced in front of his eyes and a sharp force knocked him back to the ground. Walburga laughed.

‘Don’t you dare, boy. You deserve this.’

Sirius groaned as blood poured out of his nose and onto his lips, he could taste it. He heard James yell for someone to move and Remus gasp as he listened to Walburga.

‘Crucio’

Sirius screamed. Nothing was like this. This was unimaginable. A pain so intense he thought he was on fire. Every cell in his body felt ripped apart, every fibre seized and spasmed. Something cracked, but all Sirius could feel was the pain, unending blinding pain. And after what seemed like and eternity, and Sirius thought he couldn’t scream for a second more it stopped.

‘No..’ he whimpered. Then drifted into unconsciousness.

 

James watched it all in horror. Form the second he stepped on her foot to now he felt like he was dying inside. This had all gone so wrong. Sirius was going to die he had to get to him, but he couldn’t move. The masses of people that were crashing past him meant he was getting pushed and pulled back at every opportunity. 

‘Crucio!’

James froze. No. she hadn’t done that. She couldn’t have. No one would do that, not even Walburga it was illegal. The crowd had heard it too, they too froze.   
James had to take this moment, he watched Sirius fall back onto the ground. Oh god was he dead? He wasn’t moving. But neither was anyone else. He had to take this moment. James leapt forward, screaming as he shoved people aside and pushed them to the ground, running with all his force back over to the side of the room where his best friend lay. The dark red stain around Sirius was getting bigger by the second and James kept going, deaf to the people he trampled on.

He broke through just in time, Walburga raised her wand again, her husband standing, watching at his side.

‘Protego!’ James screamed and he ran forward, pointing his wand away from him. He had to get to Sirius. Then what? He couldn’t apparate yet, he wasn’t old enough and he had never tried it, he had only read about in books from the library. Fuck. He was going to have to try.

‘MOONY, WORMTAIL GET HOME NOW!’ He yelled as he slipped in the thick liquid on the floor and fell next to Sirius, crushing his friend’s shoulder in the process.   
‘I’m so sorry Sirius’ he gulped. He pushed his now broken glasses back up his nose and used his other wand holding hand to grab onto Sirius shirt, before closing his eyes and twisting his body, desperately trying to picture his bedroom.

He felt like he was being squeezed through a tube. A tiny tube. He couldn’t breathe. He was being crushed, oh God Walburga had got him they were going to die this was all his fault, Merlin his thigh hurt. It felt like it was being ripped away from inside the tube and-

James felt the pressure around his release. He could breathe. The pain was still there but he could breathe the tube was gone and he was still clutching tightly onto Sirius. He opened his eyes.

James Potter was in his bedroom.


	7. Picking up the Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry guys, been busy, short chapter this week!

The next hour was a blur of noises and smells and sights.

James was silent for a moment. He collapsed back onto his floor, letting his hand relax on Sirius’ shirt, but it was sticky. Disorientated and confused, James lifted his head again. Blood. So much blood, seeping off Sirius’ chest and into the carpet. Why was there so much blood? He didn’t think people had that much blood inside of them. This was all wrong.

James screamed. It wasn’t from shock, he had seen what Walburga had done, the shock had passed. He screamed because he was scared. Sirius was lying unconscious on his bedroom floor, pumping out all that blood and James Potter was terrified. What was he supposed to do? How had this happened? This wasn’t supposed to have happened. He needed his parents.

He screamed again, and the footsteps became louder.. and quicker… and closer, until Mr and Mrs Potter burst through the door, almost falling over onto the floor themselves.

‘James what’s the- MERLIN IS THAT SIRIUS! OH MY DEAR GOD, FLEAMONT QUICK, QUICK DO SOMETHING HELP HIM OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY-‘ Euphemia dissolved before James eyes as she ran across the room, kneeling down at Sirius’ head pulling him onto her lap. He lay there like a little doll as she stroked his head muttering his name over and over, trying to get him to wake up.

Fleamont didn’t say anything, he was always the calmer of the two and so instead he dashed back out of the room. He came back what seemed like only seconds later, wand between his teeth and arms full of bottle and fabric and cups of every liquid under the sun. He too knelt down, dropping the materials at his side and ripping Sirius’ shirt open. He turned to his son.

‘James, apply pressure.’

‘What?’

‘JAMES APPLY PRESSURE TO THE CUTS. NOW.’

James did something new. Exactly what his Father told him to. He picked up one of the pieces of fabric and bent down over his best friend’s body. Sirius was paler than usual, and for such an energetic boy, James shivered when he felt how cold he was. What was happening? He applied pressure. He could feel the warm blood start to seep through but he kept pushing, not daring to turn away or stop, even for a moment.

For the next half hour the Potters worked. James was vaguely aware that Remus and Peter had crumpled into the room at some point, Peter hadn’t stopped crying and James could hear him sobbing even now. Remus was pale and shaky as he too joined the group kneeling at Sirius’ side and was soon set to work by Fleamont, mixing something here, applying this there, smearing different creams and balms all over the teenagers sliced up torso. Remus couldn’t keep his hand steady at some points, but Fleamont remained calm, carefully guiding the boys as they worked away.

‘I can’t get some of these to stop bleeding’ He said at one point. James didn’t know when. ‘Whatever spell that disgusting woman used it was dark. This one won’t close up no matter what I put on it.’

‘What about that thing you put on Peter.’ James whispered. His eyes still couldn’t be torn away from Sirius, and he wouldn’t have been sure he had even spoken out loud except Fleamont replied.

‘What I used on Peter.. That was all I had.’

‘What..’ Peter said quietly.

Fleamont frowned slightly, still patching Sirius up as he spoke. ‘It’s okay. I can still fix this. It’s just taken a bit longer.’ He looked up at his son. James had turned almost as pale as Sirius, as his eyes remained fixed on the poor boy. ‘Sirius is going to be okay, James.’ 

As if those words themselves had been a special kind of magic, Sirius stirred. Peter ran forward at the sign of movement and Euphemia jumped and shrieked. 

‘SHhhhh..’ Fleamont hushed his wife. ‘Don’t scare him.’ But a small smile was forming on his lips. ‘Look at that Jamie, he is going to be alright.’

Fleamont summoned some of the house elves and then with everyone combined they managed to very carefully levitate Sirius into James bed, his body now being fully bandaged and the majority of the bleeding stopped. Sirius hadn’t moved again, but some of the colour had returned and his breathing had become steadier.

‘He just needs to sleep.’ Fleamont said, to no one in particular. 

Euphemia kissed Sirius on the top of the head whilst Fleamont gave the other boys a quick check. They all looked shocked and exhausted, Peter looked ready to pass out and Remus was swaying slightly as he came down from the Adrenaline. James had continued to stare at Sirius, he barley even blinked, but sat at the end of his bed, brow slightly furrowed in the same way his fathers did and the previously messy hair now even messier, just staring.

‘Boys.’ Euphemia said softly as she moved to stand by her husband. ‘You look exhausted. You need to sleep. But I think you should know that something very bad has happened, and there are going to be questions.’ Remus began to open his mouth to answer, but Euphemia silenced him. ‘It’s okay Remus, just go to sleep now, we can talk in the morning. Sirius is going to be okay.’ She said that last part more for herself, but she knew the more she repeated it the more everyone else in the room could relax.

Fleamont kissed his sons head before starting to walk out of the room with his wife. ‘Go to sleep. Goodnight boys.’

None of the boys were ready to talk yet. Too shocked or scarred by what had just happened and too tired to be able to process any of it yet.  
Peter mad his way over to the sofa in one of the corners of James’ large bedroom, immediately collapsing onto it and falling into a deep sleep upon impact. Remus kept himself awake a little longer, pacing the room and mumbling to himself, a worried and almost primal look of fear on his face, before he too, with one final sad look at Sirius, curled up with a pillow and blanket on the floor and fell asleep.

James didn’t sleep a wink that evening. He sat up all night and all morning at the end of his bed, just staring. Hardly a thought passing through his mind. Just the events of the night running through his head over and over again. What he could have done. What he should have done. To prevent all of this.

‘It’s all my fault. He whispered.

Sirius still hadn’t woken up the following morning. His colour was fully back now, and he looked almost peacefully asleep if it weren’t for the faint whimpers that would escape his lips every now and then, and the large bulge of the thick padding that wrapped his entire body up., and the fat, split lip he sported.

James heard a familiar knock come to his door that morning, just as Peter and Remus had begun to stir in their sleep.

‘Master Potter, its Bibble sir, she has been told to bring you to breakfast sir.’

The noise had woken Peter and Remus fully now and the two boys sat up, Remus pushing his tangled locks from his face and Peter rubbing away the sleep in his eyes.

‘Wha’s h’ppning?’ Peter mumbled.

James’ eyes snapped away from Sirius for the first time in seven hours. ‘Nothing Peter.’ He stood up, walking over to the door and leaning against it, stifling a yawn.’Bibble,’ He said, putting on his most persuasive and charming tone. ‘Could you bring me and my friends’ breakfast to my room? Please.’

He could hear the small elf shuffling uncomfortably behind the door, she had always been harder to manipulate than the other elves and was particularly fond of Mrs Potter and her orders.

‘Please.’ James repeated, letting a slight pleading escape.

‘Yes Master Potter, of course.’

James smiled. ‘Thank you.’ He turned back away from the door to face the room. It was a mess, stray bottles and bits of clothing or dressing had been thrown around and discarded in the chaos. A lot of it still had blood stains on it. James made a point of immediately gathering it all up into his arms and off his floor. He dumped the waste in the fireplace.

‘Incendio.’

Peter shielded his eyes as the mass broke into flames and burnt calmly in the hearth. He stood up, pulling James’ much too big t-shirt down as he walked over to sit by Remus, who was propped up on the floor picking at a loose thread on the blanket and looking at the breathing lump in the bed opposite him. James sat down to join them.

There was quiet moment for a few seconds as the boys watched Sirius breathe and listened to the murmuring crackle of the fire as the remains of last night burnt to ashes. Remus broke the silence.

‘Why didn’t you let Bibble in?’ He asked.

James shrugged. ‘She doesn’t like blood. She would never say it, but she gets squeamish around it, that’s why my parents don’t put her in the kitchens.’  
Remus nodded to himself. A few more seconds of silence passed, before James filled it again.

‘How did you get back here?’ He said, pulling his hands through the crop of messy hair on his head.

Remus looked down at his arm, slowly trailing his scars with his fingers. ‘You just disappeared James. So we followed the crowd Pete and I. Everyone was trying to get into a fireplace and floo away but it was taking ages so we ran upstairs to try and find one that wasn’t being used.’ Peter started to rest his head on Remus’ shoulder, but he didn’t seem to have noticed. ‘Sirius had one in his bedroom. So we just used that one. I grabbed this on our way out, I thought he might like it.’   
Remus’ hand dived into his pocket and he fished out what James thought was a t-shirt. But as Remus revealed more of it, James realised it was snuffles.

The once brown dog had grown darker over the years. He had small stains and patches where he was missing hair, and one of his paws looked like it had seen much better days. But it was still Snuffles. Still that stupid toy dog Sirius had brought with him to school every year. He said it had been a Christmas present from Regulus when he was 10, only Christmas present Regulus had ever given him. James stared down at the poor thing. Sirius loved that dog.

‘James,’ Peter started. ‘James I’m sorry.. This is all my fault. If I hadn’t cut my foot.. there would have been some of that stuff left.. I made us late..this wouldn’t have-‘

‘Don’t say that Peter.’ James cut in. He looked up at the blonde haired boy. Peter was still resting his tired head on Remus’ shoulder. ‘Don’t ever say that. If it’s anyone fault it’s mine… I suggested the whole thing in the first place.. I never should have let him do this… all my fault.’

‘James.’ Remus said, his eyes still looking over at Sirius as he held Snuffles in his hands. ‘You saved him. Sirius might not be here if it wasn’t for you. Besides, it’s not like any of us contested the idea. We’re all to blame for that one. And I…. I was late. I’m the reason we didn’t get there in time..If I wasn’t being so selfish and had just left my house.. I-‘

Remus had stopped talking, and there was a small tear running down his cheek. Peter reached up and wiped it away, making Remus smile down into his lap.

‘We weren’t there for him.’ Remus finished. ‘I wasn’t there.’

The boys continued to listen to the fire burn for a few minutes, sitting in silence as they absorbed themselves in their own thoughts. Then, another small knock came at the door, and James leapt to his feet to open it for the small house elf.

‘Bibble brings toast and eggs and bacon and sausages and mushrooms and beans for Master James.’ Bibble grinned happily, her big ears flapping as Peter jumped up to grab the large tray of food out of her arms.

‘Gee, thanks!’ He grinned as he ran back to set it all down on the floor. James smiled.

‘Yeah, thank you Bibble. One more thing, you wouldn’t mind taking those bowls downstairs would you? I would do it but I don’t want to leave.. ‘

But Bibble smiled understandingly. ‘Of course Master, Bibble can do that.’ So she walked over to James’ bedstand, taking the last few bowls from last night into her arms and turning to walk out. As she turned she jumped slightly, before smiling again. ‘Oh, hello Master Sirius, I was not aware you were awake.’ Before walking out of the bedroom.

James’ mouth fell open and Peter dropped the piece of toast he had been holding as his head snapped up to stare at the bed. Sirius was awake?

Remus was the first on to the bed, and he stared down at Sirius. Sure enough, Sirius’ eyes were wide open, but they were staring vacantly to up above him, his hair was tangled and not at all it usual careless yet perfect self, there were dark circles under his eyes and he still looked a little on the pale side. The only sign he was in fact conscious was that he moved his hand away from Remus as the taller boy sat down beside him.

‘Sirius?’ Remus asked. There was no reply. ‘Sirius, are you okay?’

James made his way around to the other side of the bed as he too looked down at his best friends. It didn’t look like him, only a shell of what Sirius usually was.  
‘Pads?’ James glanced over at Remus as he said it, who was now mindlessly clenching and unclenching his fists. ‘What’s happening Padfoot?’

Still, Sirius remained still and silent, continuing to look with a hollow stare upwards. Peter was standing beside James now, he too had gone pale, the food behind him long forgotten.

James didn’t understand. Sirius was never like this. He never looked away, he never didn’t react, and he was never silent.

‘Siri..’ Peter started, reaching forward to touch Sirius’ hand. But Sirius’ pale, slender fingers yanked themselves away as his arm snapped up to his chest.

Sirius, still staring, suddenly muttered. ‘Get out.’

James’ eyes filled with fear. ‘What.. Sirius you don’t-‘

‘Please. Just go.’

Remus turned to James. ‘Maybe we should get Euphemia.’

‘Remus. Go away. Please, all of you. Leave me alone.’

James opened his mouth to protest, but Remus silenced him. ‘It’s okay Moony. We’ll go.’ He looked defeated.

James, Peter and Remus all silently shuffled out of the bedroom, with James casting a final glance to Sirius, who still hadn’t moved from his position in the bed, his bandaging sticking out more awkwardly now his arms had moved. He wanted to stop, stay with Sirius, but Remus laid a gentle arm on him and pushed him out of the room.

Sirius looked broken, and James had done that to him. Broke him. This was all his fault. He wanted to hit something. Or run away. Or shout and shake those grey eyes until they would just look at him. Sirius had to be okay.

One by one, in no particular order, each Marauder quietly thought to themselves.

‘This is all my fault’


	8. Dark Days

Three days had passed and still Sirius had barely muttered a word. James’ parents had had a healer come in to look him over, a short, thin man with greying hair and a ginger moustache, who had quickly declared that Sirius had been the victim of a ‘remarkable attack’ but was no longer in any danger and would recover with only a few scars to remember it by. The man had looked at the other boys with increasing suspicion, as if they had been the ones to do this to their friend. Around the eighteenth time the man had said,

‘I’m not sure who did this, but whomever it was should come forward, they may just think it was a game but this is no laughing matter.’

James had wanted to hit him, but was brought down from his impulse when Remus replied.

‘You’re right sir, sex games are not something to be taken lightly.’

After this the man had gone very red and left shortly after, with James and Fleamont still sniggering as they closed the door.

‘Really Remus..’ Euphemia had sighed exasperatedly. But no one could deny that the Potter mansion had been void of laughter for the last 72 hours, and the humour was appreciated by all.

James bought Sirius food every meal time, he would walk in, crack a joke and get no response.. every time. And every time James’ heart broke a little more. But he would wait, no matter how long it took, James would walk in every few hours with a tray of food that wasn’t going to be eaten and crack a joke, waiting for a laugh from the bed across the room. Waiting for Sirius to come back.

Sometimes Remus would go in a quietly sit with Sirius. Sometimes he would read stories from The Beadle and the Bard. James thought it comforted Remus somewhat, reading those stories, like he was trying to disappear with Sirius somewhere nicer, if it was only for a little while. It was probably also something to do with the fact that Sirius hated most of those stories, and Remus was trying to annoy him in submission. 

But still Sirius just stared up, moving only to drink some water every now and then.

It was after the fifth day of this, five days of uneaten meals, bad jokes and children’s stories, and Remus and Peter were trying to little avail to teach James how to play poker down in the kitchen. It was well past midnight, but James hadn’t been sleeping and Remus and Peter didn’t want him to be up alone, so they sat there around the table, seeing only by the bright glow of James’ wand left on the kitchen counter.

‘Straight flush!’ James grinned as he threw the cards onto the table, raising his arms triumphantly into the air.

Remus groaned and Peter’s head fell into his hands.

‘For Merlin’s sake Prongs I don’t know how many times I can do this… They all need to be in the same house for it to be a straight flush.. Oh for God’s sake that is a 6 not a 9 as well! You’re blind even with your glasses!’

James stuck out his tongue. ‘Not my fault your muggle games are shite.’ He said, leaning back into his chair. ‘Come on let’s put this away its rubbish, who fancies a game of gobstones? I have a gold set in the cupboard upstairs.’

Peter stood up to go and grab the set, but Remus put his hand on the table and started collecting the cards and reshuffling them. ‘No come on, these are my cards form home, let’s just play one more round.’

Peter grinned. ‘Why? Feeling home sick Moony?’

Remus face turned to stone. ‘No. I have no desire to go back home right now.’

Peter rolled he eyes and went to over to the counter to grab some cookies from the side, deciding that if he had to watch James fail at these games he could at least grab a sugary snack first. James however, had not missed Remus’ reaction.

‘Why Rem? What’s up at home?’

Remus continued to shuffle the cards, more aggressively this time. ‘Nothing.’

But James was not so easily fooled. ‘Remus, just because Sirius is hurt doesn’t mean that you can’t hurt too.. What’s going on?’

‘Nothing okay? I just had a fight with my parents.. I told you this.’ Remus sighed, he put the cards back onto the table.

‘About what?’

‘Nothing important.’

‘About what, Moony.’

‘They wanted me to stay at home this holiday.’

‘And?’

‘And what?’

‘And what else did they say to make you not only angry, but unwilling to share the reason for your anger with your best friends.’

Remus jaw clenched and his hand leapt to his arm, running dangerously quickly across the scar. He stared down at the table.

‘And they wanted me to stay because.. because… because.. because my mum is sick and dying and they wanted me to be with her this holiday before she goes.’

Peter, who had been standing at the counter eating his cookie, stopped. ‘What?’ He put the biscuit down, before walking towards Remus, who was now staring fixedly at his arm, his hand dancing along, pressing down and leaving red marks when it was removed. Peter slowly laid his hand down on his friends arm, pulling it up and away from doing any more harm.

‘Remus.. your mum..’ He started softly.

‘Doesn’t matter… more important.. and I need to be…’ Remus was muttering to himself.

‘Remus, why are you here?’ James suddenly snapped, his voice much harder than Peter’s. Remus looked up, shocked.

‘Excuse me?’

‘I asked you why you are at my house right now? Why did you come here at all?’

Remus mouth fell open as he stared at James, whose glasses had fallen halfway down his nose, but hadn’t even seemed to have noticed as he cheeks flushed red.

‘You know why I’m here! For Sirius! He needed me more than they do right now. They are just playing with my emotions, guilt tripping me into staying with them, letting them coddle me. They’ve done it all my life James.’

James stood up. ‘This isn’t them trying to coddle you Remus! This is your mother! And she is dying! And she needs you! Do you know what some of us would give to have that? What Sirius would give to have a Mother that wanted him around? What he has given to try and get that? What some people would give to have as loving parents as yours?’

‘It’s not the same.’

‘You don’t get to have a personal crisis about this Remus! You don’t get to freak out and run away about this! IT IS YOUR MUM GODDAMMIT! And she needs you! You are not to hide from her because you are scared. She would never do that to you. She never did. Did she?’

Remus’ mouth hung open and James stood there chest heaving as he pulled a sweaty hand through his dishevelled hair. Remus closed his mouth, and rose. Shock had dissipated and now he was just furious.

‘Fuck you, James.’

‘Moony don’t-‘

‘No! Be quiet Peter! Fuck you, James Potter! Don’t you talk about my family to me. You don’t understand. You didn’t grow up like I did, neither of you did. You didn’t have to watch your parents fight and scream and cry over your body as you lay mangled on their bedroom floor. You didn’t have to watch them grow old much before their time, or stress as they move from house to house. Every. Single. Year. I messed up their lives. I screwed up their dreams. They wanted a little boy and instead they got a deadly pet.’

Peter hung his head, but Remus continued, not noticing. 

‘I have ruined them enough as it is. I have caused them enough pain. They need each other a lot more than they need me. And that’s good. They can have each other. They can support each other. Because I can’t. They are obviously stronger than I am because I can’t watch my mum waste away like that. I can’t see all the trouble I caused her come to the surface. I can’t look at my mum die and know that I caused this. Because everything that is happening in my life right now is my fault. I have gone and killed the only kindness in my house. So fuck you if I’m just trying to do a little good for once.’

James shook his head, laughing. ‘Look around you Rem! The only person here, dare I say on this planet, who cares any less about you because of who you are, is yourself. I would do anything for you Rem, fuck I’d even become a animagus! I love you regardless of the stuff that is out of your control. And so do your parents. You may think your life revolves around the Moon, but damn Remus to them, you’re the sun. You’re the best thing that ever happened to them, not the worst. They want to keep safe, not destroy your life. And you certainly haven’t destroyed theirs, according to my Dad, Lyall Lupin’s desk at the ministry is an assortment of Remus Lupin. About a thousand different pictures of you are all crammed onto his desk, he’s so proud of you Remus. What you’ve achieved despite it all. So is your mum. They gave birth to little boy, now they have one that’s all grown up. And they need him more than ever. Go home. Stop being a spoiled brat. Don’t be scared. Go home Remus. Now.’

Remus’ face still contorted in anger as he fought the urge to cry. Peter lay a hand on his shoulder. ‘I would have given anything to have seen my mum before she died Remus. To have said goodbye.’

Remus shrugged off the hand. He turned and walked out the room, returning moments later with his coat half on to grab his wand off the table. 

‘I need some air.’ He mumbled, before looking at James, who nodded, before walking out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

‘Where do you think he’s gone?’ Peter asked.

‘To the village probably. Drink his sorrows away and cool off a bit before he goes home.’

‘Should we go after him?’

‘No.’ James said shaking his head as he bent down to tidy up the playing cards, glancing up the stairs to where Sirius was. ‘Remus will be okay, he just needs to screw his head back on. One Marauder at a time for now Petey.’

Peter sighed, grabbing James’ wand off the counter. ‘And then there were two.’

…

Midday the next day and Remus still had not returned, but James hadn’t expected him too, he was probably back at Lupin Cottage by now, doing what he had always known he had to.

James and Peter spent the day playing around on James’ collection of brooms and helping Euphemia cook for the New Years dinner they were going to have.

‘I know it isn’t going to be a very nice event.’ She said as she and two of the house elves loaded a rather large chicken into the oven. ‘With Sirius still upstairs and Remus disappearing home for some reason you boys won’t share. But I thought the four of us could at least celebrate.’ She smiled.

‘Oh James Fleamont Potter get you dirty fingers out of my cake batter!’ James quickly pulled his finger out of the bowl, grinning as the charmed wooden mixing spoon whacked his arm. ‘Sorry Mum, you’re cooking is just so delicious, I couldn’t resist!’

‘Oh be quiet you!’ Euphemia laughed as he stood up brushing herself off. ‘Now I want both of you to go and shower, you smell vile.’

‘Mum! I’ll have you know that’s my natural odour!’

Fleamont snorted as he walked into the kitchen, covered in something slimy. ‘Then no wonder you’ve never bought any girls back home!’

James went a little red and Peter started laughing.

Euphemia raised her eyebrows. ‘I’m surprised you ever did either Mr Potter, you spend half of you time covered in strange substances like to one that is now dripping from you onto my newly cleaned kitchen tiles!’

One of the house elves scurried forward to clean the mess as Fleamont vanished the liquid off of himself. ‘Sorry love, new experiment, very exciting stuff.. What you cooking there?’

‘It’s the food for New Years dinner tonight Mr Potter.’ Peter piped up. ‘And it looks amazing Mrs Potter! I’m so excited to eat it!’

‘Looks amazing, so excited to eat it Madame, you are so very talented!’ James mimicked, grinning as everyone laughed.

‘Sorry, James’ Peter fired back, ‘What were we just saying about you having no love life because you stink?’

…

Sirius didn’t want to move. He wanted to stop moving, stop staring, and stop dreaming. Everything was wrong. The way his friends looked at his was wrong. The pain that coursed through his body was wrong. The memories of his family, of his mother, of Regulus. It was wrong.

But the silent staring wasn’t helping. It wasn’t hurting his mother the way he hurt. It wasn’t stopping James from making those terrible jokes, or Remus from reading those appalling stories. It wasn’t bringing him any peace. In fact as the days whet on he just felt worse. As the physical pain slowly faded the emotional pain only increased. He wanted revenge, but he didn’t feel like he could ever look anyone in the eye again. He wanted to chat and make jokes, but it wouldn’t stop the fact that his friends had almost watched him be killed by his own mother.

‘Plus you stink, when was the last time you showered?’ 

He laughed to himself. He hadn’t laughed in so long. But it only brought up a dull ache in his ribs as they shuddered and he quickly stopped. 

He needed his friends right now. But the way they looked at him. That pity and fear that struggled on their faces as they looked and the bandages that wrapped around him. It wasn’t right.

But of course the only reason they looked like that was because Sirius wasn’t talking. Or moving. Or recovering.

‘Grow up Sirius.’

And he wanted to. But after this. He didn’t know if he could. 

…

The Potters and Peter had just finished eating when Remus returned. Everyone was full of the delicious food Euphemia had cooked for them all, and they could barely move. But it had been raining all evening, and when a soaking wet Remus stepped in the Dining Room, James immediately stood.

Remus’ tall and lanky body was shivering from the cold as the rain dripped off him onto the carpet. His auburn hair was tousled and messy, and combined with the dark circles and red rims around his eyes, it was obvious he hadn’t slept and had spent a fair amount of time crying in the past 24 hours.

‘Upstairs.’ James said, motioning Peter to come and join them. They all walked in silence up the house and into the attic, a common place for the marauders to hang out in the holidays, but no one had been here much this Christmas. Peter plonked himself down onto one of the sofas under the rafters and Remus settled into his usual armchair to the right of it. James remained standing, walking over to light the fire at the end of the room and leaning on its mantel piece.

Remus cast a drying spell on himself, before reaching into his pockets for a tissue.

James opened his mouth to speak, but Peter held up his hand. They would wait for Remus to go first.

‘I’m going back home in a few hours.’ He started. ‘But I’ll come back tomorrow’

‘Rem, you don’t have to-‘ Peter gave James and look and he stopped.

Remus took a deep breath. ‘Doctors say between 6 months and a year. They could try to treat it, but there isn’t much point. More pain, little gain.’ Peter took Remus’ hand and Remus looked up at his friend, smiling sadly.

‘Maybe she won’t die Remus?’

‘No Pete. She will. That’s why I’m going to spend most of the rest of the holiday with her. And Easter. I’ll come back every day to see Sirius.’

James walked over and sat down beside Peter, looking intently at Remus, but not saying anything.

Remus sighed, leaning back more into the chair. ‘She’s my favourite. My mum. I know you can’t really have a favourite parent, but she is mine. She’s not a workaholic like my dad. And she wouldn’t hurt a fly, you’ll never meet a nicer woman than Hope. She never got a job at the post office though. She was just at the doctors or hospital. She used to bring me back the chocolate they gave the patients.’ Remus started to tear up. ‘It’s not fair this happened to her. Should have been me.’ He looked at James. ‘I’m sorry James, you were right. I’m sorry. I was scared.’

‘Remus, it’s okay, you did the right thing. I’m sorry I shouted at you, I was angry about Sirius and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.’ James smiled.

Remus wiped his eyes, smiling back. Peter was crying as well now. ‘It’s fine. I think I needed that, you know?’

James laughed. ‘Yeah, I do.’

‘Peter stop crying, it’s all fine.’

Peter laughed. ‘Yeah, I know. Sorry.’

Remus stood up, no longer wet and looking slightly more alive he smiled down at the other two. ‘Come on then, fill me in. What’s happened since I went awol?’

James sat back into the sofa and started producing puffs of smoke and sparks out his wand as he twiddled it between his fingers. ‘Nothing,’ He said ‘Wormy and I mucked around, Mum made a smashing dinner which you missed. No change from Padfoot.’

‘Well,’ Remus said, staring at the attic door. ‘Let’s go try and change that.’ And walked over to the door and opening it, turning to look at the others.

Peter raised his eyebrows. ‘What, you have a plan to help Siri?’

Remus shook his head. ‘Only Sirius can help himself now. But I do have pretty good story I want to read him.’

James grinned. ‘You know, I think you’re going to kill his with all these crap books before he actually dies of starvation Moony.’

Peter laughed. ‘Come on then Prongs, let’s go watch.’

 

James could see Sirius eyes flicker over the three boys as they filed into the room, but they quickly returned to their usual position. James thought again about how this was all his fault, that Sirius was lying in his bed like this and he felt the uncomfortable churn in his stomach that he had become accustomed to over the last five days and his hand shot into his hair. Remus pulled a book out of his coat pocket and sat down at the end of Sirius’ bed.

‘Right Pads, story time.’ He said as James and Peter joined him on the other side. Sirius did not react.

Remus cleared his throat. ‘Okay, today we are going with a muggle story.’ James eyed him curiously. ‘So everyone, get ready for the story of Little Red Riding Hood.’

Peter practically chocked and he turned to look at Remus. ‘Rem, you’re going to read-‘

Remus ignored him. ‘Once upon a time, in a faraway land…’

5 minutes later, Remus was almost finished with the story. Peter had been staring wide eyed as Remus had ploughed through the wolf meeting Red Riding Hood and the meeting in the cottage. James had started giggling at the ‘Oh Grandma, what big teeth you have!’ part, but had looked at Remus and stopped. Sirius had remained still. There were moments where James had thought he saw his lips tighten, or his eyes scrunch in annoyance, but he never saw it again.

‘And the woodcutter and Red Riding lived happily ever after.’ Remus had finished. He was closing the book, looking expectantly over at James and Peter as he did. ‘Well?’ he asked.

James was suddenly uncomfortable. ‘Ugh.. yeah it was.. an interesting story Moons.’

‘Yeah.’ Peter chimed in. ‘I’ve read it before but it was cool to hear it again.. I guess.’

Remus shook his head. ‘I’m disappointed guys.’ 

James’ mouth fell open ‘What? Moony you-‘

‘I was expecting at least one of you to comment of how good I would look in Granny clothing. I’m insulted, I think I would look amazing.’

Remus sat there grinning for a few seconds, and Peter’s mouth dropped open just like James’. Remus had never made a werewolf joke. Never. Sirius and James had made a few, but they had been met with stony glares or eye rolls. He had grown used to ‘Moony’ over the years, but aside from that, Remus had never acknowledged any werewolf jokes. And now he was making them.

A bark like laugh, short and followed by a painful groan came from the head of the bed. All the boys quickly turned.

Sirius was now clutching his ribs. Not moving, but looking down at Remus.

‘Damn Moony, that was poor, even by your standards.’

There were a few seconds that passed whilst the boys took in Sirius.

Remus smiled at him. ‘Good to know that all it takes is a bad werewolf joke to bring a depressed Black out of his hole.’

Sirius smiled back slightly. ‘Yeah well, I had to stop James from making his own crappy jokes somehow.’

Peter closed his mouth. ‘So..’ he started. ‘You’re okay now?’

Sirius’ smile faded, but he moved his hands to his sides and used them to push himself up slightly further. ‘I’m always fine Wormy.’

Somewhere in the distance a church bell struck midnight and started ringing and Remus grinned. ‘Happy new year everyone. May this one be better than the last.’ 

He looked over at James, who was still looking in shock at Sirius.

‘I need to go home.’ Remus said standing up. Sirius started to ask why but Remus cut over him. ‘I’m glad you’re okay Padfoot, you gave us a scare. I’ll be back tomorrow to see you. Peter, do you know where I left my shoes?’

Peter didn’t quite grasp what was going on, so it took Remus giving him a look and nodding his head towards the door before he realised he needed to leave.

‘Oh! Yeah yeah they’re downstairs, I’ll show you where.’ And with that, Peter and Remus walked out the room. Peter shouting ‘Happy new year everyone!’ as the exited. Now it was just Sirius and James left. James bent forward slightly to look his friend over.

Sirius’ weak smile reformed. ‘I know it’s a new year, but I hope you not going to try and kiss me.’

James quickly leant back, snorting. ‘Unlikely.’

Then the two boys were silent. But they were both rubbish at silences, and ending up speaking at the exact same instant.

‘I’m sorry’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘What?’

‘Huh?’

‘What have you got to be sorry about?’

‘There’s no reason for you to be sorry?’

Both of them laughed slightly. 

‘I’m sorry I ever suggested it Sirius. I shouldn’t have put you in harm’s way.’

‘Don’t be daft Potter.’

‘It’s true.’

‘I’m sorry I made you all come with me, it was stupid of me to think you guys could ever come. And I’m sorry I freaked out for these past few days.’

James shook his head. ‘You don’t need to apologise for needing your friends. Or for being in pain.’

Sirius’ smile grew. ‘What I was being was a drama queen, as always.’

James let out a louder laugh. ‘Sirius, I think this is the one time your reaction to something wasn’t overly dramatic. I’m sorry this happened.’

‘So am I.’

‘Brothers?’

‘Always.’

That was it. Nothing more had to be said between the two boys. In those few moments, all of James’ feelings of guilt had vanished. Sirius’ fear and self-torment had disappeared after he had made himself break that barrier with Remus. They would be okay.

James stood up. ‘I’m going to go and find Peter, he is probably mooching around in some corridor waiting to be collected.’ 

Sirius laughed. ‘Most unsubtle boy I have ever met, poor Moony trying to shuffle him out of here.’

James grinned as he went to walk out the room. ‘Oh and Pads,’ He said turning to look at Sirius. ‘Go and take a shower, you stink.’


	9. Doomed Normality

Sirius had spent the next day’s showering, sitting up, and eating all the edible food the house elves could summon. Euphemia had come in shortly after to change his bandages and he had smiled and replied to her small talk as she fussed over and smothered the boy. Her hands shook as she wrapped the fabric back over him, and Sirius could tell that she was more relieved than she was letting on, the dark circles of sleepless nights and worry traced her face and only added to Sirius’ feelings of guilt.

‘Now how does that feel love?’ Euphemia asked as she stepped away to admire her handiwork.

‘Wonderful. Thank you.’ Sirius replied somewhat bashfully.

Euphemia noticed and bent down to pinch and kiss Sirius’ cheek. ‘I’m glad you’re back with us sweetheart. I missed that laugh of yours.’

The next moment two very excited teenagers came bursting into the room, Peter hot on the heels of James who was practically jumping around as he came over. He reached down taking Sirius by the arm.

‘Time to get up Pads’ He grinned.

Sirius was shocked. ‘Wait wha-‘

But James had already yanked the boy to his feet and was attempting to push him out of the bedroom. ‘Come on!’ He laughed. ‘There’s something I want you to see.’

So Sirius was pushed and stumbled, rather forcefully, out of James’ bedroom and into the hallway, where James jumped forward again and held his hand.

‘Two more steps’ he chuckled as they walked the two paces it took to cross the hallway. Then the three boys were standing in front of a door, the one opposite James’. Sirius didn’t really know the room, it was just one of the Potter’s many disused rooms. Might have been a piano room at one point, but Sirius couldn’t remember which one that was.

‘You ready?’ Peter said, clapping Sirius on the back.

‘For what?’ Sirius replied as he looked around at his best friends.

‘This!’ James said dramatically as he swung the door open to reveal the insides of the room.

The room was larger than Sirius expected, almost as big as James’, long and wide with large windows overlooking the front garden of the Potter mansion. And it was a blue. A deep navy sort of blue that seemed to move in the light. It was Sirius’ favourite shade. The double bed in the centre of the room, taking pride of place, had a black duvet with a red throw and there were about a hundred pillows all stacked on top of one another. Someone could drown in all those pillows. The walls were decorated with all sorts of things, Gryffindor banners and flags, pictures of lions and black dogs, even some photos, ones of Sirius and James standing covered in mud from the garden, or dripping wet from the lake. Pictures of all four boys standing together, there arms around one another as they laughed, sometimes in their robes, sometimes in their muggle clothing, all grinning up at the camera and mucking around.

‘Well?’ James asked, a little offset by the lack of response he was receiving. ‘What d’ya think?’

Sirius’ mouth fell open.

Remus reached around and grabbed the handle of wide open door and pulled it forwards. Silvery letters were one by one, slowly appearing and burning themselves into the wood of the door, and in the quiet of the scene you could just hear the crackle and hiss and the magical word spelled itself out.

_Sirius_

‘This is Sirius’ bedroom?’ Remus smiled, he had known the Potter’s were up to something for the past few days, but he hadn’t realised what it was until now.

Sirius mouth remained hanging open.

‘Yeah.’ James grinned, although he was still nervously eyeing Sirius, waiting for a response.

‘For real?’ Peter gawped.

James just rolled his eyes. ‘Well, if he wants it. Sirius, some verbal communication would be key at this point.’

‘I-I-a-‘ Sirius started, but couldn’t finished.

James sighed and leant against a black wood chest of drawers, ‘Okay. Just a movement then. Nod for yes, shake for no.’

Sirius looked up at his best friend. Into those brown eyes, so trusting. They had always believed in him. Always had him, even from the start.

‘I-I can’t just mooch off your parents Potter. Not after all the trouble I’ve caused them.’

‘Yes you can.’ Euphemia sang happily as she wandered into the room, carrying a pile of warm towels. ‘And you will Mr. or you can consider me deeply offended. Plus, it’s not like we don’t have the room for you, and you are my favourite out you and James so I would prefer it if it were you living here (‘hey!’) Oh shush you, you’ve been begging me for years to have Sirius live here.’ Smiling, she bent down and ruffled James’ hair, he squirmed. ‘Besides.’ She sighed, leaning slightly against the drawers like her son. ‘I don’t what my husband did, but I have no clue about how to get those letters off the door.’

…

Sirius had moved into the room as soon as he could. Within ten minutes. In fact, soon the room had started to become strewn with the clothes and random stuff that would always be thrown across the floor or flung into some odd place when Sirius Black was occupant.

The problem was getting him out. His mood had improved, he had been his usual snarky and flamboyant self and was soon dancing and jumping through the hallways of his new home as he usually did (after thanking Euphemia and Fleamont Potter for half an hour and promising to be so well-behaved they wouldn’t even notice him. They all knew he was lying. But they wouldn’t have it any other way.)

But James had still found himself wandering into Sirius’ bedroom at some ungodly hour and find him drenched in sweat, tossing and turning as he muttered and cried in his sleep. Or worse, unable to sleep and standing there in his room, staring into the mirror at the faint scars that now trailed his abdomen, not saying a word. Peter and James would have to coax him back into bed those times.

And he didn’t want to go back to school, not that anyone could blame him. The pureblood group was a small one, and word travelled fast. Fleamont had told Remus in the strictest confidence that he had overheard a group of wizards saying what a disgrace Sirius was to the Black family and how it was a shame he hadn’t been killed that night. Naturally, Remus had told James and Peter.

‘Fuck man.’ James said, running his hand through his hair. Sirius had one out for a walk, presumably to the newsagents in the nearby muggle village to buy cigarettes, leaving the other three to go out into the grounds behind the house and smoke the remainder of the packet they still had.

Peter started coughing. ‘That’s awful.’ 

Remus snatched the cigarette out of Peter’s shaking hand. ‘Wormy, if you can’t handle the cig, stop it. Don’t let those two prats make you think it’s cool to smoke, it’s not. And yeah, it’s bloody fucked up.’

James grinned, taking another drag. ‘The only reason we are even smoking is because you went swimming in the sodding lake with all our weed in your pocket you twat.’

‘And I could have dried it off easily.’ Remus argued back. ‘If you hadn’t dared Peter to eat it.’

‘Which I did!’ Peter added in, taking the cigarette back out of Remus’ hands and taking another, much shorter drag from it.

James frowned slightly, before laughing and standing up. ‘After the way you puked it back up Petey, I’m not sure that something you want to be boasting about.’

James reached out his arm and pulled Remus to his feet. ‘Come on Moons, you promised to show me that shield spell.’ 

Remus brushed himself off, shaking his head. ‘Can’t’ He replied. ‘I’m going home for a bit now. I’ll be back in an hour.’

Peter looked up. ‘Oh…’

‘Not a big deal, I just need to grab a few things from home to put in my trunk. Still can’t believe we’re going back to school tomorrow.’ Remus said, but he wasn’t meeting James eye.

‘Yeah.’ Peter nodded. ‘Crazy holiday.’

James stepped forward and gave Remus a quick hug. And a tight one. ‘Say hi to your mum for me. And make sure she got my Mums card. And tell her that we are all coming over at Easter to see her. And remind her-‘

Remus was laughing as he stepped away from James and started walking back up to the house. ‘Yes Prongs, I will remind her of all of it.’

As Remus walked away, James sat back down on the grass next to Peter. He snatched the cigarette out of his hand not even bothering to tap off the ash before throwing it into a nearby puddle.

‘Hey!’ Peter exclaimed.

‘Rems right, don’t let Padfoot tell you it’s cool to smoke. You know you lose 7 minutes of your life for every time you do it? Shouldn’t being doing that if I’m gonna be living to 100, like I plan.’

Peter rolled his eyes. ‘Prick. You smoke just as much as he does.’

James shrugged, grinning again. ‘I’ll quit then.’

Peter just lay back into the grass. As the silence and time passed, James grew fidgety again.

‘I’m bored.’ He said, scanning the horizon.

‘You’re always bored.’ Peter replied, not bothering to look up.

‘Touché’

James reached over and pulled a stray hair on Peter’s head.

‘Fuck off Potter.’

‘Haha don’t piss yourself Wormy, it’s just one hair.’

Peter just grumbled and went quiet again.

‘Hey wormy-‘

‘Shut up mate I’m trying to enjoy the first few moments of quiet of this holiday.’

‘Yeah but-‘

‘No.’

‘Lets see who can hit that rock over there with one of my Mum’s cakes first.’

‘….fine.’

James leapt up. ‘Yes! Okay go in and grab them.’

‘What? why me?’

‘Because I said so.’

‘Wanker.’ But Peter got up none-the-less to go and fetch the disgusting cakes Mrs Potter had tried to bake earlier in the week and the rest of the family had been avoiding like the plague.

A few minutes passed and with Peter gone inside James felt even more restless. Damn, he shouldn’t have just sent in Peter on his own like that.. That wasn’t very nice of him.. Plus, he was probably going to eat all of them anyway. 

James had just turned around himself to go follow his friend in the house when someone else tapped him one the shoulder.

‘Alright, broom head?’

James stuck his tongue. ‘Better than you, mop head.’

Sirius grinned. And sat down on the grass. ‘Scare everyone else off then?’

James joined him. ‘Nah Moony’s pissed off to go home, he’ll be back though, and Wormy is going to grab my Mum’s cakes.’

Sirius pulled a face and let out a bark like laugh. ‘You’re not gonna eat them are you?’

‘Think all my teeth would fall out.’ James snorted. ‘Nah, Peter and Moony have been pretty boring, so I was going to throw them over at that rock.’

Sirius rested back on his hands, flicking his hair back with his head. ‘You’re right, sounds boring as hell. I have a better plan.’

Sirius reached into his denim jacket and dug around a little bit- James had magically expanded the pockets around a year ago- before pulling out an amber coloured bottle with a similarly coloured liquid sloshing around inside it. James raised his eyebrows.

‘Firewhiskey?’

Sirius shook his head. ‘Muggle stuff from the Newsagents, it’s called Jack Daniels.’

James reached over and grabbed the bottle before quickly unscrewing the cap and taking a sniff of the stuff. He scrunched up his nose. ‘Smells disgusting.’

Sirius smiled. ‘Yeah apparently muggle have no sense of taste. The man said it gets you really drunk though.’

The two boys had been too busy inspecting the bottle, they hadn’t heard peter walk back up behind them. 

‘Hey Pads, I didn’t see you inside?’

Looked up and shrugged. ‘Climbed over the fence, it was quicker.’ 

James let out a laugh. ‘It’s not quicker you stupid shit, you just think it looks cooler.’

Sirius gave James a shove whilst laughing. ‘Well it does, plus I think your hot neighbour was watching so..’

‘She’s like 30!’ 

‘Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t’

James gave Sirius a shove back and Sirius quickly retaliated, still laughing. James then moved more onto his knees before knocking Sirius off his balance on his arms. Sirius sat up and grabbed James around the waist, pushing him back into the grass.

‘Wait James-‘ Peter said uncertainly.

The two of them grappled around on the ground for a little while. All thoughts about the past week had flown momentarily out of James mind, right now he was trying to focus on pinning Sirius down.

‘James I don’t think-‘

James was still giggling to himself as he pulled Sirius’ arm whilst the other boy pushed back against his chest.

‘Prongs-‘

Haha, James had him now, one leg over his legs and one arm behind his back, James had Sirius pinned right.

‘James.. James get off me..’

He was still laughing as Sirius’ face grew darker and darker as he squirmed around on the ground.

‘James get the fuck off me man…get off..’

James didn’t even realised he had moved until he landed with a bang on his back. A spasm travelled up his back, but it was his face that hurt. Why did his face hurt? 

‘Shit!’ Peter cried out and James saw the round-faced boys features come into view on top of him. ‘You okay?’

James sat up a little too quickly and the field became briefly blurred as his head span. Something was on his face, so he put a hand up to touch it, only it felt like water.. And when James pulled his hand away he saw that it had been stained red. That was what hurt, his nose was bleeding. 

‘Shiiittttt. Do you think its broken?’

But James wasn’t listening, he had had much worse injuries on the pitch, and was sure this was just a quick burst of blood and his nose was not in fact broken, he was turning his head to try and find Sirius, who was sitting just a few feet away, staring in shock, his now bruised fist still extended in front of him.

Peter also turned to look at Sirius. ‘You okay Siri?’ He asked quietly.

But James was already on his feet and walking back over. ‘Its okay Sirius.’ He said firmly, reaching his hand down to him. ‘I shouldn’t have done that. I should have known. You didn’t mean it.’

‘Yes I did.’ 

James stopped. ‘What?’

‘I did mean to hit you. You were on top of me. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t get up.. it was like.. it was all over again.. I was back there… I did mean to hit you. You had to get off me.’ Sirius retracted his arm, his head falling into his hands. ‘Jesus. Is this is what it’s going to be like? I’m all messed up.’

Peter stepped and sat down next to Sirius, reaching a reassuring arm around him.

‘You’re not messed up Sirius.’ James said slowly grabbing his wand off the floor and quietly vanishing the now dry blood from his face. ‘Something terrible happened to you. And as stupid as it sounds I forgot about it for a second. I didn’t think. I’m sorry. I never should have done that.’

Sirius shook his head. ‘We always do that.. muck about.. I should be able to do that.. and now I just feel like..’

‘Like something’s gone wrong inside you and you can’t fix it.’ Peter finished. ‘I know. You just have to learn to live with it.’ He squeezed Sirius’ shoulders. ‘Plus, not being able to beat James up may not be the worst thing, all that Quidditch is making him pretty beefy’

‘True that!’

Sirius laughed quietly as Pater leant back slightly and reached his other arm out to retrieve the discarded bottle of jack Daniels from the grass where it had fallen.

‘Not sure about drinking this on the night before school..’ Peter murmured. 

James sat down on Sirius’ other side and reached over, plucking the bottle from Peter’s hands.

‘Don’t care Wormtail. Let’s drink this thing already.’

Sirius lifted his head up. ‘Yes please. I’d rather not remember this in the morning.’

‘What’s happening?’ the voice of Remus Lupin called out as the boy walked down towards them.

…

The marauders were all suitably drunk by the time it was truly dark out in the back field of the Potter estate. Euphemia had come out at one point to tell them to go to bed, but she herself had fallen asleep shortly after and hadn’t checked on them after that. Three quarters of the JD was now empty and sitting in the middle of the small circle they had made, resting next to the small fire Sirius had started.

‘What’s wrong with you lot.’ Remus grumbled. ‘Where has all the fun gone.’

‘What fun’ Peter giggled. ‘All that’s happened is James has flexed his muscles for about and hour and got dirt in my eye.’ 

‘That was an accident Peter!’

‘Fine.’ Sirius said, smiling as he narrowed his eyes at Peter and pointing a long pale finger up at him. ‘Fuck, marry kill Pete. McGonagall, Dumbledore, Flitwick.’

Peter making a vomiting noise. ‘I’m not answering that.’ 

‘You have to!’ James laughed. ‘or you have to drink.’ 

‘Ugh.. kill Flitwick I guess because he gave a T on my last essay..’

‘You didn’t hand in your last essay.’ Remus pointed out

‘Probably why he gave me a T’ Peter snorted. ‘Then.. Fuck Dumbledore marry McGoggles I guess..’

Sirius choked. ‘You would sleep with Dumbledore!’ 

Peter blushed. ‘Well yeah.. I mean.. He would probably be pretty kinky in bed..’

‘Merlin’s beard Peter…’ Sirius groaned reaching for the bottle ‘I’m gonna have to drink just to wipe that image away.’

‘Okay then Padfoot.’ James slurred. ‘Fuck, marry, kill… Marlene, Lily, Mary.’

Sirius didn’t even think. ‘Marry Marlene, fuck Evans, kill McDonald.’

‘Hey!’ James cried out, trying and failing to take a half-hearted blow at Sirius’ head.

‘Hey yourself mate. I said fuck didn’t I? Not marry or anything lover boy. Plus, you don’t own her just because you have a massive boner for Lily.’

‘I do not!’

‘I can see it right now.’ Peter giggled.

James glanced down.

‘Ha!’ Sirius laughed. ‘The very fact you had to look proves it!’

‘Prick.’

‘Hell is empty, and all the devils are here.’ Remus laughed.

Peter furrowed his brow. ‘The Bible?’

Remus laughed. ‘No Peter, Shakespeare.’

James just shook his head, having no clue what the other two were talking about.

‘Wouldn’t it be a bit odd..’ Peter though out loud. ‘If James had boner while he is sitting around here with us.’

James put it down to the drink, but couldn’t help noticing the sudden uneasy feeling that was in his stomach.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. ‘Why? I’m surprised he hasn’t already, what with all my good looks and all-‘

Peter laughed. ‘No, but, I mean we are a bunch of guys… and his best mates.’

Sirius just shrugged taking another swig before passing the bottle to a suddenly very thirsty James. ‘Who cares? I mean no offence Jamie, love you to bits, but not like that.. But otherwise, live and let live.. Couldn’t care less where he puts it. Unless it’s Evans.. Then I demand details.’

‘You’re vile Pads.’ Remus laughed.

‘No Moons, you’re just a prude.’ 

‘I am not!’

‘You’ve never even kissed a girl!’

‘Neither has Peter!’

‘Hey that was a secret!’

‘Sorry Pete..’

‘Wait.. not Mary?’

Peter blushed in the firelight. ‘I thought you guys would laugh if I said we hadn’t’ 

Remus rolled his eyes. ‘Which I told they wouldn’t. No one cares when you kiss someone Peter.’

‘Which brings us back to the original point.’ James smiled. ‘When are you gonna kiss someone Rem?’

‘Never.’

‘Liar.’

‘No. Never. I mean.. why would anyone ever want to kiss me?’

‘Ugh way to bring down the mood Moony.’ Sirius groaned. 

Remus just huffed and looked over at James. ‘When are you gonna do something other than kiss someone Jamie?’

‘What?’

‘You heard me, every time you’re seen with some girl, she is pushed away the next day.’

‘Not a bad plan if you ask me’ Sirius interjected. ‘Works for me.’

‘Yeah but you’re a prat. James is actually nice and friends with these girls.’ 

James just squirmed in his seat. ‘They just don’t interest me.’

Remus raised an eyebrow. ‘They are nice girls James..’

‘I know I know.. I like them as people.. I just.. Look. Let’s just keep playing the game yeah? Stop talking about our non-existent love lives –‘

‘Hey mines very active thank you!’ Sirius barked.

‘Yeah,’ Remus cut in. ‘As are the numerous STDs your probably carrying.’

‘Alright!’ James laughed. ‘Peter, I think it was your turn next? Christ have you and Sirius finished that whole bottle…’

Peter hiccupped slightly before turning to look at James. ‘Yupp. Okay, fuck, marry kill…. Umm…ugh…’

‘come on Pete.’ Sirius moaned.

‘Um.. okay okay.. Snivellus….’

‘Ew.’

‘Crouch..’

‘Ewwww.’

‘Andd…’

‘Yeah?’

‘Ugh..’

‘Come on! Pick anyone!’

‘umm.. Regulus.’

There was no noise but the cackle of the now dying fire as everyone let it sink in what Peter had said. Remus mouth fell open and James froze. Sirius didn’t immediately move, but after a second he just stood up.

‘’scuse me.’

And walked away back towards the mansion.

Remus got up behind. ‘Wait, Padfoot!’ And began to run after the boy.

Peter looked over at James, his eyes still seeming unfocused, too drunk to realise what he had said. 

‘What?’

James just stood up sighing. ‘I think that’s the end of that then. Bed time Peter.’

Peter just shrugged and followed James back into the house.

He should go check on Sirius. Peter shouldn’t have said that. Why had he said that? Why would he include Regulus in that game? Put him in the same category as Snape and crouch as well… That wasn’t okay… Peter putting Regulus in fuck marry kill. I mean, how was he supposed to even answer that?

But in the back of his mind, although he wasn’t fully aware of it, James already knew what his answer would have been.


	10. (No) Conflict Resolution

Euphemia Potter escorted four very hung-over boys to platform 9¾ the following morning. Peter swore he didn’t remember what had happened, but Sirius ignoring him was enough to fill in most of the blanks.

James kept playing the moment over and over in his head. Barty, Severus.. or Regulus.. Barty, Snivellus or… Regulus. Regulus. 

They hadn’t seen any other members of the Black family on the train, and Lily had apparently told Remus that they had got there early with a private escort to get Regulus on the train alone. James wasn’t surprised. Sirius looked like he hadn't noticed, or cared, but James had spotted him on more than one occasion scanning the surroundings for something.

Some children were whispering, others pointing. Mostly it was the other pureblood children, some dared to as much and shout out insults.

‘Heard she got you good Black!’

‘Aw, where are the crutches buddy?’

‘Piece of shit, I’m surprised she didn’t kill you after the crap you pulled.’

But after the Slytherin 7th year had shouted that one, James and Sirius had grasped him by the robes and pushed him up against the wall while Remus was at his prefects meeting in the train. Sirius punched him in the face and no one said anything after that.

‘Why did you do that Siri? We were only meant to scare him.’

‘You think that dirt deserved anything less?’

‘Well no but-‘

‘Didn’t think so.’

Sirius had resolved to just staring out the window after that. Not saying a word.

James just sat on the opposite side, next to Peter, nervously twiddling his thumbs and glancing over at his brother. He was fucking this all up again.

‘I need some fresh air.’ Sirius grumbled about halfway through the journey, pulling out a slightly squashed packet of cigarettes and a pinup girl lighter James had bought him as he stood up to leave. 

‘I’ll come with you.’ James said immediately, getting up to join him. But Sirius shook his head, and James sat back down.

‘Thanks..but no thanks.’

Sirius walked out, closing the carriage door as he left.

James threw his head in his hands. ‘Godric’s dick I thought this would go better.’

‘You’re not honestly surprised that Sirius isn’t thrilled to be going back to school right now?’ Peter said, attempting to console James.

James looked over at him. ‘I just… I just thought.. I don’t know what I thought. What you said last night didn’t help either Wormy.’

‘What did I say?’

‘Mate, you drank maybe a third of that bottle tops, don’t pretend you don’t know.’

‘I don’t!’

‘Ugh,’ James sighed. ‘you did a MFK.. to me… with Regulus in it.’

Peter paled slightly and let out a small ‘oh.’

‘You didn’t mean it though, did you Peter?’

Peter shook his head vigourously. ‘Course not.’

James sat back into his seat, now looking out at the countryside that was roaring past him. He had been trying so hard over the past few weeks not to think about Regulus, not to picture him in his head, not to think about his hands dropping notes in his pockets, not to think about that face. God what was he doing? Why was he thinking about Regulus, Sirius’ _brother_ anyway? 

Besides, after what he had done, James was resolute in the fact that Regulus Black was not to be trusted. He was a nasty, manipulative, and cruel Slytherin. And James wanted nothing to do with those grey, piercing eyes. He didn’t.

…

Sirius had re-joined them at the station, and the four boys had made their way up to the castle together, walking instead of taking the coaches, like they always did. It had become a tradition since they had raced each other up to the gates one day and had managed to be the first ones in the great hall… and subsequently had smeared butter all over the Slytherins chairs. But no one could prove that.

Dinner was relatively quiet for the marauders. James was wolfing down everything that came in front of him so he wouldn’t be tempted to speak too much, or shout at anyone for that matter. Sirius wasn’t really eating, he had been pushing around a roast potato for the whole time. He was however, putting on a good show, laughing at Remus’ jokes, making plays at the girls, so much so that it was only James who noticed the way his fists clenched when someone walked behind him, or the way his seemed to not hear Peter whenever he spoke. James made a point of not looking over to the Slytherin table, afraid of what he may see.

As they walked back to the dorms however, Lily Evans came up behind them, red hair swaying as she trotted to catch up with them. 

‘Hey!’ She called out.

Remus was the first to turn. ‘Hey Lils.’ He smiled. She smiled back.

‘Hey Evans.’ James suddenly grinned. ‘Finally come to your senses? Want to come back to bed with me then?’

‘Piss off James. I could be dying of exhaustion and I still wouldn’t step anywhere near your bed.’ She snarled back at him.

‘Ouch.’ Peter giggled.

‘Actually,’ Lily continued. ‘I wanted to speak to Sirius.’

They all stopped walking and turned to look at her. Lily looked like she always did, well dressed and beautiful, but now she also look very concerned and James couldn’t help admiring her ability to look out for people like that.

She raised an eyebrow. ‘Alone maybe?’

‘No way.’ James stepped in. ‘Anything you need to say to Sirius, you can say in front of all of us.’ 

Lily looked confused for a second. ‘um, okay.. God I knew you were protective Potter but this-‘

‘Its okay Evans.’ Sirius sighed from behind Remus. ‘He’s only saying that because he doesn’t want you to say something stupid and for me to bite your head off for it. Haven’t you seen the Slytherin I punched earlier?’

James blushed slightly for being so transparent. But Lily simply looked at him for a second, before nodding her head. ‘I’m going to pretend I didn’t just hear that last part. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay is all. I heard what happened.. Well, everyone did.. I just needed to check..’

‘I’m fine Evans. Always am.’ Sirius grinned. ‘It will take more than that to kill me off, unfortunately.’

‘Hm, I don’t know Black, I heard mummy dear got pretty close.’

James was over at the source of the new voice before Lily had turned. He grabbed the front of Severus’ robes and pinned him up against the wall.

‘The fuck did you just say to him you slimy skid mark?’

‘James! Get off him right now!’ Lily shouted, moving over to pull the tall Gryffindor away.

Severus just smiled. ‘You heard me.’ He wriggled slightly as James grip tightened. ‘Get off me Potter.’ He spat. 

‘James get off him right now or I swear to-‘ 

‘James stop it.’

James spun his head around to look at whoever had just said that. It was Sirius. His mouth fell open. ‘What?’ He stammered, but he let go and Severus dropped suddenly to the ground, misplacing his feet and collapsing into a pile at James’ feet. Lily rushed forward to help him up. 

‘You’re a piece of shit James, you know that?’ She muttered. Lily then glanced over at Sirius, her green eyes burning as brightly as his grey ones, but he wasn’t smiling anymore. 

‘Beat it Snivellus.’ Remus warned, and Peter nodded. 

Lily, still holding the greasy Slytherin up, started to walk away down the short, torch-lit corridor, not looking back at the boys as she went.

‘Ten points from Gryffindor.’ She called out.

James turned angrily towards her. ‘Can’t you see what he is Lily?’ He shouted back. ‘How can you put up with him?’ But she was already gone, so he spun to look at Sirius. ‘Why?’ He demanded. 

Sirius just shrugged. ‘We can do better than just shoving him against a wall, but maybe not when Evans the prefect is still around.’

‘Hey!’ Remus said. ‘I’m a prefect!’

‘You don’t count Moony.’

‘Whatever. There was me thinking you were just trying to be decent Padfoot.’

‘Unlikely. But I was thinking, which is a change.’

James tutted. ‘Let’s just go upstairs.’

The boys walked quietly up the stairs, James said hello and goodnight to his Quidditch team, promising he would be out for practice tomorrow morning. He cursed himself under his breath as he walked up the spiral staircase to his dorm, he was sure it was going to be raining tomorrow and he had left his bad weather kit at home. How was he going to make captain next year if was doing stupid shit like this? Christ sake James… Although James knew the some lost Quidditch robes wasn’t the real reason he was angry. Sirius hadn’t so much as looked at Peter all evening, and the poor blonde boy was getting paler and paler by the hour. Every time Sirius made a point of not looking at him, Peter’s eyes seemed to water slightly.

‘Wait stop.’ James said as Sirius went to go and brush his teeth. ‘Sit down Padfoot.’

Remus looked sceptically up from his book and glanced over at a confused Sirius, then over to Peter, who seemed to have already guessed what was about to happen and made a move to close his curtains.

‘Don’t Peter.’ Remus said.

Sirius frowned as he sat on the edge of his bed. ‘Jamie I-‘

‘’Peter.’ James said, looking over at the boy terrified boy. ‘Apologise to Sirius.’

Sirius groaned. ‘For fucks sake Prongs we’re not three we don’t need you getting involved and playing the bossy school teacher. Besides, I don’t want to hear it.’

‘Why not? You haven’t spoken all day and it’s time this ended. Sirius, why are you upset?’ Remus asked, his book now forgotten.

‘You know why tosser.’

‘I know, but tell Peter.’

‘Because Peter was a twat just because he could be.’

‘I was not! I was drunk!’

‘Drunk’s not an excuse.. Even I know that Pete.’

‘Sirius you’re overreacting, Peter didn’t mean it.’

Sirius just folded his arms.

‘Did you Peter?’

‘No! Of course not! I’m sorry Sirius.’

James gave Sirius a deadly stare, which the dark haired boy returned. But only momentarily, before his guilt overtook him and his features softened. 

He sighed. ‘’s Alright Wormy.. I know you didn’t mean it.’

Peter grinned, looking relieved.

‘Great.’ James grinned, standing up. ‘Now hug it out.’

‘No chance mate.’

‘Fuck off Prongs.’

…

Conflicts resolved, everyone had gone to bed soon after. Sirius hadn’t seemed to put up any kind of fuss, but James had left the bathroom light on and Sirius’ almost unnoticeable nod of appreciation hadn’t been missed before he had slunk off under his covers. James however hadn’t been able to fall asleep. He blamed it on Peter’s snoring, but Sirius usually snored much louder. 

He was angry with himself. Sirius still wasn’t okay no matter how hard he tried. And it was all his fault anyway. He shouldn’t have done.. well anything. He shouldn’t have got Sirius drunk the night before, shouldn’t have pushed him into the grass. He should have been quicker getting to him at that party, he should have arrived earlier, he shouldn’t have let him go in the first place. He shouldn’t have thought it was a god idea. He shouldn’t have let Regulus even suggest it.

Regulus.

An hour later, and still unable to fall asleep, James got up to go for a walk.

He thought about taking the cloak and map with him, but it was late and James could bull shit his way out of anything if he tried, so he left them behind. He wandered down the same moonlit corridors he always did, still a slave to his thoughts. Walking past the Ravenclaw tower, he thought he heard footsteps, and so quietly backed into the passageway behind him and few minutes later he was out on the third floor, on the other side of the castle.

‘Thought you might be up.’

James jumped about a foot into the air and banged his head on the wall bracket behind him. ‘Mother of fucking God! what the hell! you dumb prick I-‘

Still rubbing the now trobbing back of his head, James watched as Regulus stepped into the light. He didn’t look different. But he did. He had had a haircut, more had been chopped off and the curls that used to dance on top of his head were no longer there. A little scrape on his chin, almost healed a barely noticeable in the light. The kind of scrape you get when you hit the floor after being thrown there. And his eyes. Still grey and daunting, almost gleaming, but around them the skin was tinged red and slightly swollen.

‘oh,’ James mumbled. ‘It’s just you.’

‘Just me.’ Regulus said.

‘Right.’ James said, his gaze still hadn’t dropped from the Black. ‘Well.’ Then suddenly he turned on his feet to go. ‘Bye then.’

He walked a few paces, determined not to turn around. 

‘Wait James!’ Regulus called out.

James paused, before moving to face him again.

‘I-He-‘ Regulus started. ‘Is-Is he okay?’

‘Excuse me?’

‘My bro- Sirius… is he okay?’

James stood firmly in his place for a second, his mouth hanging open. Then he moved forward, towards Regulus, faster and faster until he was just a meter away, so close he could hear the younger boys quick breath. He leaned in even closer.

‘Is. He. Okay?’ 

Regulus was silent.

‘Is. He. Ok- No. No, Regulus of course he is not okay, OF COURSE HE IS NOT OKAY.’ James shouted before quieting himself, he didn’t want to be heard. ‘No, he’s not okay you stupid child. He was beaten half to death. He almost fucking died and it was his own mother that decided to try and kill him, and would have if she had had her own way.’

‘I know I tried-‘

‘Tried?! Oh did you now? Try? You did nothing you piece of piss. He was lying there and you made some measly attempt to help him. Some sacrificial stupid attempt that yourself more damage than him any help. You’re the whole reason it went tits up you mong. You tried to help him? “That’s James Potter mum.” Are you kidding me? You’re the whole fucking reason it happened. It’s all your fault.’

‘That’s not fair I-‘

‘No Regulus. What isn’t fair is that he lay in my bed for almost a week, not able to say a word because he was so hurt. What is so fair is that you were TOO SELFISH and self-interested to even realise that what you were doing, was disgusting. Help Sirius, get his money… It was all bullshit wasn’t it? You just wanted him around. You just wanted to torture him in that fucking house. You just wanted him all to yourself you little shit. It was vile and manipulative and selfish. Fuck you.’

All the anger, all the hate James had been building up and living with for the past weeks came flooding out. That’s right, it was all Regulus’ fault. Every single thing, all him. He had done this, and all for himself, without a seconds thought to what it would do to Sirius. James was breathing heavily onto Regulus now, who was shaking and looked like he may cry.

‘Go on. Tell me it wasn’t for those exact reasons. Tell me I’m wrong.’

Regulus opened and shut his mouth several times before he could speak, the grey eyes no longer gleaming. ‘You don’t understand.’

James just let out a short laugh, and started to walk away. ‘I don’t need to.’

‘He just left!’ Regulus shouted out after him. ‘At the end of summer! Poof! Gone!’ James looked back for a moment, and saw the single tear run down his pale cheek. He stopped, but didn’t look again. ‘He wasn’t supposed to do that! He promised he wouldn’t… I just… I just wanted him back for Christmas. We were always together for Christmas. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have made you get him to go back, but I.. I missed him. It wasn’t the same and… I shouldn’t have made you do it.. Made him do it. I’m sorry.’

‘Yeah well.’ James sighed. ‘You’ve fucked it all up now haven’t you.’ 

‘Pretty much.’ Came a small voice.

James turned to take one last look at Regulus. ‘I don’t forgive you.’

‘You shouldn’t, I made you do it.’

‘ _What the fuck is going on_.’ 

Both Potter and Black turned to try and find the person who had just spoken, both already knew who it was.

Sirius took the cloak off soon after. He was pale, like his brother, but wasn’t quickly wiping at his face like Regulus. Instead, he looked furious. Angrier than James had ever seen him. 

‘Sirius- What are you doing up?’ James asked, walking over to his best friend.

Sirius just stepped past him. ‘I’m not stupid, I heard you get up. And then map never lies Potter.’

‘What?’ Regulus said, confused, but the other two just ignored him.

James kicked himself internally. 

‘Now.’ Sirius said, his voice still shaking with rage. ‘Would you like to tell me again, James, about how you don’t speak to my brother? Ever. Let alone about me. Let alone get together with him to make plans. About me. Could you just remind me about when that became a _fucking lie._ ’

‘Sirius, I can explain-‘

‘No. Save it.’ Sirius was already putting the cloak back on. ‘Screw you, screw both of you. Some brothers you are.’

‘Sirius wait!’ James shouted, trying to follow him, but it was impossible when he couldn’t see him or where he was going. Then Sirius was gone.  
‘Shit!’ He screamed, and rounded to face the wall of the corridor, before pulling his fist back and punching it as hard as he could. He screamed even louder when he felt three of his finger break and his knuckles burst as the smashed against the thousand year old brick.

‘Merlin James are you-’

‘Go. Away. Or the next thing I punch will not be a wall.’

James heard Regulus scuttle away. He waited a few more seconds before he collapsed against the wall, pulling his up to his chest as rocked back and forth. He grabbed his wand out of his pocket and pointed it at his sore hand.

‘Episkey.’

Several snaps later and the hand was looking less destroyed and James was sure he would be able to play Quidditch on it tomorrow, despite the ache ad blood still coming from it. Damn he had messed up, first Regulus, now Sirius… Sirius. He should never have lied to him. Or not told him the whole truth like that. Look where it had got him, clutching his hand on the floor of some hallway. And Regulus.. maybe he was right. His actions couldn’t be justified but… Sirius himself had said he shouldn’t leave Regulus alone for Christmas, hadn’t he? And it wasn’t all Regulus’ fault.. James was just being a prat. As usual.  
‘Yeah nice James, think of all this now.’ He muttered to himself.

‘What are you doing Potter?’

Just when he thought this night couldn’t get any worse. There was Lily Evans standing over him, hand on her hips and frown on her face.

‘Ah, Evans.’ He winced. ‘Practice.’

‘For what exactly?’ 

‘Give me a minute, I’ll think of something.’

Lily’s frowned deepened and James noticed the way her green eyes seemed to be boring into him. ‘You should take that to the hospital wing, it looks nasty.’

‘Only to contrast my sparkling personality.’

Lily took a deep breath. ‘Do have a comeback for everything Potter.’

James grinned and seemed to think the question through. ‘I.. Uh.. Damn wait just lemme think…’

Lily shook her head.

‘What are you doing up anyway Evans?’ he asked, getting up to join her, making a point of using his bad hand to lift himself up.

‘You kept shouting, I was on prefect rounds. I figured I was either coming to break up a fight or catch you shagging some poor girl. Either way it would have been pretty funny to hand you a detention.’

James rolled his eyes. ‘Unlucky you then, it’s just me.. though, if you want to fufill your shagging fantasy I’m happy to oblige-Hey!’ James cried out as Lily smacked him.

‘Revolting. Ten points from Gryffindor and I’m telling McGonagall you’re out of bed James.’

‘Hey, hey no don’t tell her okay?’

‘Why shouldn’t I?’

‘Because I’ll get in loads of shit.’

‘Not the first time this has happened then?’

‘Look.’ James sighed. ‘I’ve had a pretty shitty night Evans.’ He hel up his hand. ‘This is just one part of it. Can you just cut me some slack?’

‘No chance.’ She smiled folding her arms.

‘Please. I don’t know if you heard any of the shouting but…’

Her expression softened slightly. ‘I may have.’

James ran his hand through his hair.

She rolled her eyes. ‘Fine. Piss off then.’

James grinned down at her. ‘Thank you! Damn I could kiss you right now!’ 

‘Please don’t’ She snorted. ‘I’m being nice, but I still think you’re gross.’

James wandered away after that, still holding his hand and headed towards the Gryffindor Tower, only, if Sirius had gone back there, which James was almost certain he had, he probably wasn’t very welcome. He looked down at his hand, which was swollen, but had stopped bleeding and the pain had subsided a little.

‘Fine Evans.’ He sighed. ‘Hospital Wing for the night it is.’


	11. Getting Back Together

‘Please tell me you’re not smoking in the prefects’ bathroom.’

‘I’m not smoking in the prefects’ bathroom. You’re welcome.’

Remus just sighed and wafted away the cloud of smoke James had made, vanishing the smell with his wand before sitting down on the marble floor next him. The bath in the room was run, but no had gotten in and the water was still steaming with fragrant smells. In front of them, the stain glass mermaid was silently combing her fingers through her hair, making eyes over at the two Gryffindors.

‘How did you get in here anyway?’ Remus asked as he took the cigarette from James hand and stubbed it out on the ground.

‘You mutter passwords in your sleep you know.’ James replied as he picked the cigarette up and relit it, taking another drag. ‘God help us all if you ever sleep with someone in a different house.’

Remus shook his head, fiddling with one of the taps beside him. ‘What are you doing in here Jamie? It’s the middle of the night..’

‘Couldn’t sleep.’

‘You never can.’

‘True. I’m just watching the map.’ James motioned over to the map, lying spread out beside him, which Remus hadn’t noticed before. Some room had been scribbled on, in other places big arrows or notes had been drawn in pencil over the existing black ink.

‘Editing are we?’

‘Yeah, thought of a few more things we could add. Dumbledore’s office is still glitching, we need to fix that. Also, I found a new secret room on this corridor that we need to add.’

Remus looked over at his best friend, whose hand was now running through his hair and he sucked away on the cigarette. ‘How did you find the room?’

‘I was snogging some girl in there.’

‘Liar.’

‘Okay, I was snogging McGonagall in there.’ 

Remus burst out laughing. ‘You wish. But seriously… were you hiding from him again?’

James shifted uncomfortably. ‘I’m not hiding from him Rem-‘

‘You are.’

‘I’m not! It’s just… awkward.’

‘I know.’

‘He hates me.’

‘He doesn’t hate you.’

‘He does.’

Remus smiled. ‘Sirius Black could never hate you James, you’re practically brothers the way you two go on. He’s just upset and hurt, it’s only been a week.’

‘But we he won’t talk to me. I don’t know what to do.’

‘You always know what to do.’

‘No Moony, that’s you.’ James grinned, putting his arm around the werewolf. Then his smile disappeared. ‘I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have gone behind his back and done that with Regulus.’

‘No, you shouldn’t have.’

‘What would you have done?’

‘Run away, like I always do.’ Remus joked, ruffling James’ hair.

‘But honestly James.’ Remus suddenly added. ‘He loves you. And he needs you, and you fucked up but that’s okay, we all do. I should know.’   
James looked at him.

‘Just, make it better yeah? I know he wants you to. Plus, it’s a full moon in three days, and I won’t have you two fighting then, it’s shit enough as is.’

‘You’re right.’

‘Always am.’

James and Remus spent a few more minutes on the floor of the bathroom, quietly thinking, occasionally talking, until they decided it was late enough and they should probably go to bed.

‘Grab the map will you Rem? I’m gonna drain this bath.’

Remus reached over to fold up the map, and just as he was putting away the last panel, his wand ready to vanish its content, he saw something. Sirius Black’s dot was pacing around some broom cupboard on the fifth floor not too far from where they were.

‘Ugh James, maybe you should see this- Ah!’

James, who had never used the bath before, hadn’t quite understood how to rid it of all the water, and when trying to reposition the tap Remus had been playing with had managed to turn it on and shoot a jet of water right onto both of them, soaking them instantly.

‘Fucks sake Jamie!’

‘Sorry sorry!’ James gasped and his bent down to turn it off. ‘Didn’t realise.’

Remus got his wand out and dried both of the boys as soon and James had stood back up, but the water had damaged their pyjamas and they were now creased and ruffled. 

‘Shit these are ruined… My mum gave them to me for Christmas.’ Remus mumbled.

James felt a pang of guilt. ‘Moons I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-‘

‘’s fine.. I’ll just get her to make me a new-‘Remus stopped himself. The sudden realisation that his mother wasn’t going to be making him any more Pyjamas for Christmas… or at all… Hit him like a train. Over the last few weeks her hands had become increasingly shaky and in a letter to him Lyall had told Remus he wasn’t sure how much worse it was going to get before it was.. Final. A lump was caught in his throat.

‘Rem..’

‘It’s okay…’

‘No, it’s not.’ James stepped forward and embraced the tall boy, hugging him close. It took Remus a few seconds before he could hug him back.   
‘She’s dying.’

‘I know. You’ll be okay Remus.’

Remus stepped away, smiling as the boy who was now pushing his glasses back up his nose. ‘You know James, despite what half the school thinks of you, you’re one of the best people I know. Hell, maybe even the best.’

James seemed to blush slightly. ‘You’re not so bad yourself Lupin.’

Remus looked over at the bathroom door. ‘And.’ He said as he walked over to it, ‘I think I have found an opportunity for you to talk to Sirius’

Despite James’ slight confusion, the two of them walked quickly around the corner of the corridor, and where outside the broom closet Remus had seen Sirius in matter of seconds. A slight banging could be heard through the doorway, like someone was hitting something, or, as James thought, Sirius was just pacing the room.

‘Okay, let’s try this then.’ Remus muttered. ‘Alohamora.’  
A quiet click and a push from Remus and the door was open, but what the two marauders saw was not what they had expected. A high-pitched scream followed but a bang to the ground came from inside as a girl James knew as Dorcas Meadowes dropped to the ground. Sirius, who was standing just in front of her, had turned as the door opened, dropping her from where he had had her perched on a self of the cupboard. His mouth fell open when he saw who it was. The two of them were both almost completely naked, with Sirius’ trousers around his ankles and Dorcas’ socks being the only thing she was still wearing.

‘WHAT THE FUCK’ she cried out, her arm desperately reaching across the floor for Sirius’ t-shirt which she snatched and pulled across her body. Sirius however, didn’t seemed too fazed by the interruption.

‘Evening all.’ He said simply.

James’ mouth was hanging open as he stared at the scene. Sirius… and Dorcas.. Dorcas who he knew for a fact was currently with that Ravenclaw boy James could never remember the name of and Sirius was quite friendly with..Sirius was fucking Dorcas? In a cupboard?

‘Jesus Christ Sirius pull up your goddamn underwear’ Remus hissed, trying to shield his eyes.

Sirius looked down, only now seeming aware that he had no clothes on. ‘Why?’ He chuckled, bending down to pull up the pyjama bottoms. ‘Nothing you boys haven’t seen before, right?’  
Sirius’ eyes seemed to momentarily flick to James, who was still staring open mouthed at him.

‘What is going on?’ Dorcas asked, Sirius’ t-shirt now on so she was covered.

‘My friends are stalking me.’

‘We were not, we were in the prefects bathroom and saw you on the-‘ Remus stopped.

‘What were you doing in there?’ Dorcas asked, her eyes narrowing as she stood up, tying up her frizzy black hair. ‘You clothes are all… scrunched up and..’ Her eyebrows shot up.

James snapped his head over to her. ‘What! No no! It was nothing like that! I was just having a cigarette and Remus we were talking and-‘

Sirius was snickering away at them both, no longer looking at James. Dorcas looked unconvinced, but turned back to Sirius anyway, suddenly realising the uncomfortable stare Remus was giving him and the fear on James’ face. 

‘Right..’ she started. ‘I should probably be off..’

‘Yeah.’ Sirius snorted, still looking at Remus. ‘Don’t you have a boyfriend to get back to?’  
Dorcas paled. ‘Why would you say that in front of them?’

‘Your relationship isn’t very secret love.’

‘Oh my God. Please don’t… I mean we aren’t in a great place… please… it’s just.. don’t tell him..’ Dorcas said quietly, looking over and James and Remus desperately. 

James shook his head. ‘None of my business.’

‘Not going to get involved Potter? Not going to conspire behind her back? What a saint. You must save that for your closest pals.’ Sirius spat. As Dorcas the rest of her clothes and walked out past Remus, not daring to look back, her pace quickening as she got further and further away. James looked at the floor.

‘Merlin Padfoot.. she has a boyfriend..’ Remus moaned once she was gone.

‘So? What do I care?’

‘You should you prick. What if he finds out?’

‘Oh,’ Sirius smiled. ‘He will.’

‘What?’ James gasped. Sirius looked over at him with contempt.

‘Yeah, I made sure Snivellus heard us, even right now I bet he’s running over there to tell Andrew. Little does he know that I dropped a pair of her underwear into his robe pockets earlier today that if my charm has worked right, has dropped out right around now.’ He was almost grinning as he told to story and Sirius was glancing every now and then over to a more and more shocked James.

‘Fucking hell Sirius..’ James gawped. ‘That’s not right.’

‘Don’t care what you think James. Plus it’s my body and my life. And if someone wants to shag, then by all means.’ He spread his arms. ‘Maybe I’ll slip Lily one, might stop her from being so frigid all-‘

Both James and Remus had attacked, Remus shoving him and James punching, Sirius just stumbled back, crashing into the shelving behind him with an “oompf” He looked up at James.

‘Resorting to beating me up Jamie? How original.’

James opened his mouth to shout back at Sirius, but Remus stopped him by grabbing onto his shoulder. James looked at him, ready to shout at him too, but Remus looked pale, and James could feel him shaking on his shoulder. He hadn’t grabbed him to hold him back, he needed support.

‘I think I’m going to throw up.’ He suddenly mumbled, his head falling slightly.

‘Wait, wha-‘ Sirius started, but James had already put his arm around Remus and was dragging him out of the cupboard. 

‘Accio.’ He said, summoning the bucket he had spotted on one of the shelves, and just in time, Remus vomited suddenly into it, heaving as he did, before collapsing back onto the ground.

Sirius had followed them out, and was standing over them looking suddenly worried and nervous.

‘What did I do?’

James looked up at him angrily. ‘Nothing prat. The full moon is in three days.’ 

Sirius’ mouth made a little “o” and Rmeus nodded slightly before wiping his brow.   
‘I’m fine.’ He muttered. 

‘No, you’re not, you need to go to bed.’

‘No I-‘

‘Come on I’ll take you.’ James stood again to heave Remus to his feet, but the boy just shook his head and pushed him away. ‘James it’s fine, it was just one time, this always happens before, I can go on my own.’

‘I don’t want you to go alone.’

‘Well I’m telling you to.’ Remus said sternly, getting up on his own and brushing himself off. ‘You have other things you need to focus on.’ He gave both James and a still nervous Sirius a look, before pulling the map out of his pocket and checking it. ‘There’s no one awake. You’ll be fine. Night.’

James’ mind told him to follow Moony, make sure he was okay, and more importantly, not to be alone with Sirius. But his heart told him he wasn’t to move, and subsequently his feet were held firmly in place. Sirius seemed to be having the same problem and as Remus vanished, both the boys stood there silently, until Sirius broke the silence.

‘I thought I had hurt him.’

‘You didn’t do anything.’

‘Still feels like I hurt him.’

‘I know the feeling.’

Sirius’ lips pursed, but he wasn’t as angry as he had been. ‘You hurt me.’

‘I never meant to.’

‘But you did anyway.’

‘And I am so sorry. I was just guilty and trying to help you.’

‘By going behind my back?’

‘I didn’t go behin-‘

‘Yes you did.’

James paused. ‘Regulus and I-‘

‘Don’t do that.’

‘What?’

‘Regulus and I.’ Sirius sneered. ‘Don’t say that. Don’t make it sound like you were a pair. You weren’t, he manipulated you and you fell for it.’

‘Okay..’

‘And you kept it from me.’

‘Only because you would be upset if I told you!’

‘No shit, Sherlock.’

‘Look, Sirius.’ James took a step forwards. ‘I wanted you to be happy, and see Regulus, and have some money, and cheer up. I wanted to help. That’s all I wanted. So yes, I fucked up, big time, and you got hurt, big time. And I will never forgive myself for doing that to you, I swear. And I know it’s hard but I just need you to understand that after that night on the astronomy tower we had only talked once this entire year, I didn’t expect him to go and start formulating plans with me.’

‘But you didn’t stop him.’

‘He’s your brother Sirius..’

‘I know who he is!’ Sirius shouted back. ‘MY brother! Not yours! Not your friend! I held him when he cried, I defended him to my parents. He was my best friend. And he betrayed me. He was my family and he turned his back on me-‘

‘He was scared-‘

‘Don’t pretend to know him! You don’t know him James!’

‘But I know you.’ James whispered. ‘And he’s not like you. I mean, he is, but… but..’

‘What? He’s better?’

‘Never!’

‘Then what?’

‘Sirius, you know you come always come first. Always. That was why I did it.’

‘Doesn’t feel like that.’

‘I know. I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you. Why are we even taking about Regulus, this is about us.’

Sirius stared at James. His chest tightened as he looked. Man, he loved this boy like a brother. But James was a tool and had betrayed him, he didn’t trust him, as much as he wanted to.

‘Just,’ James took another step closer. ‘Stop doing this Sirius’ he pointed at the cupboard. ‘I’ve got the message, I got the message when you threw paper balls into that kids potion, and when you sprayed painted some of the portraits, every time I got it, you’re angry. Please let me make it better.’

Sirius thought for a few seconds. 

‘Night Jamie.’ 

And he turned and walked away, leaving James alone swearing and cursing.   
‘Tomorrow.’ He thought to himself. ‘I’ll try again tomorrow.’ He knew he should fix things, if not for him then for Moony and Wormtail’s sanity, because James and Sirius fighting had been driving them all crazy, and Remus needed them for the full Moon.

…

Peter was the one who had told Remus that James had gone to the prefects’ bathroom in an attempt to get Remus to talk some sense into him. Peter had never thought he was great at consoling people, he usually left it to Remus. And James needed consoling, he had been miserable all week. But not like Sirius, who was crashing and burning in front of them all. Finding out what James had done had shocked Peter to start with, but the more he thought about it the more he realised that he wasn’t surprised James had done it, James was always going above and beyond for Sirius, and he would do anything for him. He was sure that applied to him and Remus too, but James and Sirius’ friendship had always made Peter a little jealous.   
But they were good people, the best in Peter’s eyes, and so the next morning, watching the two of them shower and get dressed, Sirius talking grumpily to Remus and James silently listening from the other side of the room, stung Peter.

All four of them walked pretty much silently down to breakfast, and just as they reached the Great Hall, Sirius spotted Marlene McKinnon.

‘Hey Kinny!’ He shouted waving her over. She turned form where she had been talking about potions with Lily and looked over, before smirking and walking over to him.

‘What is it Black? And don’t call me that.’

Sirius grinned. ‘Okay, Marlykins. I was just wondering if you’ve done the charms homework. I need to copy it.’

Remus shot a look at James, who was frowning by his side. Sirius always copied charms from James, and James copied Potions from him, it was there routine. Sirius was just trying to upset him, and he wouldn’t let it.

Marlene raised her eyebrow, aware of the strangeness of the question. ‘Um, yeah of course, I’ll give them to you at break?’

‘Great.’ Siruis smiled. Marlene turned to walk away. ‘Oh and Marlene,’ he added. ‘You look nice today.’

Marlene rolled her eyes and walked off and Peter groaned. ‘Really?’

‘Yepp.’

When they got into the hall however, Sirius mood was far less cheery. He spotted a very angry looking Andrew Carlisle stomping over to him from the Ravenclaw table. Sirius’ smile faltered.

‘Oh, Andrew hey-‘

Andrew grabbed the front of Sirius’ robes and pushed him back against the wall of the hall. 

‘I only have a few seconds so I’ll be quick.’ He said, his voice low and dangerous. ‘You so much as look at her again and I will reopen every single one of those scars your mother gave you and make sure you bleed to death. Do you understand me Black? You’re vile.’

He let go and Sirius stood up, catching his breath. Remus stepped forward to help him, James watched as the teachers all rose form their seats to look at what was happening, Professor McGonagall was getting up to come over.

‘What are you talking about Andy?’

‘Her!’ He snarled. ‘You fucked my girlfriend you slimy c-‘   
James didn’t listen to the last part. Instead he looked over to where Dorcas was sitting at the Hufflepuff table, her eyes were red and puffy and some of her friends were rubbing her back as she stirred her cereal, unable to eat. He could also see Severus, sitting smugly behind her, staring triumphantly over at James. Sirius’ charm obviously hadn’t worked.

‘Shouldn’t you being shouting at her mate?’ Siruis was laughing.

‘Please. Already have. I never want to see the stupid slut again. But you-‘

‘Wait!’ James shouted, not really realising what he was doing. ‘It wasn’t Sirius.’  
Everyone who had been listening, which was half the school by now, turned to look at him. Andrew stopped mid- shout and turned to look at him.   
‘It was me.’ 

Sirius looked surprised for a second, before Andrew burst out laughing. ‘As if Potter, I heard it wasn’t Dorcas you were getting handsy with last night.’ He looked pointedly over at Remus, who looked mortified.

‘Then,’ James said, trying to sound casual and he scrambled for an excuse. ‘How would I know that we were in the fifth floor cupboard? Besides,’ He smirked. ‘If you check her bedroom, I’m pretty sure you’ll find my t-shirt on the floor.’

Andrew Carlisle looked ready to hit him, but by this point, McGonagall had already reached them.

‘Break it up!’ She cried, parting the crowd as she walked through to the boys who were still growling at each other. ‘Mr Carlisle, 30 points from Ravenclaw, we do not shove and threaten students. Mr Potter,’ her icy glare turned to James. ‘My office, now.’

As James walked alongside the professor, her emerald robes flicking at his exposed ankles, he wondered what he had gotten himself into. Andrew seemed like a nice guy usually, but obviously sleeping with his girlfriend wasn’t something he was going to take lying down, and the rumour mill was going to start turning. It probably already was. Dorcas was decent girl, maybe not that nice, after what she had done, but James had always thought that she was sweet and funny, he wouldn’t have seen this coming.  
‘At least Sirius isn’t going to get himself killed.’ He thought.

McGonagall lead him into her office, before motioning him to sit at the side of the desk he had so frequently sat at. She sat opposite him, folding her long figners into a neat arch and gazing curiously at him over her spectacles. James couldn’t help noticing that she didn’t look as angry as she usually did when he was in here.

‘Mr Potter.’ 

‘Professor.’

‘You couldn’t have gone one month without being in my office?’

‘I would have missed you too much Professor.’ James grinned.

‘Hmmm. Well?’

‘Well?’

‘What do you have say for yourself James?’

‘That I am a man-whore and shouldn’t sleep with girls in cu-‘

‘Okay! Okay!’ McGonagall cut him off waving her hands in front of her face and James giggled. ‘That’s enough. I gathered enough about what happened from the shouting downstairs.’

James just smiled. The professor leaned forward, her eyes still searching and scanning over James, her expression more concerned.

‘James. Did you do it?’

James smile vanished, and she adjusted his seat, uncomfortable. Professor McGonagall seemed to understand, and she sat back into her chair.

‘You heard me downstairs…’ James said, not feeling his usual courage to lie.

‘But I am asking upstairs.’ She simply replied.

‘I-‘

‘James, is Sirius okay? He has been in my office more than usual recently and I can’t help over hearing things on the corridors. I have spoken to him but I’m not sure he was listening. Is he okay, and are you?’

‘Fine, Professor. We will- I mean we are, fine.’

‘James,’ she said quietly, her expression more motherly this time. ‘If there is ever anything you need to tell me..’

‘There isn’t, but thank you, I appreciate it.’

She nodded, unconvinced, but knowing that there wasn’t much else she would be able to extract at this point. ‘Alright. Then it will be 30 points from Gryffindor and detention tonight Mr Potter.’

James’ jaw dropped. ‘What! I thought-What!’

Professor McGonagall smiled slightly. ‘If you are going to have a shouting match in my Hall you will be losing points Mr Potter, and out of bed after dark last night? Using rooms that are not for student use? Detention. Unless of course, you weren’t out of bed?’ 

James squirmed.

‘That’s what I thought.’ McGonagall nodded. ‘You can inform Mr Lupin that he will be joining you. I hear he was up last night as well.’

James laughed, standing up to leave. ‘Okay. Thanks Professor, it’s been a blast, as usual.’

‘I’m sure it has James.’

‘Until the next time, McGoggles.’ James grinned as he walked out.

‘Another ten points Mr Potter.’

 

James didn’t have to walk for long until he met someone, I was Dorcas, her eyes looked less red in the dim corridor, but she seemed nervous none-the-less. James stopped a few steps ahead of her as she walked up him.

‘Why did you do that?’ She asked.

‘Hey Dorcas, I’m sorry, we didn’t tell anyone I swear, it was Severus I think and-‘

‘Why did you do it James?’ She asked again and James saw her eyes water, he was confused. 

‘For Sirius, I just wanted him not to get into trouble and-‘

‘Really? Or did you just want to make me look like even more of a slut? That’s right, claim responsibility, make it look like anyone could sleep with me if they wanted to. Make it public.’

‘What? No I never-‘

‘Because now I’m the girl who slept with both of you. I’m the massive whore who everyone is talking about.’

‘Dorcas what are you talking about? I just took the blame from Sirius? It wasn’t about you, besides, you did cheat on your boyfriends..’

‘And it’s not for you to judge!’

‘I’m not judging!’

‘Yeah? Well… maybe you should.’ She sighed. 

‘Dorcas, you just made a mistake.’ 

She looked up at him, her eyes still watery. ‘Yeah… and you did it for Sirius?’

‘Yes. I just need to keep him out of trouble right now. He’ll be sorry he caused all this, he didn’t mean for this all to happen. I just wanted him to be okay.’

‘That was nice of you.’

‘Hm…’

‘I- I can’t think of anything else to shout at you about.’

‘Well then maybe we could just.. shake hands and be friends? Friends that don’t actually fuck in cupboards. Besides, we are going to need to show a united front when these rumours start.’

Dorcas let out a small laugh. ‘Very true. Okay James Potter, trouble maker and good friend.’ She stuck her hand out.

James laughed with her. ‘not sure about that second one.’ But he took her hand and shook it. ‘I’ll see you around, Dorcas.’

‘Back at you.’ And she walked away.

Feeling significantly better about the situation, James walked towards the dormitory, and by the time he got there he was ready to grab his books and get back to lessons. Except Sirius was in there. It was apparent he had been waiting for James and he stood up as soon as he came in.

‘Hi.’

‘Ugh, hi.’

Sirius scratched the back of his head as James ran his hand through his hair, both boys as nervous as the other.

‘Thanks.’

‘Huh?’

‘Thanks, for helping me out down there. You didn’t need to do that.’

‘Yeah I did.’

‘No you didn’t. It was good of you.’

‘Thanks.’

‘I’ve over-reacted haven’t I?’

James shook his head. ‘Never. I fucked up Sirius, you had very right.’

‘But I cut you out.’

‘It was your brother..’

‘You’re my brother.’

‘Still.’

Silence.

‘I forgive you Jamie. I don’t think I ever didn’t. I just wanted to make you upset.’

‘I know.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be.’

‘I should apologise to Dorcas.’

‘Already did that.’

‘Oh. Thanks.’

Another small silence passed, but they had relaxed, the hard part was over. 

‘So..’ Sirius started, sitting back on his bed. ‘Want to blow off lessons and get really stoned all morning?’

James walked over to sit down next to him, throwing his arm over his shoulder. ‘I thought you would never ask.’

…

At break, Sirius remembered he was meant to meet Marlene, and so, promising James he would be back in just a minute, he left to go downstairs. He was so relived everything was okay again, that he and Prongs would be alright. They always were, but Sirius had been in a very dark place for the last week, and was just managing to bring himself out. He hadn’t spoken to Regulus, he never wanted to, Regulus revolted him. James was the one he needed, the only one, but it didn’t stop him thinking about his real brother every day over in Slytherin. As he walked he was picturing his face at Christmas, smirking and smiling up at his big brother.

‘Ah, Black, or should I say Casanova?’

Sirius looked over at Marlene, he hadn’t been lying, she really did look nice today, but she always did, long blonde hair tucked away in a ponytail, signature eyeliner tracing her blue eyes, she was one of the few girls Sirius had ever truly thought of as a friend, rather than just some skirt.

‘Marlykins,’ He grinned as she snorted and reached into her satchel.

‘Here we go then.’ She said, passing him the parchment with her inked work on it.

He shook his head back at her, not taking the pages. ‘It’s okay, turns out I won’t be coming to Charms today.’ And he grinned at her again as she raised an eyebrow.

‘Oh really?’ she smiled. ‘Too busy with some new girl then?’

Sirius opened his mouth in mock horror. ‘Me? Never! I’m just getting stoned with Master Potter actually, he feels he should keep out of the public eye today, care to join?’

Marlene laughed. ‘Ah, that’s probably fair. Although,’ and she looked into his eyes. ‘don’t think I don’t know it wasn’t you Black, I’m not stupid, you’ve been eyeing Dorcas up for weeks now.’

Sirius blushed. ‘Well I won’t tell if you won’t. Plus, it was a mistake anyway, I shouldn’t have done that to her and I’ve apologised for my infid-info- shit I’ve forgotten the word.’

‘Merlin you are stoned.’ Marlene giggled. ‘I’ll see you around Sirius.’ 

‘Wait, Marlykins,’ And Marlene turned back. ‘Do you want to do something tonight? Maybe sneak down to kitchens and grab some food? James and Remus have detentions.’

Marlene smiled. ‘You’re going to have to try harder than that if you want a date with me, Sirius. Maybe try asking at least a couple days after shagging some other poor girl in.. what was it? A cupboard?’

Sirius’ blush deepened as Marlene laughed and walked out of the common room, before he turned and walked back upstairs.

‘Bloody girl.’ He giggled.


	12. Lily's Bad Day

_A month later_

‘You know,’ Lily Evans said angrily as she scrubbed ‘one of these days, those boys are going to get killed, and I won’t be surprised if it’s me holding the knife that does it.’

Marlene just snickered beside her, leaning lazily against the wall. ‘You have to admit, they’re entertaining.’

‘They are not!’ Lily shouted, flipping her hair out her shoulder and flicking dirty water over at her friend. ‘I am standing here scrubbing cake out of the nooks and crannies of a suit of armour, why? Because four boys decided that nothing would be funnier than having the suits have a cake fight while everyone walks to class…It’s ridiculous.’

‘It’s hilarious.’

Lily chucked even more water at Marlene, who waved her hands in submission as the brown liquid splashed on her face. ‘Alright alright!’ she laughed. ‘But Lils, we don’t know it was them.. McGonagall didn’t even deduct points.’

Lily glared. Marlene laughed harder.

‘They aren’t that bad.’

‘They are. James is the worst, Sirius is a close second.’

‘Sirius is quite nice if you just talk to him.’

‘I’m not letting this be another conversation about you’re stupid crush on Sirius Black, Marly. He’s arrogant and annoying.’

‘He’s hot.’

‘Piss off.’

Marlene just reached into her pocket and grabbed her wand, ‘Scourgify!’ she said pointing at the armour, it merely shuddered slightly, before returning to its sticky, cake covered position. Marlene frowned.

Lily scoffed and raised her eyebrow. ‘You don’t think I already thought of that?’

‘Ugh!’ Marlene cried out, throwing her hands into the air. ‘This is ridiculous, make them do it, why are you sitting here wasting your time when we could be outside enjoying the weather?’

‘Because,’ Lily sighed, wiping her brow with her arm. ‘they’ve gone and hidden themselves somewhere, probably the boys toilets, and the weather is shit…plus I’m a prefect, so I get stuck with all the crap jobs the teachers don’t want to do.’

‘Isn’t Remus a prefect as well? Shouldn’t he be helping clean all this fucking icing off?’

Lily smiled. ‘I’m 90% this was his idea.’

‘What?’

‘You didn’t think James and Sirius could come up with this stuff?’ Lily laughed. ‘Nah, they’re the muscle, Remus is the brains and- Peter! Get your arse over here right now!’

The blonde haired boy froze from where he had been scuttling past further down the corridor and turned in fear to look at the two girls.

Lily stomped over to him, knocking the bucket over as she did and causing Marlene to shriek as the murky water pooled around her shoes.

‘Pettigrew!’ Lily shouted as she got closer. Peter tried to compose himself, standing straight and trying to look calm in the suave way James always did. ‘Where are the rest of you?’

‘Don’t know what you’re talking about Evans.’

‘Where is Potter Black and Lupin, Peter?’ Lily growled. ‘How dare you all just leave this mess here for me to clean up!’

‘That?’ Peter smiled, pointing weakly over at the splatters of icing drips form the metal. ‘Was not us.’

‘Not buying it Pettigrew’ Marlene shouted from down the corridor.

Lily sighed, maybe a good cop approach would work better on the plump boy. ‘Look, Petey,’ she smiled. ‘I’m not mad that you guys did it. It was..funny.. But look,’ and she motioned again to the mess. ‘That’s not fair. Me having to labour here all lunch while you four skive of and get high in the boys’ toilets isn’t fair.’ Peter’s smile dropped slightly. ‘You see?’ Lily smiled. ‘Maybe you could just do me a favour, just this once.. and clean up your own mess.’

Lily walked back over and bent down to grab the brush and now empty bucket she had been using, before reaching them out over to Peter, who looked more unsure.

‘Please?’ she asked. She could hear Marlene giggling in her ear, but chose to ignore her.

Peter looked confused, the plan had been for him to run and grab some food from the kitchens for them all to eat, not get stuck here cleaning it up.. but Lily was right.. it wasn’t fair that she had to clean when he and his friends had been the ones to do it.. maybe if he just did it for a little bit..

‘Ugh.. I mean.. it wouldn’t hurt I guess…’ Peter said, walking forward slightly.

Lily’s smile broadened, triumph. ‘Thanks Peter you’re a real st-‘

‘OI! WORMTAIL! WHATS TAKING SO LONG? HURRY UP AND GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE I’M FUCKING STARVING!’

Peter stopped walking as his pocket blasted out the loud tones of Sirius Black.

‘YEAH MATE, HURRY UP’ came a laughing James. ‘I’M SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT REMUS!’

‘FUCK OFF POTTER.’

‘What on-‘ Marlene gasped as Peter’s face paled with embarrassment.

‘Haha..’ He giggled nervously. ‘Sorry Lily, maybe another time..’

Lily’s jaw dropped as Peter turned and started walking very quickly away from them.

‘What? No! Peter don’t you dare walk away! Peter!’ But he was already gone.

‘Fuck!’ She shouted, throwing the stupid brush and bucket, which hit the opposite wall with a deafening clang before rolling back across to her feet. Lily looked down at them.

‘Was that Sirius and James?’ Marlene said, amazed. ‘Coming out of his pocket?’

Lily was furious.. those stupid boys.. this stupid bucket.

‘Who evens knows. Right. Screw this. Lets go outside.’ She grumbled. And Marlene happily followed the fiery haired girl.

‘You know,’ she chirped happily. ‘I’m pretty sure Mary is outside, and she has made some incredible astronomy notes, I need to ask her for them. I haven’t done any work in astronomy all year and we have O.W.Ls in a few months…’

‘Stop it Marly, you get the highest marks in the class.’

‘I do not! Andrew Carlisle is way better! Not that’s he’s been able to focus on work much recently..’

Lily snorted. ‘And yet you still like Sirius Black.’ 

‘I just think that he’s not all that bad! That’s all I said.. Plus you thought James taking the credit for that was pretty decent.’

‘One good act amidst hundreds of bad ones.’

‘Okay okay, I think that’s enough Marauders talk for one day.’ Marlene smiled.

‘Agreed.’

The two girls walked out of the main doors of Hogwarts and into the windy atmosphere of the outside. It was only slightly chilly today, and the gentle breeze and mild sun had meant that quite of few students had ventured out to catch a breath of fresh air, Lily spotted Mary not too far off, sitting by the lake reading a book Lily couldn’t quite make out.

‘There she is.’ Marlene said, walking over to her. They both sat down, and Mary’s short brown bob turned to look up at her company, she smiled.

‘Hey guys, where have you been?’

‘Lily has been cleaning up the second floor.’ Marlene grinned. Mary laughed.

‘You’re too nice Lily, I never would have done something as disgusting as that.’ 

‘That’s true,’ Lily smiled, plucking the book from Mary’s hand ‘You would rather just sit by the lake reading what is this.. Pride and Prejudice? Now who may have recommended you this masterpiece?’

Mary giggled, grabbing the book back out of Lily’s hands, careful not to lose her page. ‘Well, if we are going by the original owner of the book, I would have to say Remus Lupin..’

Lily rolled her eyes. ‘Touché.’

Marlen leaned forward slightly, raising an eyebrow. ‘Remus you say? Lending you books Lils? Come on,’ she grinned. ‘Stop denying there is something going on between you two.’

Lily slapped her friend gently, laughing. ‘I can’t tell you this anymore Marley, there isn’t! Rem is like a brother to me, a very sweet and kind _brother_. Though what I can say about his taste in friends…’

‘Speaking of taste in friends..’ Mary said warily.

Lily turned. She spotted him almost immediately, walking over to her, his head bowed over and thin black hair covering most his face, hands in his pockets. Her stomach dropped, she could see his usual posse hanging behind him, not paying any attention. But still, it made her uncomfortable. She and Severus had been best friends for years, and for a very long time she would never have thought that that could ever change, but recently she had been distancing herself from him, his new group of friends scared her a little and his attitude… it wasn’t like him, not like the boy she knew.

‘We’ll see you later yeah Lils?’ Mary sighed, getting up from her spot with Marlene, who looked equally discomfited.

‘What no!’ Lily cried standing with them, seeing Severus had noticed out of the corner of her eye. ‘Don’t go.’

‘Lily..’ Marlene started. ‘You know we don’t judge who you chose to be friends with.. but…’

‘We just don’t want to be around him.’ Mary finished.

Lily looked crest fallen. ‘I know…It’s just.. things have become a little weird with us lately.. I’m not even sure I want to be around him right now.’

‘Then don’t.’ Marlene said, suddenly energised. ‘Come with us to the girls’ bathroom, he can’t stalk you there, plus,’ she added. ‘You promised Myrtle you’d show her how to do a plait last time.’

‘He’s not stalking me Marlene.’ Lily groaned. ‘He’s one of my closest friends, he can come and chat with me whenever he wants to… besides, we haven’t spoken in a while, I should talk to him. I’ll catch you guys up? Tell Myrtle I’m sticking to my promise’ Lily gave a small smile, the girls looked unconvinced, but Snape was already only a few away, so they merely nodded and walked off.

Lily smiled warmly. ‘Hey Sev, what’s up?’

‘Hey Lily.’ Snape smiled back. ‘We haven’t spoken in a while, I was just wondering how you were?’

‘Fine,’ Lily grinned, before dropping the smile. ‘Although I’ve just spent the last twenty minutes trying and failing to sort out the crap James and his mates pulled before lunch.’ 

Snape growled slightly. ‘Yeah, that shit wasn’t funny. All of them are so pathetic.’

‘You know what’s even funnier?’ Lily said, glad to have something to talk about with him, even if it was the marauders. ‘That I then caught Peter trying to sneak past me, and almost managed to get him to clean it up himself if Potter hadn’t come blasting out of his pocket hurrying him away, I bet they’ve got some communication device in there, I bet Potter made it, he really is just such a twat..’ Lily slowly stopped as Severus’ face became less and less interested and more and more bored, until he stopped looking at Lily entirely.

‘Sev?’ she asked.

He looked at her again, slightly angry. ‘If I knew coming over here meant I would just have to listen about James Potter the whole time, I would have just gone and hung out with the freak himself.’

Lily was shocked. ‘Hey! I was just telling you a story Severus! No need to be rude.’

He rolled his eyes. ‘I’m sorry, but I really don’t care what Potter and his mates get up to.’

Lily suddenly grew angry as well. ‘Well that’s a surprise!’ she sputtered. ‘With the amount of time you spend trying to hex him or you and your creepy mates spend trying to get him into trouble I would have thought the opposite!’

‘Leave my friends alone.’ He snarled back.

‘Why? They never leave me alone, always calling me horrible names under their breath as I walk past.’

Snape’s face fell slightly. ‘Oh.. yeah..’ he mumbled, less confident. ‘Look, I’m sorry about that, I’ve been telling them to stop..’

‘My knight in shining armour.’ Lily sneered. ‘Fat lot of use that’s been.’

Severus was now string at the grass beneath his feet and pulled the cloak around his shoulders tighter. He couldn’t look into those brilliant eyes. ‘I’ll try harder Lils. I’m sorry..’

‘Yeah well..’ Lily said, thrown by the comment. ‘Good. But.. I don’t need to fight my battle Severus. I can defend myself.’

He looked up, smiling again slightly ‘Yeah, you can? can’t you?.. want me to show you a new spell I’ve designed?’

Lily did want to talk to her friend, but not like this. Every time they had spoken now it was just bickering and making up, over and over, she was tired of it. Also, she knew the kind of spells Severus had started making, she didn’t want any part of it. She felt awkward.

‘Maybe.. maybe next time yeah?’ She tried. ‘I said I would go and meet Mary and Marlene now.’

Snape’s eyes narrowed. ‘You were just with them? Come on Lils we never hangout anymore.’

‘I know, I know. But I have a project I promised to do with them, next time, I swear. Willow promise?’

A Willow promise had been something Lily and Sev had been doing since they were children. From the first time under that weeping Willow by Lily’s house, it had signified an unbreakable promise, one they really meant. The first time, Severus had promised one day he would take Lily to Diagon Alley and show her the magical world, and three weeks before her first day of Hogwarts, he had kept that promise, Lily had never been more proud to have a found a friend like him. But as the years had gone on the promises had been less and less significant, now they just felt like silly ways of pretending they were still the ten years olds sitting under that tree, like they hadn’t grown and changed over the past years. Like she was still that proud of him. Snape smiled.

‘Okay. Willow promise.’

And Lily turned her back and walked back into the castle, not entirely sure what a Willow promise really meant to her anymore.

 

Outside the usually empty second floor girls’ bathroom, Lily could hear voices, which she assumed where Mary and Marlene’s, but when she opened the door to find not two, but 6 people in the bathroom, she was surprised. But not surprised to see the that the four intruders where in fact James, Sirius, Peter and Remus, who all looked rather comfortable sitting lazily against the sinks of the room, the distinct smell of a certain herb filling the air.

‘Ah Evans,’ James grinned. ‘Glad you could make it.’ He suddenly threw out the small golden snitch he had been clasping in his left hand, letting it flutter in front of him momentarily, before reaching forward and snatching it back. Lily was convinced it was just to show off.

‘Get out Potter, this is a girls bathroom, or can you not read the sign?’

‘Can’t read anything, my brain is all fuzzy.’ Peter giggled from behind a very large cauldron cake.

‘Don’t listen to him.’ Remus said rolling his eyes. ‘He thought trying to smoke a spliff through his nose was a good idea.’ 

Mary snickered behind him and Peter turned to grin at her.

‘You four have caused me enough problems today. Especially you.’ Lily growled pointing at James, who stuck his hands into the air.

‘Hey! What did I do?’

‘Get out. All of you boys. I need to talk to my friends.’

‘We are your friends Evans.’ Sirius laughed.

Lily stuck out her tongue. ‘You’re more trouble than you’re worth Black.’

Sirius didn’t smile back at her, his face fell slightly. ‘okay we’re going..’ he grumbled. James shot Lily a look and she wondered what she had done. Oh. 

‘Sirius wait no I didn’t’

‘Nah it’s fine Evans, don’t worry about it’ He said waving her off as he got up. ‘Enjoy yourselves ladies.’

And they all walked out.

‘Shit.’ Lily whispered.

‘It’s okay Lils, you didn’t mean it, he’s fine.’ Marlene smiled. 

‘What did you need to talk to us about?’ Mary asked, trying to take Lily’s mind off it. ‘Chatting with Sev not go well?’

Lily just sighed. ‘This has been a shit day.’ She moaned. ‘And it’s not even over. I need cheering up.’

‘Well then you’re in luck.’ Marlene grinned. ‘Because guess what four certain boys are doing tomorrow night?’

‘Oh no..’

‘Oh yes!’ Mary squealed. 

‘They even invited me!’ came the excited voice of Moaning Myrtle from inside one of the cubicles.

‘It’s party time, bitches!’ Marlene shouted, shooting her fist into the air.


	13. Crash

‘Would you boys like to tell me,’ McGonagall said, leaning menacingly over her desk, staring down anyone who dared look into her eyes. ‘What on earth were you thinking?’

Peter shuffled nervously, ordeals like this always made him uncomfortable. ‘To be honest professor,’ he squeaked, ‘I don’t think we were thinking.’

James smirked inwardly. It was true, aside from Remus, he didn’t really think any of the marauders had thought this through. At all.

***

 

‘Okay so, streamers, balloons, tables, sparkles- still don’t know why we need them- snacks-thanks Pete- andddd drinks’ Remus said, more to himself than the others, as he went down his list-one James had scrawled on a sheet of parchment for him earlier-, checking off each item as he went. ‘Now,’ he added, addressing the group properly this time. ‘We just need the boombox for the music and-‘

‘More drinks!’ Sirius shouted over him from his perch on a side-lined desk across the room. The other boys laughed as Remus scowled back at him. ‘No, prat, you’ve bought more than enough. We need people.’ 

Remus looked around the room. What had been an empty classroom two hours ago, had been enlarged, re-organised, decorated and made silent from the outside to any unwelcome ears. Remus prided himself on how well he had managed to put this together.

‘Okay well,’ James started, disrupting Remus’ train of thought. ‘I’ll go grab the Boom-whatever the fuck- from Hagrid’s, you said he’ll be expecting me to pick it up?’

Remus nodded.

‘Cool,’ James continued. ‘Then we can work on putting those amplifying spells on it, yeah?’ 

Remus nodded again, and James walked out of the room, whistling some muggle tune as he went.

‘This is going to be awesome.’ Sirius grinned, ‘Big party with everyone here, well almost everyone, and as long as the teachers don’t realise, which they won’t because Moony’s spells are ace,’

Remus frowned and rubbed his temple. ‘They better not or we are all dead.’

Sirius leapt off his table and walked over, throwing his arm over Remus. ‘They won’t Rem, you planned this all right? Down to a T, plus you told the prefects they could all come if they didn’t tell didn’t you?’

‘Everyone apart from-‘

‘The Slytherin ones I know. I know.’ Sirius went to ruffle his friend’s hair, but Remus, being much taller than Sirius, ducked out of way before he could even touch him, stepping on Sirius’ foot as he went. The two boys then played around the room, chasing each other trying to step on each other’s toes, giggling as they went.  
Peter, who was still organising things on the overcrowded table of food, looked confused.

‘Why are we throwing a party again?’

‘Because,’ Sirius replied , stepping away, defeated, from Remus. ‘We can. Plus, it’s Remus’ birthday pretty soon.. and isn’t that muggle thingy coming up? Easor or something?’

‘Easter.’ Remus corrected. ‘And my birthday isn’t for weeks, Pads. Neither is Easter for that matter..’

‘Right..’ Peter said, still unsure. ‘So why are we having a party?’

‘Well, Sirius has gone two weeks now without getting a detention for lashing out at people, and James and I thought that we should reward him.’ Remus said, a smile growing.

‘Excuse me?’ Sirius gasped. ‘I’m not some child you can give sweets to when I’ve been a good boy!’

‘Yeah, you sort of are Padfoot..’

A cheeky smile grew on Sirius’ lips as he swung his legs back and forth. ‘Yeah.. I suppose I am.’

‘Wait?’ Peter said, finally looking up, satisfied with his table. ‘But didn’t Sirius and James get detention two days ago for throwing the baby blast ended skrewts at Snivellus?’

‘Fucking hell Wormy, you weren’t supposed to tell him that!’ James groaned from the doorway, half hidden by the massive box he was carrying.

Remus raised his eyebrow, ‘Really Prongs? I’m not even going to help you with that thing, prick.’ 

‘Sorry Rem, we-AH SHIT!’

Remus smirked as James dropped the huge object onto his foot and collapsed behind it. Revenge was sweet.

 

…

‘Three, two, one.. Drink!’ Sirius and James cried in unison as they simultaneously began to chug away at two bottles of beer. Peter was in between the two, checking which one was quicker in order to claim the winner.

‘James wins.’ And he smiled as James raised his arms up triumphantly and Sirius punched him in the shoulder.

‘Sore loser.’ James giggled. 

Sirius shrugged. ‘You cheated.’ 

‘Did not!’

‘Did to!’ 

‘You are both giant toddlers.’ Remus sighed. ‘This is going to be a disaster..’

James chucked his bottle behind him and into the bin, before grinning crookedly over at Remus. ‘Come on Rem, that’s the wrong attitude, it’s starting in ten minutes.’

‘It was a terrible idea.’

‘It was your idea.’

‘You shouldn’t have listened to me! I was high as a kite!’ 

‘And whose fault is that?’

Remus grumbled to himself before frowning back up at James, his hand going over to the scar on his arm. ‘This was my terrible idea.. it’s going to be a disaster…’

‘First guests are here!’ Sirius shouted, rushing over to the closed door of the classroom. ‘Party time!’ He turned to Remus. ‘Now Moony, pick up the attitude or get lost.’ He joked.

Remus’ frowned deepened, and he looked over at James, who was still grinning. He took a deep breath.

‘Fine.’ He smiled. ‘Hand me a drink.’

 

***

‘Did you honestly believe you wouldn’t get caught?’ The professor asked, astounded.

‘Ughh….’ Peter replied.

‘In fairness, Professor,’ Sirius piped up from beside him. ‘We weren’t technically caught..’

McGonagall just snorted and wrapped her dressing gown around herself tighter. ‘Fine then Mr Black, did you honestly believe I wouldn’t find out? To be woken up in the middle of the night to this-‘

‘Again Professor,’ Sirius said, ignoring Remus’ kick at his shins. ‘Technically, it’s early Saturday morning.’

Professor McGonagall gave him the kind of glare that would wilt a flower.

 

***

With the party in full swing by 10:30 and James being suitably drunk, it was looking like a success, everyone they had wanted turned up around the corner, where Peter had quietly escorted them to the party. The room was full of chatter, music and the occasional burst of drunken laughter. James was standing, or wobbling, next to an equally inebriated Sirius who was happily chatting away with some Ravenclaw girl from the year below.

‘You know,’ Sirius enthused. ‘James here is the captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.’

The girl raised her eyebrows over at James. ‘No way! Although,’ and she smiled slightly. ‘I’ve seen you play, you’re amazing out there.’

James just rolled his eyes and gave Sirius a slight shove. ‘I’m not the captain.. yet. Thanks though, I guess.’ And he gave her a grin, she just laughed, slightly confused by the drunken boys.

‘’scuse us a second.’ Sirius said, manoeuvring James away as the girl waved slightly and walked off.

‘Mate you’re blowing this for yourself.’ Sirius whispered.

‘huh?’

‘Her,’ and Sirius pointed back over at where the girl was now standing, talking happily with another girl in the year above James knew as Pandora. ‘She’s into you and you’re fucking ruining any chance you have.’ 

‘I am not! You’re just telling lies about me!’ 

‘No, I’m bigging you up, that what friends do.’

‘Why aren’t you going for her then?’

Sirius just smiled slightly. ‘I’m trying this new thing.’ He whispered, slurring his words slightly. ‘Where I just try and get the girl I’m actually interested in.’ 

James followed Sirius’ gaze over to where Marlene was standing. She looked even better without the usual school robes on and her hair let down, holding a drink in one hand andusing the other to hold hands and dance with Lily.

‘So you actually like Marlene then?’ James asked. 

Sirius leaned back slightly. ‘Yeah, I think so.’

‘You think so?’ 

‘I mean yes, I do.. I don’t know.. I’ve never really liked a girl before? What if she isn’t interested in me? She’s told me no enough times.’

‘She is.’ Came Peter’s voice from behind them, they turned. He looked less drunk than the other two, but his stupid grin gave away how much he had had to drink. ‘I overheard her telling Lily the other day. She just doesn’t trust you.’

Sirius frowned. ‘Trust me? Why wouldn’t she trust me?’

‘Because you’re a whore.’ ‘Because you haven’t stuck with anyone longer than it takes you to cum.’ the other two said at the same time, before laughing, Sirius looked mildly embarrassed.

‘Thanks guys.’

‘No problem buddy.’ James winked, tugging his hand through his hair. Peter just smiled back at Sirius.

‘Go and talk to her Pads.’ 

‘Not if she’s just going to laugh at me like you two… Especially if the whole fucking school thinks I get around.’

‘No,’ Peter chimed in. ‘We do. So go on, prove us wrong.’

Sirius seemed to fight with himself for a second, before looking over to James, who nodded. 

‘Fine, hold my drink.’ Sirius sighed, handing his half empty vodka and coke back to James. ‘I’m going to go talk to her.’ Before starting to walk off towards the girls.

‘Cool,’ James smiled, trying to hand the two drinks he was now holding to Peter. ‘I’ll come with you and talk to Lily.’  
Sirius turned around immediately. ‘Oh no you don’t. Enough with Evans. Go talk to Clare or whatever her name was.’

James pouted slightly, but Peter nudged him. ‘Yeah go on Jamie.’

‘Fine..’ And both Sirius and James walked away in separate directions.

Peter looked around for a second, now holding three cups in his hands, which he moved to put on a nearby table, before turning to scan the crowd. Maybe he would go and chat with Remus, but he was off talking to that girl Sirius had slept with.. Dorcas was it? Anyway, he was clearly busy, so Peter instead wandered over to the now alone Lily, who smiled at him.

‘Hey Peter, how are you? Inter- Oh My God! I love this song!’ she grabbed Peter arms as a popular muggle song that Peter vaguely recognised came on. ‘Dance with me Pete.’

 

***

 

‘And Mr Potter, Mr Black, did I not hand you detention only two days ago? Clearly the message about watching your behaviour did not sink in.’

‘On the contrary Professor,’ James smiled. ‘I got the message loud and clear. No throwing animals at other students, and I have been very careful not to repeat it Ma’am.’

‘Mr Potter. As Mr Black has been so kind to point out, it’s early in the morning, and not the time for your usual shenanigans.’ Sirius giggled. ‘So I would appreciate it if you would sober yourselves up, and answer my questions seriously.’

Sirius almost collapsed he was laughing too much. McGonagall took fifteen points. 

***

‘And so that’s why I chose Arithmancy over Divination.’ She finished, although James really hadn’t heard about 90% of what she was saying, and he felt bad, she was clearly a nice girl, and very pretty, but she wasn’t half boring. James had had to resolve to look just over her shoulder at where Sirius and Marlene were deep in conversation, Sirius seeming to get more and more serious as time went on, and Marlene, James hoped, was getting more and more convinced.

‘James.’ Clare said for a second time.

James’ eyes jumped over to hers. ‘Wha- yeah sorry, sorry, that’s really interesting, I just went with Divination and Care of Magical Creatures in the end. Professor Grubbly-Plank isn’t actually half bad.’

‘Right.’ She nodded back at him, before trying to subtly shuffle close to him, smiling. ‘You know James, I hear loads of stories about you. You and your friends. You’re all practically infamous around school.’

James wanted to take a step back, but realised he was against the wall, so instead he just settled on running his hand through his hair and laughing. ‘Oh yeah? What kind of stories.’

‘All kinds,’ she murmured, her face now dangerously close to his.

He smirked. ‘Yeah well, I bet those are just the ones people pass around, we keep the best ones to ourselves.’ He was trying to tempt her into yet more conversation. Why? He wanted to kiss her didn’t he? He liked kissing girls.. obviously.. he should just want to kiss her, get it over with anyway.

‘You should tell me about those later then.’ She leaned ever further in. Fuck it. He thought. Might as well if he really had to. 

Her lips were soft, but slightly wet in a way that wasn’t very comfortable, and her tongue was already in his mouth before he had even really opened it. Merlin, she was keen, she wrapped her arms around her neck in order to get closer to him and he robotically put his arms around her waist, already wondering how long she would want to go on like this for. Her head had bumped his glasses off his nose slightly and they were now pressed uncomfortably to the side of his face. He opened his eyes. Shit, no you shouldn’t open your eyes when you’re kissing someone, so James took one last look before he would close them again bu- He pulled away and almost knocked the poor girl over he moved so fast.

‘Look!’ he shouted, suddenly smiling again, pushing his glasses back into place and fighting the urge to wipe his face. ‘Look-ah fuck where is Peter. Look, he’s kissing her!’

And sure enough, over on the other side of the room, Sirius was kissing Marlene and looked like he was enjoying himself much more than James was, who was turning around to look at Clare again, who looked less than pleased at the abrupt ending to the kiss.

‘Hey I’m really sorry I didn’t mean to-‘

‘It’s fine.’ She snapped back, clearly it wasn’t and James felt a twinge of guilt. He reached over just too his left and picked up an unopened bottle of tequila, opened it and took a swig, he was going to need to be drunker for this.

‘Here,’ he held it out to her. ‘Drink some, forget how rude I was and we can start again.’ He attempted a grin, and she smiled back at him little.

‘Alright I- wait, what are they all doing here?’

James turned, and his stomach dropped as he spotted the new guests. Severus had walked in first, his eyes narrowed as he looked around at everyone, Nott, Rosier, Crouch and Regulus all walked in after him, the same smug expressions planted on each of their faces.   
James’ eyes lingered on Regulus for a second longer. He had been spending weeks now pushing the boy as far out of his mind as possible, but it wasn’t very successful. He had replayed their last conversation over and over again in his mind, wondering what if.. what if.. and every scenario was different. But it didn’t matter, James had shouted, and berated and finally given the Black a piece of his mind, and it had almost cost him Sirius. James had sworn he would never speak to Regulus again. But even that hadn’t stopped him thinking about him. Even now, he briefly wondered if Regulus had seen him kissing that girl, but he didn’t know why that would matter.

Serverus smiled and said something to Barty who grinned before replying to him, but the music was too loud and James was too far away to hear what they were saying.

‘Sorry.’ James mumbled, still clutching the bottle of tequila. ‘I have to go.’ He didn’t wait for Clare’s reply.

Pushing through the hordes of people, and keeping his eyes fixed on the group in front, James attempted to get to them before they could integrate themselves, but Remus got there first.

‘Hey.’ He called out. ‘You weren’t invited.’

Barty stuck out his bottom lip. ‘Boo hoo.’ he replied sarcastically. ‘Special Remus’ special party is ruined, whatever will we do.’ And the remainder of the group laughed along with him.

Remus opened his mouth to shout back at them, but James had already reached him and he stuck his finger out in what he hoped was a threatening way. ‘Fuck off the lot of you.’

This time it was Severus who sneered back at him. ‘Or what Potter, you’ll tell on us?’

‘Or I’ll beat the crap out of you that’s what.’

‘I’d like to see you try.’

‘Pathetic Sniv, you couldn’t throw a punch even if you devoted all that tiny brain power to it.’

‘Yeah good one Potter, trying to show off in front of that girl you were just assaulting?’

So they had seen. James’ eyes flickered to Regulus. ‘No..’ he eyeballed Snape again. ‘Just telling it like it is. Go on creep, put your wand away and come at me. I’ll knock you out in five seconds.’

‘Too bad your wand work doesn’t match your mouth you arrogant shit.’

‘Too bad your di-‘

‘What is going on?’ Lily asked from behind James, he hadn’t heard them, but as he spun around he saw that Lily and Peter had joined them.

Severus’ face seemed to fall slightly. ‘Lily. Why are you here?’

Lily looked slightly sheepish, but walked forward next to James anyway. ‘Because I was invited.’ She replied.

‘Who cares?’ Crouch moaned. ‘I just want to see Potter try and hit someone. This will be funny.’

‘No one is hitting anyone.’ Remus insisted.

‘Sev,’ Lily pleaded. ‘This is stupid, why are you here? Just leave, your causing trouble.’

‘No.’ Rosier suddenly piped up. ‘Why have a party if you’re not going to invite everyone? Besides, you don’t let us in and we tell McGonagall.’ 

‘Don’t Severus.’ Lily begged. ‘We’ll all get in trouble for being out of bed anyway.’ 

‘Why are you defending him Lily?’ Severus accused.

‘Defending him?’ Lily shouted. ‘Why is this about him? I’m trying to help you.’

‘You two been here talking this whole time and you don’t even want to see me?’

‘Exactly.’ James added, too drunk to really understand himself. ‘So fuck off Severus and leave me get off with Lily in peace.’  
James barely noticed Nott walk out before both Lily and Severus had rounded on him.

‘Fuck off James! I haven’t said one word to you all night!’

‘You’re repulsive, Potter.’

‘You’re such a prat Potter, why would you say that you disgusting-’

James could only just see Severus’ fist out of the corner of his eye because he had turned to Lily, but he didn’t have to worry, because Remus shoved him back before he could get anywhere near him.

‘Yeah good one, Snivellus.’ Peter snorted. ‘You were only about 2 meters off target that time.’

‘Closer than you’ve ever been to actually being wanted, weirdo.’ 

James turned to look at Regulus, who had just spoken to Peter. How dare he speak to him like that? How dare he attack Peter? James lunged, but Sirius, who James hadn’t even realised was anywhere nearby, punched Regulus in the face before he got there.

‘You fucking speak to my best friend like that again and I will kill, you do you understand you pathetic loser? Come near me or him. And I kill you.’

Everyone seemed frozen as they watched the two brothers, Sirius holding Regulus by the scruff of his t-shirt as Regulus resisted the need to hold his face, each looking at the other with as much contempt as they could. Then like that, Regulus spat at Sirius, his saliva landing right on Sirius’ cheek, who let go of him in shock. Regulus dropped to the ground and James only just stopped himself from walking forward to help him up before the younger boy looked up again, his eyes flickered to James, and then back to Sirius.

‘Careful Potter.’ He said quietly. ‘One wrong move and he’ll fuck your life up too.’

Suddenly one of the Hufflepuff sixth years had broken through between the Slytherins. 

‘Everyone out! Nott told Slughorn! Quick he’s coming now!’

James suddenly became aware someone had turned the music down, and that almost everyone that had been at the party had gathered behind the marauders, ready to watch whatever fight broke out next. Why did these thing always end like this?

‘Shit.’ He whispered as someone behind him screamed and everyone surged forwards, pushing behind in a desperate attempt to exit the room. James twisted to catch a glimpse of Remus. ‘Looks like the party is over then!’ Remus just looked terrified as he grabbed onto Peter’s arm. James bent down and hoisted Sirius up away from where he had been bent over his brother moments before. 

‘Time to go Pads.’   
Sirius nodded.

They rushed forward with the rest of the people trying to get out, James making sure Remus and Peter were behind him until;

‘Shit! The room!’ Remus shouted.

‘What about it?’ James cried out.

‘My list! My list for the room! I left it in there, you put my name on it!’

‘For fucks sake!’ James cursed. He looked to see what Remus going to do, but at that moment the people seemed to press forward even more, and James and Sirius were thrust into the open air of the corridor.

‘Did you see where the other two went?’ Sirius asked, out of breath as people sped past him to get away. 

‘No.’ James replied.

‘James.’ Sirius said, and James tore his eyes away from the doorway. ‘There isn’t any point in us all getting caught…’

‘I know.’

‘We have to go.’

‘I know.’

In the distance James could hear Slughorn shouting and screaming as students zipped past him, trying desperately to catch one or at least reach the classroom. One final tug form Sirius and thye ran off.

‘Quidditch pitch.’ James panted. Sirius nodded and they ran on.

 

***  
‘So, Mr Lupin.’ McGonagall continued. ‘You have been unusually quiet. Do you not have some clever loophole or excuse to share with us?’ 

Remus, whose eyes had been boring a hole in the floor up till now, looked over at his favourite Professor. He opened his mouth, but only then realised he had nothing to say, so shut it again and resolved to just shaking his head.   
McGonagall sighed.

‘So. What, Mr Lupin,’ she said, fishing something out of the dressing gown pocket. ‘Can you tell me about this?’ And she held out a badly crumpled sheet of parchment, partially illegible from the large shoeprint on it, but at the top you could clearly see written: Party Planning- Checklist, Remus Lupin.

James looked over at Remus, who had gone white as a sheet and was gripping his scarred forearm like there was no tomorrow.

***

James and Sirius collapsed onto the Quidditch pitch sweaty and out of breath. They had run the whole way there, and as they had got further and further from the site of the party, the noises had become harder and harder to hear. The pitch was drowned in darkness and so Sirius quickly reached into his pocket for his wand.

‘Lumos maxima.’ Before throwing it a few feet away and returning to lying down in the damp grass.

James sat up. ‘Jesus.’ Sirius nodded.

‘I hope Moony and Wormtail are okay.’

‘They always are Prongs.’

‘I’m worried, maybe we should go back?’

‘And get caught?’

At this moment, James became aware that after all this time, he was still grasping the mostly full bottle of tequila from earlier. The memory of kissing Clare seemed like a lifetime ago. He held it out to Sirius.

‘Drink?’

‘Yes please.’ Sirius sat up with him, and clutched the bottle, taking a big sip of the yellowy liquid. ‘Ah.. burns.’

‘Good kind of burn though.’

‘The best.’ 

They sat quietly for a minute, taking turns sipping form the bottle until it was a third empty. James was pulling at loose piece of grass, whilst Sirius hummed and drummed away to an unknown song on his legs. Finally, tired of the quiet, James stood up and walked towards the stands of seats.

‘What are you doing?’

‘I hide my stuff under here after practice sometimes.’ James said, carefully pulling a broom and quaffle out from under one of the beams on the Ravenclaw post. ‘Helps to have it nearby so I don’t have to carry it down every time.’ Sirius stood up and stumbled over to join him. 

‘Nice yeah.’   
They stood staring at the equipment.

‘I punched my brother.’ Sirius suddenly said, taking another swig of the bottle afterwards. 

‘He deserved it.’ James replied.

‘Yeah..’ Sirius cocked his head. ‘I’ve never punched him before. I hit him when we were kids and just mucking about.. but I’ve never punched him.’

‘He deserved it.’ James repeated, more for himself than Sirius. ’He was wrong you know?’ He then said, looking over at the pale boy. ‘There is nothing in this world you could do to fuck my life up.’ Sirius just seemed to nod slightly, unconvinced, so James moved on  
‘You kissed Marlene.’

Sirius sighed. ‘Yeah.’

‘You don’t sound pleased about it.’

‘No.. I am. I just don’t know what it means.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well what am I supposed to do now? We live in the same fucking common room, it’s not like I should wait three days to call her or something.’

‘True. What do you want to do?’

‘No clue.’ Sirius shrugged. James could tell it was the truth, this was exactly the kind of thing Sirius got lost at, relationships. James had always understood that Sirius was scared of them, terrified even. Afraid of being let down, or abandoned, like he had so many times, and James had worked so hard to prove wouldn’t happen to him again, not from the Potters.

‘You kissed that girl.’

‘I did.’

‘How was it?’

James ran his hand through his hair. ‘Great I suppose.’

Sirius knew better. ‘You don’t like her then?’

James looked down at his feet where he had dropped his quaffle. He had had it signed by the chaser of the Chudley Cannons and was always showing it off to his other team mates, but in the dark you couldn’t see the black shimmering writing. James kicked the quaffle across the ground.

‘It’s not that I don’t like her..’

‘What are you doing?’

‘That thing.’ James said, waving his arms about. ‘The thingy Pete showed us, where the muggles kick the ball around and put it in nets.’

‘Football?’

‘Yeah, that one.’ 

Sirius nodded, before kicking the ball back at James. He wasn’t very good at it though, just like he hadn’t been when Peter had showed them over summer, and he managed to kick up some of the well-kept pitch grass with it. He passed James the bottle, who gulped some more of the tequila down, and swayed dangerously and he kicked the ball, which missed Sirius entirely and hit the goalpost with a loud clang, leaving a muddy mark across it. Sirius giggled.

‘You were saying..’

‘I was saying what?’

‘About Clarissa.’

‘I thought her name was Clare?’

Sirius shook his head, kicking up another clump of soil. ‘No fucking clue mate.’

James looked back over at the dark castle, so foreboding from down here. ‘I hope Rem and Wormy are okay.’

‘James.’

‘Yeah yeah.. she was nice I just wasn’t that interested in her in that sort of way.’

‘You never are Jamie.’

‘I like Lily.’

‘Do you?’

‘Yeah, she’s smart and funny and…kind and…clever..’

‘James, you don’t like Lily.’

‘I do! I would sleep with Lily.’ James claimed, trying to swoop down and pick the quaffle back up, but as he bent he lost his balance and managed to fall flat on his face, his feet slipping in newly kicked up mud.

‘Okay,’ Sirius snickered, drinking some more. ‘You like Lily. What about other people?’

‘What do you mean, other people?’ James asked as Sirius pulled him back up, both boys leaning on each other for support.

‘Well, are you romantically interested in other people?’

‘Yes, of course.’

‘What kind of people?’

‘Ugh, Padfoot, I don’t know! Pretty girls!’

Sirius let out his bark of a laugh as James snatched the bottle back off him. ‘Sure thing. What about people other than pretty girls.’

‘Sirius.’ James slurred. ‘I have no shitting idea what you-‘

‘I’m asking you if you like boys, James.’

James blinked, assuming he had misheard. ‘What?’

‘Boys. Like males, guys, people with dicks, two balls and a p-‘

‘Yeah yeah okay I get it.’ James looked down and started to kick away at a small hole either he or Sirius had created, making it bigger and bigger as he removed more of the dirt around it, not that he could really see what he was doing in the pitch black.

‘So?’

‘I-You-I-Why would you even ask that?’

‘Because you barely even look twice at attractive girls, you show no interest in kissing, let alone fucking any of them and you avert your eyes whenever Peter shows us those muggle magazines with boobs in them.’

‘Just because I don’t want to look at Peter’s porn doesn’t mean I-‘ James was cut off by a body slamming into his. Sirius only kissed him for no more than three seconds, it was warm and short and sweet and James couldn’t even breathe. Sirius’ breath tasted like alcohol and the cigarette he smoked earlier that day, but he was gone before James could even register he was there.

‘So,’ Sirius smiled, stepping away from his stunned friend. ‘How was that.’

‘What the- you- how could- the FUCK man!’ James spluttered, swiping away at his mouth. ‘Wh ydid-you-do-that!’

Sirius just grinned. ‘Did you like it? Or was it still boring?’

‘You’re gross.’

‘It’s the tequila, makes you do wild things.’

‘Yeah no shit.’

‘Well?’

‘You’re a shit kisser.’

‘Am not!’

‘Are too!’

Sirius laughed and drank some more, before James took the bottle off him and drank as much as he could to wash the taste away.

‘I didn’t like kissing you.’

‘That’s okay, I didn’t like kissing you either, brother.’

‘Ew, is it like incest?’

Sirius frowned. ‘Maybe.’

James giggled. ‘We totally just incested.’

Sirius giggled along with him. ‘That’s not a word.’

‘Incested.’ Both the boys laughed and collapsed onto the now muddy and potholed section of the Quidditch pitch, illuminated only by the faint glow of Sirius’ no far away wand. 

‘incesteddddd’ Sirius sang happily.

‘Incestednesssss.’ James sand along. Both the boys lay there for another ten minutes, singing away in awful tune and constantly drinking until the entirety of the bottle was finished, by which point James was struggling to see straight. What had happened? It was just a little while ago something important happened… oh he couldn’t remember any more, probably best he just lie here. Sirius sat up next to him.

‘I’m gonna puke.’

James sniggered. ‘Okay wait I’ll hold your hair back darling.’ And sat up to half-heartedly help. Sirius stood up and almost fell over again, clutching his stomach. He could faintly hear someone walking towards him, or was it with him? It was probably just James stumbling next to him, if he could just go to the side and- too late. Sirius vomited the contents of his stomach out onto the grass, or what he thought was the grass, as James chortled away behind him.

Someone coughed, and Sirius looked up. A very revolted Remus was looking down at him, or down at his now ruined shoes, Sirius couldn’t tell, and next to him, an extremely disgruntled McGonagall was staring at him.

‘Mr Black.’ She growled. ‘Mr Potter.’ She nodded towards the still chuckling James. ‘The four of you, my office, now.’

 

***

So now the four boys stood in a row behind Professor McGonagall’s desk, James and Sirius still slightly damp from the grass, Remus still smelling of sick. The walk back to her office had sobered James and Sirius a little, though clearly not enough to make them think before they spoke, which they rarely did anyway. 

‘Mr Lupin, an answer?’ 

‘I….Its a list Professor.’

McGonagall tucked away a loose strand of hair that had fallen out of her make shift bun. ‘And you wrote it?’

Remus didn’t answer, she sighed. ‘Mr Lupin did you write this list to keep track of the items you smuggled into school in order to throw this party?’

Remus remained silent.

‘Did you?’

James looked over at Remus again, he looked like he might cry.

‘Alright. Mr Lupin in light of these events and this,’ she held the list up one last time, before placing it into a draw on the desk. ‘If you can’t explain yourself then I have no choice but to relive you of your Prefects duties effective immediately-‘

The room exploded. ‘What! No!’ ‘You can’t do that!’ ‘Hey hold on a second.’ ‘Wait what! Not that,’ But Remus just kept staring at the floor, there was definitely water in his eyes now.

‘I can, and I will. You cannot be having illegal gatherings during the night- trying to organise and plan them of all things- and expect to get away with it! Be quiet Mr Black I am not finished.’ Sirius shut his mouth.

But James didn’t ‘No wait-‘ He interrupted. ‘This wasn’t Remus’ idea.’

‘I’m aware Mr Potter, that is why all four of you are here and not just him.’

‘No, no I mean he had nothing to do with it.’

She raised her eyebrows, ‘I don’t think-‘

But James was feeling but more sober all of a sudden, and desperate. ‘Look at that sheet! You teach us, you know that’s not his handwriting. It’s mine. I wrote it and gave to Moo-Remus as a joke. To annoy him because he didn’t want me to throw a party. I was the one who did it, just me. It was a surprise for Sirius and Peter and Remus tried to stop me but I didn’t listen, because I’m dumb like that. But you can’t take being a prefect away from Remus because it was nothing to do with him, he is an innocent bystander and.. and I’ll boycott if you do.’ He finished on what he hoped was a dramatic note, but James was still having trouble keeping his balance and so couldn’t be sure. Sirius was just gaping over at him, as was Peter.

‘Yeah, I’ll boycott too.’ Sirius added. Remus looked up.

‘What no it was-‘

‘Alright Mr Potter,’ McGonagall frowned. ‘You’ve convinced me. Mr Lupin.’ And she looked over at Remus, whose mouth was hanging open in shock. ‘You may resume your prefect duties. But you were still out of bed, and did not report this ‘party’ to a member of staff. Detention for a month. The same goes for you Mr Pettigrew.’ And Peter nodded. ‘Mr Black, consuming alcohol on school ground and vandalising the Quidditch pitch as well as being out of bed, you will have detention for a month and you will now be in charge of the Quidditch pitch and equipment maintenance for the remainder of the year. Every day you will report to Madame Hooch to see if she has any jobs for you.’ Sirius looked like he might argue, but thought better of it. ‘And James,’ here, McGonagall looked the most disappointed, and James’ stomach swirled. ‘You’re suspended form the Quidditch team for the remainder of the school term. You will not be making Quidditch captain this year. You have detention for five weeks, and you will be joining Mr Filch for all of today to clean up the mess you have made in the classroom on the fifth floor, so take a cold shower and I expect you to be with him in less than 20 minutes.’

Being taken off the Quidditch team was like a kick in the stomach, but James didn’t think he could have expected anything less. Still, it felt like shit, and everyone looked exactly the same as James felt.

‘I’m sorry Professor, I didn’t mean it to get this out of hand.’ 

‘Maybe you should have thought of that before, Mr Potter.’

‘Yeah, maybe..’

‘You can all leave now.’

The four of them turned on their heels and slowly began to trudge out of the office, James and Sirius leaving a muddy trail where they walked. Remus kept glancing over at James, but he hadn’t noticed. Sirius was starting to rub his head, a bad headache coming on.

‘Oh, and you should probably know.’ The professor called as they began to walk out the door. ‘The healer seems to have run out of Pepper Up Potions for the week, and so I’m afraid there isn’t much we can do about any hangovers you may have for the time being. What a shame.’

James just smiled and shook his head. Figures.

Minerva sat back down in her large chair behind her desk. Pushing her spectacles back up her nose with one hand before collapsing her head into it. She took a deep breath.

‘Oh Potter, what are you doing.’ 

 

…

 

James stepped out the freezing cold shower of the Gryffindor changing rooms. He had always preferred these showers to the one in his dorm, but that wasn’t the only reason he had come down here. He supposed this was the last time he would be here for a while now, if he wasn’t going to be playing Quidditch again until the summer. Crap, that would mean he was going to miss the match against Ravenclaw in a few weeks.. and the reserve chaser was rubbish. Everyone on the team was going to be so angry with him.

Feeling less-light headed, James opened the small cupboard he kept his running clothes in down here and threw on some shorts and a worn out t-shirt he was pretty sure used to be Sirius’, before walking out the room and heading in the direction of the fifth floor. Cleaning all day with Filtch was going to be horrendous, but nothing was going to be worse than the bollocking Remus was going to give him when he got back to the dorm this evening. He already looked furious when they had parted ways outside McGonagall’s office, and James was pretty sure he wouldn’t have calmed down by the time he got back.

Just as he reached the top of the stairs, James spotted Regulus walking down the corridor, he was limping slightly the area under his left eye was a swollen mass of bruising, but other than that he looked okay. James’ stomach dropped. Regulus looked up. His eyes grew slightly wider, and James saw the grey iris’ catch the morning light, but then Regulus turned around and was walking the other way. Something inside James told him that he shouldn’t let him go.

‘Wait.’

Regulus stopped.’

‘Turn around, idiot. Let me see your face.’

Regulus didn’t want to turn around. He didn’t need James on top of everyone else gloating about how good a punch Sirius had got in, the evidence was enough. But something inside him made him turn anyway. James features seemed to soften from his initial look of anger when he got another glimpse of the wound.

‘Hold on,’ James said, reaching into his pocket for his wand. ‘Your cheekbone is broken.’

‘It is not.’

James raised his eyebrow. ‘Yes it is.’

‘It’s just bruised, leave me alone.’

‘Acting all tough are we now? Hold still I’m going to fix it.’

‘It’s not broken!’

‘Stop it, it is.’

‘How would you know?’

James sighed. ‘Because Sirius had exactly the same problem two summers ago when your Father hit him in the face with a belt.’

Regulus froze on the spot. ‘How did you-‘

‘Who do you think fixed it then? Hold still. Episkey.’

Regulus cried out as his bone snapped back into place and his hand shot to his face.

‘I-I don’t need your help.’

‘Clearly not.’ James snorted. He put his wand back in his pocket and brushed past Regulus, walking towards the classroom.

‘Potter.’ James stopped. ‘I’m sorry I was rude about your friend.’

James rolled his eyes. ‘What is it with you and apologising after you act like a brat? Don’t you ever just stop?’ Regulus didn’t reply. ‘Anyways, why are you saying sorry to me? It’s Peter and Sirius you need to be saying this to. Go and talk to your brother.’

‘It’s easier talking to you.’

James’ breath hitched. ‘What?’

Regulus shrugged. ‘It’s just easier to talk to you. Something about you is just… easier.’

James furrowed his brow. Why was Regulus doing this? He needed to stop before… James wasn’t sure what.

‘There’s nothing easy about this, Regulus.’

This time he walked on, and didn’t stop or look back.

 

…

 

‘This wasn’t an opportunity for your hero complex to kick in James!’

‘I know I-‘

‘No! You don’t get to just.. just … step in and make it all better! I need to be held accountable!’

‘Moony it wasn-‘

‘It was my fault! I should get in trouble not you! Stop taking the blame!’

‘I was just trying to h-‘

‘I don’t need your help! Stop trying to help!’

‘You didn’t deserve-‘

‘Of course I deserved it! It was my idea! I shouldn’t be a prefect. I’m telling McGonagall the truth.’

‘No you’re not!’

‘Yes I am!’

‘Remus..’

‘No! She shouldn’t have made me one in the first place! What was she expecting? A werewolf as a prefect.. it was a stupid idea of hers and I knew it and now I’ve just proved I’m extra unsuitable for the role. So I’m quitting.’

‘You’re not quitting Rem.’

‘Stop dictating what I can and can’t do!’

They had been going around in circles like this for the past ten minutes. James was exhausted, hungover, and generally in a terrible mood. Filtch hadn’t let him stop to even eat all day as he had shifted through the piles of rubbish and cleaned the entire place up. It was well past curfew when James had finally managed to break away and get back to a waiting Remus.

He sat down on his bed, running his hand through his hair, glancing over to Sirius and Peter, who had been playing cards as Sirius had a cigarette out of the dormitory window, but had stopped to watch the fight.

Remus looked flustered as he paced about the small room, his hand pressing down again and again on his already bruised arm.

‘Stop touching your arm Rem.’

‘Shut up James.’ But Remus shoved his hands into his pockets anyway.

‘Remus. You were saying just yesterday how being a Prefect is practically the only thing that still keeps you sane.’

‘I was over-exaggerating.’

‘No you weren’t.’

Remus groaned. ‘Does it matter? I shouldn’t have the job anyway.’

‘Don’t you get it Moony? I just want you to be okay. I’m trying to help.’

‘You’re too helpful for your own good.’

‘You’re probably right.’ James admitted. ‘But I don’t care about the Quidditch Remus- I don’t.-‘ He added when he saw Remus getting ready to shout again. ‘I did it with good intentions.’

‘You can’t just play the martyr whenever you feel like it, James.’

James grinned. ‘Good thing I don’t believe in God then.’

‘I’m serious.’

‘No, I am.’

‘SHUT UP PADFOOT’

Remus exhaled and sat down on his own bed, still glaring at James. ‘You can’t do that again.’

James nodded. ‘Okay. Whatever you want Rem, I just don’t think you need this right now. Not with everything going on at home.’  
Remus’ eyes misted over as he thought for a second, then nodded. ‘Okay.’ He voice smaller than before, before it picked up again, ‘Also, you have to stop stealing my chocolate.’

‘Haven’t I already been punished enough?’ James moped, though his grin had not entirely vanished.

Remus smiled. ‘Nope.’


	14. Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mini Chapter after being away for so long.. I'm sorry!!!

The next morning at breakfast, everyone was staring all talking about the party and how much trouble the marauders and everyone else had gotten in, no doubt all blaming James and Sirius for the misfortune, and the destroyed Quidditch pitch . But it wasn’t as if Remus wasn’t used to people staring at him. Ever since he had joined Hogwarts the kids had stared, heck long before then the kids had stared at him. It had used to make him feel so unbearably uncomfortable, like all he would wish for in those moments was to crawl of his skin and run away, leave behind the scars that trace across his body, his own personal map of horrors. Very few people at school had ever summoned up the courage to ask him about them though, many just glanced and quickly looked away, but Remus could always feel their eyes burning the back of his neck a few minutes later. 

In fact, the first person to ever publically acknowledge the large gash that traced across Remus’ nose was Sirius, who had pointed it out on the first breakfast Remus had ever attended at his new school.  
‘Hey new kid!’ Sirius had smiled, ‘look, we match’ he had then lifted up the right arm of his arm to show off a similarly shaped scar across the upper part of his arm. ‘What did you do to deserve yours?’ he then asked.  
Remus had just shook his head and gone back to his cereal, his cheeks burning as he fought the urge to run away and cry. It was so embarrassing, now Sirius and James and Peter were looking at him, drawing even more attention. Now everyone would stare and think he was freak.  
‘It’s pretty cool Lupin.’ James had added. ‘You look badass.’  
Remus looked up again, no one had ever called the scars cool, let alone badass. His mouth fell open.

The memory would sometimes make Remus smile, and others he would just roll his eyes. Those two, the biggest pair of idiots Remus had ever met. But they were also the only people who had thought that the way Remus looked was cool, the only people who ever just naturally assumed that Remus’ scars were something to be proud of, a positive rather than the enormous burden Remus felt they were. He looked over at the two of them, four years later and they were still the biggest idiots, sitting there bickering over whether Sirius was wearing James’ tie or not, seemingly oblivious to the pairs of eyes all staring over at them. He knew they could tell people were staring, he also knew that they probably didn’t care, and Remus realised that he didn’t really care either. Not with these three boys next to him. 

‘Its James’ tie, it has that ink stain on the bottom from when Peter dunked it into his inkwell by mistake.’

‘Thank you Remus!’ James shouted triumphantly. ‘Told you.’ 

Sirius just rolled his eyes and shovelled more food into his mouth before standing up and brushing himself off.  
‘Whatever, I’m off.’ 

‘Where are you going?’ Peter asked.

Sirius just wiggled his eyebrows and glanced over to where Marlene and Mary were getting up to leave. 

‘No, you’re not.’ 

‘’Scuse me Moony?’ Sirius grinned.

‘I said, you’re not leaving to go and chase after Marlene, you need to go and see Madame Hooch.’

Sirius’ face fell notably. He had spent all of yesterday going around and replacing the soil and replanting the grass on his hands and knees, not allowed to use magic at the Quidditch teachers strict instruction.

‘Sirius.’ Remus warned.

Sirius looked over at James, who just shrugged his shoulders, quite enjoying himself. He sighed, looking back over at Remus. ‘Fine… Mum’ Before twirling on the spot and walking off. Remus doubted Sirius would reach Madame Hooch without making a few pit stops along the way, but he didn’t have enough energy to go and monitor him. Instead, he just looked over at Peter.

‘Come on Pete, we have a free, let's go and do some revision.’

Peter, exactly the same way Sirius had done, looked over at James before sighing and slumping over. ‘Whyyyyyy.’

‘Because you haven’t even started on Herbology yet and our exams are in less than two months!’

‘Two months! You said it was less than nine weeks last time! How has the time gone that fast!’

James snorted and looked over at his friend. ‘Good thing you didn’t take arithmancy Peter, you would have needed to start revising for that one awhile ago.’

Remus kicked him under the table. ‘Don’t be a twat James, besides don’t you have a detention to get to?’ 

James looked confused. ‘I thought that was in the evenings?’

‘No,’ Peter chimed in, mildly offended by that last remark. ‘You just chose to ignore the message McGonagall sent you about it being changed to 9am and pretend you think it is still in the evening.’

James grinned. ‘You know me so well Wormtail.’

‘Too well if you ask me.’

Just as Peter spoke, his eyes drifted away from James’ face and over to the Ravenclaw table behind them, where two boys were pointing and whispering away, staring directly at the three marauders ahead of them. Peter blushed. Remus noticed and turning to see what had made Peter so red and he too saw the sight. He also saw the numerous other students doing the exact same thing. This was all his fault, his stupid idea to have the party… but as he opened his mouth to tell Peter to stop looking James started shouting.

‘What is it? Have I got something on my head? No? Then can I help you with something or are you just all staring at me for the fun of it?’ Before rising from his seat slightly and twiddling his wand between his fingers. All the heads in the Great Hall suddenly shot back down onto their plates, and James sat again.

‘Yeah, you’re right Moons, I better go to this thing.’ He said, the small smile not entirely vanished from his face. ‘Peter, you should go do some revision.’

Remus nodded along with him. ‘Maybe we could try and keep a low profile for a few weeks, you know?’ 

James just shook his head. ‘Moony, don’t ask too much of me, I’m going to the detention alright.’

Remus just laughed as James got off, gave quick mock salute and began to walk out of the hall, then sea of eyes once again firmly fixated on him.

‘Later, Mum!’

 

James had barely made it three meters out before yet another voice called out to him.

‘James!’  
He turned and looked as Dorcas Meadowes, once again, came walking up to him, looking slightly sheepish.

‘Oh, hey Dork, can I call you Dork?’

‘Um-’

‘Doesn’t matter, it’s not very original, I’ll think of something better later.’

‘Right..Okay.’

She didn’t speak again, and james immediately felt like filling the silence, but she beat him to it.

‘So how are you James?’

James frowned, he really couldn’t remember the last time another student had stopped to chat about how james was feeling. ‘Fine.. I guess.. You? How are things with you and Andrew?’

Dorcas looked at the floor. ‘Non-existent, but that’s probably for the best.’

James nodded, aware that again there were students looking and pointing at him.

‘How is Sirius then?’

James couldn’t help the little smile that slipped out. So that was why she had stopped him, she noticed.

‘No, no! I didn’t mean- I just.. Is it true he is going out with Marlene McKinnon now? Not that I care I just want to know..’

James shook his head. ‘Usually when a girl says that she is lying you know.’

Dorcas smiled. ‘True, but I am not, I’m trying to work up to something else.’

James frowned. ‘Right?’

Dorcas shifted uncomfortably on her feet. ‘You know my friend Heather?’

‘Can’t say I do..’

‘Liar.’

‘What? No, I really don’t know anyone called Heather.’

‘That’s rich considering I saw you kissing her at your stupid party James.’

Oh shit. She was called Heather.. Where had Sirius got Clare from?

‘Oh right.. Now you mention it.’

‘Whatever. She wanted to know if you liked her.’

‘What?!’

‘I know it’s very third year and kinda dumb, but she hasn’t been with many guys and she is shy and wanted me to ask you if you like her.. Do you?’

‘I- er..’

‘Just a yes or no will be fine.’

‘Alright cupid I get it… well I mean she is very nice and all… I just don’t think I’m really looking for anything ri-’

‘I’ll that as a no, okay, see you later James.’

And she just walked off. James remained standing there for a few seconds longer. What the fuck was that?

Some people.

 

James was inevitably late for his detention, and was surprised to find himself down in the dungeons, not up in a classroom or something like he usually was. Assuming Slughorn would be waiting for him in there, james pushed open the door, but was hugely disappointed to find none-other than Snivellus standing inside the classroom reading a thin book James was pretty sure was a NEWT textbook.

Snape looked up. ‘Oh you have to be fucking kidding me.’

‘Get out Snivellus I have a detention in here.’

‘For fucks sake Potter you stupid shit.’

‘Did I stutter? I said get out.’ 

The two boys glared at each other as Professor Slughorn walked in behind James.

‘Ah! You are both here! Excellent.’

‘Not really.’ Severus muttered under his breath and James had the urge to hex him right there and then.

‘Sorry I'm late, I’m sure you will be aware by now what is happening though and won’t mind if just go again then yes?’

‘What?’

‘Actually Professor, Potter was as late as you are.’

‘Snitch.’

‘Idiot.’

‘Boys!’ The Professor cried over the two, before casting a glance down at James. ‘Very well then Mr Potter, I should inform you that due to your recent scores in potions Professor McGonagall and I decided a befitting punishment would be to have you get some private tutoring by one of our top students.’

James’ heart sunk.

‘I don’t want it. What scores? I’ve been doing fine all year?’

‘Yes well, that's what I had thought, but when I went to exam the work I have recently collected off you Potter, it has been of the poor quality that I have had no choice but to reassess.’

James’ mouth fell open, poor quality? His work had been perfect, great even, if he did say so himself, what was going on? But Slughorn already looked uncomfortable, being in the hostile room had made him skittish so he just quickly said,

‘Right, well now that that is sorted, I’ll leave you two to it.’

‘What, no Professor,’

‘Wait no don’t-’

But he had already slipped out of the door and run off down the hall, leaving James and Severus alone.

James just stared. Five weeks of this? And what about in the holiday? He was meant to be going home to see his parents and Remus’ mum, but McGonagall had said five weeks. There was no way he was staying with him alone for five weeks, he would rather die.

Snape felt largely the same. 

‘I thin-’

‘Don’t talk to me Snivellus.’

‘Trust me, I enjoy nothing less.’

‘Good then i’m leaving.’

‘No, you’re not, or I will tell.’

‘You really want to do this.’

‘There is no way you are getting out of detention after what you did Potter.’

‘Fine,’ James growled. ‘Then we will sit in silence.’

‘I’d like to see you try.’

‘Watch me, arse wipe.’

James plonked himself down on the nearest stool and stared over at where the greasy boy was now sitting over on the other side of the room, who was going back to his book. He tried to think of all the ways he would try to sneak in some Quidditch practice before the end of term, and not about the Gryffindor team he had been avoiding all morning, but whose glares he had not missed. Snivellus coughed.

This was going to be hell.


	15. Centimetres

Easter day was meant to be just another revision day. That was what James had hoped when he woke up, but it hadn’t proved that easy. The Potters and Peter were going over to visit the Lupins later in the afternoon for a late Easter lunch, but Euphemia had refused to let the boys go earlier because they needed to stay home and work. Which Sirius kept mumbling about under his breath and had resolved to shut himself in his room for the day in protest, James had tried to remain the peacekeeper, reading his book at the kitchen table, but his mother’s nagging had proved too much and he joined Sirius upstairs after only half an hour.

‘School in three days.’ Sirius said, laying on his back, his legs draped over the end of his bed.

‘Yupp.’

‘I haven’t done enough revision.’

‘Yupp’

‘We’re fucked.’

‘Nah, we’re not.’

‘Yeah, we are. I mean Merlin, what is the antidote for inside out potion? How would I know!’ Sirius cried, throwing the potions textbook across the room, narrowly missing James’ head as he paced up and down.

‘Watch it! Just use a bezoar.’

Sirius sat up. ‘Shut up. Besides, how would you know? Mr I’m failing potions.’

‘Fuck off I am not failing potions, someone is screwing with me.’

‘Whatever you say.’

James glared over at the grinning Sirius, who then jumped up off his bed and wandered over to the door, grabbing the jacket hanging off of the back of it.

‘I’m going for a walk. Want to come?’

‘You mean you’re going for a fag.’

‘And a walk, I thought I could decorate that big tree in the centre of the village with some toilet paper. Coming?.’

‘...Yeah alright.’

The two wandered downstairs and almost made it outside before Mrs Potter spotted.

‘You two better be back here in an hour, we need to leave.

‘Yes, Mum.’

…

Peter had joined them all at the house just before they left, apologising that his Dad wasn’t going to be able to make it, he said that he was going for a job interview, but quietly told James and Sirius that it was really because he had fallen asleep in front of the TV and Peter had been too worried to wake him up.

The convoy arrived at the Lupins on time, Euphemia holding three massive dishes of food and dessert stacked on top of one another, Fleamont holding a rather large balloon and a card, and the boys each holding a chocolate egg the size dragon's egg in their arms. They were all immediately ushered in with a warm welcome and the smell of cooking meat by Hope Lupin, who despite her condition, was looking well, if not slightly discoloured in her many layers of clothes.   
Within the hour the eight people were all sitting down around the small dining table of Lupin cottage laughing and chatting away as they dug into the feast. Sirius was busy explaining to Lyall and Peter about all the revision he had been doing over the holiday, though neither looked very convinced by the poor lying. Hope and Euphemia were talking about how they had made the food, each complimenting each other in its supreme quality, Euphemia managing to miss out all the help the house elves had given her with the cooking. James and Remus were sitting next to each other, talking quietly.

‘Good holiday so far Moons?’ 

‘’S been alright’ Remus replied through a mouthful of roast potato. ‘My parents are driving me bit nuts though, always coming in to see what I’m doing and watching me. It’s doing my head in.’

‘You might even say it’s making you… loony.’ 

‘Fuck off James.’

James giggled to himself. ‘In fairness though, I’m sure they just want to spend time with you now that you’re home, especially seeing as your mum…’ James trailed off briefly scanning the rest of the table. Remus understood.

‘Hm.’

James looked over at his friend.

‘It’s sort of weird now though.. With them.’

‘Why Rem?’

Remus shrugged. ‘They are so up and down,’ he whispered. ‘one minute they are laughing and talking like nothing is wrong talking to me about OWLs and asking why I’m not revising and shit.. The next it's like a bomb went off.. Mums crying and Dad is rushing to get pain medication, then he starts shouting at me for upsetting her, and I start shouting back, or he starts crying, or my mum just shuts down and walks off to bed, then house is just silent for the rest of the night. No one speaks. It think thats making it worse, the silence. Some days it's okay, and Mum and I spend all the time together, and we go for a walk or sit in her bed and she reads me a book or something… but other it's unbearable.’

‘I’m sorry Remus’

Remus reached over and grasped James’ arm, smiling at him. ‘Doesn’t matter.’

‘Ooo!’ Peter grinned from where he was sitting across the table. ‘James and Remus holding hands under the table are we?’

Remus yanked his arm away, smirking as he shook his head. ‘You’re an idiot Peter.’  
James just laughed and tried to kiss Remus’ cheek, everyone laughed as Remus squirmed in his seat and Sirius wolf whistled.   
Remus leant back further and this time James pulled his legs up and attempted to drape them over the young werewolf, Hope Lupin started laughing even harder and Remus smiled slightly, it had been a long time since his mother had laughed like that. James had almost succeeded in climbing on his best friend his mother shouted.

‘James stop it now that's enough, stop acting so gay.’

A small ripple passed through the group. Everyone stopped laughing and turned to look and Euphemia and Fleamont Potter. Euphemia had gone slightly red as she saw all the heads turn, even her husband was looking straight at her. Even she couldn’t understand why she had burst out like that.

‘I-I didn’t mean… I just.’ She stammered, quickly looking around the room for support, before looking over at her bewildered son. ‘It’s just.. Jamie don’t act like- when-when your not…. You.. know.. Like that.’

 

…

Sitting in the dingy dungeon in the depths of Hogwarts, James was still replaying that moment over and over in his mind, every time seeing his mother’s face as she struggled to explain herself, and every time feeling an odd tightening in his chest. The moment had been brushed of seconds later, Sirius had made a crude joke or something and things had returned to normal soon after, the day continuing late into the evening and ending in hugs and kisses. But for the rest of the holiday, James had felt strange when he looked at his mother like he was seeing her in a new light, like she had changed and yet was still the same person. His mum. Who he loved very much. It didn’t sit right inside him.

‘Earth to Potter!’ Someone shouted as James snapped back down to earth. ‘You are meant to be revising you know.’

James looked over and sneered. Ever since school had restarted, James had still had his detentions with Snape, who had insisted they sit in silence and revise. It was the only thing that stopped them attacking each other each evening, although knowing where Snivellus was going to be for an hour each evening had meant the others had been able to cause a considerable amount of trouble in his absence until they had been caught and put in separate detentions.

He didn’t even know why he had to revise, James and Sirius could get along doing the bare minimum of schoolwork and still get tops marks in every test they took, the OWLs wouldn't really be much different. But today Snape had dragged Lily along with him, and James had been desperately trying to show off in front of her all evening, grinning and sweeping hands through his hair every other minute, even if Severus had banned them from talking, something James assumed was Snape’s own attempt at torture.

‘You know Snivellus-’

‘Don’t call him that James.’

‘Why are you even here Evans? Not that I don’t love being in your company and all, if only we were a little closer-’

‘Shut up Potter! She is here to be with me not your smelly arse.’

‘No, just your greasy hair.’

‘Stop it both of you!’ Lily cried. ‘Why can’t the both of you just sit in silence for God's sake!’

James just shook his head and went back to lying on his desk, where as Severus continued to glare at Potter before he noticed Lily trying to catch his eye from across the table.

‘Sev, why _am_ I here?’ Lily asked, leaning over and murmuring as to not attract the far too nosy attention of James.

Snape just shrugged. ‘You said we should hang out, and I haven’t got much free time now I have to babysit him.’

‘This isn’t really what I had in mind.’

‘I-I- know I just-’

‘Also,’ Lily interrupted, a thought just struck her. ‘You haven’t bought me here to annoy him have you?’

‘What? no!’

‘You’re still a terrible liar.’

‘Lily…’

‘What is this Severus? Torment James Potter month.’

‘Well seeing as it is always torment Severus Snape year, why shouldn’t he get some payback!’

‘Two wrongs don’t make a right!’ 

‘No, but at least if he fails potions this year he might understand what having everyone laugh at you feels like!’

‘He is top of the class with us, why would he fails potions?’ Lily hissed.

Severus seemed to struggle between smugness and shame for a second, before looking into Lily’s eyes with a sheepish smile. ‘Because someone has been swapping his essay’s for Pettigrew’s all term.’

‘WHAT!.’ James shouted, standing up from the stool he had been sitting on. ‘That was you!’ He pulled out his wand in a flash and began storming over to where Snape was now quickly trying to get up from his own stool.

‘James stop!’ Lily shouted. She hadn’t realised James could hear the conversation, but she wasn't surprised he had been listening. Stupid idiot. Her green eyes flashed back onto Snape. ‘Did you do that Sev?’ She asked, her eyes secretly pleading with him as she could feel James wand pointing ominously above her head.

Snape’s greasy hair was now dangling around his face, but not hiding the eyes the were flickering between anger at James and desperation for Lily. He didn’t know which way to go, to fight and lose her, or plead and be ridiculed further.

‘Yes. You deserved it, Potter.’

‘YOU FUCKING WANK STAIN I’LL KILL YOU PULL OUT YOUR WAND AND COME AT ME I DARE YOU I’LL-’

‘JAMES YOU SO MUCH AS UTTER THE FIRST SYLLABLE OF ANY SPELL AND I WILL HEX YOU INTO OBLIVION.’ Lily screamed as both boys moved forward and pulled out their wands. She turned her head and her and James eyes met for the briefest of seconds. He seemed to relax slightly.

James took a deep breath. She was right. This wasn’t the moment. There would be so many better ones.

‘Watch your fucking back Snivellus. We’re done here.’ He whispered, then James Potter turned his back on them and stomped out of the dungeon, slamming the door behind him.

James’s mind was still racing with all the ways he could make Severus pay for putting him through the most boring form of hell for the past three weeks. His hand was furiously running through his hair over and over, he wasn’t even watching where he going let alone aware of where he was walking when he suddenly smashed into yet another Slytherin student.

‘Jesus Christ! Watch it for fucks sake!’

‘Cranky Potter?’ came the small, yet playful voice of Regulus Black from the floor where James had sent him crashing down too.

James sighed, catching sight of the boy, only mildly aware of his heartbeat getting faster as he looked at him. He bent down and reached out his hand to help Regulus up, who took it gratefully. James caught his breath as he realised that this was the first time they had really touched.

‘What are you doing then? Looking for yet more food?’   
James was confused, but as he absorbed his surroundings more he realised that the two of them were standing close to the kitchens.

‘Uh.. yeah. Plus taking my anger out on the smaller students by bowling them over, you know, the usual.’ James smirked. Regulus smiled back at him. 

‘Well, I’m glad I was considered for that job then.’

James realised that Regulus was still holding onto his hand and he quickly yanked it away, but Regulus wasn’t ready and the yank meant that he stumbled forwards into James sending both of them back into the wall behind, now standing only centimetres apart. James’ senses went into overload. They were so close he could feel Regulus’ breath on his chin, smell the cologne he was wearing. Their mouths only centimetres apart… just a few more centimetres….. Sirius’ brother.

James jumped. Regulus’ eyes had almost closed in the heat of the moment, but the jump made them snap back open, the piercing grey falling sharply onto James.

‘I-I’m going now…’ James stammered, wriggling himself free. He scanned the corridor. No one was anywhere to be seen and he breathed a sigh of relief before walking away, barely even aware that Regulus was doing the exact same thing and hurrying off in the opposite direction.


	16. Deja Vu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first half of this chapter may seem familiar ;) It's Snape's worst memory from James' perspective. Enjoy!

The first OWL of the year, Defence Against the Dark Arts. James had been sitting in the Hall for almost the full time of the exam, but he had basically finished a while ago and now all that was left were a few corrections and additions to be made as he read over the paper. Done. With five minutes spare. Perfect. He turned and caught Sirius’ eye, who was relaxing, leaning on the back two legs of his chair, looking as effortlessly handsome as he always did. He winked back at James and gave him a thumbs up. James smiled and turned back to his paper and began idly doodling, and thinking about the big Slytherin vs. Gryffindor match coming up, his first match since the suspension. He only realised he was drawing a snitch half a minute later. Usually, he would write LE inside the snitches in the hope that Lily might see it, but normally Sirius would just whack him over the head. But James had a sudden urge to write different initials.. Ones that not many people would recognise. Sirius would though. James shut the thought out. Not right now. Not ever. Instead, he just wrote the usual LE, but he scribbled it out a few minutes later, just as Professor Flitwick was calling out,

‘Quills down please!’ 

Flitwick continued to talk, but James was no longer listening, instead, he jumped up out of his seat as his parchment whizzed away from him towards the front. He grabbed his bag from beside him, stuffing the quill and exam paper hastily inside it whilst scanning around again for Sirius, who he spotted walking over to him. He grinned as the rest of the Marauders also came by his side, and the four began to walk out of the exam hall.

‘Did you like question ten Moony?’ Sirius asked. James laughed internally.

‘Loved it.’ Remus replied. ‘Give five signs that identify a werewolf. Brilliant question.’

‘D’you think you managed to get all the signs then?’ James joked. He saw the corners of Remus’ mouth twitch, before trying to sound as serious as possible.

‘I think I did. One; he’s sitting in my chair. Two; he’s wearing my clothes. Three; his name’s Remus Lupin.’

James caught out Sirius’ bark like laugh over his own, before turning to Peter, who looked a lot like happy than the others.

‘I got the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes and the tufted tail,’ Peter said, James groaned. ‘But I couldn’t think of what else-’

‘How thick are you Wormtail? You run around with a werewolf once a month-’

Remus gave an annoyed cry ‘Keep your voice down.’  
Peter looked a little shaken, the exam must have been hard for him, James thought. It shouldn’t have been, but Defence against the Dark Arts had never been Peter’s strong suit. 

‘Sorry.’ James murmured, almost inaudibly, as he looked up. James hadn’t really been paying attention up until now and realised that they were walking through the entrance hall to get outside. Good, it was a nice day out.

‘Well, I thought that paper was a piece of cake.’ Sirius suddenly said. ‘I’ll be surprised if I don’t get “Outstanding” on it at least.’ 

‘Me too.’ James nodded, but he saw Remus mumble ‘cocky bastards.’ under his breath and smiled as Sirius gave him a subtle dig in the ribs. James reached into his pocket and fished around for the small snitch that was in there. He had grabbed it on his way out from Madame Hooch’s office after being formally reinstated onto the Gryffindor team. It was a nice little memento, but mostly he had just enjoyed playing about with it over the past few days.

‘Where'd you get that?’ Remus asked he had been too holed up in the library since exams had been approaching to have noticed anything else.

‘Nicked it.’ James replied, casually letting the snitch fly away before grasping it out of the air again, smiling a little as he saw Wormtail’s mouth open in awe, hoping that maybe some of the other students would notice as well.

The Marauders settled themselves down below a tree, Remus pulling out his Charms book to reread for what must have been the seventh time, Sirius was laying back slightly, looking increasingly bored now the exam adrenaline was gone, and James settles to just keep playing with the snitch, keeping his mind off exams and focusing on other things. Like Snivellus tampering with his fucking potions work. He still hadn’t figured out what to do about that. But the moment would come, the moment when he could get him back for ruining every evening and possibly his teacher’s respect, not that James felt he had much respect from his teachers anyway, but still. He kept glancing over to where the girls were sitting over by the water, he could see Marlene flicking water on Mary and Lily laughing as some of it sprayed on her face. He began to wonder again about why he hadn’t immediately written Lily’s initials on that exam paper.. Maybe he was just tired.. or .. Jesus would Wormtail stop clapping, it was getting annoying. James opened his mouth to tell him to stop but Sirius got there first.

‘Put that away, will you, before Wormtail wets himself with excitement.’ 

James grinned. ‘If it bothers you.’ He stuffed the snitch back in his pocket, with the distinct impression that Sirius was probably the only person he would have put it away for. He wasn’t surprised. He began to look around the rest of the grounds, only faintly aware that Sirius was complaining yet again that he was bored. James didn’t really know what he was looking for, but every time a boy with short black wavy hair came into view he couldn’t help but crane his neck a little to see if it was.. Wait is that Snape? James blinked. This was it, the perfect moment. There he was all alone and yet surrounded by a crowd, completely unaware that James was so close, he was even getting up to walk through the crowd to leave. Perfect.

‘This’ll liven you up Padfoot.’ He said quietly. ‘Look who it is…’

Sirius’ head snapped around to follow James’ line of sight.   
‘Excellent. Snivellus.’

James heard Remus give a little sigh, knowing that Moony wouldn’t be following, but he wasn’t going to be reading anymore either. Peter had paled slightly but showed no sign of following either as both James and Sirius leapt to their feet and began to storm over to where Severus was walking. Both of their wands were already out.

‘All right, Snivellus?’ James called out, hoping to attract as much attention as possible. It was probably a bad move as Snape dropped his bags and started to pull out his wand as soon as he heard the cry, but James was faster than he was.

‘Expelliarmus!’ Snivellus’ wand flew through the air, landing far behind him and James smiled as he saw a few people stand up around him to see what was happening. Snape dived for the lost wand, but Sirius beat him.

‘Impedimenta!’ he shouted, knocking Snape to the floor. Even more students were beginning to look now, just the crowd James wanted to humiliate Snivellus. They walked towards Severus, who was now panting on the ground, unable to break free of the restraints of Sirius’ spell. James looked down at him.

‘How’d the exam go, Snivelly?’

Sirius sneered. ‘I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment, there’ll be grease marks all over it, they won’t be able to read a word.’ 

James grinned as he heard people laughing behind him. That was good, now Snape was embarrassed. Time to walk away.

‘You - wait’ Snape panted up at them, eyeing James in particular ‘you - wait!’ 

It edged James on, wait for what? What more could he do lying there helpless on the floor with James in control after all those weeks of having to sit there in silence? James wasn’t done.

‘Wait for what.’ Sirius asked cooly. ‘What are you going to do Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?’

‘You fucking cunt Black just you wait- Fuck you! Potter you shitting prick- fuck- ing--fuck- expelliarmus- fuck-impe-shitting-’

‘Wash out your mouth,’ James snarled. ‘Scourgify!’

James snorted as he watched the froth choke Severus feeling a great sense of balance, and little apprehensive, this had gone on long enough now…

‘Leave him ALONE!’ 

‘Oh great, Evans’ James thought, but his hand went straight into his hair regardless. ‘All right Evans?’ he said, this time out loud.

‘Leave him alone.’ Lily repeated, scowling over at James. ‘What's he ever done to you?’

It was if she was trying to make him confess. James hadn’t told anyone he was in detention for failing potions, except the Marauders of course, but Evans knew, and she was using it to her advantage because even if it was Snape who had engineered it, the very fact that James Potter, one of the smartest boys in the year, was failing, would have been the talk of Hogwarts. James eyed her back.

‘Well,’ He started, his brain whirring to think of some kind of cover. ‘It’s more the fact he exists if you know what I mean…’ again James was lifted by the laughter around him.

‘You think you're funny,’ said Lily, unamused by the dodge. ‘But you're just an arrogant, bullying, toerag, Potter. Leave him alone.’

James was quick, he needed a response to annoy Severus. ‘If you’ll go out with me Evans, go on… go out with me and I’ll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.’

James could see Marlene roll her eyes from behind Lily’s shoulder and Sirius frowned, wanting to get back to messing with Snivellus again.

‘I wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid.’ 

‘Bad luck Prongs,’ Sirius quickly chimed and he turned back to Snape with James right behind him. He barely had a moment to look before he realised the spell had worn off and Severus had regained his wand. Sirius shouted, ‘Oi!’ But it was too late, a flash of light and the next thing James knew the side of his face felt like it was on fire and the distinct smell of blood had filled his nostrils as he saw splatters of red fall down his robes. Bad move Snivellus, within seconds the greasy haired boy himself was hanging upside down, exposing a nasty, off colour, pair of underwear as his robes collapsed down around his head.  
The crowd around James cheered and he took a second to look at the laughing faces, beaming as he saw Peter jumping up and down with excitement. Even James didn’t miss the small almost smile on Lily’s face that vanished as soon as she said,

‘Let him down!’

‘Certainly,’ James replied, riding on the high of the moment, the burning on his face fading. He flicked his wrist and Snape came crashing down, barely making it to his feet to pull his wand out before Sirius said,

‘Petrificus Totalus!’ and, rigid as a board, he smacked back onto the summer grass.

‘LEAVE HIM ALONE!’ Lily screamed, this time pulling out her own wand, which James stared at, very aware of her capability to jinx them both with ease.

‘Ah, Evans don’t make me hex you,’ James said.

‘Take the curse off him, then!’ 

She was right, it was enough, better James stops now and keep his pride, Sirius too looked done, his wand already slightly lowered. James sighed and muttered the counter-curse, turning back to Snape some of the blood still oozing from his face flying onto the Slytherin’s robes.

‘There you go,’ he said stopping himself from laughing as the boy picked himself up off the ground. ‘You’re lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-’

‘I don’t need help from filthy Mudbloods like her!’

James’ stomach dropped and Sirius’ wand snapped back up.

‘Fine.’ Lily said icily. ‘I won’t bother in the future. And I’d wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus.’

If it were any other moment James would have shouted for joy, but instead, he just felt furious, this had gone too far. ‘Apologise to Evans!’ He roared at Snape, wand now pointed at his chest.

‘I don’t want you to make him apologise, you’re as bad as he is.’ 

That stung James, was her opinion of him really that low? His mouth fell open. ‘What?’ he spluttered. ‘I’d NEVER call you a - you - know - what!’

‘Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you’ve just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down the corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can - I’m surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.’

Then Lily Evans turned her back and stormed away, quickly followed by her friends as they rushed back into the castle, Marlene not even giving a second glance in Sirius’ direction as she went. James felt like someone had scooped out his insides.

‘Evans! Hey, EVANS!’ she ignored him. ‘What is it with her?’ James fumed, trying not to let the frustration that was building up inside him burst out.

‘Reading between the lines I’d say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate.’ Sirius sighed.

‘Right, right.’ James stammered, his anger starting to show, so his twisted around back to Severus and flicked his wand, hoisting the boy back up into the air by his ankles. ‘Who wants to see me take of Snively's trousers?’

A few people laughed, but the crowd was more uneasy now, James pride had certainly been damaged and people hadn’t totally disagreed with Lily. In fact, a couple of people had started to walk away. James looked back at Snape, the enormous desire to get revenge now not only for potions but for turning Lily even further away from him. But behind James caught someone else’s eye. Grey eyes just like his brother’s, but unlike Sirius, who was standing smirking beside James, these eyes were calm, if not a little worried. Something slipped inside and for some reason, James felt instantly calmer. Regulus shrugged a little as if to say, ‘do what you want.’. But this wasn’t what James had wanted, not all of this. He turned back to Sirius.

‘Do what you like with him Pads. I have to find Lily.’

‘You’re joking?’ 

‘I never joke, I’m deadly Sirius.’ 

Sirius snorted a little, before rolling his eyes. ‘Off you go, Romeo.’ And James turned back to Snivellus, giving him a small wink. 

‘I’m going to leave you in the semi-safe hands of my good friend Mr Black, I hope you two have fun together, until next time, Mouldy Pants.’ 

And James ran off, following the path Lily had taken into the castle, hoping that maybe if he was lucky, he would bump into her.

 

He ran for what seemed like hours, but was probably only a few minutes, ducking in and out of classrooms and stairways to check for the red haired girl, but with no luck. Gasping for breath and finally admitting defeat, James pushed himself into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, before crumbling onto the floor to try to regain some strength. Once he was able to hear anything but the sound of his own breathing, James became aware that he wasn’t alone, in fact, small, rasping sobs were coming from one of the stalls at the other end of the toilets.

‘Myrtle?’ James called out. ‘Are you okay?’

The crying immediately stopped, but James was confused when the lock on the door clicked open. Myrtle couldn’t unlock stall doors.   
Lily walked out, her green eyes shining brighter than usual as they were surrounded by red and shimmery tears. She wiped her eyes, as if it would conceal the evidence. James looked up at her, his mouth falling open. She looked down, but instead of sharing his surprise, she gasped, and then looked enraged. 

‘YOU.’

James gathered himself up to stand, holding a hand out in surrender as Lily walked towards him. ‘Evans, I’m sorry, let me explain-’ 

Lily shoved him back into the wall. ‘YOU ARSEHOLE! You little- you-you-’ but her words were lost in another small sob that she tried to cover with her hand. James grabbed arms to try and steady her but she twisted him off and pushed him away. ‘Get away from me!’

‘I’m sorry, Lily.’

‘NO, you’re not!’

‘I am!’

‘Fuck off, you were enjoying yourself you narcissistic prick!’

James felt a rush of guilt, he had been enjoying himself. It had felt good to make Snivellus pay. The revenge was justified, no? Well anyway, Lily shouldn't have gotten dragged in like that. He had hurt her feelings and embarrassed her and he really hadn’t wanted to, it wasn’t fair.

Lily took James’ pause as confirmation and sneered at him. ‘You’re a revolting bully.’

‘He deserved it!’ 

‘Did he!’ she yelled back. ‘Because where I come from, two wrongs don’t make a right!’

James squirmed. ‘He shouldn’t have said that to you, someone needed to tell him off.’ 

‘That’s between him and me, it’s not your place! You were just torturing him because you could, you and Sirius are sadistic idiots!’

‘Hey! He’s not the one with a three-inch gash across his face!’ James cried, pointing to the now scabbed over cut along his cheek.

Lily seemed to take it in for a moment, before shaking her head. ‘You’re so arrogant, Potter.’

‘Please Evans, let me make it up to you.’ James once again reached out to touch her arm, but it only seemed to anger her more and she swept him off her once again, before this time turning and storming out of the bathroom, her tears forgotten. James rushed out to follow her again, but by the time he could open the swinging door and run down the corridor in what he hoped was the right direction, she was gone. 

‘Fuck.’ he muttered.

‘Didn’t go like you had hoped then, eh?’

James turned to Sirius, who was walking along with Remus and Peter down the corridor towards him.

‘How did you know?’

Sirius smiled. ‘Balance of probability.’

Remus smirked. ‘Yeah, 99 to 1 chance it would go badly.’

James sighed. ‘Yeah well… where is Snivellus then?’

Remus cast a glance at Sirius, who shrugged. ‘Up a tree, won’t bother you with the details, except I’m pretty sure he almost started crying.’

‘He did cry!’ Peter exclaimed. Remus just rolled his eyes.

‘Yeah well, don’t think Marly will be too pleased, she is already pissed at me.’

‘Not surprised.’ Remus sighed.

‘Why?’

‘Didn’t I tell you? We ran into Regulus.’ James’ fingers twitched.

‘Right…’

‘Remus you can stop looking at me, it was fine, we actually talked, which was cool, but then I called Marlene ‘my bird’ which really annoyed her. Regulus laughed though… but she hasn’t spoken to me since so…’

James snorted. ‘No luck for either of us then.’ 

Sirius shook his head, smiling. ‘Nope.’

‘No rest for the wicked.’ Remus smirked as James put his arm around him. ‘Maybe now we can just focus on exams and your big Quidditch match, James? Stop harassing other people.’

‘I don’t know Rem.’ James yawned, all the exercise and shouting finally hitting him. ‘Let me sleep on it.’


	17. Encounter

James had barely managed to juggle the countless things he was meant to be doing at the moment. Studying for his OWLs was meant to be, as Remus had put it, ‘the number-fucking-one priority at all-fucking-times.’ but even this had gotten sidelined. The final Quidditch match of the year, Gryffindor vs. Slytherin was finally here and baring it ugly face James. With just 24 hours to go, the entire Quidditch team was starting to look a little queasy and several Gryffindor and Slytherins alike had been hexing each other in the corridor in apprehension. After their little show by the Black Lake, Snape had become even more of a problem for the Marauders, every time they met almost any hostile Slytherin it was an immediate fight in the corridors, usually, the exchange of a few hexes before a teacher would have to come and intervene. James also hadn’t managed to get Lily to speak to him again, which wasn’t surprising, except now, even when he tried to refrain from shouting out to her in the corridors, she would give him dirty looks and ignore him.  
The problem that was currently holding the top spot in James’ thoughts now though, was Remus. Remus, who had at 7:30 in the morning woken up early for the first time in his life, panicked while all the others were still asleep and run off to lock himself in the shrieking shack to revise. He was refusing to come out or let anyone in.  
‘We are in the middle of exams and I’m not ready!’

‘Remus, calm down, the full moon is tonight you need to come out and rest.’

‘Are you motherfucking kidding me James?! We have charms tomorrow, I can’t not revise for that it's an OWL!’

‘Ok, then let me in and we can revise together Rem’

‘No, just leave me alone you’re distracting me.’

‘Remus!’

‘Did I stutter? I said fuck off!’

James sighed and leaned against the cold wall of the pathway under the shrieking shack. He had never really seen it in proper daylight before, but the walls were coated in moss and slime.  
‘Remus-’

‘James! I swear on Merlins-’

James slammed his hand into the trapdoor above him. ‘Remus come on! This is ridiculous!’

He heard Remus then shuffle himself even further on top of the door and the distinct frantic scratch of Remus’ quill on parchment. James stepped back. 

‘Fine,’ he mumbled. ‘If you insist, Moony.’  
Remus heard James walk away back down the secret passageway, and he didn’t call out for him, but his hand nervously scratched a scar on his forearm. He needed to revise, no time for distractions, not with the full moon already giving him a headache and the feeling that his skin was crawling, those all too familiar feelings.

 

‘And why exactly is he locked in that nasty room?’ 

‘Because he is a scared little idiot, Wormtail.’

‘Sirius.’

‘I know, I know.. Poor Moony.’ Sirius shook his head as he watched James walk up and down the dormitory, his head whirring. ‘You’re not going to get him to come out, Prongs.’

James’ frown deepened.

‘And you have a lot on your plate right now mate, the game, Lily, OWLs’ Peter added.

James ran his hand through his hair.

The three of them were quiet for a moment. They hadn’t done much revising all day, each of them getting distracted by thinking of Remus stressed and getting sick every hour all alone in the shrieking shack, Sirius could tell it was driving James slowly insane.

‘Food.’ He said after a minute. The other two looked up. ‘He needs food. He won’t have eaten all day and it sometimes makes him feel better before…’

James slowly nodded. ‘Good plan Padfoot.’

Sirius grinned back at him. ‘What am I here for.’ 

‘Not good ideas I can tell you that Siri.’ Peter smiled. Sirius pulled a face but James wasn’t really listening, he was already hunting around for his cloak. 

‘I’ll go down to the kitchens and get him some food and-’

‘Don’t you want me to?’ Peter asked. 

Sirius shook his head. ‘James needs to be the one to save the day Pete, didn’t you know that?’ Peter snorted.  
James scowled back at them, before smiling slightly. ‘You two go and get those new healing potions we were going to try, Remus is going to need all the help he can get if he is going to do tomorrow’s exam.’

Sirius nodded. ‘On it, boss.’

James walked quietly down to the kitchens thinking about what to get for Remus. Some chocolate cake would be good, maybe some sandwiches and carrots, Remus seemed to like carrots for some reason... Oh and tea. That would be very important, Remus would be practically having withdrawal from his tea at this point.. Then James was outside and tickling the green pear in order to expose the little green doorknob into the kitchens and walking inside the enormous room.  
But James wasn’t the only student in their. Regulus was sitting on one the replicas of the house tables, laughing merrily at something one of the 5 different house elves standing around him must have just said. His shoulders were relaxed and before he caught sight of James there was a big grin on his face. James had never heard him laugh like that.  
Regulus suddenly blushed suddenly and jumped off the table.  
‘Oh, hi.’ He said.

James blushed too. ‘I-I only came for some food.’

Regulus raised an eyebrow. ‘Well I didn’t assume you had come for me.’ But seem to think he had said something stupid and dropped his gaze.

James then noticed the whole staff of house elves were now looking expectantly over him, he didn’t know whether they wanted to know what food he wanted or if they wanted to hear his reply. ‘Um, hey, can I get some food for my friend please, he’s a bit stressed, what with all these exams and all..’  
The house elves smiled kindly and nodded, scurrying away from where Regulus was now shifting on his feet. James didn’t even need to ask for specific foods, the elves seemed to be accustomed enough to the marauders requests that he could already see them making what he wanted. He looked back over at Regulus.  
‘I didn’t come down here for you.’ 

Regulus frowned. ‘What?’

‘A-About what you said before, I didn’t know you would be here so..’

‘Oh.. well yeah I sort of knew that.’

Shut up Potter what are you saying, James thought, but his mind didn’t seem to working properly, because all he kept seeing was that moment when he and Regulus had touched only a little while ago.. Standing so close..

‘You come here often then?’ someone said.

‘Wha-’ James replied, snapping back to the kitchen.

Regulus smiled in that way only the Black brothers seemed to be able to, that smirk that said, ‘come on Potter, you’re being pretty dumb right now.’

‘I said, do you come here often?’

‘No, it’s usually Peter down here, he likes helping the elves make the food or something like that.. Why are you here?’

Regulus shrugged. ‘I just like chatting with the house elves, they're quite nice if you take the time to get to know them.’ 

James nodded. ‘That’s cool.’

One of the house elves walked back over to James holding a tray stacked high with all kinds of food, ones he hadn’t even thought of for Remus but looked delicious anyway. He was sure Rem would love it. He smiled down as he took they tray off the small creature.

‘Thanks a bunch.. What was your name again, sorry?’

That house elf just grinned back up. ‘Roopy, Master Potter.’

‘Cheers, Roopy.’ 

Another house elf was now approaching with what James assumed was a steaming pot of tea and so James tried to reach out his hand for it, grabbing it around the handle, but he hadn’t realised how full the thing was and it was much heavier than anticipated. The pot began to swing dangerously and was about to spill all over the poor elf with its arm still extended, but Regulus had noticed and had rushed forward to grab the front of the china and push it back u, grabbing it from James’ grasp.

‘Careful there James.’ Regulus warned.

James gasped. ‘Fuck, sorry, my bad.’ 

Regulus grinned. ‘You’re a danger to society, Potter.’

James smiled back. ‘In more ways than one.’

‘Yeah, what ways?’

James only then noticed how close the two were standing again, Regulus still holding the scalding tea.

‘I’ll let you know when I think of them.’ His grin widened, and then James did something he never thought he would.. He winked at Regulus Black.

The two boys stood still for a second, James blinked several times. Regulus’ face seemed to go through a mix of emotions, confusion, anger, joy, fear.. Until it just settled on surprise. 

‘James I-’

‘Have to go.’ James finished.

…

Remus sat there, quietly munching away at both a ham and cheese sandwich and slice of chocolate cake, whilst Sirius quietly started snacking on the crisps Peter had on his plate. James was worlds away. After he had convinced Remus to finally let them in, the taller boy being to drained to put up much of a fight anymore, the four of them had sat around and eaten the house elves food in silence, each of them both too hungry and too pleased Remus was okay to do much talking.

‘Feel better now Moony?’ Sirius asked, glancing over at the stack of parchment and books lying in a corner of the room.

Remus narrowed his eyes, but quickly relaxed then again and smiled whilst chewing all his food. ‘Sorry.’

Peter shook his head. ‘Don’t be, we were just worried about you.’

Remus looked down. ‘It’s just..’ he sighed a little. ‘All of it.. It’s so much.. I just.. I can’t’

‘Cope sometimes?’ Sirius finished. ‘Yeah it’s okay Rem. We understand.’

Remus grinned and then looked over at James, ‘No tea then James? I thought you knew me better than that!’

James looked up at the amber eyed boy. ‘Wha?’ Shit, he was till holding the tea when James had rushed out.

Suddenly James saw Sirius smirking at him.. The exact same smirk. A terrible pang of guilt echoed through his body for some reason. 

‘We should really all go.’ James stuttered. ‘Moony you need to go see the matron, we’ll see you again in a could hours, it’s nearly dark.’

Remus’ face fell slightly. ‘Yeah, you’re probably right.. Thank you guys.’

‘Anytime Moony, you know that.’ Peter replied.

The four boys stood up and vanished the empty plates. Sirius looked briefly over at James, something was up. But he put it down to stress and nerves and didn’t say anything.

…

Charms OWL done, okay. Lily, not speaking to me, no change, not surprised. Slytherins, pricks, no change, not surprised…. Game, now.

It was reeling over and over in James’ mind. The weeks of practice, getting back up to speed with the rest of the team, getting back into the flow of what he enjoyed the most, pushing himself to train as much as he could. And now it was game day. James was feeling his usual rush of adrenaline, the hormone pumping through his body, making every nerve feel like it was on fire, fueled by the cries and slaps of his teammates, the jeers of the Slytherins, the screams of the crowd. He was ready. Only his mind didn’t feel like it. His mind was.. Else where.. But his captain had noticed. 

‘Potter! Where the fuck are you right now?’

James looked over at Kingsley Shacklebolt, the strong, muscular seventh year who was now glaring down at him. He was a strong captain and James had an enormous amount of respect for him.

‘Sorry..’ he muttered.

‘Not good enough.’ Kingsley replied. ‘Get into the game or get out of this changing room.’

James looked at him and nodded profusely, jumping up and down to try and energize himself. ‘You’re right, sorry, I’m ready to win this thing.’

Shacklebolt nodded at him and turned back to the rest of the team.

‘Right. All of you, look at me and listen carefully. We have a game to win. We have our plan, I trust in you that you know and stick to it. We have practiced this guys, we can do it I believe in us. This is Gryffindor. We take no prisoners, we fight until the end. We can do this! We are going to win!’

The rest of the team cried out ‘GRYFFINDOR’ pumping all their fists in the air and jumping up and down with excitement.

‘Teams out on the pitch!’ a voice called, echoing around the changing room. They all looked at each other, before lining up in order of positions in preparation to file outside. James felt the familiar tap on his shoulder from beater Fabian Prewett.

‘Ready champ?’

‘You know it mate.’

‘Good, we need to win this shit.’ 

‘We will.’ 

Fabian clapped him on the back as the Gryffindor Quidditch team began to walk outwards onto the Quidditch pitch. The light was momentarily blinding and James felt his head swirl, but he knew that was a good sign, he was ready. The noise of the crowd was deafening and James briefly scanned the crowd for the rest of the Marauders, who were sitting in their usual seats holding a large sign reading ‘GO POTTER YOU COCKY B-’ the rest had been burnt off after the first Quidditch match they had held the sign after Peter had spotted several teachers making their way over to hand out detentions. James grinned and his stupid friends. They made him feel braver.

‘Blimey the Slytherins don’t half look smug.’ Fabian muttered and they walked into the center, and JAmes looked over at the opposition. His stomach dropped. How could he have forgotten. It was impossible, James never usually forgot this stuff, how had been so thick. Regulus was standing along with his teammates, seeker of the Slytherin Quidditch team. He wasn’t looking at James, but something told him that that was on purpose. JAmes didn’t feel as confident anymore. How was he supposed to keep his head in the game with Regulus Black flying in the same space as him. He felt sick.

‘Mount your brooms.’ 

James’ legs were shaking as he swung his leg over the other side of the broom he had been given last summer by his Dad. Don’t look at him. Pretend he isn’t there.

‘On my mark.’

Fucking hell.

‘Set.’  
Shit shit shit shit.

‘Go!’

The two teams shot off into the air, each player flying off in a different direction. James swerved around, looking for who had the quaffle. At least Regulus wouldn’t be holding the quaffle, that was at least a small bonu-

‘James!’ Someone screamed and Potter only just swooped in time to grab the flying ball out from where it had shot past him, earning him a gasp from the crowd and wary remark fro mthe commentator. 

The game went on for another hour like this, James was playing, though his head wasn’t properly in it it was driving him insane, every now and then he would get lost as Regulus would slip into the corner of his eye and he would almost miss a throw or catch, several times he missed the goal, but he made up for it with the times he didn’t. It was 80-50 to Gryffindor and although James wasn’t at his best, he was still and incredible player, no one could deny it. Often hailed the star of Gryffindor’s Quidditch team, James Potter loved being on the pitch, but his spaced out mentality was annoying the team.

‘Focus, Potter!’

‘Jesus Potter you almost dropped it!’

‘James for fucks sake come on!’

An hour and a half, James was feeling better, the snitch had been seen high up off the ground only minutes ago and both of the seekers had raced up there to try and find it, JAmes could focus on the playing. Darting past the bludgers, and dipping below Rookwood was earning lots of appreciation from the crowd and James was grinning and waving his hands around like a maniac every time he made a good pass or scored. 150-110. Gryffindor could win this. JAmes could win this. His grin was getting wider. Another goal. James dived and pulled up from the ground at the last second and the crowd ooed and ahhhed as he did. Another goal. James used his hands to lift the rest of his body away from the broom and flew around doing mini handstand. The crowd cheered at his showing off. This was what it was all about. 170-110. Gryffindor was going to win this.  
James barely even saw Regulus coming up on his side, only once he was there, less than two meters away racing along beside him, did James notice.

‘Stop him Jamie!’ somebody screamed. But James didn’t understand. He couldn’t concentrate. Regulus was too close. Everyone seemed to be shouting. Regulus didn’t even look at him as the sped along next to one another. James hands gripped the broom handle harder. Regulus didn’t even turn his head, but suddenly James could see him looking at him. If only for the briefest of seconds. It was like his head was filled with air. James swerved. He had to be away, get the quaffle back. Don’t go near Regulus. As soon as they were no longer next to each other James could look up again, but no one seemed to be passing the Quaffle anymore. People were speeding towards him. No, past him. What was happening.

James looked behind him. Regulus was sitting on his broom, stopped completely in mid air, grinning from ear to ear. 

And in his hand was a shiny golden ball.

 

No one from the Gryffindor team had spoken, especially not to James, as they had walked back of the pitch, the spectators were slowly filing out of the stands, but aside from the Slytherins, no one was celebrating. The team cleared out of the changing room quickly and James was left alone in a matter of minutes.

Everything felt like it was stuck his skin. Everything was burning and making him shiver at the same time. He felt empty. He had ruined it all. He was disgusted with himself. One stupid move away from a fucking player. He had so clearly been going for the snitch. He was the fucking seeker. And James had swerved away. In front of the whole school.

He stripped, throwing his kit into a heap on one of the benches and stepped into the large shower room turning each of the showers along a line of walls onto the hottest they could be and proceeding to storm up and down in the hot water. It burned, but James was past caring. He was furious. He was distraught.

‘ARghhhhhhhh’ He cried out thrashing around, but it made no difference. 

‘Fucking idiot.’ He shouted. But no one heard.

After ten minutes of pacing and contemplating hitting the wall again. James switched all the showers off and wrapped a towel around his waist but leaving his hair to drip down his torso. He stood there, in the middle of the changing room for a few minutes, his chest still heaving after all the heat.  
The door creaked and James looked around. It wouldn’t be the boys. They would be waiting for him in the dorm. They would know James would need to cool off before he would talk to them yet.  
Of all the fucking people. Regulus slowly crept into the changing room, his hair was also dripping from a shower, but he had a t-shirt and trousers on, and his cheeks were flushed red as well, but probably with pride rather than anger. He froze when he caught sight of James.

‘What.’

‘James, I’

‘The fuck’

‘I didn’t know you’d be in’

‘ARE YOU DOING HERE!’

Regulus looked surprised for some reason. ‘Just.. I left a jumper in here the other day and’

‘Get out!’

James shouted, stepping forward.

‘JAmes, I know you’re upset you lost but-’

‘Upset!’ James laughed. ‘I’m fucking seething you prick, it’s all your fault.’

Regulus was aghast, his grey eyes widening to an almost circular shape. ‘My fault?!’ He choked.

James looked away, aware that he wasn’t fully clothed and still wet. ‘Yeah, you’re fault, flying up next to me.’

‘And why would that make me the culprit?’ Regulus shouted back, moving towards James now he wasn’t looking at him. ‘Because I played the fucking game?’

‘Not fairly!’ James cried. Moving back slightly into the shower room. ‘You can’t just be all up close to me, it threw me off?’

‘What?’ Regulus laughed. ‘I was chasing the snitch, even a blind person could see that. Threw you off, you’re mad.’

‘Fuck off! You were too close, you can’t do that!’

‘Yes I can!’ Regulus screamed back, walking further forwards, making James press back onto the still hot tiled wall of the shower room.

‘Cheat!’

‘Fucking arsehole, I won fair and square, just because you’re too afraid of me to even play.’

‘Afraid of you!’

‘Yeah, afraid of me! You can’t even have a conversation with me with running off back to your stupid friends!’

‘I’m not scared of you, you spineless prick.’

‘You are, and who are you calling spineless, swerving so that you don’t have to be seen next to me.’ Regulus was not staring up angrily at James, his gaze piercing through him.

‘Bite me, Black.’

‘No, you’d be too scared, Potter.’

‘As if I would stoop so low and be scared of a piece of scum like you.’ James snarled, leaning even further in.

‘Fine then.’ Regulus replied, is quieter tone throwing James off momentarily.

Regulus was on him faster than James released. Their lips crashed together like they had never even been apart. James was stunned, his arms jerked up but suddenly he didn’t have the will to push the other boy off his, and then all at once as Regulus pusher even harder on James’ body, creating pressure across his whole wet torso, James found himself wrapping his arms around the slender, yet to his surprise muscled sides of Regulus Black. This wasn’t like any other kiss James had had, it wasn’t wet in an uncomfortable way, nor strange and oddly boring, this set him on fire. Every nerve pulsed, his eyes shut because he didn’t have the strength to open them. Suddenly the two boys mouths opened slightly as if purposely in unison and they began to explore each other mouths with their tongues, it was hot and powerful and then James’ hands were running up and down Regulus back, trying desperately to hold on and yet feel all of him. And Regulus had his hands on James’ hips pushing them together in a way that almost made James groan, his hands tightening every time his mouth pushed further onto James. James pulled slightly on Regulus’ wet hair, running the Black locks through his fingers. It was like magic. They were there for what felt like years but was probably only minutes, every second like a century and the boys embraced and caressed one another like it was what they had been wanting to do for months. It was.  
Regulus suddenly stopped, his hands not moving from James’ hips but his face pulling back. James suddenly breathed in deeply, he couldn’t remember when he had last breathed like that. He opened his eyes. Regulus was staring back at him, his lips wet and slightly swollen. He looked shocked. James’ hands fell back to his sides.

‘Did we-’  
‘Oh shit-’  
‘No, wait’  
‘Right.’  
‘Fuck’  
‘Um’  
‘I should’  
‘Yeah no’  
‘Go and’  
‘Yeah yeah.’  
‘Okay.’

Regulus turned and was walking out, James could see his now soaked t-shirt sticking to each of his hidden abs. He swallowed. His mind was completely empty. It was like there wasn’t even anything to think about anymore. It all seemed so blank, everything was pushed to the back. He felt an odd pressure though. James looked down at himself. He briefly thanked God his towel hadn’t fallen down, and turned his body to switch the shower back on, this time on cold.


	18. Last Exam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mini mini chapter :))

His leg was bouncing up and down so fast it was like it had it’s own engine. James could tell it was annoying that Lockhart kid sitting on his right but honestly he had more important things to think about. Last OWL of the year. Finally. How long had the Marauders been waiting for that one. It wasn’t like History of Magic was even that important as well, sure, James could easily have gotten an O in it, but ‘someone’ had set his textbooks on fire around Christmas time and James hadn’t been bothered enough to buy them again, let alone really absorb whatever Professor Binns was drawling on about in lessons.  
Sirius’ hair was flouncing around in front of James every time the boy moved his head. All that black wavy hair, so close. It was very distracting. I kissed your brother. Shut up James. Another pang of guilt. Not that there were many moments James wasn’t feeling like there was a ball of lead in his stomach anymore.  
James thought about him and Sirius walking down a corridor yesterday. The game was who could shoot little sparks down at people's feet the fastest and James had been winning, until Snape had come around the corner.   
‘Alright Snivellus?’

‘You’re both pathetic, can’t you be at least a little original?’

‘Oh, like you with the surprise jelly legs curse yesterday? Yeah, that was very original..’

‘Wanker. I suppose you’re just glad it’s not your brother catching you acting like you're still five years old.’

‘James is my brother you slimy turd.’

‘Whatever, just you wait until he could give rat's arse about you either Black.’

James had gotten that feeling of wanting to fall through the earth and never stop. He could only watch as Snape and Sirius had both attacked each other at the same time, and felt like his feet had weights attached when Sirius had dragged him off.   
I snogged your brother… brother.

McGonagall shouted out over the silence of scratching quills.  
‘Ten minutes.’

James looked down at his paper. He had only written about half of the essay. And with only ten minutes there was no way he was going to finish. Fuck if only he hadn’t been daydreaming. Oh well, better get writing. James cast a glance at Remus, who bent down over his paper scrawling unimaginably fast. Remus would never get with Sirius’ brother. Remus was too nice. James frowned and ran his hand through his hair. Sirius was leaning back in his chair, clearly done or didn’t feel like writing anymore. His hair was now even closer to James. He thought about when he had run his fingers through hair like that.  
SHUT UP JAMES.  
I was just a stupid thing. A one time thing. James wasn’t….  
Keep writing and shut up.  
His leg was still bouncing up and down.  
OWLs are over after this. After this it’s summer time. After this there will be a party. The Marauders were always going to throw an enormous party after the end of OWLs, they had spent weeks planning it and James honestly thought it might be the best yet. Well, it had better be, seeing as the only ones to beat would be the one in fourth year where all of Gryffindor fourth years got really drunk and played spin the bottle and drinking games until Sirius threw up in a plant. And then the one from last term….

‘Five minutes.’

Crap. James still hadn’t finished the essay.  
James was the reason Gryffindor lost the house cup. The final match of the season, Slytherin vs. Ravenclaw had been just a few days ago and after Slytherin had won.. There were a lot of scows directed at James. He had tried to shrug it off, it was only a game, but he had been sleeping even less than usual now a kept waking up after only 2 hours of sleep. Remus had made him a sleeping draught but it hadn’t helped. He had tried running before bed to tire himself out, but he just had fitful dreams about being sweaty and taking hot showers with certain people after that, so he had started running in the middle of the night instead of sleeping after that. No point in dreaming about boys. James wasn’t gay.

‘Time is up! Quills down please. Mr Pettigrew, save the celebrati-’

But McGonagall was drowned out by the sudden roar and screams from all the students in the room. Cries and arms shooting into the air and everyone jumped up and down with glee. It was all finally over. They were done. Some people tried to throw their exam papers up, but the Professor was already swishing her wand about the room to collect them all before any got damaged. James felt a hand slap along his shoulders. 

‘We did it Jamie!’ Remus smiled.  
James hugged his best friend. ‘Fuck yeah we did Moons.’  
Sirius was on them in seconds, grasping them both and jumping around like a madman.

‘You’re like an excited puppy Padfoot.’ Peter grinned from where he was walking over to the boys. Sirius went to licked Peter’s face to emphasize the point and annoy Peter and the small plump boy shoved him back into James and Remus, who almost collapsed and Sirius’ body hurled into them.

‘Watch it, Sirius!’

‘WOO HOO WE’RE DONE FUCK YEAH IT’S OVER!’ 

‘Language Mr Black!’  
James looked over, but McGonagall just rolled her eyes and began to walk out of the hall with all the papers clutched to her front, sweeping past in her emerald robes.

‘Right,’ James smirked pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind. ‘What are we doing now then?’


	19. End of the Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lil' bit o' smut so watch out!!!

The Gryffindor common room was alive with drunken 16 year olds ready to dance away all the stress they had been through in the past month and a half.

He looked around through blurry eyes, not sure if it was because, unsurprisingly, he was drunk and high, or, because he was pretty sure Sirius had stolen his glasses a few minutes ago. Either way, James Potter really couldn’t see.  
He swayed happily as he thought about his day. His day of running around the enormous castle with his best friends. Cursing walls to looks like doors and doors to look like walls. Creating a hundred paper airplanes that would dart around the corridors poking people in the back of the head. Locking the staff room door, chucking water balloons off the balconies, having an ink and paper fight with all their notes from the year down by the lake. Most days go by in blur, but James didn’t think he would ever want to forget this one. Although at the rate this party was going, he just might. 

McGonagall had nonchalantly wandered off into her office and living quarters at around 8pm, and Peter had reported that she had locked her doors and may even had gone to bed. Though she would never admit it, James had had the sneaking suspicion that she wasn’t going to be coming to check of the Gryffindor house tonight.

James could just make out Remus towering over the crowd, talking animatedly to Dorcas. James smiled a little, and thought shouting over at the two of them would be hilarious,  
‘Hey! Lovebirds! Why don’t you-’  
James didn’t get to finish though, because someone had shoved a pair of glasses quite forcefully back onto his face.

‘Thought you might like them back.’ Sirius grinned, draping his arm over James. ‘What with you being blind and all.’

James stumbled a little. ‘Ugh.. yeah. Thanks I think, mate.’ he slurred.

Sirius grabbed both of James hand, placing one one his waist whilst holding on to the other.

‘Sirius, what the-’

‘I know your secret.’

James mouth felt very dry. ‘Wa-he-what-I-sh-’

Sirius leaned in, so close to James’ ear so he could be heard over the music the girls were blaring out on the other side of the room.  
‘You can fucking dance Prongsie.’

‘What the fuck?’

But Sirius was still grinning as he suddenly jumped back and started leading the most drunken waltz James had ever been a part of, with Sirius stopping to twirl himself or add an extra lavish step in at some point. James couldn’t help but laugh, most of it form relief.

‘You’re so drunk Padfoot.’

‘Yeah well, I wanted to dance, and Peter kept stepping on my toes.’  
James snorted. Despite trying and trying to push it away, James hadn’t forgotten. Even standing this close to Sirius in his inebriated state was making him nervous. Amidst all the waltzing that Sirius was still doing, he spotted Marlene.

‘Hey!’ James shouted, waving one of his hands over at her. Marlene looked up from where she had been drinking and smiled, before making her way over to the two marauders.

‘Having fun here, are we?’ She smirked. Sirius still hadn’t stopped dancing.

James gave his best crooked grin. ‘Care to take over from me, love?’

Marlene raised an eyebrow. ‘Oh, well since you asked so nicely, Potter.’ 

Sirius finally broke away from James, leaning over to give Marlene a slobbery kiss on the cheek. ‘James is my best friend, Marly.’

Marlene giggled. ‘I hadn’t noticed, what with you two being joined at the hip all the time.’  
Sirius let out a much louder bark-like laugh than was necessary.

‘Maybe best if we get you some water Pads.’ James laughed. Marlene nodded and slid her arm around Sirius’ back.  
‘Come on, you stupid boy.’ She said affectionately. ‘Coming James? You look like you could use some as well.’  
But James was now eyeing Peter across the Gryffindor common room, who was chatting with Lily. The one person he needed to talk to. He ran his hand through his hair. ‘No, no it’s fine Marls, I’m just gonna go over that way..’

Marlene followed his gaze. Her eyes narrowed. ‘Potter, if you upset her any more than you already have,’

‘I’m not trying to upset her!’

‘Yeah well you’re fucking brilliant at doing it anyway.’

James pouted. Sirius giggled. Marlene sighed.

‘It’s not like Snivellus has tried to even say sorry anyway…’ James muttered

‘Woo Snivelly!’

‘Shut up Sirius. And shut up James. He tried to camp out in front of the common room for days afterwards trying to apologise, according to Mary. She doesn’t want to talk to either of you. You’re just less avoidable.’

‘Is that a good thing.’ James grinned, grabbing an open beer from the adjacent table and taking a swig.

‘Usually, no.’

James rolled his eyes and swept his hand through his hair. Again. Sirius slipped and almost fell on his face but Marlene was still holding him up. She groaned.

‘I’ll help-’

‘No, no,’ She groaned. ‘It’s okay, I’ve got him you just… Ugh look go on. But,’ And she leaned forward so she was right in his face. He could smell her perfume. ‘You annoy or upset her in anyway and I’ll cut your balls off. Do you understand?’

‘Very graphic McKinnon.’

Marlene grinned. ‘Yupp, now hurry along.’

James was over there in seconds. It hadn’t taken him long to push through the throngs of people that had filled the Gryffindor common room tonight. He had even had time to wolf-whistle over at Remus, who had given him the finger, before reaching Peter and Lily. 

‘Exactly! That's why I think they’re better than the Beatles and-’ Peter turned to look at James, his face lit up. ‘Oh, hey Jamie! Wanna join?’

Lily didn’t look quite so pleased. James didn’t really care, he just held up his beer and ran his hand through his hair.  
‘’D love to, actually.’

‘Cool,’ Peter chimed, turning back to Lily who looked less annoyed now she knew James wasn’t here to just bombard her with rude comments, even Peter looked slightly relieved. ‘We were just talking about our favourite bands, Lily like the Carpenters and I was just talking about the merits of-’

James’ mind had already wandered. ‘Actually wait,’ He slurred, still sipping away at his beer that tasted a lot more like vodka than straight beer should do. ‘Lily, I need to talk to you. I just wanted to apologise again and-’

Whilst Peter looked increasingly apprehensive about having to stand here for this conversation, and a little put out James hadn't listened, Lily was staring off at the common room entrance. 

‘I have to go.’ She suddenly exclaimed, her pale skin flushing slightly. 

James’ jaw dropped. ‘Wait but I only.. I’m not being mean!’

Lily looked over at him. Merlin her eyes were green. But she didn’t look angry, just flustered. ‘No, no Potter it’s not… just, I have to go. It's fine.’ And she walked purposefully away.

‘Wha-What!’ James stammered. This hadn’t worked. ‘No way! Evans!’ He started walking out after her, but Peter caught his arm.

‘Maybe you should leave her Prongs?’ He said, not really sure that anything he said was going to stop drunk James from doing whatever the hell he wanted to. He was right. James merely shrugged his hand off and shook his head, mumbling words and sentences that didn’t really make any sense as he stumbled out of the common room after Lily.

James looked around the corridor as the portrait of the Fat Lady closed behind him. He could hear the grumbling away about the noise the students were all making, but he just chose to ignore her. He saw a flash of red hair round the corner to his left and followed on after it, kicking himself that he hadn’t just gone up to the dorm and fetched the map to stalk her with, but his mind wasn’t really working with all this alcohol polluting it.  
After turning yet another corner, JAmes was confronted with not Lily, but Peeves, who was throwing bits of chewed up gum at the wall across from him.

‘Ooo Potty Potter out for a stroll!’ Peeves exclaimed. ‘And what's this!’ He swept down and came to float not three feet from where James had stopped and took a comical sniff of the air. ‘Someone smells like Firewhiskey!’

James twisted his mouth. ‘You shut your… mouthy things Peeves.’ Fuck, that hadn't come out right.

Peeves screeched with delight. ‘Ah! So he is drunk!’ He chucked down a few pieces of sticky gum, pelting James jumper with them. ‘Drunk! Wibbly wobbly drunky mess potty Potter had a few too many!’

James lifted his arms to shield him from the barrage of chunks of spat out gum now hitting him. ‘Stop it you twat!’

‘Rude!’

James backed away, but Peeves was still cackling loudly. In fact he followed James all the way down the corridor, bits pelting James back as he ran, until he finally darted off behind a tapestry and down a spiral staircase. Well, darted may be an over statement, drunken James does not dart, he clumsily stumbles. 

And stumbling down the thin spiral staircase, James Potter didn’t even have enough mind left to think, let alone register that he was crashing into someone else and only just grabbing on to the handrail in time to prevent a tumble to his death.

‘Ah No sorry.’

But he was only met with chuckling. ‘You James, we can’t keep meeting like this, I’m starting to think you’re following me.’

James groaned. For fucks sake. His head was spinning enough as it was without him being here.

Regulus frowned. ‘Not pleased to see me then?’ 

James ran his hand through his hair as he squinted down at him. ‘What-why you here but?’

Regulus’ frown deepened. ‘Are you drunk, James?’

‘No.’

‘Yes you are.’ Reglus smirked, leaning a little further forward, resting both his hands on the bannister on either side of James.

‘I’m sorta looking for Evans.. I think.. She went.. I don’t gone..’

He flipped the black curls away from his forehead with one swift movement of his head. God it was hot.  
Regulus kissed him softly, as if he was looking around to see if James would let him. James really wanted to, his hands slid almost automatically to Regulus’ sides, but then he broke away.

‘You’re taking advantage of me.’

‘I am not! You don’t have to kiss me if you don’t want to Potter.’ Regulus was smiling, but his icy eyes were doing that thing Sirius’ did when they didn’t want to show something had upset them. 

‘I don’t...wouldn’t not not want to kiss you…’

Regulus was just grinning now, and one of his thumbs was pulling playfully on one of the belt loops on the back of James jeans. ‘Impressive Jamie, that was like a quadruple negative’

‘You shouldn’t call me-’

But Regulus was already kissing him again, deeper this time, applying pressure like he had a right to do so. James definitely wasn’t complaining. He should be though. Kissing Regulus had been mistake the first time, why was he doing it again? He really shouldn’t… Oh but dear sweet Jesus this was good. Both of Regulus’ hands were now dancing along the rim of James’ trousers, his thin fingers curling through the belt holes and tugging or slipping teasingly over the rim and touching James’ hips. The hands were cold, but in a way that felt beautiful on his hot skin. James was suddenly aware that he was twisting the bottom of the fabric of Regulus’ shirt, as if that was going to remove it. Stupid brain. Instead he moved his arms slightly further up wards and began to slowly but surely unbutton the buttons down the top. Regulus groaned a little into James’ mouth as his now bare chest was caressed by the Gryffindor. Then, he could feel Regulus smirking again.

‘Wha?’ James murmured, his mouth not really moving from the kiss.

Regulus did move his lips back though, still with a Black smirk. ‘Your um..’ He looked down at James’ crotch. So did James. Oh.. that. ‘It’s digging into my leg.’ 

James squirmed away, embarrassed. ‘Sorry it doesn’t usually.. I men I don’t ugh..’

But Regulus dragged him back by the collar of his top. ‘No,’ he whispered into James’ ear. ‘I like it.’ 

James choked. And blinked. This couldn’t be happening, this must be some alcohol poisoning induced hallucination. ‘You’re oddly confident tonight.’

Regulus merely shrugged. ‘Think of it as a present for finishing your OWLs. And it's not like I’m going to be seeing you for a while anyway.’

He would have just stood there, his mouth opening and closing like a confused fish, but Regulus was there again, his lips and tongue massaging away at James and making him feel weak. And his hand was down his trousers. James’ gasped and Regulus smiled and nibbled slightly at his lip. He knew exactly what he was doing, his fingers quickly undoing his fly and that cool long hand making its way around James’ crotch, wrapping around it and steadily moving up and down. James could only lean his head back, resting it against the stony wall of the staircase he couldn’t believe he was still standing on, Regulus just began to plant both hard and soft kisses trailing all down James’ neck. He thought about the long stretch of summer ahead of him. Months without seeing Regulus, months without this. But all of this was a lot, the kissing, and most importantly the friction and motion of Regulus’ hand on James’ cock. So much that James didn’t think he could hold on anymore. Fuck. 

James moaned, ‘Come visit me me in the summer.’ At the exact same moment, he came.

Regulus stopped immediately, whether it was because James’ had spoken or because his hand was now covered in cum, James wasn’t sure, but he stepped back either way. He looked down at his hand.

‘Smooth, Potter.’

‘Oh. Shit, I didn’t mean to-’ James whole face was burning.

Regulus snorted wiping himself, rather rudely, on the fabric of James’ boxers. ‘For which part of the moment killer.’

James really didn’t feel like his usual arrogant-self right now, so, oddly, he just stayed silent.

Regulus cocked an eyebrow. ‘Well?’

‘You could, you know.’ Was all he managed to come up with.

‘No, I couldn’t’ 

‘But-’

‘Don’t be stupid, James, I couldn’t and you know that.’ Regulus suddenly looked sad. ‘Besides, it’s not like I’d want to hang out with you in summer.’

James felt crushed, but he spoke before he thought. ‘It could be in the night when Sirius was asleep.’

‘Ha, like a booty call.’

‘No! Well…’ he spluttered, trying to do his trousers back up.

‘No. James.’

‘I don’t want you to be alone over the summer.’

Regulus looked steely, but his eyes betrayed him. ‘I wouldn’t be, I have my family and friends.’

‘Do you?’

‘Yes.’

‘You wouldn’t have me or Sirius though.’

‘I don’t need either of you.’

James could tell this wasn’t an argument he could win, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to. ‘Sorry.’

‘For what?’

James pursed his lips. ‘I don’t know. I never know with you.’

‘You can’t control what happens to me James.’

‘I’m not trying to,’

‘You are.’

James frowned. Regulus had the stubborn resilience of his brother, but he looked calm, if not a little sweaty after what they had been doing. He looked beautiful. ‘Can we just forget that I ever said anything?’ James offered.

Regulus thought for a second, and then smiled, bending his arm to gently push james’ glasses back up from where they had slipped down his nose. ‘I think I can manage that.’ 

James gave a crooked grin, before shuffling forward back up to the shorter boy, and bending down to kiss him again. Regulus just softly kissed him back, holding him around the waist as they pressed against each other.

 

‘Oh my- Merlin- I’

James banged his head on the ceiling as he jumped back. ‘Mother of fuck!’ He yelled, pounding a fist on the wall as the other clutched his ringing skull. He looked down the stairs.  
There was Lily, her cheeks flushed a bright magenta, clutching the railing as she stared up at the two boys. James felt like he was going to be sick.

‘I’m sorry I wasn’t- I didn’t mean to.’ She stammered, trying to look anywhere but at James.

‘It’s fine,’ came Regulus, who sounded like a hollow shell and was hastily buttoning his shirt back up. ‘I was just leaving anyway.’ He didn’t even glance back at James as he swept past Lily, who almost skipped backwards to avoid him, and then he disappeared around the spiral of the dim stairs.  
The other didn’t speak as they both listened to his footsteps clatter down. A few seconds after they had ceased, James was boring holes with his eyes into his shoes, determined not to look at the redhead. She spoke first,

‘I’m so sorry James, I never would-’

‘Please don’t tell him.’ James squeaked.

Lily paused. ‘Tell who.’

‘You know who. Please don’t, not anyone for that matter.. But please not him.’

‘It’s not my place…’ she replied slowly.

James looked up, she had a look of pity, but not one that was patronising. He swallowed. ‘It’s just a one.. Two time thing. It was nothing.’

‘It didn’t look like nothing.’ 

James blushed. ‘What are you doing here Lily?’

She shifted on her feet. ‘You sort of disappeared from your own party, people have been looking for you.’

James felt a weird whirling sensation, like he was so heavy he was sinking into the ground, yet so light he was drifting around like a bit of plastic. He felt awful. ‘Lily,’

Lily looked serious all of a sudden. ‘James, who you… whatever, with, is none of my business.’

‘I know but,’

‘It’s fine, i don’t mind.’

‘Really?’

‘Well, why would I?’ she seemed surprised at the comment.

‘Ugh, I guess just because I always sort of… came on to you…’

Lily gave a short laugh. ‘Just because you made more moves on me than I can count, Potter, doesn’t mean I liked you back.’

‘Oh.’

She smiled at him.

‘Right,’ james started. ‘I guess, I should be getting back to the common room then…’

‘Probably best.’ Lily nodded.

‘I don’t usually do this you know,’ James said, starting to grin, ‘the begging you not to tell, usually that's the girl's job.’

Lily sneered. ‘Looks like making out with a boy has turned into one then Potter.’ 

James just rolled his eyes, some feeling of comfort coming from the fact he trusted Lily not to tell anyone what she saw. ‘You know, this is sort of all your fault. Running off when i was trying to apologise to you, I never would have left the party if it wasn’t for you.’

‘Yeah well, I guess I can forgive you now, what with you revealing your deepest secrets to me in repayment.’

‘Hey! You snuck up on me! I didn’t reveal anything willfully! Wouldn’t a nice card and some chocolates have sufficed.’

Lily snorted. ‘Maybe, but this is better.’

The two of them began to walk back towards the Gryffindor tower.

'You've got a lovely hickey coming along there by the way.' Lily commented. James started rubbing his neck.

‘I’m going to tell everyone my absence was due to us having a hot and steamy make-out session by the way.’

‘You can try, Potter, but no one is going to believe it for a second.’

 

…

 

Steam was erupting happily from the scarlet engine sitting at Hogsmeade station. A number of excited fifth years were still jumping around and hugging their friends, despite spending the next day on a train with them. James was leaning an arm on Remus’ shoulder, and both boys were gleefully watching Sirius try to load his over-packed trunk on the train.

‘You could help, you know.’ He grumbled as it fell with a bang back onto the platform, the sound of something glass smashing.

‘We could,’ Remus nodded. ‘But what fun would that be?’

Peter stepped over to Sirius. ‘I’ll help.’ he smiled, before pulling his wand out of his pocket and calmly saying, ‘wingardium leviosa!’ The trunk groaned a little, but did in fact lift itself from the ground, albeit only a few inches from the ground, but it was enough for Sirius to grab its underside and flip the thing through the open doorway, where it landed with a ‘plunk’ on the carpet of the carriage.

Sirius clapped his hands and hugged Peter. ‘See!’ He grinned. ‘This is a real friend!’

James just grinned and rolled his eyes. ‘Just getting on the sodding train Padfoot, you’re holding everyone up.’

Sirius stuck his tongue out, and both Remus and peter hopped on after his trunk and disappeared to go find and empty compartment, the one the Marauders had sat in every year since the start of second year. Marlene and Mary had come up to the other two just as they were about to follow.

‘Dumb and Dumber.’ Mary nodded in greeting.

‘Smelly and Miserable.’ james smield in reply. Mary chuckled. Sirius had gone in to snog Marlene, but she had quickly dodged it and only allowed him to kiss her cheek. ‘Really Sirius, in public?’ she scolded. Sirius just shrugged.

‘Come on then you two.’ Mary sighed, let’s get on the train, I bet once we are in the compartment Marlene will have lost all reservations.’

Marlene slapped Mary’s arm as the boys laughed and Sirius grabbed Marlene’s waist.  
‘Oh, look.’ He exclaimed.  
The group turned. Standing far away, was a group of nasty looking Slytherins who were all muttering to each other.  
James almost immediately pick him out though. 

‘Ugh ’ Mary snarled. ‘They all look so abhorrent, all huddled in together. Have you heard what they are calling themselves now?’

Marlene nodded. ‘Death Eaters, just like those people from the papers. It’s revolting. As if you-know-who would be interested in a dipshit like Mulciber.’  
They all laughed, but it was uncomfortable laughter. No one had been able to avoid the growing amount of reports of dark magic and disappearances that had been plaguing the Daily Prophet recently. Even the air felt heavier.

‘Alright,’ Sirius sighed as Remus knocked on the window and motioned for them to get on the train. ‘Let’s go, Moony is going loony.’

Everyone groaned at the joke.  
Just as everyone was boarding, James turned again. They hadn’t spoken since the party, barely even exchanging glances in the halls, but nothing felt different. James still felt a swirling sensation whenever he looked at him, crippling guilt and hadn’t had a proper night's sleep in days, though the dreams about steamy cupboards and wandering hands felt much less unwelcome, just more real. He was almost disgusted by his lack of anger about the whole thing, mostly he was just sad, and at times even a little happy that he had kissed Regulus. Even if he wasn’t going to see or speak to the boy for two months.  
James sighed and got on the train.

 

…

Regulus was standing up near the front of the train, trying to focus on the conversation around him rather than the whistle of the steam. 

‘Right, once a week we have to meet, okay? And we have to go out as well, practice is what is going to make perfect.’ 

‘If you don’t mind me saying, Avery.’ Came the sneer of Severus Snape. ‘Don’t you think going out to practice dark magic on muggles is just going to mean more stupid mistakes like last time.’

‘Last time wasn’t anyone's fault.’ Rookwood, a short and stocky boy a few years older than Regulus, growled. ‘That bitch try to pull one over on us, she got what was coming.’

‘Doesn’t contradict the fact that Lucius Malfoy had to come in and clean it all up before any ministry officials found out.’ Snape retorted. 

Regulus was slowly losing interest again. They would go back and forth like this for hours if they were allowed to. Some of these boys may have some skills and casting particularly nasty spells, but combined they barely had two braincells to rub together. Except for Severus, he seemed to be the smart one here, and…

‘Look you incompetent streaks of piss,’ Barty crouch Jr drawled. ‘It’s all very well and good talking about... performing… these things’ he said, eyeing a particularly nosy hufflepuff girl nearby. ‘But some of us still have the trace, we can’t be performing magic outside of school.’

There was a small silence as the others let that sink in. Snape just rolled his eyes.  
Regulus looked down the platform. He saw him, standing there with Sirius and two girls he vaguely knew by sight. He couldn’t see his face but he could tell they were all laughing, they looked happy. He felt a pang of loneliness, standing here surrounded by idiots. He thought about the night of their last kiss, that sudden desperation and confidence he had felt with James, like anything was possible. It wasn't true though. Crouch shoving him brought Regulus back.

‘Well? Any ideas mouse?’

Regulus blinked. ‘Mouse?’ 

Barty gave a nasty laugh. ‘Yeah, mouse because you stand here and don’t say a word ever. You’re a mouse playing with the big cats.’ Everyone laughed.

‘Very creative, Barty.’ Regulus sighed. Barty snarled back at him.

‘Whatever. Do you know any where that has enough magic going on that ours won’t be detected in then?’

‘What about knockturn Alley?’ Someone offered.

‘Oh yeah,’ Snape snapped. ‘Or what about somewhere else that the ministry is currently sticking there nose in hoping to catch a death eater or two, that would be super convenient to practice dark magic in as well.’

Regulus chuckled.

‘Just ‘cause you’re butthurt that your redhaired mudblood rejected you.’ Avery pouted.

Snape looked ready to pounce, but Regulus jumped in.

‘What about my place?’

People turned to look at him.

‘M-My house. I has a massive drawing room that we could all fit in, loads of house elves doing magic all the time in it, and…’ Regulus paused. ‘Well, there's been plenty of dark magic performed in it when i’ve been there, and no one from the ministry has ever turned up to see if it was me because of the trace so…’

One by one everyone started to nod.  
‘What about your brother?’

‘No longer an occupant or a problem.’ Several people snickered, remembering the Christmas party. Regulus wanted to wince but stopped himself.

Regulus gave a small smile.

‘Come one then,’ Mulciber said. ‘Let's get on this train.’ 

They all began to file on, making there way to the pre-cleared compartment they usually occupied. Regulus felt a hand on his shoulder. ‘It’s a good idea mouse,’ Barty smiled. ‘I like you more already.’

That didn’t make Regulus feel any better. He cast one last glance down the platform, but James was gone. 

 

Here was to the beginning of the summer.


	20. Summer Part 1

It had barely been four days of the summer holidays before Sirius and James had grown tired of the confinements of the Potter estate. They had jumped on a muggle train with Peter (only after Peter had carefully explained to them three times how to pay for a muggle train ticket) and headed off to the beach. Ramsgate, a beach town at the east of kent, was buzzing with hoards of people here for a break as well, and Sirius and James wouldn’t stop marvelling at the way muggles were able to handle themselves.   
‘Look! That one is painting themselves white! What an odd habit…’

‘It’s called sun cream, Sirius.’

‘Merlin! Why is this one is riding down the street on a plank?’

‘Skateboard, come one James, we’ve been over this.’

‘I know, but I’m still confused how they get it to work.’

In fact, poor Peter had to spend most of the day sighing and explaining things to the other two, who didn’t seem to quite grasp the workings of the real world. It was only after having to drag Sirius out by his ear from the enormous shop of slot machines and claw cranes designed to steal your money and leave you empty handed, and after he had to push James out of the ice cream shop for starting an argument with the lady at the till over why they didn’t sell fizzing whizbee flavour like Fortescue's did, that Peter finally grew tired of them.

‘Right! Both of you, on the sand, lie there and just be quiet for five minutes! This is ridiculous.’

James pouted. ‘No need to moan Wormy, we’re just having fun.’

‘No,’ Peter growled. ‘You’re driving me nuts, the both of you. I don’t understand how Remus puts up with it. Just go and sit down, or go swimming, do something other than annoy the poor people here.’

So, to avoid upsetting peter any more, all three boys changed into their trunks and went for a dip in the ocean, it was, as Sirius so eloquently put it, ‘cold enough to freeze your bollocks off’ but it was fun diving about in the waves.  
After this, the three, now very wet, boys trailed back up the beach and sat down, in the late afternoon sun, on a bench outside of a noisy pub. Peter’ hair was dripping into his eyes, but he would rather let it than do what Sirius did, which was shake his head all around the place, so he sat opposite James whilst Sirius went in to buy some beers, grinning as he regretted not bringing any towels. James’ shirt was sticking horribly to his stomach, but it was the rather old girl staring at him from across the pavement that was making him more uncomfortable.

‘Ugh, Peter, can we switch seats, this creepy woman is staring at me.’

Peter started giggling. ‘Stop it, Peter.’ James pleaded, but he too had a small smile growing. ‘She is really old and.. Oh my god she just winked at me, help.’

Peter was audibly snorting away into his hand now, and few people had turned their heads to look at him, but he stood up and motioned for James to switch with him. James settled down into his new seat, looking visibly relieved. ‘Thanks.’ He grinned. 

‘You know, James, I would have thought you would have loved a bit of attention from an older woman.’ Peter smirked.

James stared back at his friend. ‘Yeah, well, not when they look like thirty year-old heroin addicts I don’t’ 

Peter just grinned. ‘At least you’re getting something, she didn’t even look my way.’

James laughed. ‘Okay, first, count that as a blessing. Second, there are a ton of people who would be interested in you Peter.’

‘We just haven’t met them yet.’

James was about to counter, but Sirius had just walked out with three pints of larger wobbling in his hands, so instead James stood to help him.

‘Cheers.’ Sirius said, sitting down next to Peter. ‘You wouldn’t believe the trouble I had getting the bloke in there to believe I was 18, pity we didn’t bring our wands, I could have confunded him.’

‘And got yourself expelled in the process’

Sirius just shrugged and sipped his beer, then pulled a face. ‘This shit is disgusting as well.’  
An old lady turned and tutted, to which Sirius blew a kiss at her. She shook her head, he rolled his eyes.

‘Nice, Padfoot.’ 

Peter just sighed. ‘I wish Rem were here.’

‘Yeah,’ James agreed. ‘He could bollock Siri for acting like a little twat all the time.’

Sirius kicked James under the table. ‘You’re right though,’ he added. ‘It’s a shame he is with his parents all week, he would have liked this.’

Peter frowned. ‘Really? I don’t think Remus would be much of a beach person, with all the taking your clothes off and stuff.’

Sirius’ eyes brows shot up. ‘You saying I like taking my clothes off? You calling me a slut, Peter?’ He mocked. Peter’s cheeks went red, but James just replied in a deadpan voice.

‘That’s exactly what he is saying Padfoot, it’s no secret that you’re a man whore.’ Sirius kicked James again, much harder this time, but both boys were laughing.

‘I have a girlfriend, prick, much more than the two of you can say.’

Peter turned to look at James. ‘Oh I don’t know, after that hickey Prongs got..’

Sirius gasped. ‘Thats right! You never did tell us who that was, kinky bastard.’

James shot Peter a withering look, who just smiled back triumphantly. ‘I did, it was Lily.’

‘Liar.’ They both replied simultaneously.

‘Come on James,’ Sirius coaxed. ‘There’s no need to be embarrassed, we don’t judge.’

‘Unless she is in Slytherin,’ Peter added. ‘Then we definitely judge.’ Sirius nodded.

James squirmed. He had been avoiding this topic all week. It wasn’t like he could tell either of them the truth, and lying wouldn’t be much easier, it would only take one day back at school for the whole lie to unravel. Then, an idea struck him.

‘She left.’

‘What?’

‘She left,’ James repeated, sudden excitement at the simplicity of the answer. ‘She was a seventh year.’

Peter’s jaw dropped. ‘A seventh year! Blimey Jamie!’

Sirius’ eyes narrowed. ‘I don’t believe you.’ 

‘Yeah?’ James challenged. ‘Her name was Alexia Woodbank and she was a seventh year Hufflepuff.’ he was drawing on the first name of a seventh year he could think of. ‘I met her on my way out the party when Peter saw me following Lily and it went from there.’

Everyone mulled over these facts for a few seconds, before Sirius’ grin grew. He held his beer up. ‘Alright James! A toast, to James getting off with a fucking seventh year!’ 

The boys all yelled and clinked the glasses together, James’ chest flooded with relief, before,

‘Excuse me,’ said a very disgruntled portly man. ‘I think it’s about time you boys left.’ 

James looked over his shoulder at the man, he was clearly very unimpressed by their behaviour, and then he noticed that the old woman Sirius had been rude to was standing next to him with her arms folded.

Sirius was glaring at her. ‘You little snit-’

Peter just grabbed his arm and yanked him up. ‘Nope. Come on Padfoot we’re going home.’

 

…

 

Breakfast at the Potters was usually quite a quiet affair, everyone would gather around the breakfast table as either Euphemia or Sirius (who had taken up cooking under Euphemia’s guidance) would bring over plates of eggs, toast, sausages, beans and bacon to James and Fleamont, who would sit at the table reading a book about Quidditch and the Daily Prophet respectively. Fleamont would sometimes tut or shake his head as he read, or even pass a particular article over for Euphemia to read, but would otherwise remain silent as he ate and read.   
James and Sirius would chat/ bicker over who got to eat most of the food and Euphemia would just sigh and tell them to shut up.  
That was how the Tuesday morning of the second week of the holidays went anyway.  
Until the post arrived.

It was brought in by Bibble, who was almost completely hidden by the tall stack. It wasn’t surprising though, Fleamont was always getting letter after letter about his work and people looking to sell it, improve it, buy it. Usually he let Euphemia read them and throw most of them away, but today, he wasn’t the only one with something in the mail.

‘Oh!’ Euphemia exclaimed, almost dropping the letter in her eggs. ‘Um, Sirius love, it's for you…’

Sirius looked up from where he and James had been having a silent toast eating contest. ‘Hrmph?’ he sounded through a mouthful of bread.

Euphemia turned the letter over in her hands, and her face visibly fell as she spotted the wax crest stamped in the back. Sirius’ did too.

‘Can I have it?’ he asked.

She looked up at him, his eyes seemed duller than they had a minute ago and his mouth had fallen into a straight line. ‘Course love, but just-’ she said, handing it over, but Sirius had torn it open before she could finish. He pulled the parchment out of its envelope, and James could just make out the thin scrawl down the page, but he hadn’t put his glasses on yet, and so couldn’t read it.

The room was silent for a minute as Sirius’ eyes scanned the page, and both Euphemia and James scanned Sirius for any sign of emotion, which if there where, he hid very well. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity. Sirius crumpled the letter up and shoved it back in the envelope.

Euphemia wasn’t sure whether to ask or not, but James beat her to it. ‘What did it say?’

Sirius still displayed no emotion to what was happening, but even Fleamont looked up to hear his reply. 

‘I’ve been expelled.’ 

‘WHAT.’ Euphemia cried.

‘Not from Hogwarts,’ Sirius quickly added at her distress. ‘From the Black family.’

‘Huh?’ James was confused, how can you be expelled from a family? That couldn’t be a thing, surely.

Sirius shrugged. ‘It’s a thing, like being disowned, only the purebloods all thing saying ‘expelled’ makes it all the more damning or whatever. I just means my family have officially stopped pretending I exist, aren’t going to be giving me and money when they die and have probably already blasted my name of the family tree.’ he looked around the the three Potters all staring at him. ‘Really guys, it’s nothing, this isn’t news, I already new all of the stuff it says in that letter, this just makes it official.’

Euphemia was just staring at her plate. James reached for Sirius’ arm. ‘I’m sorry Pads.’

Sirius smiled. ‘Really Prongs, it’s not a big deal. It’s good. I’m happy, good news, not bad news.’ 

James grinned back and squeezed his arm. ‘You were always my brother to me anyway, Sirius.’

Euphemia stood up. ‘Right then,’ she nodded, the boys looked up at her. ‘This calls for a cake.’

‘A cake?’ Sirius said, surprised.

‘Yes, a cake, to celebrate you officially joining the Potter family.’ she replied, her eyes glistening.

Sirius’ went a little red. ‘Oh, no you don’t have to-’

‘Course we do!’ James exclaimed. ‘I love it, let's make a cake.’ He stood up, but his mother was already standing in front of him. 

‘Oh no, definitely not.’ she laughed. ‘You aren’t going anywhere near something that is going to be eaten by other people.’

Sirius snickered and James opened his mouth to protest, but Euphemia cut over him again. ‘But, if you want to be useful, you can do the dishes?’

The boys left very quickly after that.

 

James had invited Remus and Peter over, and the four of them had all gone down James’ garden with a slice of celebration cake in their hands, to burn the letter. At first, Remus couldn’t get it to catch,

‘Come on Moony, I’ve you light joints wetter that this what are you doing.’

‘Fuck of Padfoot not my fault you dropped it in a puddle not two feet out the door.’

But, eventually, the letter was burning away nicely in the grass and the boys had all ate their cake as Remus filled them in on his week at home.

‘No change.’ 

‘Nothing?’

‘Nope.’

He looked tired though, James could tell this was taking a toll on the young werewolf. Like being cursed wasn’t enough, he had a dying mother to deal with a well. He put his arm over Remus.

‘It will be okay Rem.’ Remus smiled a little, before having another bite of cake.

Peter looked for something to change the subject.

‘What about Dorcas, Remus?’

Sirius’ head shot up. ‘What about Dorcas?’ he asked slowly.

Peter didn’t seem to have realised he had done anything wrong, but Remus looked like he was about to wet himself.

‘Ugh… Pads look, it's not big deal, I mean you guys only hooked up like once, we just talked…’

But Sirius didn’t look angry, just surprised. ‘Wait, Remus John Lupin-’

‘Don’t use my middle name.’

‘Remus John Lupin,’ Sirius repeated. ‘Do you mean to tell me, that you kissed a girl?’

Remus blushed. ‘No…’

‘Yes.’ Peter smiled, still unaware of how awkward Remus was feeling.

James slapped Remus’ back. ‘No! Way to go Moony!’

Remus still looked like he wanted to disappear right then and there. He was staring guiltily at Sirius. Peter finally seemed to have clocked something was happening and was looking back and forth at the two boys.

But Sirius was still smiling, now just at Peter’s ignorance. ‘I slept with Dorcas a couple months ago, Peter.’

The blonde boy’s face fell, and Remus cast a terrified look at James, who couldn’t quite wrap his head around Sirius’ reaction, was he upset?

Sirius looked back over at Remus. ‘So, come on Moony, tell us all about it.’

‘Wh-what?’ Remus’ mouth dropped. ‘You’re not mad?’ 

Sirius’ brow furrowed and Peter started to kick the last dying ember of the letter to distract himself. ‘Mad?’ Sirius frowned. ‘No Rem, I’m happy for you. Why would I be mad? It wasn’t like I was actually with the girl.’

‘Yeah but…’

‘No but’s Rem,’ Sirius smiled, shaking his head. ‘It really doesn't bother me, as long as it doesn't bother you?’

Remus looked over at James again. ‘Well, no.. it doesn’t I mean, it was a little awkward at first, because when I was kissing her I just had this horrible image of her and Sirius-’

‘Yeah, yeah alright Moony we get it, I’ve lived it, I don’t need to think about it ever again.’ James grimaced. ‘So, you like her then?’

‘I don’t know.. It was only one time… right at the end of the year.’ 

‘Well whatever you decide Rem, it's pretty exciting, your first kiss!’   
Sirius nodded in agreement with Peter.

‘Fucking finally as well.’

Remus gave him the finger.

 

That night, James was lying in bed, still awake. The day running through his mind. All he could think about was Regulus that night a the party… that kiss. Frankly, james had spent his time lying awake in bed doing little else. He constant attempts to push any thought of the younger boy out from his mind during the day seemed to always fail at night time. He thought about what Regulus was doing, whether he was missing James and much and James was missing him. Which felt odd. James shouldn’t be missing him at all. It's not like they were friends… they were…. Merlin, as if James had any clue what they were. And having Sirius just across the hall from him, yet feeling like his best friend in the whole world was so distant, so seperated by this enormous secret, was eating away at him. It wasn’t like Sirius hadn’t noticed james had been a little off lately, but in a very un-Sirius like fashion, he hadn’t brought it up… yet.  
James turned over.  
Please let me sleep, please.  
But James was very aware that wanting to go to sleep very rarely meant he would be able to go to sleep.  
Out of nowhere, there was a soft knock at the door.

‘Ugh..’ James answered.  
He heard the door slide open, and in the doorway was the silhouette of Sirius Black. 

‘Jamie’ he said quietly. James sat up and looked over at him, he looked tired, James could jsut about make out the bags under his eyes. Sirius walked over to the side of the bed. 

‘Can I get in?’ 

James moved over. ‘Course.’ 

Sirius got in and wrapped himself up in James’ duvet and lay there quietly, James lay back down next to him.

‘You need to talk?’

It took Sirius a few seconds to reply, James listened to his steady breaths.

‘I lied. I am sad about the letter.’

James looked over at him. ‘Sirius, you don’t have to pretend that it’s okay, no one would ever want to receive that in the post, from your family as well-’

But Sirius was shaking his head. ‘Is not about that…’ He breathed in again. ‘I just… I feel… I shouldn’t have left Regulus.’

James swallowed.

‘I shouldn’t have left him like that. And blamed him for everything. It’s just.. It's hard, you know? He was always the golden child, doing whatever was asked of him and then there was just...me. I think I just thought he was also responsible for it all. Which isn't true.’ sirius sighed. James remained silent. ‘I just shouldn’t have abandoned him like that. In a weird way.. I miss him.’

Sirius fell silent. 

‘I know how you feel Sirius.’ 

But Sirius only nodded a little in reply, too wrapped up in his own thoughts to have really heard. James was thankful for that.  
The two of them lay there for the rest of the night, until Sirius fell asleep and James was once again left to think about Regulus.

 

…

 

With Remus finally managing to have wrangled a weekend of time at James’ out of his parents, Euphemia Potter was feeling very outnumbered. A house full of boys had meant a house full of mess for the past 24 hours and now with the three marauders all out doing god knows what in the garden, she had finally seized the moment to go and clean James’ room, which was so disgusting that she had had to call in a house elf or two to help her deal with the state. Eventually, James himself made his way back up to the room.

‘Uh, hey mum, why are you in my room?’

‘James Fleamont Potter.’ Euphemia shouted, turning around and placing her, glove-wearing, hands on her hips. ‘What on EARTH have you done to this room.’

James just stared dumbly back at his mother as she marched over to him.   
‘Well?’ she demanded, brandishing a muddy t-shirt James had left hanging from the end of his bed after and wrestling match in the garden yesterday, it smelt like something had died. James shrugged, smiling back at his mum.

‘Don’t look at me, Remus is the messy one here.’

‘Don’t you dare try to blame your friend for this James Potter, Remus is nothing but kind, clean and helpful, you on the other hand…’

‘What!’ James replied incredulously. ‘Remus is a mess Mum! He leaves his shit-’

Euphemia bopped him gently on the head. ‘Mind your language young man! I’m angry enough as is.’

James ran his hand through his hair and leaned against the door frame. ‘This probably isn’t a good time to ask if we can go and see Peter then..’

Euphemia blinked. ‘You’re joking right?’

‘Pleaseeee mum. Peter has been stuck with his Dad this whole time and he is all upset he couldn’t come here and-’

‘Absolutely not, you have to clean this pigsty up.’

‘Can’t you just do that with magic?’

She knocked him on the head again. ‘How will ever learn to look after yourself if you just have me picking everything up for you James?’

James smirked. ‘I could just never move out of the house.’

Euphemia finally grinned back at him. ‘Really? You want to live with me and your Dad for the rest of your adult life?’

‘Yeah okay, on second thought, I take that back.’ he snorted.

Euphemia looked over her shoulder, Dotty the house-elf had already managed to clean up a lot of the trash and stains from the floor and furniture, there really wasn’t much left to do. ‘Look.’ she said slowly, eyeing up her son. ‘If I let you go-JUst this once mind you- you are going to owe me big time young man and-’

But James had already leapt up and kissed his mum on the cheek. ‘Thanks mum!’ he shouted as he rushed out the room and down the stairs to Sirius and Remus who were already waiting by the front door. It was another few seconds before Euphemia heard the bang of the door shutting behind them.   
‘Night-mare children.’ she muttered.

 

Peter’s house was a small semi-detached building on a road off a busy high street littered with pubs and rotting newsagents. The house itself was painted with fading white paint and the the window sill on the second floor look like it would be making a trip to the ground some time soon. But there were two pairs of wellington boots on the steps, and there were silent wind chimes dangling overhead, the house had signs someone had been living here, decorating it, even if it did seem like some time ago… James thought about when Peter had told him his mother had left him and his dad after finding out Peter was a wizard. He had only mentioned it a few times, and not wanted to go into it too much, but sometimes when Remus would mention his mother trying to understand what on earth Lyall and Remus were talking about, Peter had looked a little crestfallen.

James knocked. Twice. But there was no answer. So Sirius banged repeatedly with both his leg and knuckle on the door until Remus grabbed him back.

‘Really Sirius? What if they are sleeping?’

Sirius shoved Remus off. ‘As if Peter is sleeping at 2 in the afternoon, Rem.’

But James was less sure. ‘Maybe they are just asleep…’

Then, Peter came through a gate on the side of the house, dressed in dungarees and gardening gloves, he looked rosy cheeked from labour.

‘Oh, hey guys!’ He exclaimed. ‘Sorry, I can’t hear the door from outside and Dad’s...what are you doing here anyway?’

‘Nice clothes, Petey.’ Sirius smirked. Remus nudged him. ‘What?’ he said indignantly. ‘I wasn’t joking, he looks good, have you been gardening?’

‘Is it that obvious?’

‘You do look like a bit of a farmer, Wormtail.’ Remus said.

Peter just blushed. ‘It’s just hobby of sorts… I don’t do it that often…’

James smiled. ‘It’s cool Pete, I can’t do herbology or garden for shit so.’ the other two nodded along with him. Peter, looking a little less embarrassed, brushed himself off.

‘You coming inside then?’ 

‘Yup.’

Peter lead the three boys in side, the door lead straight in a living room, that would have seemed large if it weren’t for the stacks of newspapers lining one wall, and the enormous reclining chair and sofa along the other. A radio was blaring out noisily from the corner and James could just make out the tune of let it be through the crackle.

‘Sorry, it’s a bit of a mess at the moment.’ Peter apologised after Remus’ leg knocked one of the piles of fading news, almost knocking it over. ‘D’ya mind if I go get changed, it’s just the-’

‘Yeah course Pete, go for it.’

Then it was just James Remus and Sirius left standing there. Remus was keeping an eye out for any more of his gangly limbs hitting a stray object, whilst James was staring over at that very comfy chair, Sirius, who had made himself a sandwich just before they had left, was already hungry again and had other ideas.  
‘Oy! Pete! You got any food?’ He shouted out as he poked his head around the kitchen door to his right. There was no reply, so Sirius looked over at James, before shrugging and making his way over to the fridge.  
Not long after, James could hear footsteps coming back down from where Peter had disappeared a minute earlier, but it wasn’t Peter who came through the door. Peter’s dad was short and plump, wearing the thin white vest and some long blue boxers, clutching his stomach as he came through the doorway. His thinning blond hair was the same as Peter’s and he had the same rounded face and watery blue eyes, but the fat nose and heavy, bushy eyebrows distinguished him from his son. James had only met him a handful of times at Peter’s and at King’s Cross, but he had always been seemed a simple and nice enough man, if the kind to laugh at his own jokes louder than anyone else.

‘Wha are you doing in my ‘ouse?’ He shouted. His voice was raspy, but surprisingly high for a man of his stature.

‘Oh, um, hello Mr Pettigrew, nice to see you again.’ Remus stuck his hand out, but the gesture was not returned.

‘Can I ‘elp you Peter’s friends.’ he almost sneered the last part, and James frowned at him. Mr Pettigrew took a step towards him. ‘What are looking at, speccy?’ 

Speccy? James had never been called speccy. Sometimes people would call him four eyes, but that was more of a thing when he was.. I don’t know.. Twelve? But the step forward had meant James had taken a step back, as had Remus, which had meant the one thing Remus had been avoiding, happened, and he almost fell onto his back as he kicked and knocked over one of the tallest piles of newspapers.

‘Oh, shit sor-’

‘WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING’ Peter’s Dad roared, storming forward to try and prevent the collapsing tower, he was unsuccessful and instead was left red faced as the last remaining papers slid through his fat hands.

The other two marauders reappeared at the same time from different doors, Peter rushed in in trousers and a jumper he had put on the wrong way around in his haste. Sirius poked his head through the doorframe, a spoon of what looked like peanut butter in his mouth as his hand held the jar.

‘What’s going on?’ They both asked.

But Sirius eating his food only seemed to anger the man more and he strode over to him. ‘You. Put my food down now you little twat or so help me god.’  
Sirius had gone ash white.

‘Dad!’ Peter shouted. ‘Stop it! He was just hungry!’

‘NO Peter!’ he exclaimed, rounding on his son. ‘That’s my hard earned food. How dare he help himself like he is the king of my own fucking castle and this other one, destroying my work like it was nothing the ungrateful lanky bastard.’ he had almost gone purple by this point. ‘Get out! All of you! Out of my house you vermin! Out now!’

James didn’t have to be told twice, he grabbed Sirius as Remus grabbed PEter’s arm and the four of them strode out as the door was slammed loudly behind them. James noticed that the neighbour from the adjoining house was poking her head out from behind the curtains.  
Peter was still holding onto Remus’ hand, and so the marauders continued to walk as he dragged Remus further and further down the street until they were almost at the end. Sirius finally broke the silence.

‘Your dad seems-’

‘Shut up Sirius. He was only doing that because… well I mean he had only just gotten up and so he was bound to be a bit grumpy, with the hangover and everything.. It’s because he lost his job, he is normally fine, he is never like that I swear it’s just this once and you guys were trashing the house a bit I only went for a minute I mean-’

‘Hey, hey Peter,’ James interjected, knowing that Peter would go on until the sun set if someone didn’t stop him. ’It’s fine, my mum has kicked me out of the house for being a nuisance plenty of times.’   
But she’s never called me a lanky bastard... He thought.  
Peter looked up, James could see he was shaking a little. Remus put his arm over his shoulder. 

‘What now?’ James asked.

‘We could go to the park, I’ve still got all that weed on me..’ Remus suggested.

‘Oh yeah, smoking in the park, very cool Rem.’ Peter smiled, perking up a little now they were away from the house.

‘Well have you got a better idea Wormtail?’ Remus scowled.

‘We could go to Marlene’s.’ Sirius chimed. The other turned to look at him.

‘What?’ James asked incredulously.

‘We could go to Marlene’s.’ Sirius repeated. ‘She lives pretty nearby.’

‘And how the fuck do you know that?’ Remus laughed.

Sirius smirked. But James just rolled his eyes.

‘Please tell me when we broke into McGonagall’s office it wasn’t just so you could find out where your girlfriends loves Padfoot.’

Remus and Peter groaned as sirius stuck his finger up at James.

‘Well I got Lily’s address as well you prick, but maybe now I just won’t give it to you.’

‘Stalker.’

‘Arsehole.’

‘So are we going or not?’

They all looked at each other.

 

Sirius knocked on the door. He was right, Marlene’s had been no more than a fifteen minute walk from Peter’s. What were the chances, James thought. Her house was the same white colour, but the paint looked slightly newer and the signs of life were much more evident with another radio blasting out from the sitting room window.  
Marlene answered the door in a sweatshirt and pyjama shorts, still laughing at something someone else must have said. Her face didn’t fall, but it didn’t exactly light up when she saw the four boys standing in front of her.

‘Hey Marlykins! We thought we would stop by, that okay?’ Sirius grinned. James and Peter waved from behind him and Remus held up a plastic newsagents bag.

‘We bought wine!’ He smiled. ‘We figured it was what visitors bring to someone's house.’

Marlene seemed a little lost for words, but someone shouted from inside the house.

‘Marlene who is it?’

James frowned. ‘Is that-’

Peter and Sirius had taken this as an invitation to go and meet the mysterious voice and had walked past and into the house, quickly followed by James Remus and Marlene.  
In the living room were not one but three more girls, Lily, Mary and girl James didn’t recognise. They two were all in some form of sweater and pyjamas, and Mary had green goo all over her face and was merrily painting Lily’s nails a bright shade of red. They all looked up. 

‘Oh my god, who invited them!’ Mary shrieked, dropping the nail varnish onto the wooden floor as her hands tried to shield her face. Sirius snickered. Lily had almost gone as red as he nails.

‘Yeah,’ she demanded. ‘Marlene, I don’t remember you saying you invited these idiots.’

‘Rude.’ Peter commented.

‘I didn’t.’ Marlene replied, sighing. ‘They just… wait how did you know where I live.’

None of the marauders responded.

James grinned and swept his hand through his hair. ‘Aren't you pleased to see us?’ Mary answered by shrieking a little more and running out of the room and into a bathroom. JAmes and Lily made eye contact. He hadn’t spoken to her since the night at the party and an uneasy feeling arose in his stomach. He hadn’t expected her to be here. He looked away again.

‘Who are you?’ Their attention was now drawn to the girl sitting next to Lily. She had long brown hair and wore large glasses that made her hazel eyes appear enormous. James didn’t think he had ever seen her before.

Marlene cleared her throat. ‘Um, Carol, these are Sirius-

‘Marly’s boyfriend.’

‘-shut up Sirius… Sirius, the plonker, James, Remus and Peter. They go to boarding school with us.’

‘Boys,’ Marlene said nervously. ‘This is Carol.. My neighbour...my normal neighbour.’

The emphasis on the world normal seemed lost on Carol, but the marauders knew what Marlene was saying, she was clearly a muggle.

‘Nice to meet you.’ Remus smiled sticking out his hand again, this time, Carol stood up and shook it, though she looked a little surprised at the polite gesture and at Remus’ face, but she didn’t say anything.  
Mary returned, her face now back to it’s normal colour. She looked over at the boys.

‘This was supposed to be girls night, you know.’ she frowned. 

Sirius grinned. ‘Ah yes, but if we hadn’t come, McDonald, who would have bought the alcohol and weed?’

‘Weed?’ ‘Alcohol?’ the other two girls replied simultaneously.  
Remus held up two plastic bags, smiling.

Lily looked over at Marlene. ‘Are you okay with this Marly?’

Marlene shrugged. ‘If you guys are.’

‘And your parents aren’t going to come home?’

‘Not until tomorrow morning.’

‘Sounds like a party then!’ Peter cried. ‘Lucky us, we clearly chose the right day to turn up on your doorstep.’

 

James and Remus were sitting in the garden, the both of them enormously stoned and yet still dragging away at another joint. Sirius had disappeared a while ago with Marlene, but no one had the stomach to go and look for them. James had been avoiding Lily all evening, choosing to mainly hang out with Carol and Peter, who had been teaching him how to dance like a muggle or ‘do the time warp’ as Carol had called it.  
But when he had freed himself of the hip thrusting and kicking of that dancing, James had found himself sat on a stone step in the small backyard next to Remus, who had been quiet all evening.

‘What you thinking about Moony.’ 

‘The moon.’ the werewolf replied. ‘You know I’ve can’t remember what a full moon looks like? I mean obviously i can see in my head what I should look like, and there are drawings and shit.. But I haven’t actually seen one in 11 years…’

James looked over at his friend. In the dim glow of the house lights, the contours of Remus face were illuminated. It was a jarring reminder of all the nights james hadn’t been there to protect his friend. ‘It’s not all that interesting Rem, you’re not missing out on much.’

Remus shrugged. ‘I’m missing out on everything.’

James rested his head on Remus’ shoulder. ‘You’re going to be okay Remus, you’ve got us.’

Remus didn’t reply. He just puffed away at his joint.

‘And Dorcas.’ James added hopefully.

Remus just scoffed. ‘Absolutely not.’ 

James snorted. ‘Why not?’

Remus sat up a little more. ‘Because Prongs,’ he said in a pained voice. ‘What's the point?’

James started, but Remus turned to look at him, his amber eyes shining just like his scars. ‘Say we get together at the start of the year. And it goes great. And we have a real connection and it’s like the perfect relationship. What about when it’s going so well that she finally starts nagging about why I disappear every month? Or why I’m too tired after that day to sometimes even get out of bed? Or why my face looks like a wood carving? And don’t even get me started on taking my clothes off in front of someone else, because it took three years and you and Sirius bursting out of the shower to scare me before you ever saw me shirtless.’

The two boys sat there for a minute, both sucking away at the almost finished joints. James knew he was never going to fully understand what Remus went through every day. What it was like being a werewolf. But he would be fucked if he would ever let Remus think that it was a reason for Remus to hate himself.

‘If i can love you Rem, why can’t she?’

Remus just shook his head. ‘’S not the same.’

There was another pause before Remus stood up, flicking the butt away into the grass. ‘I should go and see Peter, I think he was pretty shaken up by that outburst earlier. James just nodded as Remus walked back into the house. He was lost, thinking about the differences between romantic and platonic love. He loved Sirius, but he had never wanted to kiss him. He loved his mum, but in a familial way. He thought he had loved Lily, but even that didn’t feel like…. How he felt about Regulus. But James wasn’t gay.  
James also hadn’t noticed someone sitting down beside him.

‘Hey. Can a have some of that?’ Lily asked.  
James looked over at her.   
‘Some-some of this?’ he said, holding up the almost finished joint.

She nodded, raising an eyebrow. ‘You look surprised.’ 

James laughed, handing it to her. ‘A little, I didn’t realise saintly Miss Evans indulged in such behaviour.’

She just shook her head, taking a drag. ‘Saintly?’

‘Yeah, you walk around buffing that halo above your head like a lovely saint.’

She looked at him. ‘Prick, no need to be rude.’

He didn’t know why he was saying this. ‘It's not rude if it’s true darling.’

She resolved to just ignore him and let it go. ‘No sign of Sirius then?’

James snorted. ‘Nope, probably upstairs fucking Marlene.’

‘Unlikely.’ she laughed. He looked surprised.

‘Wait… they’ve never?’

Lily started laughing harder. ‘No! Marlene is.. Waiting I guess…’ she narrowed her eyes at him. ‘Why, did he say something different.’

James thought for a moment. ‘Well, no… he never said anything actually.. I think I just assumed…’

‘Well, you assumed wrong.’

Oh.

James was desperate to avoid-

‘Speaking of, you arse looks lovely in those shorts, you know.’

Her mouth fell open. ‘Excuse me?’

Fuck. What was he on about? ‘Yeah,’ he grinned, running his hand through his hair. ‘I mean, if they aren’t maybe we can fill the gap.’

Lily stood up. ‘Are you fucking kidding me Potter? All that stuff last year and we are back to here?’

James stood up with her, with no clue what he was doing. ‘What stuff, it’s just you and me Evans.’

‘Fuck off, Potter,’ she spat. ‘I at least thought you realising you liked boys would get you over this rubbish.’

There it was.

‘Hey!’

‘What!’

‘I-I don’t….’ he spluttered, she just smirked. 

‘You can’t even admit to yourself, can you? For christ’s sakes James.’

‘Fuck you!’ james turned on his heel and walked away, no chance he was staying for the live conversation of what was running through his head every day, and he was much to fucked to do this right now.

‘Twat!’ she shouted after him.

James also walked right into Sirius, who was rushing down the stairs, grabbing his jacket off the hook he had put it on only three hours ago. 

‘I want to leave.’ He growled.

James didn’t even care. ‘Me too.’ 

They found Remus and Wormtail sitting at the kitchen table and after a brief conversation and some snapped curse words from Sirius, the marauders had left Marlene's house behind them, and were walking silently back to the train station they had arrived from.


	21. Summer Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very sorry for the long break, have been busy and all over the place with things! I've also deleted my tumblr so if you're looking to contact me, do so through here :-) enjoy x

_ ‘The next station is Highbury and Islington, change here for the overground, or national rail services. Please mind the gap between the train and the platform.’ _

 

‘Remind me again how it started?’ 

‘I told you, James, it didn’t start, it just… happened.’

‘Yes,’ James replied, jumping down from the car of the tube onto the platform. ‘But that cannot be true, so I will ask again, how did this massive fight start, Sirius.’

 

Remus banged his head on top of the train door and swore loudly, receiving a glare from the man trying to push his way in. Peter chuckled as he followed the other four, and reached into his pocket for a lighter to light the cigarette Sirius was furiously trying to get to catch on the platform. 

 

‘Cheers, Wormtail.’ he grumbled. James just rolled his eyes as he fished around his pocket for his train ticket. It wasn’t there.

 

‘Ah, shit.’ he muttered.

 

‘Have you seriously lost it again-’

 

‘Shut up Moony it will be in here somewhere.’

 

‘Seriously James this is another kind of magic, how have you managed to lose every bloody ticket you buy.’

 

‘They're tiny and made of paper okay! And Sirius hasn’t answered my question.’ James scowled, digging deeper.

 

‘Because it’s a stupid question.’

 

‘Not if it’s the reason you have been in a shitty mood the past week and half it isn’t.’

 

The boys reached the ticket gate and Peter passed through before turning back to explain to Sirius, yet again, how to pass the ticket through the machine.

 

‘Fucking tourists.’ A lady moaned. Sirius snarled at her. 

 

After Remus had gone through James still hadn’t recovered the ticket, he had probably left it on the train.. He glanced briefly around him, aside from a portly gentlemen sitting in a small security booth, there wasn’t anyone working for the tube around. James took his chances.

 

‘Sorry mate,’ he said, pushing past the man in front of him and using both hands on either side to jump of the ticket gate and jog over to his friends.

 

‘Hey!’ the officer shouted from inside his booth. ‘What do you think you’re doing!’ He rose out of his chair and tried climb out, but he was slow and the four boys had run off out of the station before he could catch up with them.

 

‘Done with grace, as always, Prongs.’ Peter panted. James chuckled.

 

‘Alright then,’ he smiled, throwing his arm over Remus’ shoulder. ‘Let ‘cheer up Remus day’ begin!’

 

Remus raised an eyebrow. ‘Excuse me?’

 

Sirius dropped and put out his cigarette. ‘We talked about this Rem, this is your big day out. Take your mind off things.’ He spread his arms out. ‘We’re in the capital of England. Where’d you wanna go?’

 

‘When on earth did we discuss this?’

 

Peter smirked. ‘You may or may not have been a bit off your face at that time.’

 

James snorted. Remus did not. ‘Please tell me you three imbeciles did not decide that making plans to go out for the day whilst we were all high on edibles was something that we should actually do.’

 

Sirius pouted. ‘But Rem, you were so keen to get away at the time.’ But he immediately started giggling after.

 

‘Yeah I think your exact words were ‘I just want to wander away into London and disappear and float or some shit like that.. Wait what I don’t think that made any sense.. Wait I need the loo.’’

 

All three of the others were laughing now. Remus just sighed and started walking off.

 

‘Wait Moony!’ James shouted. ‘Come on! It’s funny! And we really do want to do something nice with you today!’ 

 

‘Well are you coming then?’ Remus shouted back. They all ran to catch up with him.

 

After a few minutes Sirius looked around at where they were. ‘Where are we going?’ 

 

‘Not sure.’ Remus said after a few seconds, slowing down down to halt. ‘Where are we again?’

 

The other boys shrugged.

 

James scanned the busy road ahead of them. ‘Ah ha!’ he exclaimed. ‘A cinema! Remus you said you liked those.’

 

‘Yeah, when I was five Prongs.’

 

‘What are they?’ Sirius asked.

 

‘Long moving pictures.’ Peter replied, walking towards the cinema to try to see what they were showing. 

 

Sirius’ jaw dropped. ‘What! Muggle have those too!’ He was also now rushing over to take a look. ‘What’s the omen?’ He was looking up at the large posters advertising the many films on show at the moment.

 

Peter squirmed. ‘I heard it’s kinda scary..’

 

‘I want to go! I want to go! Pease, please I’ve never been before!’

 

James rolled his eyes. ‘It’s like having a puppy.’

 

Remus was glaring over at James. ‘You set this up.’ 

 

James frowned slightly. ‘What do you mean Moons?’ He could feel Sirius tugging on his sleeve so he turned to him. ‘Ugh you’re so annoying sometimes. Look go with Peter and buy tickets alright?’ And Sirius bounced, significantly happier than he was ten minutes ago.

 

Remus huffed. ‘You did all of this.. Taking us out to London to a cinema, which you know Sirius would beg for us all to go to so that we couldn’t refuse.’

 

James eyes were glistening but he put on an innocent smile. ‘But Moony, surely you don’t think little old me could orchestrate such a scheme that would cheer up both of you at the same time with minimal effort from me and Wormtail?’

 

‘Arsehole’

 

‘Oh come, you said yourself you used to love these places, and besides, it’s supposed to be a good movie.’

  
  
  
  
  


‘That was a terrible movie.’ 

 

‘It was not, you’re so dramatic.’

 

‘It was fucking terrifying!’ 

 

‘Give over.’

 

The Marauders stumbled out of the cinema, their eyes still adjusting to the know fading light in the sky. Sirius had the popcorn that he had insisted on buying stuck in his hair and Remus had spilled sprite on himself that had dried into  dark stain on his jumper. The movie really wasn’t that scary by James’ standards, but Peter had hated it, twice he had screamed out loud, one earning him a hush from the young kids behind them.

 

‘And then… the kid just.. Kills everyone! The fucking devil child!’ 

 

‘We were in the movie too Peter.’   

 

Peter scowled as the walked down the street. ‘I hated it.’

 

Sirius had also turned slightly pale as the film progressed, but had sunk back into his bad mood now that the entertainment was over. ‘I need a drink’

 

James grinned. ‘Need to settle your nerves Padfoot?’

 

‘Fuck off.’ But Sirius did, so they all ducked into the nearest bar and placed themselves at a table in the corner. 

 

They bar was well-populated, but not crowded, with the familiar smell of beer in the air and most people congregating around one table, it looked like some kind of office party. A few others, mostly regulars sitting on stools at the bar, were dotted around, Peter seemed to have noticed a particularly pretty girl waiting for her drinks at the bar.

 

‘What does everyone want?’ he asked, still eyeing the girl, oblivious to the fact that the others had barely sat down.

 

‘Beer.’ James and Remus chimed.

 

‘Coke and vodka.’ Sirius grumbled.

 

James looked over at him. ‘It’s seven o’clock Sirius.’

 

Sirius just sneered back at him. ‘You’re not my mother Potter.’

 

‘You know, I’m getting pretty sick of you just growling and snapping at people half the time Padfoot.’

 

‘Oh piss off, you’re just moaning at me because you can’t moan at your mum.’

 

‘S’cuse me?’

 

‘Why don’t I help you get the drinks Pete?’ Remus offered, almost knocking his chair over to get up again, Peter nodded and the two quickly walked away.

 

Sirius eyed James. ‘You heard me. And Evans, though why you even let her get under you skin is beyond me mate.’

 

James spluttered. ‘I’m sorry, what does this have to do with either-’

 

‘First off, Euphemia.’ Sirius started, leaning back in his chair. ‘She hasn’t stopped going on about death eaters and voldemort since we came back in the summer and I can tell it’s driving you up the wall, but you can’t say anything because she is barely letting us out the house as it is without you starting a fight.’ he drew a breath. ‘Then there is Lily, I don’t even want to know what gross thing you said to her because if its as sappy as it usually is I might vomit, but Prongs, you’re not even friends with this girl, she fucking hates your guts mate, so why do you let her piss you off? And why do you chase her around like some spotty thirteen year old with too much testosterone and his first boner. She isn’t worth it for fucks sake. Girls are just fucking ridiculous I mean why you would even bother with them, saying one thing and then meaning another just so they can get pissed off at you over the tiniest thing for no fucking reason…’

 

Sirius seemed to have said his piece, something James assumed he had been wanting to say for a while, and reached into his pocket to retrieve his cigarettes, not looking at James. He wasn’t wrong though, James’ mum had been annoying him to no end, everyday it was more and more talking about how terrifying it all was and what were people to do know that we were all targets and all this.. It was non stop and James just couldn’t handle it anymore. And Lily.. well, James couldn’t exactly tell Sirius why he and Lily had fought, but Sirius had just assumed James had been his usual self, which was fine with James, despite the swirling sensation he got in his stomach whenever he thought about it. Sirius was just trying to avoid the real story though.

 

‘So is that what the fight with Marlene was about then? Some small thing.’ he said quietly.

 

Sirius sighed. ‘Not even gonna come back at me then?’

 

‘No, I think you were pretty much spot on with your cutting assessment of my life..’

 

He smirked, lighting the cigarette. He looked up at James, who was staring right back at him. He sighed again. ‘We’re up in her bedroom on her bed right.’

 

‘Sirius, you know what, if it’s something you did with anything in your pants, I take it back I don’t want to know.’  Sirius flipped him off.

 

Remus and Peter returned and starting passing out the drinks, eyeing up the other two marauders as they did. Sirius just continued.

 

‘And then out of nowhere she just starts going on about how she’s glad we came tonight, it was a good thing we didn’t show up at her house while her parents were home, how awkward it would to introduce me to her parents or whatever.’ 

‘So then I said, ‘yeah that does sound pretty awful.’ and she goes mental, saying ‘oh so you’re saying you don’t even want to meet my parents?’ ‘are you just going to act like we aren’t even together during the holidays because god forbid you meet my mum and dad.’ ‘are you not committed to this relationship.’ ‘are you cheating on me is this why you’re being such a pig.’ I mean, what the fuck am I supposed to say to that? No, Marlene I don’t want to meet your parents because to be honest I have a pretty shitty record with adults and frankly, I don’t think I’m the sort of boy your daddy would get along with. But oh no she just keeps talking and I can't get a word in edgeways for fucks sake so after a while I just start shouting about how fucking annoying she is being because christ we’ve only been together what? Two months…’ 

Sirius seemed to have once again run out of steam and sat for a few more seconds with his mouth open, before admitting defeat and reaching to take a big gulp of his drink.

 

‘Padfoot..’

 

Remus looked over at James, who look back at both him and Peter. What was there to say to that?

 

‘You know, I bet any parent would be lucky to meet you Padfoot.’

 

Sirius looked up. ‘Thanks Pete, but I’m not under any illusion that I’m the boy next door with the charming smile and adult conversation skills, you would be thinking of Jamie there.’

 

Remus took a sip of his beer. ‘I bet she just wanted you to seem like you would have wanted to meet her parents.’ 

 

‘Yeah, I sort of figured that one out for myself Rem.’

 

James banged his hand on the table. ‘Right then I guess there is nothing to it.’ He held up his drink. ‘We all need to join Sirius in his hole of self-pity and get pissed.’

 

‘Agreed.’

 

Just over an hour later, true to their word, the marauders were all reasonably drunk. Sirius had convinced Peter to come with him up to the bar, mostly because he had been watching the blonde boy stare over at the girl sitting there for the past hour and knew Peter would need a helping hand getting the courage to go talk to her. James and Remus remained sitting around the small table, talking enthusiastically about Quidditch, well James was doing most of the talking, Remus was just listening really.

 

‘And that is why the holyhead Harpies lost in the last match, and fair play if they’re going to pulling moves like that, I blame their new coach, he really hasn’t settled in properly and he is putting moves on them that just don’t make sense, I mean that play last season-’

 

‘Do you think your mum is right James?’

 

James stopped. ‘What?’

 

‘About all this stuff, the death eaters and that. Do you really think people are being killed?’

 

He squirmed. ‘Remus, my mum likes to exaggerate-’

 

‘Yeah, but have you read the papers? It’s all this stuff about people going missing, families suddenly exclaiming to the world how we need blood purity and to get rid of all the muggle borns and half breeds..’

 

‘Remus.’

 

‘I’m just saying.’

 

‘If you think someone is going to come after you-’

 

‘That’s not what I mean James. I mean, do you think something bad is happening?’

 

James leaned back in his chair and looked around the room, surveying the various muggles all drinking away, chatting and laughing, completely unaware that anything was wrong. That muggle families were being found murdered. That wizards and witches were declaring their hatred for anything slightly unlike themselves. That there were four wizards sitting just meters away from them. That there was a werewolf….

‘Yes Moony. Something bad is happening. But right now, it’s just heresay and stories in the paper. If there was something I could do about you better believe I would do it in a heartbeat, but I think most people are at a loss right now, I mean, what do you do when a wizard turns bad? Dark magic is some of the most disgusting stuff out there, but how the fuck are you supposed to fight it?’

 

Remus took another drink and shrugged. ‘Not a clue mate.’

 

James felt Sirius’ hand clasp his shoulder. I sent a awful shiver down his back, his hand felt just like someone else's. Sirius sat back down in his seat as James ran his hand through his hair, hoping no one had noticed. Peter had also walked back over, but he refrained from sitting and rather just hovered behind Remus’ chair. 

 

Sirius snorted. ‘It’s fine, Peter, sit down.’

 

‘It is not fine.’

 

‘What happened?’ Remus asked, looking up at his friend.

 

‘Peter asked the pretty girl at the bar for her number,’

 

‘Sirius.’

 

‘But, it turns out her boyfriend had just walked in and was walking over right as he said it.’

 

James raised his eyebrows. ‘Shit, seriously? What are the chances hey.’

 

‘Like I said, it was fine,’ Sirius said, pulling out yet another cigarette. ‘She politely declined and her boyfriend didn’t even hear.’

 

‘He might have done.’ Peter moaned. ‘Please can we just leave.’

 

Remus snorted. ‘We’ve only been here for an hour.’

 

‘Please.’

 

James looked at him, then over at Sirius, who was trying to light the cigarette. He reached over and snatched the thin tube from his friends fingers.

 

‘Hey-’

 

‘Yes, alright Wormtail, let’s go. And stop whining Pads you smoke too much, it’s gross.’

 

‘Hypocrite.’

 

The four of them trailed slowly out, Peter still cautiously eyeing the man now standing happily talking to the pretty girl. Soon again they were wondering the streets of… what was this place called again? Oh, Islington, that was it, why did it ring a bell? They had turned off onto a more suburban road, Sirius and Remus were trying to see who could jump over the most bollards in a row, but with Remus being almost a head taller than Sirius with extremely long legs, it wasn’t much of a competition.

There was a loud crash and shout came from one of the alleyways that came off the street, and James was going to ignore it but Peter started walking over to the source.

 

‘Don’t Peter, it’s probably just a rat or something.’

 

‘Oh, then he’d fit right in.’ Sirius giggled. Peter stuck up his middle finger, but continued to have a look, so the others followed.

 

What James had thought was just some small animal was turning out to be a collection of people, they could all here many young voices whispering away. Sirius gave him a look as if to say,

 

‘The fuck is this?’

 

The answer was no less concerning. And horrifying. Crouched over a large mass of what looked like bin bag or something, were the last five people you would ever want to see in your summer holiday. Maybe four. 

 

Barty Crouch looked up first, he too looked in horror over at the four boy facing him, who were each too stunned to move or say anything. With none one in either group currently holding their wand, not they they could have used them anyway, they all felt a sudden nakedness, like they had come to battle unarmed. Barty recovered.

 

‘Holy shit it’s Sirius Black and his pack of half breeds.’  the rest of Crouch’s group suddenly looked up, shocked. Severus’ curtain of hair fell away, revealing both Rookwood and Avery’s heads bouncing up. Regulus didn’t look up for a moment, his body just went rigid. Not that James was looking at him. At least, he really tried not to.

 

Sirius bristled, but Remus had already stepped in to stand in front of him. No one needed Sirius getting involved right now. Instead, James just took a quick breath, and smiled.

 

‘Evening lads, nice to see you came out as well, a fitting hangout choice too, Avery, is it really true you were put in a rubbish bin at birth? Because if so, I congratulate you returning to your roots.’

 

Avery’s fists clenched, but Snape was the one to reply. ‘We could say the same to Black over there, did he really miss mummy and daddy so much that he bought all three of you back here to get you arses blown off again?’

 

Fuck, that was it, Sirius lived around here, why hadn’t that clicked? Why hadn’t Sirius said something… then James remembered how a few years ago Sirius had mentioned that, despite living there his whole life, he had never actually walked further than 10 feet from his front door unless you counted using floo powder. He must have had no idea where they were, like the rest of them.

 

‘Merlin, is that a person down there!’ Remus suddenly shouted as the mound on the pavement started to wriggle. 

 

‘None of your fucking business scar face, you lot need to walk away right now.’

 

‘Or what?’ Sirius growled, staring right at his brother, which James definitely wasn’t. Much to his relief though, James heard a distinctive meow come from below. ‘It’s not like any you have wands.’

 

‘Jesus christ are you stealing cats now?’ Peter cried. ‘To what.. Fuck that is so twisted, you psychopaths. What are you gonna do, take them back to your lair to experiment on.’

 

Crouch took a step forward, ‘Fuck off Pettigrew before you wet yourself.’

 

James tried to stand in between the two boys, he tutted. ‘So agressive Crouch, what would your dad think…’

 

The punch didn’t actually come from Barty, it was from Avery, but he was at such a bad angle (and he wasn’t quite bright enough to have good aim) that his fist completely missed James, but landed smack bang on Peter’s nose, with blood exploding out of it instantaneously. James fell back crashing into someone next to him and pinning them against the wall. Sirius immediately tried leap forward and grab Avery but Remus grabbed him around the waist and pulled him back.

 

‘No Sirius! Go, let’s go!’

 

Remus was pushing and shoving Sirius away whilst also trying to grab Peter out, who was struggling to fight off Crouch and Rookwood. James tried to regain his balance and stand up, he turned, Regulus was pinned back against the brick wall of the alley, held there by James’ shoulder, he didn’t look scared though, just sad. James gulped and moved away, still staring at him, something touched his hand ever so slightly, he looked down. It was Regulus’ and in his surprise he sprang back, knocking Peter free enough that Remus could pull him away and start running down the road. James was about to follow when he saw the small cat emerge from its bag and without thinking he bent down to grab it.

 

‘I’ll be taking this!’ he panted, grinning. He cast one last look at Regulus. It must has been a trick of the eye, but, he thought he saw him smiling. But then he was running back the way he came, still carrying the cat.

  
  
  


Taking a cat on the London underground had proved trickier than anticipated, and taking on the national rail train back home was even harder. In the light he could see that it was light brown and ginger, extremely fluffy for it’s small size, Remus had said it was probably a baby and the poor traumatised thing wouldn’t stop wriggling, James had almost dropped it at least thrice by the time they walked back through the door of his house. Peter’s nose was definitely broken, but none of them could do a thing without their wands. It had stopped bleeding on the train though, and if anything Peter seemed quite pleased about his war wound.

 

‘Do you think it will leave a bump?’ 

 

‘Not if my mum fixes it.’

 

‘But girls might think it would look cool if I have a broken nose.’

 

‘They really won’t Peter.’

 

‘They could do.’

 

‘Oh shut up, we’re going to fix it.’

 

Euphemia Potter was absolutely furious.

 

‘Four underage boys, drinking! In a bar! And then going out and getting into street fights!’ she shrieked. Even James cowered under her glare, she looked like she could hit him. ‘James Fleamont Potter I raised you better than this you horrible boy! What the hell have you done! And look at Peter, what is his Dad going to say? And a cat, a CAT james, why have you bought this bloody thing into my house? What is wrong with you?’

‘With everything going on James and you act this irresponsible! Honestly sometimes I’ve just had it up to here with you.’

 

After a while she had evolved into just quiet fury, stomping around the house looking for things to fix Peter’s nose, occasionally glaring at James or muttering under her bed. Then, she got ‘too sick of the sight of all of them’ and sent them up to James’ room.

 

They all sat quietly around James bed, he was still holding the cat, so he carefully placed it down on the floor. It looked back up at him for a moment with big green eyes, before padding around, examining its new surroundings. All of the marauders watched it go.

 

‘James, what is it with you and gingers?’

 

James grinned and slowly, they all started giggling, until the giggling progressed to laughter, then hysterics, and Sirius was on the ground clutching his stomach as they laughed. They were like that for minutes, just laughing, about nothing in particular, but it felt nice.

 

Slowly they quietened down and Sirius said. ‘Good trip James.’

 

James rolled his eyes. ‘I tried my best, Pads.’

 

Sirius looked at him. ‘Not I’m serious, I had fun, aside from that last part, who knew I lived so close to a fucking cinema, hey!’

 

Remus grinned. James looked over at the cat, who was sniffing around a pile of clothes in to corner. 

 

‘I bet Regulus isn't sitting on the floor, laughing with his best friends right now.’ he thought. He felt a pang of sadness and thought back to the moment when their hands touched. He thought about when he had drunkenly asked him to visit over the summer. That had been a mistake, but he couldn’t help wishing Regulus was here now, with them.

  
  


…

  
  


There was only three weeks of summer remaining, but in the two weeks since the incident in Islington, Euphemia had barely let James and Sirius out to the village, let alone stray further from the house, so they tried to pass the time playing games in the garden, cards in James’ bedroom and pranking the house elves. But there was really only so much of that two boys could do of all that, and so on this particular morning James was laying upside down in the sitting room reading a book about hungarian mountain trolls whilst Sirius was upstairs. The only good thing to come out of the excursion was Toast the cat, poorly named after Sirius has insisted it was the same colour as a slice of toast, but it had stuck and now even Fleamont was calling ‘Toast!’ every time he wanted the cat to come and sit with him in his office. Toast was now lying across James’ legs, dozing happily.

 

There was a knock at the door, which made James jump and dislodged the cat, who angrily  slunk away behind the sofa as the boy stood up.

 

‘I’ll get it!’ he yelled. He plodded out the sitting room and over to the large front door, pulling it over in one sweep. On the other side was a red headed girl looking nervously up at him.

 

‘Ugh, hey,’ she said ‘I was hoping you would open the door.’

 

He gaped back at her then quickly checked over his shoulder to make sure no one else was around. ‘I.. hey.. Wait, how do you know where I live?’ 

 

She smiled. ‘Someone wrote your address in the girls bathroom.’

 

He grimaced. ‘Charming.’ 

They stood in silence for a few seconds.

 

‘Oh, shit, where are my manners, um, come in.’ He waved behind himself and she stepped into the house.

 

‘Wow, its pretty big.’ she murmured, he blushed. 

 

‘Yeah- I- yeah…’

 

Another few seconds of silence before they both spoke at once

 

‘Sorry.’

 

He grinned and ran his hand through his hair. ‘What have you got to apologise for, I was the one being a massive penis.’

 

She grinned. ‘And there I was, believing that no one except Sirius Black could ever draw out a serious apology from James Potter.’

 

‘Rude.’

 

He looked at her. She must have come a long way to come and visit him here, and he was just standing like a muppet in the entrance hall. 

 

‘You want something to drink?’

 

‘Water, if that’s alright.’

 

They walked through to the kitchen, which was mercifully empty, Euphemia had gone out to Diagon Alley to shop and the house elves were probably upstairs. He poured her a glass and handed it to her. He hoped Sirius wouldn’t come down looking for food.

 

‘Do you want to go into the garden?’

 

‘Do you not want Sirius to know I’m here?’

 

‘If it can be avoided, I would appreciate it.’ 

 

She grinned again before nodding and allowing James to lead her outside and down the lawn to the bench he and Sirius had nicked from a nearby street a few days ago. They sat and he turned to look at her, she was staring right back at him, bright green eyes surveying his.

 

‘Well,’ he started. ‘This is awkward.’

 

She snorted. ‘Yeah, I came here to apologise, I thought writing it in a letter seemed a bit.. I don’t know…’

 

‘I do, I get it,’ he nodded, before sighing. ‘But I’m also guessing you didn’t come here to just apologise, or have me apologise, which I know I need to by the way.. I am sorry.’

 

She nodded. ‘I know, it’s okay, and I’m sorry for saying what I did, but you’re right, I wanted to talk to you.’

 

‘Why.’ he said, growing more nervous by the second. He didn’t want to have this conversation.

 

‘Because I’m guessing you have no one else to talk to.’

 

‘What? You do know I live with my best friend right?’

 

‘You know what I mean James.’

 

Fuck ‘That’s nice of you Evans, but I really don’t need to talk-’

 

‘James if you don’t talk about this at some point you’re either going to explode or implode, and as amusing as it would be, I don’t really want to see either happen.’

 

James remained silent, staring at his hands.

 

‘James, it’s okay you know, I’m not judging you in any way.’

 

‘....I’m not gay, Lily.’ he whispered.

 

‘Yes you are, and that’s alright.’

 

It felt like something very heavy was being pressed down on his chest, yet at the same time he felt lighter, like her saying it had taken some sort of burden off of him. He tousled his hair, still not looking up.

 

‘If I am… I mean. Look, you don’t understand, he’s Sirius’ brother… and he’s in Slytherin.. And I’m pretty sure he some sort of junior fucking death eater.. I mean merlin's beard what am I doing.’

 

‘So why do you like him?’ she asked.’

 

Now he looked up at her, he felt like crying. ‘I don’t know… but I think I really do.’

 

Lily just slowly nodded, her red hair waving back and forth as she did. ‘Okay. how long has it been going on for?’

 

‘Barely anytime. I probably talking to him, not that we really talk much, just before Christmas… but it wasn’t anything... like this... until later.’

 

‘Have you told anyone else? Remus? Peter?’

 

He almost laughed. ‘You fucking joking?’

 

She seemed be with herself for a moment. ‘Well, if you really want to know, I think Sirius has pretty much guessed that you’re gay you know.’

 

James’ head shot up faster than lightning. ‘WHAT.. I-what- how…’

 

‘Um..’ she winced. ‘You know the night after your party, the night that you guys, you know, kissed…’

 

‘How the fuck do you know about that.’

 

‘Sirius told Marlene, who then told me.’ She giggled. ‘In the strictest confidence of course.’ she added.

 

He bent down. ‘Ugh, is nothing fucking sacred anymore shitting hell…’

 

Lily looked down at him. ‘You’re not angry.. Are you?’

 

He took a deep breath, and sat up again. ‘No.. just remind me to kick Sirius in the balls the next time I see him.’

 

‘Absolutely not.’

 

She started unconsciously tapping her foot. ‘Do you think they’d...mind?’

 

James stood up and walked a few steps away, Lily didn’t follow, she just watched him run his hand through his hair as he paced about ahead of her. He then turned to look at her. She’d never seen James Potter like this, confused and upset, his usual air of confidence and arrogance permeating the air around him. He looked miserable.

 

‘No…’ he started. ‘I don’t, I mean they would never…. I don’t know.’

 

Lily waited a few seconds before replying. ‘I think they all love you a lot James. I also think Sirius Black would never dream of not having you with him. Whatever happens, you’ll be okay. But honestly, I think you should at least tell them that you’re gay.’

 

James sat back down and his head fell into his hands. Just a few minutes ago he had been blissfully reading in the the sunlit living room, completely oblivious to the torment he was now suffering. Why did this all hurt so much? Maybe because he thought he was falling for someone he would never have dreamed he would even talk to. Or because he felt safe and content with him. Because every night this summer he had been the last thing James thought about before he fell asleep, and part of him desperately hoped it was the same for Regulus. Maybe because Lily was completely and utterly right.

 

‘I’m sorry I just-’

 

‘That’s okay, take your time.’

 

He looked up. ‘Why are you being so nice to me?’

 

She smiled back at him. ‘Because for some strange reason I seem to be experiencing brief lull in my usual contempt for you. And because I think you need a friend right now.’

 

He didn’t reply, and so she continued to stare out into the greenery ahead of her. His house really was beautiful. She stood up.

 

‘I can go.’

 

He jumped. ‘No, it’s okay I mean stay if you-’

 

‘No that’s okay, I’ve said my piece and excuse me just dumping this all on you and then leaving, but I don’t want to outstay my welcome, plus I’m sure Sirius is wondering where you’ve got to.’

 

He nodded slowly, before attempting his usual crooked smirk. ‘Okay Evans, you’re free to g-’

 

Before he had finished, Lily Evans did something she had been resolute in never doing for as long as she lived, she grabbed hold of James Potter and hugged him. He recovered and embraced her back and for a few moments they stood there, before she finally pulled away, smiling. 

 

‘I’ll see you at school?’

 

He grinned. ‘I’ll probably be proclaiming my innocence for something I didn’t do while you clean up the mess, but you sure will.’

 

She rolled her eyes and began to walk back up to the house.

 

‘Oh and Lily,’ he shouted after her. ‘Good luck with OWLs!’

 

He thought she heard him say ‘you too’ but she was gone a second later. James remained for a minute, mulling over his life and the strangeness of Lily Evans. 

  
  


…

  
  


Sirius and Euphemia were helping the house elves cook an enormous breakfast one morning. A very important morning by an standards. Results day. James had initially refused to get out of bed, until Sirius chucked a stink pellet onto his pillow and James had to run out of his bedroom in his underwear to avoid vomiting. He was now sitting grumpily at the breakfast, smelling all the delicious food Sirius and his mum were making but pretending to not be the least bit interested. He hadn’t told anyone about Lily’s brief visit, and Sirius didn’t even seem to have clocked that anything had happened. But nevertheless, James knew she had been right, and there was a conversation he needed to have with his best friends.

 

‘All right Jamie, darling.’ Euphemia cooed, setting down a large plate of bacon, eggs, toast, sausages, tomatoes and mushrooms. ‘Eat up, you need to be wide awake for when the owl arrives.

 

‘I think the owl is going to be able to deliver the post whether I’m conscious or not mother.’

 

Sirius tutted, setting down his own overcrowded plate. ‘Don’t be so rude to your mother Jamie-darling’

 

‘Piss off.’

 

‘Language, James.’ Fleamont warned, strolling into the room in what looked like a pair of his nicest robes. ‘This looks lovely dear.’ 

 

‘Yes well we need to get these two fed up before they go back to school, wouldn’t want McGonagall  thinking I starve them. Why are you all dressed up?’

 

Fleamont looked down at himself. ‘Oh, these? I have an important meeting in the ministry in half an hour, wanted to make a good impression.’

 

‘What!’ Euphemia cried. ‘But you need to be here when the boys get their letters.’

 

‘Mum!’ James moaned. ‘I’ve told you about five times, we’re not opening the letters till the others get here this evening.’

 

Sirius nodded. ‘It’s okay, they’ll be nothing to miss when they come.’

 

Euphemia gave a disapproving grumble, but Fleamont just smiled and ruffled Sirius’ hair. ‘Alright, long as boys don’t mind?’

 

James shook his head and his dad grabbed a piece of toast of his mum’s plate before giving the same crooked grin and his son, kissing both him and Sirius on the top of the head and walking back out of the kitchen. 

 

‘Love you, good luck boys and see you later! Owl me with any updates.’ He shouted. And he was gone in the distinct sound of the whoos of the floo network.

 

They ate in silence, each one secretly listening out for the sound of beak on glass, but it didn’t come. 

 

Once they were finished, Sirius jumped up to collect the plates.

 

‘Don’t worry love I’ll get th-’

 

‘No it’s okay mum I’ve got them!’

 

Euphemia chuckled as she watched Sirius round up the china and dump them into the sink to be washed by the charmed scrubbing brush. ‘You know mister, you keep on helping me cook and clean like this and you going to end up as some queer boy.’

 

It was like a cannonball of lead falling right into you gut. James almost choked but no sound came out. The only sound was Sirius cracking a plate as he dropped them into the sink and spun around to look at her, he looked like he had seen a ghost, deathly pale, which soon melted into a mixture of fear and anger. James felt sick, an icy chill was going through his bloodstream, but it was like every nerve was on fire. He was paralysed. Did his mum really just? HIS mother? 

 

Sirius opened his mouth ‘What did-’

 

*tap tap*

  
  


Euphemia seemed unaware that anything was happening and she jumped at the noise. ‘The owl!’ she shrieked. She rose to her feet and rushed to the window, throwing it open so that the large bird could hop inside. In its beak were two thick yellow envelopes, with James and Sirius’ name written on either one. Sirius wasn’t looking at the post though, he was looking at James. But James just stared at his mum and the letters. Those letters. Inside was his whole future. He’d been so preoccupied with other things that he hadn’t even had a moment to think about OWLs. That was probably best though, now he just hoped he had passed them all. Now wasn’t the time to have this conversation with his mother. Not right now, there was too much going on.

 

He stood up and tried to grin. ‘Give them here mum.’

 

She looked over and smiled back. ‘Okay one second,’ and held them up to the light as if to try and see through the paper.’ 

 

He laughed and lunged after her. ‘Stop it! You’ll ruin it they aren’t yours.’

 

She laughed along with him before handing his letter over and passing the other to Sirius. He didn’t take it though, he looked at James first. James looked back at him, and gave the smallest shake of his head. But Sirius understood and after just a moment, grinned and grabbed the letter.

  
  


The day of waiting had been longer than James expected. Twice Sirius had suggested to just open them and have a peak, but James refused, but eventually had to hide the letters when he caught Sirius trying to secretly open his. Now it was just hours of watching the clock tick by to 8pm. They went out and played Quidditch in the garden for most of the day, and james realised how badly out of shape he had let himself get, so he vowed to go running and exercise for the last five days of the holidays. Eventually though, 8 o’clock did come around and as if by magic both Remus and Peter appeared at the back door and began walking down the garden to where James and Sirius we sitting and drinking lemonade.

 

‘Alright tossers.’

 

‘Yeah, yourself?’

 

‘Shitting bricks.’ Remus admitted.

 

Sirius scoffed. ‘As if you have anything to worry about Moony..’

 

‘Shut up you don’t know that, and my mum was really pissed when I told her I wasn’t going to open the letter.’

 

‘I’ll bet.’

 

‘My dad didn’t even realise today was results day.’ Peter said, rolling his eyes.

 

James stood up. ‘Alright then, we’ve waited long enough, let’s get this thing started, Wormtail, come with me, we’re going to build a campfire.’

 

James and Peter returned minutes later with a stack of firewood collected from the neighbouring small forrest on the side of James’ garden, and dumped them at their feet.

 

‘Part two,’ James said. ‘You lot get this lit, and I will be back out with me and Sirius’ letters.’

 

James ran inside and as he did he passed his mother in the kitchen. 

 

‘Have you opened them?’

 

‘Not yet mum!’

 

By the time James got back the fire was going and he was carrying a bottle of firewhiskey, which he handed to Remus.

 

‘Just incase’ he smirked. Remus laughed, by James could see red marks on his scar from where he had been nervously running his hand up and down.

 

They sat down by the fire, it was dusk the flames emitted a calming glow. James stared into it.

 

‘One by one or all together?’ Peter asked. 

 

‘Together I think.’ Sirius replied. Remus nodded. James passed over Sirius’ letter.

 

‘Okay,’ he said, staring down at the daunting envelope. ‘On the count of three. One-’

 

‘Wait.’ Remus said. He unscrewed the cap of the firewhiskey and took a sip. ‘Ah! One for courage,’ he looked over at an amused James.

 

‘Two….three.’

 

The was no sound for a minute except the initial ripping and unfolding of paper, followed by the crackle of the fire. James removed the paper from the envelope and looked down.

 

Astronomy- E

 

Care of Magical Creatures- O

 

Charms- O

 

Defence Against the Dark Arts- E

 

Herbology- A

 

History of Magic- P

 

Muggle Studies- O

 

Potions- O

 

Transfiguration- O

  
  


He blinked. He had passed almost everything, except history of magic but who gave a crap about that…. He had passed, done well even. He looked up, Sirius was looking back at him.

 

‘Well?’ he asked.

 

James nodded. ‘I- good. I’ve done pretty good you know, fucked history of magic though.’

 

Sirius shrugged. ‘Should have grown up in my house, mate, nothing to read but history of magic books. It’s fine I got a P in herbology if that helps, never could get my head around it.’ then, he grinned. ‘Kinda wished I still lived there, I could have rubbed my O in Muggle studies in Walburga’s face.’

 

James grinned. ‘Nice one, swap?’ and they swapped they’re papers. Sirius had gotten almost the exact same grades, just in different subjects, and he had gotten an E in potions but an O in DADA.’

 

Remus and Peter still hadn’t spoken, so James looked at them. ‘Rem, Pete? All okay?’

 

Remus didn’t look up, but he slowly nodded his head. ‘Here.’ he said and stuck out the paper. James looked. 

 

‘Fucking hell Remus, you got O’s in everything.. Merlin even in arithmancy and ancient runes, they’re meant to be properly hard.. Oh except charms, but a E is still….’

 

Remus just shrugged. But Sirius smirked. ‘Are you upset because you think Lily is going to do better than you?’

 

‘No.’

 

‘Haha, you are. Who cares Remus, you got 9 Os and an E at OWL level, that has to be best in the year, if not close second.’

 

Remus smiled. ‘Thanks Pads, fucking charms though…’

 

‘Oh shush, go take it for NEWT and get a O in it then.’

 

Sirius looked at Peter. ‘Wormy?’

 

Peter read his aloud. ‘3 As 2 Es 2 Os a P and a D in potions, never expected to pass potions or astronomy though.’ 

 

‘Yes Peter!’ Sirius shouted. ‘Those are brilliant, what did I tell you? You smashed those exams.’

 

Peter smiled. ‘Yeah, I’m pretty pleased, just wish I’d gotten an O in Defence.’

 

‘It’s fine Peter,’ James said. ‘I didn’t get one either, doesn’t mean I can't use a wand and dark fighting dark magic isn’t something I’d ever want to do anyway.’

 

‘Our saviour, James Potter.’ 

 

‘Piss off.’

 

Sirius reached over and grabbed the bottle from Remus, before taking a swig. ‘So, should we go and tell Euphemia?’ 

 

James thought, before shaking his head. ‘Nah, lets just relax for a while, it’s been a long summer.’ 

 

Remus nodded. ‘Not long till school now, I need to buy new robes again.. I wonder if mum would come….’

 

‘How is she?’ Peter asked, poking the fire with a stick he had found.

 

‘Nothing new, I mean… deteriorating if that's what…. My dad’s just..can we just not talk about it right now?’

 

James put his hand on Remus’ shoulder, who was frowning slightly. ‘Course not. Let's talk about something else.’

 

Peter took the bottle from Sirius and had a drink, Sirius looked over at him. ‘My mission for sixth year is going to be getting Wormy a girlfriend.’ 

 

‘Shouldn’t you be in stable relationship yourself before you start giving advice, cupid?’ Remus quipped.

 

James held out his hand for the bottle. Sirius scowled, and then looked a little embarrassed.

 

‘Have you still not even written her a letter?’

 

Sirius shook his head. ‘I thought I should.. Give her some space, you know?’

 

‘A month of space?’

 

Sirius ran his hands through his hair and sucked on his teeth. ‘Yeah.. but, the longer we didn’t speak, the more worried I got about writing to her… not sure what I’m supposed to do at school now.’

 

‘What do you want to do?’ By this point, the bottle of firewhiskey was being passed around, each of them drinking away as it went.

 

‘I just. I miss her. But at the same time, do we even make sense? I mean.. She didn’t even trust me when we were speaking. And it’s not like it was really that… Maybe I’m just not cut out for this stuff.’

 

Remus snorted. ‘You barely even made a go of it Sirius.’

 

Sirius raised his eyebrow. ‘Oh and you did Lupin? Where are the letters to Dorcas?’

 

Remus’ mouth opened and closed. He took a long sip after that. ‘She doesn’t want me to write.’ he mumbled.

 

‘Bullshit, you don’t get to decide that for her, Remus’ 

 

‘I’m not! I just..’ he sighed. ‘Honestly, I wanted to. I think I even started a letter at one point. But I don’t know her address, and wouldn't even know what to say, we barely know each other after all..’

 

Sirius leaned back. ‘Right, new plan, sorry Peter you’re on the backburner, Remus, we are getting you and Dorcas together!’

 

‘What you’ll do Padfoot, is stay the fuck away.’

 

Sirius punched his shoulder. ‘Rude, Moony. Besides, I feel invested in this one, I owe Dorcas one really and getting you too together-’

 

‘Nope, nope not having a conversation about you and Drocas, Sirius, I won’t do it, traumatic memories.’

 

James started laughing. Peter took a long swig before squinting over at the tall boy. ‘And you, Prongs, who will we set you up with next year.’

 

Ah, shit, he had hoped he would be at least a little drunker. 

 

‘Um-’

 

‘Drop it Wormtail.’ Sirius suddenly said. James looked over at him. Sirius’ grey eyes looked back ever so briefly and james chest flushed with something warm, he didn’t feel that scared anymore.

 

‘Actually Pete… there is something I’ve been meaning to talk to you lot about.’

 

James felt all eyes rest on him and he took a deep breath. This wouldn’t be so hard, he hoped.

 

‘I.. I think over fifth year… I think I started to -maybe I- figure some stuff out is probably the best phrase, but to be honest I really don’t know the right way to say this stuff and sitting round a campfire with a bottle of firewhiskey and some decent OWLs doesn’t seem so bad. I just- I needed you to know that, well to put it mildly..mildly I’m not sure how mild this really is actually-’

 

‘You’re rambling James.’ Sirius said, his face wasn’t giving anything away, but James knew. ‘It’s okay, Prongs. Just say it.’

 

James took another deep breath and looked around at the three best people he knew, would probably ever know. They meant more to him than anyone and he couldn’t even remember why he had been so frightened off them, they would never reject him.

 

‘I’m gay.’ he said.

 

No one replied, merely kept looking at him, Remus face went from trying to hide surprise, to thoughtfulness all in a split second, but he rested like that. Peter didn’t hide surprise quite so well, his eyebrows shot up and remained there as his mouth dropped into a small ‘o’. Sirius’ didn’t even flinch and then, the biggest smile spread across his face. He leaned over and wrapped his arms around James so tightly he almost couldn't breathe. He was followed by Peter, and then finally Remus joined in. and they remained there for almost a minute before Sirius drew back, taking the others with him.

 

‘I love you and I’m really proud of you James, no matter what.’

 

Remus looked at him. ‘You knew?’

James was thinking the same thing and Sirius sort of shrugged. ‘I guessed, I mean, it’s not that hard of a leap Remus. Plus when we kissed way back-’

 

‘Um, what!’ Peter exclaimed.

 

Sirius grinned. ‘Yeah that night when I puked on Remus’ shoes, I kissed James to see if he liked guys, but I think we were both too drunk to have any clue what was going on.’

 

James looked at him. ‘Oh yeah,’ he started, before sticking his leg out and jamming with all his might into Sirius’ crotch. Sirius cried out in a very high pitched scream, grabbing himself and falling back onto the grass.

 

‘What the fuck James!’

 

James smirked. ‘That’s for telling Marlene about that.’

 

As Sirius continued to roll around on the grass, Peter asked. ‘So how long have you known? And why didn’t you say something sooner?’

 

James ran his hand through his hair. ‘Not sure, since christmas maybe? I could barely admit it to myself… let alone you guys. I think it just seemed easier to pretend it didn’t exist, that if everyone else believed I like girls then it would make it true, you know?’

 

‘Wait so, all this time, all this shit you’ve gone to to harass Lily, and you don’t even like women!’

 

James squirmed. ‘I really did think I liked her Moony… and it’s okay, she knows now.’

 

‘How?’

 

‘Oh Merlin.. The party.’

 

James palms got sweaty, he wasn't ready for this much detail, not by any shot, Sirius may have known this much but anything  more. No, he couldn’t do that right now. No one was ready for that.

 

‘She um, yeah.. When I said a seventh year… it was a boy.’

 

Peter’s jaw dropped and Sirius was just lifting himself up again. ‘Really?’ he panted, still scowling slightly, before slowly transforming back into a grin. ‘At least I was your first male kiss, right?’

 

Again James nodded. ‘Unfortunately for me.’ he grimaced. ‘You’re the worst kisser ever, no wonder Marlene dumped you.’

 

Every one giggled, and the night went on. James felt happy, not only had they all accepted him for who he was without blinking an eye, but he felt better, the sickening feeling in his stomach was reduced and Sirius seemed to be beaming from ear to ear as if it were him who had just come out. They could go on feeling like nothing had changed, they were all the same people to each other and life could go on, even if it did mean going back to school. Sirius would have to finally face Marlene, Remus would have to speak to Dorcas and James… James didn’t know what to expect. But now the burden was lighter, and he felt a lot better.

 

Peter and Remus went home shortly later, each one trying not to appear drunk in order to tell their parents the good news and left Sirius and James to tell Euphemia and Fleamont who were ecstatic, so much so that they both started crying and the two teenagers had to awkwardly comfort them, before hurrying away pretending they were tired and needed to go to bed. They both ended up in their pyjamas in James bedroom, Sirius, who despite what you may think he become a rather big fan of Toast, was now stroking him on James bed, whilst James dealt out a set of cards for them to play with. 

 

Sirius yawned. ‘Prongs, you know what, I’m actually really knackered, is it alright if we raincheck the black jack?’

 

James rolled his eyes. ‘You do this every time Padfoot, can't you tell me this stuff before I get them out for christs sakes.’

 

Sirius grinned, ‘But I just thought you were on such a roll with bringing things out of the closet today that I shouldn’t stop you.’

 

James cast a glance at him. ‘Quiet.. I don’t want my mum to hear.’

 

Coming out had brought up another issue though. James’ parents. 

 

‘Jamie, about what happened with your mum this morning,’ Sirius said, sitting up properly. ‘I was about to say something, you know I was, it wasn’t right what she said and don;t think for a second that-’

 

‘I know Padfoot, it’s okay, it’s been a long time since I stopped thinking of my parents as perfect gods… I just.. I never really saw that coming.’

 

Sirius sighed. ‘Parents can be shit, James, but take your time, whatever you chose to do, i’m here, you’ve got me.’

 

‘Pads,’ James said, climbing onto his bed as well and leaning against the headboard. ‘It’s been months since that night on the football field, and Lily told me about you knowing- thanks for that you massive big mouth- but.. Why didn't you say anything to me?’

Sirius looked at Toast. ‘It took Remus two and a half years before he told us about his lycanthropy, Peter pretended his mum lived at home with him for a year, I kept my family’s abuse a secret for three… this stuff takes time Jamie. I just wanted you to tell us when you were ready.’

 

James smiled. ‘You’re not half bad when you try, Sirius Black.’

 

‘I have my moments.’ Sirius yawned again and started to climb under the covers.

 

‘So, we sleeping together as well now?’ James scoffed ‘can’t you just leave it on the Quidditch pitch?’

 

‘You wish Potter, this arse is reserved for someone special, I just can't be bothered to go to my bed.’

 

James laughed. ‘Alright then.’ he got up to turn the lights off and then joined Sirius under the covers. 

 

‘Night Jamie’

 

‘Night Sirius.’

 

James was awake for much longer than Sirius, and he lay in the dark, wondering what it would feel like if it was a different Black lying next to him right now.

  
  


…

  
  
  


James passed through the barrier and onto the platform with ease, his trolley packed high with all his things. The noise of Platform 9 ¾ was deafening, but he could just make out Sirius shouting behind him.

 

‘Fucking hell it’s loud.’

 

‘Language, Sirius, now both of you hurry up, you only have ten minutes.’ Euphemia said as she strolled along side them. James craned his neck and looked around for Peter and Remus but they weren’t on the platform, they must already be in the usual carriage, he thought.

 

Sirius seemed to be hiding behind his own trolley, and James knew why, Sirus had been dreading seeing MArlene again and he had confessed to him on the way over he was terrified of bumping into her on the platform. James had reminded him that sooner or later they were going to have to talk, but Sirius seemed keen to postpone that for as long as possible. 

James also had reason to be nervous standing here. Regulus and his friends could be anywhere heere, and James was certainly not ready to see him again, but like his friends, Regulus was nowhere to be seen and James was silently relieved.

They two boys stopped for a kiss from their mother and a ruffle fo the hair from Fleamont, before hauling their trunks on the carriage and climbing in after them.

 

‘You have you wands?’

 

‘Yes, mum.’

 

‘And a spar tie, oh JAmes you haven’t forgotten any kit have you?’

 

‘No, mum’ 

 

‘Okay because it will be two weeks before I can send anything up- oh Sirius you already have a stain on that jumper give it over I’ll wash it-’

 

‘It’s fine!’ Sirius laughed. ‘I’ll do it at school, don’t worry.’

 

Euphemia pursed her lips, but didn’t say anything.

 

‘Now,’ Fleamont said. ‘You pick good NEWTs you two, no going for what looks easy, your making a career out of these okay?’

 

‘Yes dad.’ they chimed, before ducking back from the window as they heard the whistle of the train go. 

 

‘Go! Go and sit with the others!’ Euphemia shouted. ‘I’ll wave from up there. I love you both!’

 

‘Love you too!’ they said and wandered off to find Remus and Peter, who were as expected, in the usual spot.

 

‘Ready?’ Peter asked. 

 

They both nodded and sat down. Just as they did someone came up and slid back the door of the compartment. 

 

‘Hi all, hope you had a… productive holiday.’ Lily said, looking at Remus. ‘Rem, remember the prefects meeting is in half an hour, do you want me to come and get you?’

 

Remus nodded. ‘Sound good, I’ll see you then.’

 

Lily smiled. She looked over very quickly James, who smiled slightly back at her. Then she closed the door again and walked away.

  
  


The train began to move, and the four marauders leaned up against the glass to wave at their respective adults. James noticed Hope Lupin wasn’t present.

Once they were away from Kings Cross the sat back down and looked at eachother. After a few seconds, James gave crooked grin.

 

‘Sixth year here we come.’


	22. First days back

‘You know Remus, if you spoil this I will strangle you myself.’

‘Shut the fuck up Peter, it’s you three imbeciles giggling away that's going to make it obvious we’ve done something.’

James snickered. ‘He’s right. Padfoot wipe the grin off your face.’

As he spoke, emerald green robes flashed past behind James and Professor McGonagall came to stop at the head of the Gryffindor table, where most of the sixth years were excitedly chatting away.

‘Good morning, all of you.’ she said, adjusting the large stack of parchment in her arms. ‘You will have noticed I am carrying your NEWT timetables with me, if I could get the sixth year prefects to come and hand them out for me,’

Remus stood up and brushed off the crumbs Sirius had gotten all over his robes. James could also see Lily hop to her feet a little further down. They two of them walked up and collected the folded parchments from her arms. James could now see that the Slytherin prefects were doing the exact same thing, grabbing the parchment off Professor Slughorn. Remus had noticed as well, and as he turned to hand out his timetables, he cast a glare over at Sirius, who was muffling pre-emptive laughter into the sleeve of his robes. 

‘Now, I’ve had a look over your NEWTs all of you and so you’re timetables have been adjusted accord-’

There were several loud bangs, followed by slightly quieter splatter, and then very loud screams. The hall turned and most people froze as they watched what was happening. The Slytherins had gone to unfold their parchment and see their timetables, only to be met by a blank sheet and half a second later, a face full of a foul smelling green gunk that spattered over everything in the vicinity.  
Sirius, James and Peter lost control of their laughter, and tears were streaming down Sirius’ as he howled to himself. Some of the other kids were also chuckling as several of the Slytherins tried to wipe the nasty slime off of themselves, some even retching from the smell. Rookwood had stood up to try and move away, but slipped in some of the stuff lying on the floor, sending everyone into more fits of giggles. Even Remus, who was trying desperately to looked concerned, was shaking as he attempted to conceal his smile.  
The teachers were not so amused. Professor Slughorn had rushed forward to help, but drew back as the putrid smell hit him and it took the divination teacher and Professor Flitwick several extra seconds to overcome the smell and go to help the struggling students. Dumbledore had stood up from his seat to watch the ensuing chaos before crying out.

‘Silence!’ The hall came to a hush the only thing that could now be heard was the fumbling of students and teachers as they attempted to vanish the goo. 

McGonagall swept over and stood directly behind the three boys. James didn’t have to turn around to feel her glare sinking into his back.

‘My office. Now.’ she growled, before turning to Remus, standing still as a statue. ‘And you, Mr Lupin.’

James saw Remus’ hand at his scar, his other hand still clutching the timetables. Sirius was still smirking as the four boys walked passed the giggling crowds of students, one boy, who James thought was a seventh year Hufflepuff, stood up to give him a high five.

‘Sit down Mr Fenwick!’

Soon they had left the hall and were the air became filled with a apprehensive silence. If you listened hard enough, James could even hear Remus whispering under his breath.

‘Stupid fucking idea… always those two with these fucking…...If James tries to… anything I swear on Merlins…’

McGonagall suddenly coughed very loudly, James thought maybe she could hear too.

By the time they were in her office, Professor McGonagall’s cheek were flushed bright pink, she declined to sit behind the large dark wood desk, instead she rested her hands on its edge and looked over the rim of the spectacles to stare at the four boys standing with their backs to the walls. Peter squirmed. Sirius let out a tiny snort.

‘Something funny, Mr Black?’

Sirius looked like her was about to open his mouth and reply, but Remus was practically radiating anger, so he cast his over to him for a second and seemed to think the better of it.

‘Hm.’ McGonagall turned her eyes to James next. ‘Would you like to tell me what is going on?’

Instead, Remus answered,looking confused. ‘I’m not sure Professor, its seems like something happened to the Slytherins timetables.’

‘And what exactly do you think happened, Mr Potter?’

James also looked confused, and he shrugged. ‘Not a clue, but it looked like someone set some sort of goo to explode out of the parchment when they opened it. That’s just a guess of course.’

She pursed her lips. ‘Any ideas of who this ‘someone’ might be?’

‘Nope.’ Peter chimed. ‘Why, do you?’

The Professors eyes scanned over the four boys, eyeing them closely, but they gave nothing away. She removed her hands and stood up. ‘No, I do not.’

‘Oh.’ Sirius said. ‘Did you need our help figuring it out? I personally think it may have been an inside job, someone like Snivellus or-’

‘Thank you, Mr Black. No, I just wondered if there was anything about this incident that you needed to tell me?’

‘Just to clarify,’ Remus smiled, ‘You don’t have any evidence to point to who this could have been?’

‘...not at the moment.’

They all shrugged. ‘Sorry Professor, we can’t help you, we know no more than you.’

After five more minutes of going around in circle, Professor McGonagall had finally released the marauders, warning them that if the culprits were identified without coming forward themselves, serious punishments could ensue. They weren’t worried though, they had covered their tracks.  
She had been muttering on about how she was never letting students hand out the timetables again when they closed to door and began to walk back down the corridor. 

Remus was looking straight ahead as they wandered around the castle. He finally opened looked over to speak, but James had already swung an arm over his shoulder.

‘Did we get caught?’

‘...no’

‘Did we lose any points?’

‘No.’

‘Was it fucking hilarious.’

‘Yes!’ Sirius grinned from behind them. James grinned back at him.

‘Then, Remus john Lupin, are you moping around.’

Remus glared at him briefly, but then is expression softened. ‘I’m not getting expelled because you three are a bunch of excited sixteen going on nine year olds.

‘Well, then you better think of some more subtle ideas.’ 

Remus just rolled his eyes, but a small smile did come to his lips. ‘You know, one day I’m not going to be around to save your stupid arse, Potter.’

James clasped his hand to his chest, but Sirius started laughing. ‘If you think you’re ever going to get rid of us Rem, you’ve got another thing coming your way.’

Peter looked around them. ‘Where are we? And also, what lesson are we supposed to be going to? We never got our timetables.’

James groaned. ‘After all that work, and now we’re going to lose points for turning up late.. Thanks, Moony.’

Remus raised his eyebrow. ‘Prongs, are you really insinuating that I didn’t put all our timetables in my pocket before we went to McGonagall’s office?’ He drew out the now slightly crumpled sheets and handed them out. ‘I think we all have Defence in five minutes anyway, and we’re on the third floor Peter, it will only take us a minute to get there.’

James scanned over his timetable. He was in ever class he had chosen last year, Defence, Transfiguration, Potions, Charms and Muggle Studies. He knew that Sirius had chosen the same ones and the other two were almost exactly the same, except Remus had chosen to do six NEWTs for some unknown reason and Peter had four. James looked over at Sirius, who’s hair, which he had been growing out all summer, was now hanging over the parchment as he frowned at it.

‘Who is Professor Ous?’ He said. James looked down again, Sirius was right, the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher was listed as someone called Professor Ous.

‘What happened to Professor Abervice? He was only here for the year.. Merlin I don’t know what it is about that job..’

Remus just sighed, he never held much hope for Defence teachers, they were always either some old man with a morbid fascination with dead or some young spritely thing that had no idea what they were doing and usually ending doing more harm than good.

‘Come on then, or we really will be late.’

They began to walk again, but before they rounded the corner they heard laughter brief and trill, followed by one of those little snorts that James had heard girls do but had never really understood how they managed to make that noise. Sirius froze.  
They all turned back to look at him.

‘Padfoot what are you-’

‘Shhhh.’ He said before swinging his bag off of his shoulder and digging around inside, before he pulled out the marauders map and began to hastily unfold a few squares.

‘Sirius, don’t get that out in the middle of the corridor-’

‘I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.’

He stared intently at it for a few seconds, watching something move on it. James and Peter exchanged a bemused look, before Sirius looked back up.

‘Mischief managed.’ He then folded the map back up, replaced it and began to walk on like nothing had happened.  
Peter looked at James again, but just shrugged and went to walk alongside Sirius. James began to walk with Remus.

‘What was that about?’ He asked quietly.

Remus smirked. ‘Pretty sure that was Marlene we almost ran into.’

‘Ah.’

 

…

 

Defence was with the Ravenclaws, and the marauders had sidled into the classroom just in time, the new teacher was just coming through their own door. James had slipped into a desk near the back with Sirius, Peter and Remus opting for the one directly in front. Just as the door was opening, Sirius leaned over to the boy next to them.

‘Have you heard anything about this one?’

Andrew Carlisle, who Sirius seemed to be on much better terms with this year, shook his head. ‘They haven’t tuned up to any of the meals yet, but I heard one kid saying that-’

They never got hear the rest of the sentence however, as a hush fell over the room as Professor Ous revealed themselves.  
She was tall, with short brown hair and flaming red robes that seemed to move with her, her wand was already in her hand and in the other was a stack of textbooks that she seemed to be effortlessly holding. She smiled around at the room, and seemed to spend half a second staring at each student, particularly the ones at the back, she had large almond shaped eyes, but they were a warm brown colour, and almost inviting in their friendliness. One by one the textbooks floated off her hand and separated themselves, one landing gently on each students desk. A few girls went to write open the books, but they were stopped.

‘No need.’ Professor Ous’ voice was as friendly as her eyes. ‘I see you’ve all sat yourselves down, bravo for the initiative, but unfortunately for you I’ve already made my own seating plan.’ she cast her wand back at the chalk board, on which a diagram of the desks in the classroom began to draw itself, with the names of a student inside each one.

There were several groans as friends were separated, and James stomach dropped as he saw all four of the marauders seemed to have been seated at different corners of the classroom, with him and Sirius on opposite sides of the front. His mouth opened in protest, but he didn’t get the chance.

‘To clear up the confused look on your face Mr Potter, you are correct, your seat is at the front, next to Miss Evans.’

Several pairs of eyes shot over to James, then to Lily, then back to James. She seemed to be struggling with the concept as much as he was. Someone wolf whistled. Slowly, James stood, he didn’t dare look at Lily again, who had already been sitting near the front with Mary and so was already close to her assigned seat. He could feel the other three looking up at him and he wandered over to his seat. He had gotten so close, with Professor Ous smiling at him the whole time, before his foot caught on the leg of some kids chair and James went face first onto the ground, the ink he had been carrying smashing everywhere right in front of him.  
People were laughing as James swore loudly and picked himself back up, running his hand through his hair going to take his seat.

‘Five points for language, Mr Potter.’ 

But by this point he didn’t care. Everyone else had already taken their seats and so James just resolved to stare angrily down at his desk. Who did this woman think she was? A seating plan… and putting him so clearly next to the well-behaved girl in the class.. And Lily Evans of all people.. He didn’t like Professor Ous already.

‘Hey.’ Lily whispered quietly, but James didn’t reply.

‘Right, I know you must all have bought your own textbooks, but I have also provided you with this ever reading material, which I will be expecting you all to be reading over the course of the year as extra work, it’s not too bad a book and I think some of you may really enjoy it. Yes, Mr Lupin?’

‘Are things from this book going to be in the exams?’

Ous smiled kindly down at him. ‘No dear, but there is no limit to what we should learn over the course of our lives.’

 

At the end of the lesson James was pissed off. Not once had this new teacher managed to say anything that wasn’t utterly patronising to him and he hadn’t spoken a single word the entire lesson, so what he had done wrong was a mystery to him. He had pushed past Lily and stormed out as soon as he could, he didn’t stop walking until they were outside in the courtyard in the chilly september air. James wished he was allowed to smoke right now.

‘Bitch.’

Remus snorted. ‘Your really going to hate her just because she sat you next to Lily?’

‘Easy for you to say, she fucking loves you Mr Perfect. And no it’s not about Evans.. I don’t like her she seems.. Off.’

‘She’s not ‘off’ James, she’s actually really nice.’ Peter said grinning over at Remus, who was scowling at being called ‘Mr Perfect.’

Even Sirius looked amused. ‘She’s really not that bad James. Besides, I’m sat next to that Vance kid, you know, Emmeline Vance’s younger brother. He’s pretty cool, you should speak to him James, he’s kinda hot.’

‘Shut the fuck up Sirius.’

Sirius stuck his finger up at James, who gave him playful shove that sent Sirius into Remus, who took a step back, bumping into whoever was standing behind them.

‘Watch it!’ Dorcas cried, before turning around and seeing who it was. He face became almost as red as Remus’ now was.

‘Oh shit sorry-’

‘No, no it’s fine don’t-’

‘I didn’t mean to, Sirius being an idiot-’

‘Yeah, not to worry-’

‘Hi.’  
‘Hi’

‘Hello.’ Sirius and James both chimed, before high fiving. Remus gave them a withering look.

Dorcas chewed her lip nervously, her eyes looking up at Remus, who wasn’t meeting her gaze.

‘So..’ he said, shuffling his feet. ‘How’ve you been?’

‘Fine. You?’

‘Good, good.’

Another pause. James looked over at Remus who was looking increasingly uncomfortable.

‘We’ll just step over here for a second.’ James smiled, grabbing Sirius and Peter’s arms to lead them away. Sirius began to protest, but James tightened his grip and he shut up.

Remus smiled nervously. ‘Sorry I didn’t write to you..’

‘That’s okay I didn’t expect you to.’

‘Oh.. well I should have anyway so… sorry’

Dorcas merely hummed, and smiled a little.

‘Just ask her out Moony!’ Came Sirius shouts from a few feet away, followed by a smack as Peter hit him. ‘Ow!’

Remus scratched the back of his head as Dorcas giggled, before stopping herself.

‘Ugh…’

‘Look, Remus.’

‘No, no.. I mean, we’re all hanging out in the Gryffindor common room tonight if you wanted to join?’

She looked a little surprised. ‘Oh, um.. I wouldn’t want to intrude.’

‘Not at all it’s just a casual thing no big deal you’re completely welcome anytime.’

Dorcas thought for a second. Remus looked up at her properly, she was so pretty… why was she interested in him? She would probably say no.

‘Ok,’ she said. ‘But I just want to make sure Remus.. Is it okay with me being there.. You know.. With Sirius.’

‘Ah!’ Remus exclaimed. He looked back over his shoulder, Sirius and Peter were shooting sparks at people feet whilst James moped around on a nearby bench. He smiled to himself. ‘Yeah no, Sirius couldn’t care less.’

‘I guess I’ll see you later then.’ She smiled, looking a little relieved.

He attempted a grin back, but he was already feeling apprehensive. ‘Great.’

‘Well?’ Sirius asked when Remus had wandered back over to the two boys, James was standing up to join them as well.

Remus shrugged. ‘I said she could come to the common room tonight to hang out with all of us.’

Peter groaned. ‘That’s not a date Moony! That’s just making her have to sit around while those two piss about all evening!’ James scowled at him.

Remus frowned. ‘I didn’t want to ask her out in the first place Peter!’ 

‘Correction, you’re too scared to ask her out in the first place.’

Remus just shook his head.

Sirius sighed. ‘You know Remus, she really likes you. Just give her a chance.’

‘What to run away screaming? I’m good, thanks.’ He snapped.

James put his arm over Remus’ shoulder. ‘It’s just an evening mate. You’ll be fine, you never know, it might be easy having us around anyway.’

 

…

 

What was meant to have been a quiet evening in the common room had turned out to be a rather tense affair. Currently, only Peter, Remus, Dorcas and another sixth year Gryffindor called Roberta were sitting around the fire place, the remaining younger year slowly dragging themselves up to bed. Sirius had gone to meet James after Quidditch practice, which Peter had taken to mean they were going to smoke, and Lily, Marlene and Mary were coming back from the library any minute. Roberta, who was already a naturally very quiet girl, was attempting to make small talk with Dorcas, who Remus had barely said a word to, but she wasn’t very good at it, and every time she ask Drocas to refresh her memory on which NEWTs she was taking, Peter wanted to die. It was happening for the fourth time when the portrait to the common room swung back and the two remaining marauders strolled in. Sirius looked solemn as the walked in, clearly talking about something with James, who looked a little crestfallen, but their expressions changed as they saw people watching them.

Sirius grinned. ‘Who let you in Meadowes?’ 

Dorcas looked over at him, thankful for a change in topic. ‘Remus,’ she smiled. ‘Not sure how.’

James looked over at Remus, who just smiled slightly and raised an eyebrow.  
Sirius scanned the room ever-so briefly, and noticing that Marlene wasn’t here, smiled again and sat down next to Roberta, with James sitting next to Peter, who whispered in his ear.

‘This is a car crash.’

James looked at him, then back over at the silent couple.

‘Well.. I have exploding snap upstairs if anyone wants to play?’

Sirius jumped up from where he was sitting ‘I’ll fetch it!’ He beamed, before running off up the stairs.

Dorcas looked over at Remus in bewilderment. ‘It’s like he’s a dog.’ she mused. She didn’t understand why both Peter and James immediately started cackling. Remus just smirked up at her.

‘Yeah.’ He smiled. ‘He can be a real bitch about it too.’

She smiled back at him. ‘It’s okay, I think his bark is worse than his bite.’

James and Peter where still snorting away when the common door opened for the second time, and Lily, Marlene and Mary all clambered into the common room. They had been laughing about something, but all the laughter in the room died down as everyone looked over at each other. 

Lily smiled. ‘Hi, Roberta, you didn’t come to library tonight, we missed you.’

Roberta shook her head. ‘I was going to but then Peter asked if I wanted to hang out with them tonight and I didn’t have much homework so..’

‘Oh, cool.’ Lily then glanced at James, who swallowed, as far as everyone else was concerned, they hadn’t resolved their fight from the summer...

‘Alright, Evans.’ he nodded.

Marlene had clearly seen Sirius wasn’t here and so was now just standing next to Lily, looking defiantly over at James, whether it was because Lily was supposedly still angry with him, or just because Sirius was his best mate, was anyone's guess.

Mary looked at Dorcas. ‘What are you do-’

‘Got them! Christ Remus, don’t know you do it but they were on top of your bed you messy git, I had to-’  
Sirius had been happily running back down the stairs, but as he stepped into the common room he stopped in his tracks. Running into her was inevitable, he just hadn’t been prepared to be so unprepared for the moment when it happened. James saw the colour slowly drain out of Sirius’ face. Marlene was staring right back at him, her expression saying nothing.

‘Oh.’ Sirius said quietly. ‘Hiya, girls.’

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. ‘Girls.. Don’t you think you should be more specific Sirius?’

Sirius swallowed, but James was already answering. 

‘I think it’s not really your place to say Lily.’

Lily scowled over at him. 

‘Okay,’ Sirius started, taking a few steps forward. ‘Hi, Marlene.’

You could have cut the tension in the common room with a knife. Slowly everyone looked at eachother. Any remaining students were now either silently trying to slink away upstairs, or subtly craning their necks to get a better listen.

Marlene looked at Sirius, then at everyone else, before looking back at him. He looked calm, but she could tell he was scared. Good, he should be.

‘Why is she here, Sirius?’

Everyone was a little thrown by the question, but then they all looked over at Dorcas, who was staring over at Marlene, her mouth fell open.

‘Me?’ she exclaimed.

‘Yes you.’ Marlene said angrily.

‘I- I not here for.. Wait no sorry, I’m not here with Sirius.’

‘I invited her Marlene.’ Remus said.

‘Marly, what are you talking-’

‘Don’t Sirius, you don’t get to blank me all summer and then call me nicknames, this isn’t fucking funny.’

‘I never-’

‘I’m going to go to bed.’ Roberta suddenly announced, standing up and grabbing her books of the table.  
Mary nodded. ‘Good idea, Lily.’ Lily agreed, looking pointedly over at the boys, Peter also stood up.  
Everyone else seemed almost frozen as the four of them silently walked off, Peter only briefly turning around to say,  
‘Night everyone.’

Remus was the next to stand. ‘Um, Dorcas, do you want to go for a walk or something?’  
It only took her a split second to nod profusely, so he stuck out his hand to help her up and the two scurried out of the common room.

James hadn’t wanted to head upstairs and risk talking to Lily, but now he was stuck it what he was sure was a much more awkward situation, Sirius and Marlene were just staring angrily at each other, the culmination of over a month long silence finally bubbling to the surface. He bent down to were Sirius’ bag was lying at the side of the sofa and rooted around briefly, before pulling out a wad of parchment and sticking it in his pocket and standing up.  
He looked at Sirius, who met his look for a moment, he looked upset, but nothing was going to prevent this argument anymore, and Sirius silently told James to go, he would be fine.

Understanding, James ran his hand through his hair. ‘I’m just going out for a minute.’ he said, before stumbling out of the common room himself.

It was dark in the castle, and the fat lady was muttering and tutting behind him as he walked down the corridor.

‘Where are all of you off to at this hour? You’re just going to get caught.’

He ignored her though. He reached the staircase and began climbing downwards.  
James hadn’t thought about Regulus a huge amount since they had reached school, something about him being in the same building had meant that rather than just thinking about him, James was now secretly hoping every time he walked down the corridor Regulus would appear at the other end, but he hadn’t, and so now James took him upon himself to o down to the dungeons and see if he was around. The dungeons were even darker than the halls upstairs, so James got his wand out.

‘Lumos.’ he muttered. He felt his pocket. He had grabbed the map as a precaution, to check if Filch was around, but he was almost certain that he was busy sorting out the fifth floor classroom after Peeves had stuck everything to the ceiling at lunch. Maybe if he just got it out to see if someone else was around though…  
Too late, there were voices coming from around the corner.

‘Lumos maxima.’ 

Shit. He recognised both those voices.

Snape and Regulus came around the bend a moment later, and James heart leapt. Regulus looked up at him in surprise, that disappeared as soon as it came. He was definitely taller, maybe an inch or two, and his hair was slightly longer, but nowhere near Sirius’ length. He looked the same though and James was both excited and furious to see him.

‘Potter. Very funny this morning, it's a shame I would have loved for you and your mutts to have gotten expelled the first day back.’ Snape sneered.

‘Snivellus, I have no idea what you are insinuating.’ James sighed, still looking at Regulus, who wasn’t looking back. ‘And what are you two doing up so late, isn’t it past mum’s bedtime Snape?’

‘Patrolling the corridors. We are prefects you know.’ Snape smirked back at him. ‘Which I distinctly remember, you are not.’

James paused. Regulus got made a prefect? Why was he a little upset that he hadn’t been told before?

‘I can give you a detention you know.’ 

James clasped a hand to his chest and gave Snape a lopsided grin. ‘Ah Snivellus, surely you wouldn't treat you best friend like that?’

Snape retrieved his wand and pointed it at James. ‘Ten points from Gryffindor.’ he said smugly.

James rolled his eyes, reaching for his wand and twiddling it idly between his fingers. He decided not to look at Regulus anymore.

‘That the best you can do Snape?’

Severus growled at him and Regulus also drew his wand. James swallowed. 

‘You disgust me Potter, walking around here with your massive ego like you fucking own the place. It’s going to be different this year.’

‘Please, enlighten me Snape, I would love to know what horrendous hallucination you are suffering from this time.’

‘Five points for rudeness.’ Regulus said. James allowed himself a quick look. He looked serious, but he had an almost amused look in his eye. James had almost started to smile at him, but a spell hit him in the shoulder.

‘Shit!’ he yelled, almost losing his balance as the entirety of his right arm tingled, before going completely numb. He glared over at Severus, who was rather pleased with himself.  
‘Good thing I’m left handed him growled. Expelliarmus.’

Snape’s wand flew out of his hadn’t and landed on the floor behind him, for which he dived back to get, giving James ample time to point his wand at the Slytherin again.

‘Stupefy!’

‘Levicorpus!’

The spell had already left James’ wand though, and so as he was yanked into the air by his ankle, Snape face planted into the ground ahead of him, smacking onto the cobble beneath. He yelped in pain, but James’ robe had gotten tangled around his head, and so he couldn’t see Severus, or the little grin Regulus had from behind his outstretched wand. Eventually, James through the fabric off him and saw Servus pick himself up, holding a bleeding nose, with Regulus turned to watch him.

‘I’ll kill you!’ Severus shrieked, but Regulus had already grabbed his shoulder.

‘Lets just go.’ he murmured. 

Snape through the younger boy of and adjusted his clothing, snarling at the dangling James. He turned to go glancing back at him.

‘Enjoy your night, Potter.’ Before wandering back around the corner he had come from. James looked at Regulus, who was looking at the ground. James had stupidly dropped his wand as he had risen, and it had rolled over less than a meter away from Regulus’ shoe. He looked over his shoulder, before kicking the wood gently back over to James.  
James looked at him. Regulus turned to follow Severus, but not before they made eye contact, and Regulus seemed to motioned upwards with his hand.

‘Reg!’ Severus called. Regulus left.

 

James stretched out his good arm for the wand, which he managed to grasp by the tips of his fingers, before using it to let himself down. He reached into his pocket for the map, before struggling to open it up on the floor with only one decent arm.

Regulus and Severus were standing in the Slytherin common room. Sirius and Marlene were in the Gryffindor common room. Remus and Dorcas were in a classroom, standing very close to one another. James smirked. Dumbledore was pacing his office and Filch and Mrs Norris were, as expected, on the fifth floor. James closed the map back up, putting it back in his pocket along with his wand and then picking his robe up off of the floor and turning around to head up to the astronomy tower.

By the time he was up there, James could feel his fingers again, slowly sensation was being restored to his arm. He looked around him. It was a cloudy september night, but there was no breeze and the air was a perfect temperature, James walked over to the bars surrounding the edge of the tower. He hoped this is what Regulus had meant. But he was sure he wasn’t wrong. He sat down, singing his legs over the edge and allowing them to dangle there and looked outwards.  
With everything going on, everything happening in his tiny little world, James wasn’t really sure what to feel. His best friends mother was dying. His other one was homeless and living with him. His whole world seemed to be brewing up some kind of war with itself and what was even worse.. Was that he and the boy he was involved with seemed to be on opposite sides. Whatever that meant. He had never given much thought to his future, James had always imagined that he would try and become a professional Quidditch player and then see what happened after that.. Oh.. and that was the other thing…

His thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of light footsteps climbing the iron stairway. James jumped up and ran his hand through his hair. He felt slightly nervous taking a few paces closer to the doorway.

Regulus appeared seconds later, slightly out of breath from the climb. James blinked. He wasn’t entirely sure what reaction to have, but Regulus just looked up at him and practically ran over to where James was standing, before launching his arms around the Gryffindor and pulling his head in to kiss him.  
They stayed like that for a minute, James happily opening his mouth to kiss him back, drawing Regulus in further and then sliding an arm around his waist. Regulus felt bigger, more muscular than before the summer, but he was still the slender person he had been before. James pulled away a little, so that their lips were barely touching.

‘Hello.’ he murmured.

Regulus grinned against his lips. ‘Hi.’

‘So.. is this your way of saying you missed me?’

Regulus didn’t respond, but simply moved his head and softly kissed along James’ jawline, then trailing down over his neck. James smirked.

‘I’ll take that as a yes.’

Their eyes met as Regulus lifted his head and looking into those grey eyes James suddenly felt all the feeling from last year flooding back to him. The night of the party. Him asking Regulus to visit. Lily. The night in Islington. Toast.  
Regulus seemed to be having the same experience as his eyes changed from a dopey happiness to sudden apprehension and fear.

James let go of him. ‘About last year.. And summer-’

‘I’m sorry,’ the now only slightly shorter boy replied. ‘I shouldn’t have taken it so badly and reacted like I did-’

‘No I never should have said it in the first place-’

‘What, no it’s my fault I- and about the summer, James-’

‘Look I don't know what excuse you have Regulus but honestly it better be good because-’

‘Wait.’ Regulus suddenly interrupted. ‘Before we.. just, could we not? Just for tonight I promise, but could we.. Not?’

James looked unsure. ‘I think we should talk-’

‘Please, James.’

He softened, not that it was hard to sway him, part of him also desperately didn’t want to ruin the night, just for once. He nodded, and Regulus smiled.

‘But Reg,’

‘I know.. Later, I swear.’

Regulus walked past James and sat down by the edge, just as he had a few minutes ago, except Regulus kept his legs on the safe side of the bars. James joined him and as he sat down next to him, Regulus rested his head on James’ shoulder. But James flinched as another sharp tingle went down the recovering arm. Regulus lifted his head and looked over, before snorting a little laugh. 

‘Oh yeah, forgot about that.’

James just grinned and rolled his eyes. ‘Not funny, what even was that?’

Regulus shrugged. ‘No clue, I think he spends half his time making that stuff up nowadays.’

James growled in disapproval, but didn’t say anything, instead, he reached over and interlaced his fingers with Regulus’.

‘Congratulations by the way.’

Again, Regulus smiled. ‘What for, beating James Potter in a fight?’

James chuckled, ‘Barely, you wait till next time Black, I’ll show you. No, for getting prefect, that’s massive.’

Regulus took a deep breath. ‘No,’ he sighed. ‘I’m pretty sure my family pulled a few strings to get me the gig, it’s not like I really deserve it.’

‘Well, regardless, I think you’re doing a great job so far, I’m definitely a student out of bed and you’ve done nothing but coerce and seduce me.’

Regulus let out a laugh, which reminded James hauntingly of his brothers. They both turned to each other and James leant down to kiss him on the lips.

‘You’re right.’ Regulus considered. ‘Maybe the job does have some perks.’

They were quiet for a moment bothe string out at the dark landscape below, James had almost all the feeling back in his arm now and so eventually Regulus untangled his fingers and tentatively lay his head back down on James’ shoulder, who wrapped the arm around Regulus’ back.  
James lay turned and rested his own head ever so slightly in the younger boys, the side of his face lying in the locks of the jet black hair. He smelled so familiar, yet different and comforting. James didn’t ever want to move.

‘I didn’t get Quidditch Captain.’

‘Hm?’

‘They gave it to Fabian Prewett. Well, Kingsley did. I guess after last year he must have thought I wasn’t ready.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘..it’s okay.’

‘Doesn’t sound like it.’

‘Yeah. I guess I just hoped…’

Regulus turned his head and kissed James’ shoulder. ‘I’m still seeker if that helps.’ 

James grinned. ‘Not in the slightest.’ Regulus giggled.

He sighed and they fell peacefully silent again.

‘I told the marauders by the way.’

Regulus sounded almost half asleep. ‘What?’

‘I told them I was gay.’

Regulus jerked. ‘Wait, Jamie, you didn’t tell them-’

‘Course not.’ James interrupted. 

‘Okay…. What did they say?’ 

‘Not much, they don’t care as long as I’m happy and I think Sirius already knew.’

James felt Regulus muffle a reflex at the mention of his brother’s name, but instead he just seemed to laugh a little. ‘Oh yeah, I heard about that.’

James sat up in shock. ‘What?’ he blurted out. ‘How do you know-’

Regulus was just giggling though. ‘Gossip gets around Potter, and you clearly have a thing for Blacks.’

‘I don’t! I mean… ugh look it was a drunken thing, obviously it meant nothing I mean it was just-’

‘Shut up you idiot, I know.’ 

James closed his mouth and sighed. ‘Prick.’ Regulus was still grinning though. James looked at him. 

‘Have you ever kissed anyone else?’

Regulus stopped laughing and raised an eyebrow. ‘Why, would you get jealous?’

James squirmed. ‘I was just wondering, seeing as my sexual exploits are so public..’

‘Well aside from a few poor girls at parties James, there really isn’t much to be public.’

James pushed him slightly. ‘You didn’t answer my question.’

Regulus thought for a moment. ‘No.’ he said finally. James had no idea if that was true or not.

‘Speaking of love interests,’ he continued. ‘What did you do about Evans?’

‘What about her?’ 

‘What did you do to stop her from telling people what she saw?’

James shrugged. ‘Nothing, Lily has been really good about the whole thing, she wouldn’t tell.’

‘You’re joking.’

‘No?’

‘So you just let the biggest priss and suck up in the school walk away without even making sure that she wasn't going to tell everyone your biggest secret?’

‘Well, what I supposed to do? Besides, I trust her not to say anything.’

‘You’re a fucking lunatic to trust her with that.’

‘Hey! Don’t say that, you don't know anything about her.’

‘I know enough about people.’

‘Ha! do you, or do you just know enough about your little friends to know not to trust them? Because, newsflash Reg, most people are little nasty mini death eaters.’

Regulus’ eyes flashed with anger as he stood up. ‘Oh fuck you, you sanctimonious prick.’

‘Ugh Merlin, you don’t even get it do you?’

‘As if you have any fucking clue-’

‘Get your head out of your arse mate and wake up for fucks sake!’

James also stood up now, but he didn’t tower over Regulus like he used to. They were both breathing heavily, but the stopped shouting, aware that anyone could hear. James’ anger began to dissipate.  
Regulus looked at where they had been sitting.

‘We couldn’t even get through one hour…’

‘No, Reg, wait-’

‘I’m going James.’

‘Don’t, I didn’t mean it.’ 

‘This was going to happen at some point.’

‘Please don’t.’ 

Regulus hugged him and James immediately hugged him back, unwilling to let go. He kissed the top of Regulus’ head and nuzzled into his hair, before the other boy stepped back.

‘Until next time.’

‘We still need to talk.’

‘I know.’

‘I-Goodnight.’

‘Night, Jamie.’

They both walked back down the staircase a few steps apart, not speaking, but they were both turning different ways at the bottom, so Regulus moved to go. James grabbed his hand and pulled him back into a last brief kiss. James reached under his robes and around into Regulus’ back pocket, grabbing onto his wand. Regulus must have noticed but he didn’t do anything until James stepped back, holding it.

‘Lumos maxima.’ 

The dark corridor erupted a cool murky light as Regulus wand lit up, a little less than it would have had it been James. Regulus raised an eyebrow.

‘So you can see where your walking.’

‘I could have done that myself you know.’ 

James just shrugged, handed him back his wand and began to walk away. Then, he turned back to look at where Regulus was still standing. 

‘Oh, and Reg,’  
Regulus looked over.  
‘Levicorpus.’  
Regulus flung into the air by his ankle, managing to drop his wand, but not so much that it rolled away.  
James grinned.  
‘Payback.’

 

Jame had probably been gone just over an hour, but the Gryffindor common room was completely empty when he returned. Relieved that Sirius and Marlene were no longer here, James climbed the stairs up to the dormitory and swung the door open, expecting the boys to be in there playing Gobstones or something.  
The reality was very different.  
The room was a mess, with what seemed like all of Remus things thrown everywhere, even more so than they usually were, sitting on his bed hugging his knees was the boy himself. Remus looked terrible, his eyes were puffy and red and still watery from where he had been crying, Peter was sitting beside him a consoling arm wrapped around his best friend as he comforted Remus, he had a interesting bruise forming on the side of his face. Sirius was there as well, his cheeks eyes also red as he sat on his own bed, looking miserable, flicking cigarette butts across his duvet. Their heads all raised as he walked in. James’ jaw dropped.

‘Oh my God, what happened?’


	23. Troubled Waters

As the portrait swung back into place behind James, Sirius turned back to look at Marlen. Even with her cheeks flushed and her fists clenched, he couldn’t help thinking she looked beautiful, she may even have gotten a tan over the summer.  
Sirius thought about their argument. All the things he regretted saying, all the stupid comments just thrown out here to hurt her. He thought about how neither one of them had written to each since. How many times he had sat down with a pen and paper and wanted to write something, anything. But it was like the words wouldn’t come out.  
Well, they would have to come out now.

‘I’m so sorry, Marlene.’

Marlene had been expecting something very different, and she couldn’t hide her surprise, but less than a second later her eyes narrowed again.

‘You’re saying this after a month and half of….. Nothing. Nothing! Not a word Sirius!’

‘I know I’m-’

‘Sorry? Yeah I got that part. What were you thinking! How could you just-’

‘Let me explain-’

‘No I don’t to hear your bullshit excuses you piece of-’

‘Please Marly, I know I was wrong I shouldn’t have said-’

‘No shit! But that’s not even the point Sirius! You can't do that to people!’

He blinked. ‘Do what?’

She clenched her jaw. ‘This! You can’t just get upset and then cut people out. It’s not fair. I had to sit around all summer waiting to see if you would do anything.’

‘Why didn’t you just write to me then?’

‘Because!’

‘Because what? Thats doesn’t make any sense Marlene.’

Marlene’s mouth just hung open for a little while as she struggled to formulate a sentence. She eventually gave up, and just looked at the ground.  
‘I’m sorry that I got so angry at you, that wasn’t fair... ‘

Sirius chewed his lip. ‘No it wasn’t really.’

‘Sirius!’

‘Okay, okay, I’m sorry but…’

‘Ugh, you're just ridiculous.’

‘Oh fuck off.’

‘Don’t tell me to fuck off!’

‘You’re being ridiculous as per usual this freak out psycho bullshit is really getting old, Marlene.’

She pointed her finger at him. ‘Oh you fucking dickwad Sirius Black! Just because I’m not some stupid brat that acts like he is still thirteen years old.’

‘Oh please, you’re like a little prepubescent girl the way you go on half the time.’

‘Piss off at least I can act like a mature human being whilst your off having a temper tantrum and beating people up every five minutes, you pathetic, I don’t know what I ever saw in you.’

‘Stupid bitch, I swear to God.’

‘What did you just call me?’

‘Wait no-’

‘What the fuck did you just call me!’

Marlene seized the stack of books of the table next to her and started chucking the over in Sirius’ direction as she shrieked at him. Her aim was terrible and they both knew Sirius could easily deflect the textbooks with his wand, but she continued anyway.

‘Stop it!’

‘You stop it, you selfish, lazy, egotistical, sociopath!’

‘Fucking stop it Marlene you’re going to hit someone, please.’

‘I hope I hit your stupid head off!’

Sirius dropped his arms from where he had been holding then up to shield himself. Anyone who had stayed to listen in the common room had definitely rushed off by now.

‘Cunt.’

She chucked another one at him, but as Sirius raised his hand again, he heard a little voice from behind him.

‘You guys really need to calm down this is getting out of hand-’

Sirius spun, but his arm still knocked the large potions book and it went flying into Peter’s face, who fell back onto the stairs he was standing at the bottom of. Marlene let out a little scream and rushed forward.

 

…

 

Peter had wandered up, feeling a little abandoned by his friends for joining him on the walk to bed, but he didn’t blame them, with James and Lily still in a fight and Remus trying and pretty much failing to entertain Dorcas for the night, Peter wasn’t surprised to walking up alone.  
When he reached the dorm he saw the mess Sirius had made of all their things looking for those stupid cards and Peter sighed.  
‘Idiot.’  
He bent down to pick up a few of his clothes for tomorrow, and replaced the things Sirius had pulled out from under James bed, but he left the rest as it was, before changing into pyjamas and going to brush his teeth.

‘Don’t tell me to fuck off!’

Peter sighed again, he seemed to being doing a lot of that recently. He and and Sirius had been walking in the village next to James’ house one day when sirius had ducked into the little shop to their left. Peter had assumed he had been looking for cigarettes and so had reluctantly wandered in after him, but instead Sirius was standing at the counter asking the man behind it about envelopes.

‘Look, I need to write a letter, can I just have one of those and three sheets of parchment-sorry, paper, please?’

When they had walked out again, Sirius had shoved them into his pocket.

‘Who we writing to?’

‘None of your business.’

‘...Sirius.’

Sirius ruffled his hair. ‘Do you think I should send her one?’ he said after a moment. Peter understood, and he had nodded.

Peter had realised by the end of summer Sirius had never actually written and sent a letter to Marlene, but Peter knew he wanted to.. And at least he had sort of tried. Kind of. Besides, Peter knew how much Sirius liked her, despite his rubbish ways of showing it. He also knew how badly Sirius could react if this went badly.  
Peter walked over to the door of his bedroom.

‘What did you just call me?’

It was probably time to intervene. He opened the door up to reveal several first years crowded in the stairway trying to listen, he shooed them away. Something was happening in the common room, thud after thud of something hitting the floor was coming from downstairs. Please don’t let it be Sirius.  
Peter started running.

He barely made into the light of the fireplace, he had barely spoken in fact, before whatever Marlene (thank Merlin) was throwing hit him in the face.

…

 

‘Oh my god oh my god, Peter, I’m sorry I’m sorry, oh God.’

But Sirius pushed her away, he crouched down and sat by Peter, who was fine, if not a little dazed. ‘Shit I’m so sorry Peter.’ he murmured, Peter just shook his head.

‘Look what you did.’ he snarled looking up at Marlene. Her face was ash white.

‘Sirius I only meant- I didn’t mean to.’

He stood back up and faced her off. ‘What? You didn't mean to hurt anyone? Yeah right. I couldn’t care less if you’re going to throw shit at me Marlene, you really think I haven’t had it worse than some silly little girl hurling books? But you fucking watch out for my friends.’

‘Oh Merlin.. Sirius, I forgot.’

‘Good for you.’ he spat. Sirius reached out his hand and helped Peter up. Peter stood shaking his head slightly, Marlene just hovered a couple of meters away, she blinked, and tear ran down her cheek.

‘I-’

‘Save it.’

And Sirius gently pushed Peter back up the stairs.  
No one was lurking in the stairway anymore, much to Peter’s relief and when they reached the dorm, Sirius threw the door open with such force it slammed back into the wall with a deafening crash. Peter just pretended he miraculously hadn’t heard in and Sirius stormed in, before reaching the center and turning on the spot to face his best friend.

‘I’ll get you some ice.’

‘Pads, I don’t need any-’

‘I’ll get it.’

Sirius turned again and wandered into the bathroom. Peter listened to him turn the tap on and the drain gurgle as he put the plug in the bottom of the sink. 

Sirius stared down at the swirling water. He was still breathing heavily from shouting but he couldn’t feel it. All he felt was a pit of anger in his stomach. He was angry at Marlene. Furious even. But mostly he was angry at himself. Angry that he had said all those things. Angry that he had let everything get out of control. Angry that he had felt so helpless and useless as she attacked him and angry at how scared he felt. It was pathetic. He was angry that it was really his fault Wormtail had got hurt. He just hated himself. He was just always angry.

He muttered a freezing spell down at the pool of water, which solidified with ease. Hen began a spell to break the ice up into pieces, but the more he looked at the clear crystal.  
Crack.   
He punched it as hard as he could, and both the ice and his knuckle broke under the force. 

‘What is happening Sirius?’ Peter shouted from next door.

Siirus stepped back and clutched his hand. Fuck that hurt, should have taken it from James when he said punching shit doesn’t work.

‘Nothing, Wormy, don’t get your knickers in a twist. I’m coming.’ He wiped the beads of blood forming at his joints on his trousers and scooped up some of the shards of ice from the sink before opening the bathroom door again and walking out, holding the clumps of ice out for Peter, who instead just looked at Sirius’ hand, Sirius looked at it too. It looked disgusting.

‘It’s nothing Pete-’

‘Just give it here I’ll fix it.’ Peter muttered. Sirius did and Peter said. ‘Episkey.’ Several little clicks could be heard and Sirius sucked between his teeth, trying to hide the pain.

They both sat on Sirius’ bed. Sirius crawled further onto the mattress, before turning into dog form and curling up in the center of the duvet. Peter looked over at the sad eyes hidden the tufts of jet Black hair. He scratched the dog behind the ears and they sat like that for a little while.

The door burst open again and Peter hoped James had come back from wherever he was to help, but instead, it was Remus, who Peter was no less pleased to see, but Remus didn’t look very pleased to see them. His eyes were watery and he looked a mess. He didn’t say anything though, instead he walked straight through the piles of stuff everywhere, over to his bed and opened up his trunk, collecting an armful of whatever was inside of it, and then chucking it out onto the floor.

He reached back in, grabbed and ink well and through it at the wall. Books and parchment, ripped and left to float in the air the ground. Books hurled onto the backboard of his bed. Clothes flung away. Objects chucked and launched into the air only to smash against whatever they came into contact with and breaking into little pieces.

‘Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck me. I can’t do this. Fuck everything. I’m done. I’m over it. I just want out. I JUST WANT FUCKING OUT.’

 

…

 

Remus and Dorcas had been almost silent as they walked around the castle. Dorcas had almost stood on a trick stair and Remus had said,  
‘Watch it, it’s a trick step.’ But aside from that, almost total silence. Awkward silence as well.

Eventually, dorcas must have grown tired of it, because she just frowned and said. ‘I should probably head back to my dorm now.’

Remus’ heart sank. He had ruined it. Of course. ‘Yeah..’ he replied. ‘I’ll walk you there.’ 

‘Oh no, that’s okay you don’t-’

‘Hello?’ The voice came from not too far behind Remus and Dorcas, who froze on the spot, Remus was faster though and grabbed her hand before almost silently ducking into a abandoned classroom to their right and closing the door just as the familiar glow of the lit tip of a wand filled the hallway. Dorcas opened her mouth but Remus put a finger to his lips as footsteps passed the doorway. They paused, before moving onwards and away from the two teenagers, until everything was dark and silent again.   
Remus lit his own wand, and saw how close he and Dorcas had been standing, before jumping away slightly. She raised an eyebrow.

‘Sorry, but I don’t think either of us need to be getting a detention on the first day.’ he smiled.

She grinned. ‘Fair enough. Thanks.’

‘Anytime.’

He looked at her again, she was still smiling up at him, her bright eyes unblinking in the light. He sighed. ‘Look, I’m really sorry about tonight…’

‘That’s alright.’

‘It’s really not.’

‘Yeah, okay.. Maybe it isn’t. But I liked getting to know Peter and Roberta.’

Remus chuckled. ‘Oh yeah, which OWLs are you doing by the way.’

‘Stop it, don’t be mean.’

‘You’re right, she is a really nice girl.’

Dorcas nodded. ‘Can I ask you something?’ 

‘Go for it.’

‘What are you afraid of?’

‘W-what?’

‘I just… your so lovely and sweet, but you look like you want to jump out the window every time we have a conversation or I’m even in the same room, is it me?’

‘Wh-What no! No of course not I-I- I just…’

‘Is it about me and Sirius.’

‘..no, but thank you for reminding me about that.’

She smiled again. He sighed.

‘you .. I.. I’ve never done this before and.. It’s kind of nerve wrecking.’

‘Done what?’

Remus squirmed, he wanted to open the door and walk away, but Dorcas was standing in front of it. Instead his hand traced the deep scar along his arm.

‘You know.. Asked a girl out on date.’

Her eyebrows shot up. ‘Never?’

‘Ever.’

‘But, I mean.. You have.. Kissed girls, before me, I mean.’

Remus squirmed again.

‘Oh.’

‘Geez.. thanks.’

‘No! I don't mean it like that I-’

‘No I get it, it’s weird-’

‘Not at all! I think it’s… sweet.’

‘Sweet… ouch.’

She laughed a little. ‘You know what I mean, really, I like it. Everyone at this school is so desperate to get around and do anything and everything, you forget that there are genuinely lovely people like yourself still out there.’

Remus smirked. ‘I feel like the shy kid in nursery getting a pep talk from the teacher.’

She laughed louder this time. Then she looked down and slowly prised his hand away from his arm, threading her fingers through his and pulling him forward, so that he stumbled up close to her, having to bend his neck down in order to still see her face.

He smiled. 

‘So, Remus Lupin, you’ve never kissed a girl on date before? Sober, might I add.’

He shook his head. She smiled back and him and leaned upwards, almost standing fully on her tiptoes until their lips touched. It was a short and soft kiss, but she warm warm and tasted almost sweet and Remus was so surprised that this girl was even standing near him, let alone kissing him. He dropped back down, but he let go of her hand and put both arms around her waist, so she wrapped one hand behind his neck and used the other to push the flock of hair off of his face, exposing both his almost luminescent amber eyes. He giggled and leaned down to kiss her again, for much longer and deeper this time.   
She almost melted into him and they stood there for what must only have been minutes, but felt a lot longer. Remus clutched her closer, pressing her against him as her hands moved around him, until one reached up under his jumper. He almost fell back and her hadn’t touched one of the many scars trailing across his torso, he didn’t even know if she had felt it, but he certainly had.

‘What happened?’ she said.

He took another step back, shaking his hair and trying to straighten his clothes in a confused panic. ‘I er- shit um.. Fuck’

‘Remus?’

He looked at her, she had barely moved, but her face looked concerned.

‘I… I should go.’

‘What?’

‘I’m sorry, this was a mistake.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘N-nothing, fuck um, look I’ll just go.. I’m sorry.

‘Remus, what is this about? I didn’t mean to move to fast if it freaked you out I’m sorry.’

‘What? No, look I’m sorry this was a mistake I shouldn't have done this.. You were a mistake.’

‘What.’

He stared at her. ‘Yeah.. you.. We shouldn’t have.. I don’t want to.’

‘Oh..’

His stomach panged with guilt, but he couldn’t stop himself. ‘Look, you were a mistake, I should never have asked you out, I’m sorry.’

Dorcas looked down at the floor, but even from where he was pacing around the room, Remus could see tears in her eyes.

‘Right.’ she whispered. ‘Rem.. if it’s about the scars.. I don’t care.’

An enormous lump rose in Remus’ throat. ‘Really?’ he said, but it sounded more like he was being strangled. ‘Because you should. Anyone with half a brain would care, or be freaked out. You should too, its fucking disgusting anyway.’ His hand was gripping his scar so tightly he felt like he was going to break the skin. ‘You should have just said no, like any decent person would have. I mean,’ he laughed. ‘Look at me! And then look at you, what are you doing? Is there something wrong with you? What would make some slut like you take pity on me.’

Her mouth fell open, but he was too much of a mess to take it back. Now the tears were dripping down her cheeks, but she didn’t speak, she just turned slightly, and opened to door of the classroom behind her.

‘You can go.’ she said. He looked over. He needed to say something, anything. Please, Rmeus don’t. But instead the just walked past her and back to to Gryffindor tower. 

He couldn’t really see properly, there was water in his eyes, but he practically ran up to the dorm, not even noticing that the common room was absent of Marlene or Sirius but covered in books. He through open the door and ignored Peter and Padfoot. It was like pressure in his chest, he wanted to scream and cry but instead all he could see was his bed.  
His bed, covered in all his possessions. Things he didn't deserve, or should even be allowed. What was he here? Another act of pity. Everything was just pity. He shouldn't have any of it, anything, he was monster. They should have just sent him off to prison the second it happened. His parents should of put him out of his misery. Because this was all too much. Dorcas was too much. His mum was too much. He seized everything he could hold and threw it, anywhere, hoping it would break. Break like he was breaking.  
He kept going and going and everything was crashing down around him and then there was someone pulling him back, grabbing him around the waist and dragging him away from stamping on his watch.

‘Remus stop it.’

‘Get off ME!’ he shrieked, only now realising he had been shouting this whole time. And crying.

Peter came around to his front and hugged over Remus’ chest.   
‘Moony, calm down it’s alright.’

‘It’s not alright get off me! Get off!’

‘Please stop Remus you;re going to hurt yourself.’

‘Good.’

‘Rem-’

‘No get off, get off, don’t touch me!’

But Peter didn’t let go, no matter how hard Remus thrashed against him, until eventually all his energy was drained, and Remus finally collapsed onto his bed, sobbing as Peter released him and sat next to him.  
He continued crying for a few minutes but he had run out of tears. Remus looked around him. sirius , now in human form, was sitting watching him with concern, unconsciously fiddling with the ashtray beside his bed. His knuckle was purple and bloody, Remus suddenly prayed that wasn’t from Marlene, but Sirius wouldn’t be sitting on his bed, albeit looking incredibly upset and distressed, if he had done anything like that.  
He then felt Peter’s arm wrapped around him. He didn’t know how long it had been there. He gulped and looked over the blonde haired boy, who was sitting quietly beside him, looking to make sure Remus was okay. Remus wanted to open his mouth, but he didn’t have any sound left. But Peter saw, and he smiled kindly.

‘It’s okay Remus, I’ve got you, don’t worry, we’re here.’

The door opened again, and the fourth marauder walked in, his hair was as disheveled as always, he too looked preoccupied with something, but that changed when he saw the room.

‘Oh my God, what happened.’ he spluttered.

James looked at Peter, who was extremely relieved to see him, he looked tired, but he just quietly shook his head. James looked again at his friends. There nights had clearly not gone to plan either. Something bad had happened, but neither Sirius nor Remus looked in any position to deal with it yet. James nodded.

‘Okay, Peter stand up and help me move these beds, were doing a line tonight.’

When they were little and wanted to try to stay up all night, the marauders had always pushed their beds together into a line down the middle of the circular room, pushing back all the curtains and lying across whoever they pleased, creating one enormous mattress for them to muck about on all night. They hadn't done it for a while though.

Peter stood slowly, Remus just watched, but Sirius’ head moved like he wanted to help, but James shook his head and the boy just resumed his previous activities.  
With the other two still seated, James and Peter rearranged the bedroom to the correct orientation, and the four of them lay down on the mattress, with James and Peter on either end.  
They lay there silently, listening to each other breathe. Sirius eventually spoke.

‘I don’t think I-’

‘It’s fine Padfoot.’ James interrupted. ‘Get some sleep, it’s okay. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.’

No one spoke again, and one by one the marauders drifted into an uneasy sleep of bad dreams. Except James, who lay awake thinking about all the conversations he had managed to delay in just a few hours.


	24. Rapid Succession

‘You know NEWTs turned out to be a lot harder than I thought.’

‘Uh hmm….’

‘I mean, I heard that slytherin girl left Slughorn’s lesson crying the other day because she completely fucked her potion, I mean properly screwed it up, it was solid and burned through the cauldron.. I think through the table as well actually-’

Lily sighed and slumped down into her arms, her head banging onto the open textbook below her. ‘James, please shut up. And if you can’t manage that, please leaving the freaking library!’

‘Shhhh!’ someone said from the other side of the bookcase, Lily glared ahead at the wall of books.

James smirked. ‘Not enjoying my company then.’ 

‘I didn’t exactly ask for it.’

James pouted and stood up from where he had sat on the table seconds before. ‘Fine, I’ll leave then.’

Lily looked at him. ‘Wait, why are you in the library? Isn’t like James Potter to be seen in a working environment.’

‘Rude.’

She just raised her eyebrow.

‘I’m looking for Remus.’

‘Oh, weird.’ 

‘Why?’

‘Well, technically, I am too, he was supposed to meet me here to go over some prefect stuff.’

James frowned. Remus had been in his own head for a while after the incident with Dorcas, which it had taken him some time to even tell the marauders what happened, but two and a half weeks had passed since then.  
Eventually, James had forced Remus to go and talk to Dorcas, because the stupid boy was becoming unbearable with all the moping around and staring during meals times. It also didn’t help that Sirius had been doing the exact same thing. Remus had said that they had made up, whatever made up meant. All James knew was that two of his best friends had been acting strange all week and it was almost definitely because of two equally confusing girls.. 

‘He’s probably off somewhere with Dorcas.’

Lily rolled her eyes. ‘Honestly, teenagers and there hormones, it’s like as soon as someone of the opposite sex enters the equation all they do is follow each other around like puppys.’

James grinned and sat back down on the edge of the desk. ‘Ouch Evans, no one asking you down to Hogsmeade recently?’

Lily snorted. ‘No Potter, you were the only one that did that.’

‘I can start again if you like.’

‘Please don’t.’

‘Alright, Medusa.’

Another loud shh echoed down the library. Lily huffed collecting her things up into her arms.

‘I’ll help.’

‘I’ve got it.’ 

But James still picked up one of the textbooks lying on the desk, Lily’s arms were too full to even attempt grabbing it. The redhead turned and began to walk out of the dark room, passing Madam Pince, who was glaring at James over her glasses.

Lily was walking swiftly down the corridor, and James had to pick up the pace to keep up with her.

‘So why are you al grumpy about love all of a sudden Evans.’

‘I’m not, Potter.’

‘You are. What’s up, someone no- Oh….’

Lily took a deep breathe, but she didn’t say anything. James looked at her with a lopsided grin, but she made sure not to look back at him.

‘Do they really bother you?’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘Sirius and Marlene.’ 

‘They broke up, James.’

‘Bullshit, anyone with half a brain can work out that they are going off to shag in secret every two minutes.’

Lily stopped, and James had to catch himself before his elbow smacked into her, but the grin didn't leave his face. Lily was chewing her lip, still staring straight ahead.

‘It’s not a big deal Evans, don’t know why you’d-’

‘Well of course it wouldn’t bother you James-’

‘Huh?’

‘You’re Sirius’ best friend or whatever you two plonkers are calling yourselves these days.’

‘So, you’re Marlene’s best friend.’

‘Exactly.’ she said, turning finally to face him. ‘And I just want what's best for her.’

James raised an eyebrow. ‘Ok, I don’t understand, what’s wrong with-’

‘Oh come on James, Marlene is one of my favourite people in the world, I love her to bits but.. She hasn’t always got the best taste in guys.’

James blinked. ‘Are you talking about Sirius.’

Lily was still chewing her lip. James Potter was almost definitely the complete wrong person to be telling this all too, but after weeks of keeping it all in, it felt kind of good to finally let it all out. ‘James, Sirius is nice, but.. He’s all over the place.. He can be immature and irrational and downright nasty sometimes and.. Well… Marlene is my best friend I’m just looking out for her.’

‘I’m sorry, but Sirius wasn’t the one chucking books all over the common room at the start of term.’

‘Yes, but he was the one who punched that kid on the train to school, hexes the Slytherins in the corridor every day, slept with Dorcas Meadowes whilst she had a boyfriend, gets into fights every month, has had more detentions than I can count, and goes off on one whenever someone barely steps on his fucking toe. James, right now.. He’s a mess.’

‘Shut up.’

‘Look I’m only-’

‘No seriously, shut up Evans. You have no idea what you’re talking about.’

Lily closed her mouth. She had probably taken it too far, James looked furious, he was walking away, before turning around and walking back. Mumbling to himself.

‘Look, Lily.’ He finally said, a lot more calmly than he was feeling. ‘It’s all fine and dandy for you to stand there and shit on him like that, while he isn’t here to defend himself mind you. But I just.. You of all people, how can you be so dense? You have no fucking clue what you’re talking about-’

‘James, I-’

‘No. I’m sorry, but Sirius has been to hell and back. Twice probably. Every single shitty bit of childhood, every single way a family could fuck you over and up, he’s had it twofold. He been beaten half to death and cast out like he didn’t even matter, and then you stand here and tell me that he’s that bad person for.. What, hexing a couple kids? Punching someone who told him he should be dead? Which I also helped with by the way... I mean.. You don’t even know him Evans. Every person in this school has him down as a write off screw up, and no one even takes the fucking time to know him. He’s loyal and kind and funny.. And fuck it he’s the best person I know, and fuck you for thinking you know anything about him and what he deserves. Because when have you ever tried to have a proper conversation with him?’

James was shaking now. ‘Swear to god Evans you and your high horse.’

He reached into his pocket and grabbed his wand, Lily almost flinched, thinking he might hex her, but he just pointed it at her book that he was still holding, before casting a weightlessness charm on it and dropping it down onto the pile of books she was already holding, though it didn’t add any weight.

‘You see us exactly how you want to Evans, nothing more nothing less. Took you all that time to open your fucking eyes and see Severus for what he was, why can’t you do the same for us?’

Then James just wandered off back to the Gryffindor tower, leaving a very embarrassed Lily Evans alone. But by the time he reached it, James didn’t want to go to his dorm, so he turned around to head down to the Quidditch pitch, maybe he get an hours flying in before training that evening.

 

…

 

‘So that’s basically how it went.’

Remus seemed to be thinking for a few seconds, James was now just idly twirling his wand between his fingers as the two boys walked.

‘Strangely enough Prongs, and don’t let this blow your already enormous ego up anymore, but.. I think you were right.’

‘Of course I was right.’

Remus nodded ever so slightly. ‘Lily was out of order, she doesn’t get to dictate people's worthiness to one another, and she shouldn’t have… I mean, you’re right, she has never taken the time to get to know Sirius properly, what most people see isn’t what he’s like.’

James rana few steps forward, before sliding down part of the corridor in his socks and turning back to grin at Remus, who was just pleased it was the middle of the night so no one else had to see that.

‘Prat.’

‘Try it, it’s fun.’ 

‘James.’

‘Yupp.’

‘There was one part she wasn’t wrong about though.’

James sighed. Remus caught up with him and looked over at his friend, who ran his hand through his hair.

‘Sirius has been a bit of a mess this last year.’

‘With good reason Moony.’

‘Of course. But still.’

‘He’ll be fine. He’s fine right now.’

‘That’s because he’s all pleased with himself about his ‘secret’ relationship.’

James groaned. ‘Thank god, I was hoping I wasn’t the only one who seems to have noticed this ridiculous thing the two of them are doing.’

Remus chuckled. ‘It’s put him in a good mood though.’

‘Merlin knows how they got here though, after what happened.’

‘Mmm’

‘Speaking of-’

‘Like I said to all of you yesterday Prongs, none of your business.’

‘But you know that’s not true.’

‘.....I wish it was.’

‘So…’

They both ducked into a hidden stairway, aware that Mrs Norris was probably around the next corner, and continued walking.

‘So nothing. We.. We’re just seeing what happens.. Slowly.’

‘Her idea or yours.’

‘I still don’t think even this is a good idea.’

‘Stop it Rem.’

‘What?’

‘She makes you happy, what’s the big deal?’

‘Um, this may come as a shock James, but every month or so on the full moon this crazy thing happens-’

James smirked and shoved Remus gently on the shoulder, who was also smiling.

‘Actually,’ Remus began, trying to change the subject form himself. ‘Speaking of romance, did you see Benjy Fenwick at lunch today?’

James didn’t look amused. ‘Really Remus? You too? It’s not funny when Peter does it.’

Remus snorted. ‘Oh come on Jamie, the guy is obsessed with you.’

‘No he isn’t he.’

‘I’m sorry, but even I heard him personally brag about the time the great James Potter high fived him on the way to McGonagall’s office.’

James groaned as Remus started laughing, trying to keep his voice down very unsuccessfully.

‘I mean, where did he even come from? I’d barely heard of him before this year.’

Still giggling, Remsu replied. ‘True, but that’s probably because this is the first year you haven’t had your head stuck so far up your-’

‘Hey!’ One of the portraits called out. Remus shut up.

James grasped for a come back, ‘Yeah, well.. At least my head isn’t shoved up Professor Ous’ arse half the time ‘Oh pick me Professor, me, me!’’

Remus smirked. ‘Just because she hates you.’

‘Yeah well, she’s your version of Benjy Fenwick.’

‘She’s a teacher James, I’m pretty sure she hasn’t got a poster of me up on her wall.’

James’ mouth fell open. ‘Oh, please tell me he hasn’t-’

‘Sh.’

Remus was right, there were sounds coming from around the corner. James sighed internally, what were the odds that it was some stupid Slytherins mucking around. Although.. It could be…

James and Regulus had met several times in the last three weeks. Sometimes up in the astronomy tower, sometimes in empty classrooms. Almost always at night. Regulus had still be desperately avoiding talking to James about anything serious, instead the two of them contended with things that didn’t involve talking, but even with all of that James was getting tired of it. They would have to face the large mass of issues that came with the two of them sometime.

Regardless, James still felt a pang of excitement at the idea of seeing him. He just wasn’t really ready to turn the corner and find Regulus standing in the middle of it with his wand outstretched, with a completely oblivious Dorcas Meadowes walking ahead of him, her back turned and James even thought for a moment she might be humming to herself. 

James stopped. What was Regulus doing?

‘Petrificus totalus.’

James felt frozen to the spot as he watched Dorcas suddenly fall to the ground, laying perfectly still. The hallway would have been silent if it weren’t for the smack she made as her face hit the stone, her arms unable to break her fall.  
Regulus’ arm fell, it was shaking, but stopped as soon as Remus let out a yell. The black haired boys neck snapped around, and the blood drained from his face, someone, who James only know noticed had been standing in the shadows at the end of the passageway, ran off. Regulus tried to do the same, but James had regained the feeling in his legs and took the two quick strides it took to catch up with him, before grabbing him around the waist and slamming Regulus into the ground beneath.

‘What are you doing!’ James screamed as the much smaller Black squirmed beneath him. ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’

Remus ran past him, already muttering the counter curse at Dorcas, who moved like she was had just received a shock, shrieking, her hands shooting up to hold up her face, her nose bleeding into the floor.  
James was still straddling Regulus, who was desperately trying to push him off, with no luck.  
James leered even further down at him.

‘Her? A girl, Regulus? Some random girl, what the fuck are you doing!’ James was still shouting at the top off his lungs, before Remus turned back, kneeling next to Dorcas as he helped her sit up.

‘James!’

James looked up at him. Remus looked white as sheet, his arm around Dorcas who was leaning against him, staring up at the two boys, her nose still dripping with blood, which Remus was holding a handkerchief ever so gently to. His chest was heaving and he could still feel the person beneath him, trying to slide away. But James was still seeing red.

‘Rem, take her to the hospital wing, make sure she’s okay, are you okay Dorcas?’

‘But Jam-’

‘Fuckin go Moony!’

Remus looked unsure. He was terrified, clutching onto Dorcas a little too tightly. What if she had been hurt? Why was Sirius’ brother trying to curse her? And why did James like he was about to kill him? Not that he shouldn’t… He nodded, before hoisting Dorcas’ waist to help her stand.

‘It’s okay, I’m fine I-’

‘No don’t worry, we’ll just go get you checked out.’

‘Really you don’t have to Rem-’

But he was already leading her away and she wasn’t stopping him. She looked back her brown eyes falling on James for a moment, and then on Regulus.

‘Piece of shit.’ she mumbled, and then the two of them were gone.

James still didn’t move, but Regulus started wriggling again beneath him.

‘Gerr’of me James’

James looked down and growled slightly, before rolling off Regulus. He turned him over, so Regulus landed with a thump on his back, before grabbing the front of his t-shirt and pulling him up to his feet and slamming him around into the wall next to them.  
Regulus had the wind knocked out of him and started coughing as James’ fist continued to press against him.

‘What. The. Fuck. are you doing.’  
James looked at him. Regulus looked like a terrified child. His grey eyes not so daunting now that they looked like they were filling with tears.

‘I- can’t-’

James realised he was still pushing him, and let go, releasing Regulus who dropped down slightly, before looking at the floor, clutching his chest. He looked up again, staring at those glasses that were always halfway down his nose, but he didn’t have that stupid crooked grin on his face anymore, instead, James looked like he wanted to punch him in the face.

‘Answer me! What are you doing Regulus!’

‘Nothing.’

 

James let out a scathing laugh. ‘Nothing? Last time I was doing nothing Reg, I was wandering around the castle daydreaming about Quidditch, not attacking random students in the fucking hallway at night!’

‘I wasn’t attacking anyone.’

‘Oh really! Not what it looked like to me.’

‘It’s not like you never hexed someone in a corridor James.’

‘No, but usually, I make sure it’s someone I dislike for a good reason and you know, know the fucking person before I do it!’

‘I-’

‘What did she ever do to you?’

‘It’s not like th-’

‘WHAT! What did she do Regulus?’

Regulus was breathing really heavily, almost panting, before his knees seemed to give out and collapsed onto the floor. He sat there for a second, James taking a step back, before shoving his head into his hands. Then there was no noise for a second. 

‘I’m sorry.’ he whispered.

James just shook his head. ‘I don’t give a fuck.’

‘James, please, it was just a stupid prank.’

‘Was it? Was stuffing some random cat into a bag to practice merlin knows what on also just a prank? Is it all just some big joke I haven’t been let in on yet? Is it all a setup, and you and your mates aren’t really mini death eaters, you’re just having a laugh, because I’ll tell you what Regulus Arcturus Black, I’M STILL WAITING FOR THE PUNCHLINE!’

‘Fuck off, James! You’re not the knight in shining armour ok.’

‘No, I’m just the kid who made the mistake of falling for a nasty, scummy, prick like you.’

Regulus lifted his head. ‘What?’ 

James didn’t reply. He just kept shaking his head and mumbling to himself. This was a mistake. The very fact that he was here, hurting because the guy he liked was attacking other people was disgusting, he was done.

‘James, please, I didn’t mean to hurt her.’ James snorted. ‘Please, I’m sorry. They would have done something worse if I hadn’t- I mean, they could have done something to me and then to her anyway, all I did was-’

James looked over at him. ‘Dorcas was right, you are a piece of shit.’ 

Regulus’ lipped trembled, and he inhaled deeply. ‘I know…’ he said quietly. ‘I- I’ll make it up to James, I promise, I am sorry.’

James rolled his eyes. ‘I couldn’t give a fuck Regulus. It’s not me you need to make it up to. We’re done.’

‘Jamie-’

James turned and began walking off. ‘Just don’t okay?’

…

Sirius came running into the great hall, his robes barely on his body and one sleeve just hanging limply by his side as he hadn’t put his arm in it yet. He jumped down on the bench next to Remus, who had just got back from visiting Dorcas in the hospital wing, who was fine, but had spent the night there just in case. Remus had tried to stay with her, but had been pushed out after a little while, not that he didn’t sneak back in in the morning to bring her food. It felt a little odd doing what he could only assume was exactly what all the marauders did every month, though he had not doubt he was more subtle.

‘I heard what happened off fucking Andrew Carlisle.’ Sirius moaned. ‘Do none of you idiots tell me anything anymore?’

Remus just shrugged through a mouthful of eggs. ‘Sorry Padfoot, it was a busy night.’

Sirius looked over at James who was staring angrily down at his plate, he frowned. ‘Where is he? Is he in her? swear on Dumbledore’s beard if James hasn’t already done it I’ll kick the living shit out of him myself-’

‘Leave it Padfoot.’ Peter said, looking pointedly at James as Sirius whirled around to try and spot his brother. ‘I think James got him pretty good last night by Remus’ account.’

‘Shut up Wormtail.’ Remus murmured, but neither of the other two seemed to have noticed, Sirius still swiveling around like a dog on alert.  
Remus looked down at his watch and almost choked on his food. ‘Fuck it’s late, Peter we need to get to lessons.’

‘What? Oh right, wait they have a free now?’ Peter looked over at James who still seemed to be silently fighting with his toast. ‘I can stay back for a bit if you want?’ Peter asked. 

James seemed to snap back up, he looked at him, before shaking his head. ‘Nah, go Peter, I have homework to do anyway.’

‘As if you’ll actually do it.’ Sirius grinned. James just shrugged, and Sirius looked a little taken aback.  
Remus and Peter stood up, and Sirius jumped, he had just remembered something, before pulling out three crumpled envelopes from his pocket.  
‘Oh! These were by the door this morning, I guess none of you three saw them, they’re Slug club invites, sorry Pete, but seeing as you don’t do potions…’

Peter shrugged, unbothered, but Remus groaned.

‘Ugh, really? Again? Don’t you to find it so pretentious?’

Sirius just smirked. ‘I find it a good excuse to eat great food all night and piss off Snivellus. Plus I can invite M- I can invite a date if I want to.’

Peter raised an eyebrow. ‘But you don’t have a girlfriend Padfoot.’ He and Remus exchanged an amused looked as Sirius frowned. 

‘No… ugh.. Maybe I won’t then..’

The other two wandered off, both snickering to each other as they went. It was just Sirius and James left at the table. The post had just come and James was making himself busy by staring at the Daily Prophet.

‘Anything good?’ Sirius asked.

‘No.’

James couldn’t see him, but he definitely feel Sirius staring at him.

‘You okay, Potter?’ he asked after a moment.

‘Huh?’ James said shuffling the papers. ‘Yeah, course.’

Sirius stood up. ‘Okay, we’re going for a walk then.’

‘What? No, I don’t feel like it.’

‘Well I do and I’ve stolen your cigarettes, so if you want any chance of getting them back-’

‘Fine.’ 

The two boys stood up, James putting handing the Daily Prophet to the kid next to him trying to read it over his shoulder. ‘There.’ he grumbled. 

 

They wandered about the grounds, each smoking James’ cigarettes talking about homework and lessons, and Professor Ous, who James had taken a serious disliking to already.

‘She really pisses you off doesn’t she?’

‘She’s ridiculous, all this patronising and cooing over the clever kid, it’s like shes someone fucking Mum...’

‘Alright, alright, I thought I was meant to be the one with mummy issues.’

James snorted.

Sirius flicked away the cigarette butt into the damp grass, stuffing his hands into his pocket.

‘But really, Jamie, why the sudden broody teenager mood?’

James sighed. ‘I’m not brooding Sirius…’

‘You are too, you’re like a teenage girl who’s just had an argument with her boyfriend, all angsty and pissy.’

James’ chest tightened.

‘Is it about last night?’

It tightened further.

‘Look, I know he’s meant to be my brother James, but honestly, just look at him like another Slytherin, he isn’t worth shit. Ignore him. I mean, punch him in the face after what he did, but otherwise…’

James marvelled at how close, yet far, Sirius was from the truth. He was right though.. It was just all easier said than done.  
Nevertheless, James nodded, and smiled over at his best friend.

‘You’re right Pads, he just pissed me off. I’m fine.’

Sirius grinned back at him ,slapping a arm around James’ shoulders. ‘Good, because I need you in a good mood when I tell you this next bit-’

‘Your secretly still hooking up with Marlene. Next.’

Sirius’ jaw dropped. ‘Wha- how did you know?’

James kept a straight face. ‘I’m psychic.’

Sirius looked at him, before grinning, James laughed.

‘No, seriously, I should be a divination teacher, I saw it in my minds eye, you and her-’

Sirius shoved James over, who stumbled, almost falling into the grass, he was still laughing though, as was Sirius, who pushed him again.

‘Padfoot, stop I’m serious! With my skills I saw it all, I was able to deduce exactly what position you two were in and-’

James finally went sprawling into the grass, unable to stand again because he was laughing too much. Sirius just stood over his, giggling, trying to look annoyed. He finally had stopped laughing enough to speak.

‘Guessing I wasn’t subtle enough then?’

‘Not by a long shot. How did that even happen though, with everything from the start of term..’

Sirius sighed. ‘A lot of talking and apologising… and then a lot of kissing and touching-’

‘Llalalala!’ James cried ‘Don’t want to hear that part.’

Sirius rolled his eyes, before reaching out a hand to help James up, who didn’t take it, but instead stood up himself, and leaned forward to wipe his muddy hands on Sirius’ shirt. 

‘Hey!’ Sirius smirked. He thought for second, before adding. 'Oh, by the way, Lily came up to me yesterday.'

James looked apprehensively over at him. 'Right.'

'She asked if I wanted to go to Hogsmeade with her this weekend.'

'What?'

Sirius laughed. 'Yeah, I thought she was barking, and then she started to go on about how she's known me for 6 years and we've never really hung out before and blah blah blah some weird crap like that, and she wondered if we could go to Hogsmeade, just as friends.'

James smiled slightly. 'Weird.'

'It was, but I talked to Marlene about it and she seemed to think it was a really good idea, so... I guess it must have been something to do with her, because god knows why Evans wants to hang out with me otherwise...'

James smiled even more, but he didn't say anything.

They carried on walking and laughing, until they spotted Hagrid and helped him carry some enormous buckets of flesh eating slug repellent back down to his hut, before the half giant informed them it was almost time for second lesson, and the two of them went running back up to the castle to go get there books.  
James felt better as they piled their stuff into their bags. He didn’t need Regulus, he had exactly the right Black standing by his side.


	25. Sorry

Sirius had been staring at himself for five minutes now, occasionally pausing to ruffle his hair, or turn to look at himself from the side.

‘We get it, you’re a model.’ James huffed as he pushed past him to get to the bathroom. Sirius just stuck his middle finger up.

‘Shit..’ Remus mumbled for the third time in minute, his fingers still failing to tie the bow tie around his neck, Sirius looked over his shoulder.

‘I’ll do it.’ He said, wandering over and grabbing the two pieces of fabric from the werewolf. After a second, a bow rested neatly on Remus’ neck, sitting nicely between the collar of his shirt.

‘Thanks. Don’t know why I’m wearing this stupid thing..’

James leaned his head out of the doorway, his toothbrush still stuck his mouth and spitting toothpaste as he spoke. ‘You look lovely Rem.’ He grinned.

Sirius looked over at Remus amusedly. ‘How exactly did we not know he was gay before?’

James stuck his middle finger up and returned to the bathroom.

Remus just rolled his eyes and lay down with a thump onto his bed. ‘I don’t want to go to this dinner.’ he whined.

Sirius jumped down next to him. ‘Neither… not even sure why I’m invited to be honest with you.. You and James are the ones that are good at potions.’

‘I see you didn’t invite Marlene.’ Remus said. Sirius had told clearly told him.

‘That’s still meant to be a secret. I see you didn’t invite Dorcas.’

Remus didn’t say anything for a moment.

‘I wish Peter was coming.’

‘Me too.’

‘Me three.’ James chimed, walking out, his teeth clean. He grabbed a formal robe off the the bedside table, and threw it at Sirius’ face, where it landed. Then he picked his own one up off the floor. ‘Shall we go?’ He asked. The other two groaned, but they joined him in walking out the door.

 

It was a big dinner party Slughorn was hosting, as was made apparent by the throng of student waiting outside the room to be let in.

‘What’s happening?’ James asked the girl standing in front of him.

‘There just doing the final touches to the room I think.’ She replied, before turning around to continue giggling with her friends.

They waited for a few more minutes, James talking animatedly to Fabian Prewett, who was standing next to him.  
Sirius was growing restless, but just as he was about to start complaining about the wait, the doors opened.

The students filed in, looking around the decadently decorated dining room in awe. Drapes had been hung from floor to ceiling in various shades of blue and purple. Somewhere hidden soft classical music was playing and the central table, already enormous and crowded with chairs for the guests to sit at, was shining with the silver crockery laid across it.  
People began to circle around it, picking where the wanted to sit. James looked around. His stomach dropped. Regulus was here as well. Wearing what seemed to be freshly ironed balck robes and crisp white shirt underneath, he looked put together, if it wasn’t for the loose curl of hair hanging over his forehead and the casual hands shoved in his pockets, Regulus would have looked like a fine young aristocrat. He was standing, talking quietly to Snape, who was scanning around the room. Snape’s eyes fell on James, and they narrowed, before continuing on.

James swallowed. He and Regulus hadn’t interacted in the week since Regulus had hexed Dorcas, James had made sure of it. He had meant what he said, he wanted nothing to do with the younger Black brother. That hadn’t stopped him thinking about him though, and although he made a point of not looking his way at meals times, sometimes, James had found himself lying a awake at night staring at the tiny Regulus Black dot on the marauders map. Sometimes he would just be in the Slytherin common room with his friends, other he would wander up alone to the astronomy tower where he and James had spent so much time. James couldn’t help a little part of him thinking that maybe he had gone up there to see if James was there too.  
Remus had told James a few days ago that apparently, Dorcas had come back to her dorm one morning to a letter on her pillow. Regulus had written to apologise for hurting her, saying that he hadn’t meant to and he was sorry, he would take it back if he could. But before she could even read the last sentence, the letter had burned itself to ashes in a heatles fire in her hands. Remus had said she had found the whole experience spooky, but James had spent the next hour convincing himself that it didn’t matter that he had tried to apologise. Regulus was still disgusting.

Someone tapped James’ shoulder. He turned around to find Lily Evans, dressed in a navy blue knee length dress, standing next to him, she looked as mortified as he felt.

‘Um, hiya.’ she said.

‘Hey, Evans. You look nice.’ 

Lily didn’t seem to really have heard him, she was still staring over at someone. James followed her eyes, not that it was hard because he had just been staring at the same spot a second before, though he had a feeling it wasn’t Regulus Lily was looking at.

‘Hey Lil.’ Remus smiled. 

Lily turned back to the boys. Her blush deepened. ‘Look, I wouldn’t ask unless it was really a last resort.’

‘Ouch.’ Sirius said.

Lily gave him a look. ‘But.. well I’m sort of on my own here and..I don’t exactly have-’

‘Sure,’ Remus finished. ‘You can sit with us if you want.’

James and Sirius nodded, and Lily smiled slightly. ‘Thank you.’ 

James looked for a final time to where Severus and Regulus had been standing, funny to think that the last person he had wanted to see tonight was with the last person Lily Evans wished to bump into. She sat between James and Remus, with Sirius on James’ other side. James turned his head between the two.

‘I just realised.’ He grinned. ‘I never heard how your date was.’

‘It wasn’t a date.’ They both snapped, and James leaned forward to smirk at Remus, who smirked back at him. 

‘It was fun though,’ Lily quickly added, not wanting to hurt Sirius’ feelings.

Sirius just snorted. ‘It was awkward as fuck Evans.’

‘Hey! That’s not my fault, all you wanted to do was bum around and smoke, Black!’

‘Not true! I asked if you wanted to go to the Three Broomsticks and you point blank refused to be seen there with me!’

‘That’s not why I didn’t want to go there…’ Lily murmured. 

Drinks of pumpkin juice -and wine for the older students- suddenly appeared in front of everyone, with hands immediately reaching out for the beverages.

James looked up at Severus again, whose eyes wheres till fixated on Lily and James. James cocked an eyebrow. 

‘Looking at something Snivellus?’

A few heads turned as Snape’s head ducked down to look at his plate, a couple of snickers could be heard, but then the room returned to its previous buzz of chatter. Slughorn, who had seated himself about 8 seats around from James, seemed oblivious to the moment as he continued chatting with Barty Crouch, who looked disinterested,

Lily glared at James, before turning her body away from both him and Sirius asking Remus about his summer.

James rolled his eyes and turned back to Sirius.  
‘So it wasn’t fun then?’ He mumbled.

Sirius looked at him over the goblet he was drinking from. ‘Hm? Oh no..’ He put the drink down and leaned in further. ‘She was really odd Jamie.’ he whispered. ‘Like, I get that maybe she doesn’t to get the rumour mill turning with being seen hanging around with Sirius Black, but she was making a nice effort to have a conversation and then..’ he nodded his head in Snape’s direction. ‘Suddenly he walks past as she freezes up and starts acting like lame duck.’

James sighed and shrugged. ‘Unsurprising really.’

‘Yeah, I guess so, I just didn’t realise she was still so bothered about him.’

James looked over at the back of Lily’s head for a moment. ‘Sometimes it just hard getting over someone.’ he mumbled.

Sirius nodded, before taking another drink. He changed the subject. ‘I wish I’d invited Marlene you know.’

James looked at him. ‘Really? I thought it was more casual.’

Sirius frowned. ‘Not sure to be honest. Maybe she wanted me to invite her.. Ugh I have no clue.. Girls James, you’re blessed you never have to deal with it.’ 

‘Shh..’ 

 

Sirius looked at him for a second, but was interrupted by the chimes of fork hitting glass. Professor Slughorn rose to his feet, his stomach pushing the table slightly as he did, still happily clinking away at his empty wine glass.

‘Hello!’ he bellowed. ‘And welcome, to one of my many get togethers for the year. Now this is a slightly larger group than I would normally invite, but I thought, seeing as it’s only October, why not! The more the merrier am I right, Crouch?’ He looked down at Barty, he just shrugged. Slughorn seemed unfased though, and he continued. ‘Each of you represents the very best the student body has to offer. Some of my own prized potions students, Ms Evans, Mr Lupin, Mr Snape, Ms Everheart and others. Some of our school’s most talented, Mr O’Deary and Ms Glassdean. Even our star Quidditch players for the year, Mr Prewett, Mr Potter and of course I couldn’t have two Gryffindors without inviting my own house’s star player, Mr Black here, whose brother has also made it I see! Joyous! A family event!’

Several people started mumbling, and Barty cast a nasty look at both Black’s, who were both staring at their plates.

Slughorn went to continue, but the response seemed to have made him lose his train of thought, so he struggled for words for a moment, before finally ending with. ‘So, enjoy the meal everyone, eat!’ 

And suddenly the plates filled up with all kinds of delicious food, and everyone began tucking into the food without further ado. A hungry silence filled the room as everyone stuffed their faces, including the boys, who had skipped dinner in the hope to fill themselves up here instead.

Slughorn started slowly making his way around the room, revealing his true intentions for inviting each person as he did. Most were asked about famous or important family members, how they were, how well they kept in touch. James had long since realised the real reason he kept getting invited to these affairs despite his behaviour towards Slughorn’s own house was because he was required to update the teacher on his father’s current projects, of which James rarely had any useful information about.

He had just finished coaxing all the possible information about Snape’s latest potions exploits, before Slughorn turned to Regulus, who seemed to have sunk lower and lower into his chair as the questions got closer to him.

‘Young master Black.’ Slughorn smiled. ‘How are your parents? Still living in Grimmauld place?’

James felt Sirius tense up next to him, but he continued eating his food like he couldn’t hear what was happening. James felt like he was watching a muggle car crash in slow motion.

Regulus swallowed. ‘Um, yes Professor, they’re fine. And, yes I still live there.’

The room, realising something may be happening, was starting to get quieter, with more people pausing eating to listen closer. 

‘Good, good.’ Slughorn beamed. ‘I heard that your cousin Narcissa got married over the summer to Lucius Malfoy as well, a wonderful pair if I do say so, Lucius was such a talented young man when he was here, I even think I may have had a hand in setting them up and-’

‘Right.’ Regulus interrupted, nodding. Slughorn just moved on and leaned a little closer, a mischievous smile spreading across his lips. ‘And now, Regulus, I do have to ask… what’s it like living with your big brother the Gryffindor? Can’t imagine it's all fun and games all the time, despite good old Sirius giving us a run for our money with the jokes sometimes. Is he as cheeky with you at home?’

Ah, there we go… just what everyone else seemed to have been waiting for. There was almost no reaction though, everything just seemed to have gone very still. Regulus’ eyes widened in horror as he struggled to even open his mouth to reply. Sirius got there first though, and heads swiveled around faster than James thought possible to look at him.

‘What?’ he blinked.

Slughorn looked over at him, the oblivious grin not leaving his face. ‘You’re right,’ he chuckled. ‘I guess the question is best reversed, Sirius, what is it like living in a house with generations of Slytherins?’

Sirius was holding his cutlery very tightly James looked and Remus, who looked equally concerned.

‘I-Professor, I don’t live at home.’ Sirius said, his voice shaking slightly.

‘Sirius.’ James whispered ever so quietly.

Slughorn looked confused for a moment.

‘I-I live with James.. At his house. I don’t live with my parents anymore… They kicked me out.’ Sirius was definitely shaking now. His fork dropped out of his hand. James was not looking at Regulus.

It was now Professor Slughorn’s turn to look mortified. ‘Why- I- I never-’

‘Seems like you were the only one that didn't hear Professor.’ Sirius said, diving to pick his fork up off the ground. On his way back up, his smacked his head with a beng in the edge of the table.

‘Fuck!’ he yelled, a lot more loudly than he intended. A nervous ripple passed through the group  
Sirius stood up, pushing his chair back, scraping it across the floor and he dusted himself off.

‘Excuse me.’ He breathed, before backing away towards the door.

‘Is that even true?’ someone whispered, not very successfully, because everyone else heard.

Sirius snapped. ‘Yeah it is.’ he quietly. ‘Need proof?’ he reached down and pulled the bottom of his shirt up from where it had been tucked into his trousers. The fabric lifted past his abdomen to reveal several thin silvery scars tingling across his stomach some deeper than others.  
Sirius let the shirt drop back down and furious stuck his middle finger up at the table, his back now against the exit.

‘Alright,’ James cursed, jumping up from his seat to hurry his friend out of the room before he did something he would regret, he heard the noise of Remus doing the same.

James grabbed Sirius and pulled him away from the door, Remus opened it and pushed Sirius out and the corridor enough to get him walking away, James turned back.

‘Um.. thank you, Professor, this was...’ He bumbled, before following, letting the shocked dinner guests remain silently in their seats.

 

James and Remus marched Sirius back to dorm. Peter looked up as the three of them entered, he had been sitting on his bed doing homework.

‘You’re back early.’

‘Yeah… there was a small incident.’

Peter looked over, his face growing with concern as he watched Sirius sit down at the end of his bed and throw his head in his hands.

‘Ugh!’ he shouted down at the floor, stomping his foot on the ground.

‘Easy Pads.’ Remus warned.

Sirius looked up angrily. ‘I’m not actually a dog Remus, don’t tell me to go easy.’

James sat down next to Peter. ‘You okay Padfoot?’ he asked quietly.

‘...I..yeah I’m fine.’

‘You don't seem very fine.’

Sirius shook his head. ‘I’m fine.. I’m.. just angry.’

James nodded.

‘What happened?’ Peter asked.

Remus sighed. ‘Professor Slughorn was under the assumption Sirius still lived at home.’

‘Oh, right…’

Sirius lay back on his bed, Remus came and sat down next to him. ‘If you don’t mind how patronising it sounds.’ he said. ‘I was impressed at how calm you were in there.’

James snorted. 

Sirius lifted his head to look at him. ‘Calm? You’re joking right? I flipped off the whole room.’

Remus chuckled. ‘Yes, up until that point and minus the swearing, you didn’t start screaming or throwing curses, which is a nice improvement from fourth year Sirius.’

Sirius laughed. ‘You’re right Moony.. That’s patronising as fuck.’ He sat up again and looked over at James and Peter. ‘Anyone got any weed?’ he asked.

James nodded. ‘Yeah, it’s in my trunk somewhere, I’ll get it.’ He jumped down off Peter’s bed and walked over to his bed, pulled out the trunk from the mounds of dirty laundry under his bed and opened it up to find his stash.  
There was a letter on top of everything. Encased in an envelope, with no address on the front just ‘James’ written in perfect cursive. James’ mouth went very dry. Fucking hell. 

‘James?’ someone said as James sat paused with his head in his trunk. James came back to life, stuffing the letter hurriedly into his robe pocket and using the other hand to grab to small bag of buds from the corner. He came back up.

‘Here.’ he said, chucking it at Sirius, who caught it happily. ‘You start rolling, I’m just going to go.. To the loo.’

James got up and walked over to the door out of the dormitory.

‘Ugh, wrong door Prongs.’

James turned back, and grinned. ‘It’s a bit of an over share, but I actually need to take and dump and having you three fucking around in the room next door isn’t the most peaceful of settings, I’m going to the prefect’s bathroom.’

Everyone groaned. 

‘Ew, thanks… fuck off then.’

‘Really James.’ Remus tutted.

James rushed off down the stairs and out the common room, half running as he made his way down to the bathroom in question. After muttering the password and checking to make sure no one else was in here, James locked the door and looked around. It probably would have been a good idea to have bought the map, would’ve made getting back a lot easier. 

James walked over to the wall and slid down to sit with his back against the cool marble. His heart was still pounding. He reached back into his pocket and drew the letter out.  
Did he even want to read it? Yes. Should he read it? Probably not. Was he going to? … James wasn’t sure. He didn’t think there was anything Regulus could say anymore that would make it better. That was a lie.. He wanted nothing more than a reason to go back to Regulus. Something about the time they had spent apart had been even harder than the summer. James hated admitting that he desperately missed him.  
His fingers fumbled with the back of the envelope, prising it open before pulling out the length of parchment. It wasn’t very long, barely 10 inches, but the entire sheet was covered in the same cursive loops as the front of the letter. James noticed his signature before anything else

_Reg_

Fuck you. James thought. Please make this better. He thought straight after. He liked neither of these thoughts.  
James just pushed it to the back of his mind, and his eyes trailed up to the beginning.

_Dear James,_

__

_I haven’t really thought through what I am going to write yet, so sorry if this all sounds a bit odd. There's going to be a lot of that, apologising.  
I want to say I’m sorry for everything I’ve done recently and in the past. None of it was meant to hurt you like it has. I’m sorry for dragging you in and then pushing you back out again. I’m sorry for distracting you in that Quidditch match last year.. I didn’t do it on purpose, but I hate the idea that it may have meant you aren’t Quidditch captain now._

James shook his head, forcing back a tiny smile.

 _I’m not sure what I can say to make things with us better again. I’m not sure that they can be. I’m sorry I avoided having that conversation with you. It was important. Truthfully, I was scared, that you wouldn't like what you heard, and even less what you saw and you would leave. Which is what happened anyway…_  
I never meant to hurt your feelings, or make you keep secrets from Sirius, I can see how much that upsets you, I never wanted to get in the way of what you guys have. I think I was always jealous of you, how happy you made my brother. I think part of me wanted that too. And now that you won't speak to me… I really miss you James…  
_This all sounds very pathetic and again, I apologise for the sappiness, this really isn't like me, but in fairness none of this is very like me, except the Black family flair for the dramatic, Sirius has that too._  
All I really wanted to say is that I’m really, really sorry. I tried to apologise to Dorcas, I don't know if she got my letter.  
I just need you to hear me out. When you said that you were an idiot for falling for me, you were probably right, but I think I’m falling for you too and.. I just don’t feel ready to lose you yet.

_I don't know if any of this made any sense, or if you’ll even give me the chance to explain, which if it were me I wouldn’t.. I don’t expect you to.  
Please talk to me, I want to try and sort this out. I’m ready to try now. _

_Reg_

James had only just finished reading when the corner of the parchment began to catch on fire.  
‘Shit.’ he grumbled, trying to reach for the tap of the bath, hoping sticking the letter underwater would preserve it. But he could never figure out how this thing worked and by the time he had got a small dribble of blue water coming out, it was gone.  
James frowned, sliding down to lie down on the ground for a moment. He couldn’t tell if any of that had made it better. That was another lie.. It had, but he didn’t feel like it should have. He had hoped he could come away from it with another five reasons to hate Regulus Black.. And he didn’t, so now instead, he was lying in the prefects bathroom on the cold floor, trying to stop himself from running back into the dinner party that was probably still going on and kissing Regulus in the middle of it.

He sighed. ‘What am I supposed to do now?’ 

When he did eventually make it back up to the dormitory, both Sirius and Remus were leaning out of the window smoking James’ pot. They turned back at him.

‘You alright Jamie? Been gone like fifteen minutes.’

James nodded. ‘Yeah fine, staircases changed on my way back.’

‘Ah that sucks.’ 

Peter walked in behind James, carrying a tray of small treats.

‘House elves have all these bits leftover from the dinner.’ He grinned. James smiled back, grabbing a handful of truffles off the platter.

Peter went over to join the others, Remus had already turned back to continue leaning out of the window, but Sirius was still staring at James.

‘You sure you’re okay Prongs?’ he asked.

James looked at him. How much he yearned not to lie to him.

‘Course I am.’ 

‘Okay, stop standing there like a pole and get over here then, I rolled one for you.’

 

…

 

It had taken James two weeks to decide what he was going to do about Regulus. Sirius had had his birthday, demanding that the marauders go all out to celebrate his seventeenth. James and Peter had settled on trying to bake Sirius and cake to try and give to him during dinner. They had also learned the muggle way of singing happy birthday and had taught the other Gryffindors to try and get the song sung while they gave the cake out. Remus hadn’t been feeling well all week, this full moon later in the week looked like it was going to be quite bad, but he still presented Sirius with all his birthday cards and presents from the boys at breakfast. James’ parents had gotten Sirius a watch, a gift usually given to young wizards coming of age by their parents. Sirius had looked immensely pleased.  
Come dinner and the three boys bought the cake out in front of everyone, singing loudly along with about three quarters of the Gryffindor house, and a couple of the other muggle borns from different houses. It turns out neither James nor Peter could bake for shit and the cake tasted awful, but Sirius made a point of eating a large slice of it. Even Professor McGonagall managed to wish him a happy birthday as she told him off for throwing paper at another student in their transfiguration lesson.  
The following evening, Sirius had gone off to hang out with Marlene, and it was that night, lying awake, James found himself yet again watching Regulus on the map, who it seemed was sleeping in his bedroom.

James took a deep breath. He looked around the dungeons. The Slytherin prefects seemed to be walking around down there, James had no doubt that they would have to go to bed soon. No time like the present.  
He slid quietly out of bed, not that he imagined a mariachi band would wake up Remus once he was asleep, but Peter slept quite lightly. James grabbed the cloak out from under his bed and wrapped it over himself. He paused, wondering if he should stuff some pillows under his duvet to make it look like he was still there, but he doubted Sirius would check if he came back while James was gone, so he just closed the curtains around his bed and hoped nobody would notice.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, James crept down the stairs and out of the common room, the fat lady had grown used to invisible people seeming to open the portrait at ungodly hours, in fact, James was almost certain she knew it was him, but she never mentioned it.  
He walked down to the dungeons, taking care to be silent around the portraits, who were snoring peacefully beside him until he reached the undecorated halls. Here, his footsteps seemed louder echoing off the stone walls, the only light being the flicker of dimming torches in wall brackets.

James made it to the entrance of the Slytherin common room with ease. He had only been in twice before. Once, in their first year, he and Sirius had snuck in to set off dungbombs, having waited around for hours just to hear some kids say the password. The other time was in third year when Rastaban Lestrange and some of his friends had taken all of Sirius’ things and hidden them in there, James Remus and Peter had gone in to retrieve them, but managed to get caught and slapped with a months detention.

James waited patiently for the prefects to return, which they thankfully did after only a few minutes. They were two girls, one of whom James assumed must be a fifth year, the other was Delilah Everhart, who was in sixth year with James. They weren’t really talking to each other, but the fifth year girl managed to lean against the wall and whisper the password. James slipped in behind the two as they wandered in and stood for a second.

The room was still lit with a greenish glow, but aside form the girls that were now walking of to the dorms, it was empty. James felt uneasy, he was starting to regret this plan of his, only now realising that really, sneaking into a Slytherin’s dorm in the middle of the night was not as good and idea as it had seemed two days ago. James took the map out from his pocket and unfolded it slightly. Here, the marauders map wasn’t as useful as it could be, because while a rough idea of were the rooms should be, none of the marauders had even been in long enough to make sure.

James walked over to one of the archways, the one opposite on to the one the girls had disappeared under. He took a deep breath again, and began walking. The eerie green lighting seemed to grow warmer as he went, doors staring appearing on either side of him, some had small voices and laughter coming from them, others, silence. James looked at map again. He turned left with a branch of the hall and seemed to be walking down the right stretch to get to Regulus’ room. The names had started overlapping with each other at this close proximity on the parchment, and James couldn’t tell who else would be in the room, he just sent up a silent prayer that no one was awake. Behind him, someone poked there head of a door, and James heart leapt into his mouth. A shadowy figure emerged, before grabbing a pair of shoes from where they had been sitting by the door and ducking back inside.

‘Got ‘em.’ they said, the door closing behind him.

James breathe again. This was a horrible idea.

He reached the right door. He hoped it was the right door. He stuck out a hand to open it, twisting the handle very carefully. Locked. James’ palms were sweaty, but he reached into his pocket and pulled out his wand.

‘Alohomora.’ he whispered. There was a small click and when James tried again, the door swung silently open.  
The room was not unlike the Gryffindor dorms, except it was rectangular and not the familiar circle of the turret he slept in. The poster beds had dark green curtains hanging from them, most pulled around their sleeping occupants. There were no windows, but candle dotted the walls, although they were unlit. James stepped quietly in.

Please don’t wake up, please don’t wake up.

The drapes made locating Regulus a little harder, but again James looked at the map. In the tangle of letters, it looked like James was on the right of were Regulus was, which narrowed it down to three beds. James played a silent game in his head to see which bed to look at first. He picked the closest one.  
There was something that felt a little wrong about spying on sleeping students. Very wrong. James vowed to never do this again, he was already fearing possibility of a heart attack.  
He pulled back a fraction of the curtain around the bed and peered in.

Luck was on his side though, and James could very, very faintly, make out the features of Regulus Black. Eyes closed and breathing softly, Regulus looked so peaceful lying there. James bit his lip, he looked sort of beautiful. Stop it James.  
He also did have to take a moment to kick himself for letting this be the first time he got to watch Regulus sleeping by him, it wasn’t going to be the sweet, romantic memory he had hoped.  
Now all he had to do was get Regulus out. James pulled the curtain back a little further stopping to listen to see if anyone else was disturbed in their sleep. Nothing. James removed the cloak. He reached a hand in a ever so slightly, tapped Regulus shoulder, Regulus didn't wake, he simply shuffled a little and frowned in his sleep, before rolling over to the other side. James huffed. He tapped him again slightly harder and this time, Regulus jolted slightly, his head springing up from his pillow and turning around to look behind him.  
James could barely see his face, but he could make out Regulus’ horror as his eyes adjusted to the dark and saw James standing next to him. He opened his mouth.

‘Silencio.’ James said quickly and probably a little to loudly, someone definitely did stir that time. He looked again at Regulus face as his mouth opened and closed in shock, but no sound came out. James’ frown deepened.

‘Sorry,’ he muttered. ‘Just, don’t speak yet, okay?’ 

Regulus stared again, he seemed to be trying to figure out if he was dreaming or not, then, he slowly nodded. James lifted the spell and stuck out his other hand to help Regulus out of bed. The boy shook his head though and seemed to reach down the other side of the bed onto the floor, where he pulled up what James could just make out as pyjama bottoms, before ducking his hands under the covers. James raised his eyebrows and turned away slightly in embarrassment, to which he heard Regulus snicker softly.

Regulus got out of bed, shirtless, but at least now wearing trousers. James mumbled.

‘Walk out of the common room.’ 

Regulus looked confused, until James seemed to lift something up suddenly disappeared. His head spun around the room trying to look for him, and James smiled under the cloak. Regulus silently reached out a hand to feel for James, who quietly took a step back, amused.  
Regulus’ hand dropped back down. A little concerned that this really was a dream, or some nasty prank, and that he was about to get locked out or something, Regulus began to walk out of the Slytherin common room, unsure where James had gone.

Once there were out, and the wall had solidified behind then, Regulus spun around again.

‘James?’ he said quietly, unsure what else to do.

‘Yeah.’ James replied, appearing from thin air from behind him. Regulus jumped.

‘What- wh-why-... What is ha-’

‘Shush. Astronomy tower.’

Regulus nodded and the two began the silent walk upwards. James thought about the first time they had ever done this. That was a year ago now.. So much seemed to have changed since then, and yet here he was, still silently wandering up to look at the stars with Regulus Black, though now, the circumstances were extremely different. He wondered what had made him ask him up there in the first place. What had made him start this entire thing. James didn’t have the answer.  
As they both climbed the metal staircase, James noticed goosebumps on Regulus’ skin. Even with a top on, it was cold up here. James paused, before grabbing Regulus’ forearm and dragging him into the small area under the main platform for stargazing. It wasn’t great, but it was better than being exposed to the elements above.

Regulus looked at him. He seemed nervous, tapping the side of his legs as he stood there.

James started. ‘I got your letter.’

Regulus nodded.

‘I wasn’t going to reply.’

Again, Regulus gave away nothing.

‘But I figured.. Well.. I don’t know what I thought, but we’re here now.’

‘Okay.’

‘Okay?’

‘I-I’m glad we’re here now.’

James hummed, before sitting down on the edge of a large discarded telescope stand, Regulus stood awkwardly for a few seconds longer, before sitting across from James on an upturned crate.

‘Well?’

‘Well what?’ Regulus asked.

‘Well, you said you wanted me to hear you out, here I am..’

‘Oh, right.’ Regulus said, staring at James, who was frowning slightly back at him. ‘I.. I didn’t think you wanted to listen anymore.. I just assumed after two weeks-’

‘Yeah well you assumed wrong.’ James snapped. ‘It took two weeks but now I’m here and you better convince me to stay.’

Regulus ran both his hands through his hair, before picking a bit of sleep out his eye and stifling a yawn, despite not feeling very tired any more. ‘I-I’m really sorry James.’

‘Yeah, I picked that up from the letter Regulus, I want more than ‘I’m sorry.’’

Regulus bowed his head slightly. ‘I don't know what else to tell you.’

‘What do mean you don’t know what else to tell me!’ James shouted, before the echoing around the small room scared him into lowering it. ‘That’s really all you’ve got?’

‘No-Yes-Ugh, I don't know! I don't know what you want from me James! One second you’re half strangling me in the corridor the next you're breaking into my dorm room to come and collect me -half naked might I add- from my bed! I’m sorry, I’ll say it a thousand times if I have to because I really mean it. I’m sorry I hurt Dorcas I apologised-’

‘Yeah I heard about t-’

‘No wait, I apologised to Dorcas, I apologised to you. I’m sorry I hurt her, I’m sorry you were there and that it hurt you I wish every night I could take it back, I’m sorry that I just don’t seem to ever do anything right.. I-I’m sorry.. I don’t have anything else to show you except that I’m trying. Some things are just out of my control..’

‘Out of you control?’ James said softly.

‘...You wouldn’t understand.’

‘Then help me, because what I want Regulus, is for you to start.. I don't know, letting me in. Anything, except this wall that I’ve been met with every time I try to talk to you. It’s exhausting and then you do.. you do this.. and I just…’

‘I know.’

‘Do you though? Do you get how shit it feels to have to watch you do that to another human being? It’s fucking crushing Reg.’

Regulus’ chest heaved. ‘I know. I know it is… it’s just harder in the moment when you’ve got ten other people in your ear telling you the opposite.’

James pursed his lips. ‘I..’

‘James… please don’t leave me.’

James didn’t reply.

‘I mean.. I guess you already have but.. Please don’t.’

‘Why shouldn’t I?’

‘I-we can make this work, I promise. I promise I can do better and we can.. I don’t know but we can stop being this, going around in circles all the time.’

‘Then tell me what’s happening.. Let me help.’

‘It’s not that simple.’

Regulus looked up, James looked stony, but his eyes looked sad. 

‘I-okay.’ Regulus said quietly. ‘Okay.. they.. My friends- in the summer we were all hanging around at my place and mucking about with all the artefacts my parents have lying around.’

James took a deep breath, but didn’t say anything. Regulus continued.

‘It just got out of hand is all, you know what Barty is like, he’s a bit insane and he thought it would be a good idea to put this cursed necklace on an animal and see what happened and I don’t know.. I mean you saw what happened next I guess.. It was dumb and stupid and I don’t know what ended up happening to that thing but-’

‘Toast.’

‘Sorry?’

‘The cat. His name is Toast and he lives with me, at my parents house.’

‘Wait.. seriously?’

‘Yupp.’

‘Oh my- James.. You kept that cat?’

‘Uh huh.’

A tiny smile spread over Regulus’ lips.

‘That’s really.. wow.. You didn’t have to do that.’

‘I sort of did after you traumatised the poor thing. It needed a loving family.’

‘Don’t we all. Thanks… I think.’

James eyed him. Regulus was looking over, smile a little wider now, the faint lines of lights from the gaps in the planks above dancing over his face. James was trying not to look at his exposed torso.

‘What about Dorcas? Why did you do that?’

Regulus’ smile disappeared. ‘I-it was a dare.’

‘That’s a pretty messed up dare.’

‘..yeah it is.’

‘Why do you hang out with these people Reg?’

He paused. ‘Being in the pureblood circles means a little bit more than just hating mud-muggle borns, you know.’

‘Don’t use that word.’

‘I didn’t.’

‘You almost did. And that’s bullshit.’

‘Is it though, James?’

‘Sirius never did.’

Regulus scoffed. ‘Yeah, and look where that got him.’

‘I would say Sirius is in a pretty good place now.’ James struck back.

Regulus softened. ‘It’s not about where he is now, it’s about the path he had to walk to get there.’

‘Besides,’ he added. ‘Me and Sirius aren’t the same person-’

‘Trust me, I’m aware.’

Regulus’ smile came back, James couldn’t help returning it.

‘My point is James, I’m not trying to hurt anyone.. I just want to get through this in the easiest way I know how.’

‘I.. I still don’t think-’

‘Okay, but it’s not your decision to make.’

‘It starts to be when you start hurting people.’

‘I said I was sorry, I really am James.. I never should have done it I was wrong.’

They were both quiet for a minute. James looked down at his hands, running one through his hair. Regulus didn’t stop looking at him though. Eventually James looked up again.

‘If.. I mean if we do.. Look, we need to at least try to make this work-’ James said slowly.

‘Really? That.. that would be good.’

‘But I can’t if you hurt people Reg.’

‘Agreed.’

James nodded, standing up. ‘Okay. We need to starting talking more.’

Regulus stood up too. ‘Sure, we can start now if you like, how has your week been J-’

James cut him off, smirking. ‘No not now. Right now, I don’t want to talk.. Someone let you walk all the way up here without a shirt on and I sort of want to take advantage of that fact.’

Regulus burst out laughing. ‘Fucking hell James-’

James interrupted him, cupping Regulus’ face in his hands and pulling him in until there lips were touching. They stayed like that for a moment, exploring eachothers mouths again after the time apart. Eventually, true to his word, James began running his hands over Regulus’ abs, carefully tracing his fingers over the bumps of muscle, before wrapping his arms around his lower back, pulling their hips in closer together. Regulus groaned appreciatively, before reaching his own hand down to the James’ hips, but instead, curling his fingers under his top. Regulus moved back slightly, breaking from the kiss to let James lift his hands up as he pulled the muggle band t shirt over James’ head. Who grinned and shook his head once it was off, letting Regulus drop it to the ground next to them.

‘Feel less alone in the half-nakedness now?’

‘A little.’

‘Shit, it really is cold up here.’

‘Funny that.’

James gave a lopsided grin and leaned back in, gently biting the bottom of Regulus’ lip. Regulus ducked his head down slightly though, planting kisses on James chin, then neck, then along his collar bone, before slowly making his way further and further down the middle of James’ body. James almost lost his balance and had to grab onto a beam of metal running upwards next him as Regulus slowly kissed just above the top of James’ trousers.  
Regulus was on his knees by this point, but just as he held onto the side of James’ pyjamas to pull them down, he paused and looked up.

‘Do you ever think about the fact that I’m a year younger than you?’

James’ jaw dropped. ‘Ca-can you not do this whilst you’re kneeling in front of my crotch?’

Regulus laughed. ‘No, but really, do you?’

James shuffled his feet. ‘Um, yeah sometimes…’

‘It doesn’t bother you though?’

‘Not really, plenty of people date people in the year below them.’

‘True. But.. it means that you’re going to leave a year earlier than me.’

‘.. Yeah I guess so..’

Regulus seemed to shake off whatever he was thinking, before re tightening his grip on James’ bottoms, James though, stepped back. Regulus jumped up.

‘You don’t want me to?’

James gave a nervous laugh. ‘No! It’s not… I just feel a bit weird about it now you’ve said that..’

Regulus grinned, kissing James softly on the lips. 

‘I didn’t mean it like that.. But in my defence you’re the older guy sneaking into my room and trying to pull me out of bed naked.’

‘Wh-I didn’t know you were naked! Why were you naked!’ James sputtered. ‘I mean, who sleeps naked!’

‘A lot of people, but I was actually wearing underwear if you really want to know.’ 

James scowled. Regulus just giggled, before kissing him again, much deeper this time, which James eventually returned.  
After another minute, James suddenly gripped harder on Regulus’ waist and spun his around, pinning him against the vertical metal beam he had held onto just minutes ago, before James started slowly make his way down Regulus’ chest, kneeling in front of him.  
James slowly pulled down Regulus’ own cotton pyjama bottom to reveal the blue boxers beneath.

‘Oh, thank God.’ James joked.

Regulus just laughed, leaning his head back again the metal and sliding a hand through James soft hair as James then went to remove the pants as well.

 

Afterwards, James was putting his top back on, when Regulus came up to him from behind slid his arms around James, nuzzling softly into his shoulder.

James thought for a second. ‘How did you get those letters into my trunk and her pillow?’

Regulus mumbled something into his shoulder.

‘Huh?’

He lifted his head. ‘I said, house elves. They’re pretty good friends if you treat them well.’

James shook his head, smiling. ‘You’re full of surprises, you know that?’

Regulus just put his head back into his shoulder.

James sighed. ‘I don’t know how we’re going to do this… how we can.. I mean with Sirius and everyone I just…’

‘We’ll manage. We’ll cross each bridge when we get to it.’

‘I hope.’


	26. Testament

The halls across Hogwarts had begun to become decorated with the festive decor that came with the beginning of December. Long streams of tinsel lined the corridors and long branches wrapped themselves around the bannisters of the staircases. Hagrid was planning on dragging up the two enormous trees in just few days and the marauders had enlisted themselves to help, not that they were very useful, it usually ended with Lily coming out and casting a charm on the one tree they were unsuccessfully trying to lift. Hagrid seemed to get a kick out of watching them though and Sirius always enjoyed hanging around with Fang.

Remus and Lily were on their way to the defence lesson before lunch, after receiving a letter from his Dad that morning, Remus was telling her about how his Mum’s condition didn’t seem to be getting any better.. At all. Lily listened patiently as Remuss went on.. Before he finally realised he had been talking for three minutes straight.

‘Sorry, I’m boring you..’

‘Don’t be silly.’

‘I just, sorry, usually James listens to me ramble on about this.’

‘Remus don’t you dare apologise, I’m sorry that you’re going through this, if you ever need to talk about it again.’

‘Thanks Lil… but actually can we talk about something else now?’

Lily looked over at him. ‘You okay Remus? You don’t look very well.’ 

Remus blushed slightly, he didn’t, the full moon was coming up this weekend and he could already tell it was going to be a bad one, he felt dreadful. ‘Yeah, no I’m fine, probably coming down with a cold.’

Lily hummed, unconvinced, but she changed the subject, Remus never did talk about his health. ‘So, where did Sirius go this morning?’

McGonagall had approached the Gryffindor table at break that morning and taken Sirius off to be escorted to Dumbledore’s office. The marauders had been racking their brains all morning thinking about why. Remus sighed.

‘No clue, but I think the uncertainty is driving James a bit insane, it’s been hours.’

‘Weird that, I mean.. Did he do something?’

Remus smirked. ‘Nothing out of the ordinary, whatever that is for Sirius.’ 

Lily smiled.

‘You know.’ Remus continued. ‘I doubt it’s related, but I overheard someone saying Regulus disappeared earlier as well.’

‘What? Really.’ Lily said, she looked surprised. ‘What does James think?’

‘Ugh, I don’t know if he heard, why?’

‘I- no reason. Just, seems like something he may think about.’

‘What, why would he care?’

Lily struggled to find something to say.

‘Wait Lily… James isn’t…’

Shoot, shoot, shoot… Lily just tried to walk a little faster to her lesson.

‘I mean, he isn’t still angry with Regulus about that thing with Dorcas is he?’

Lily almost skipped a step. ‘What thing?’ she stammered.

‘Oh, you didn’t know? A while back James and I were walking around and we bumped into Regulus.. Hexing Dorcas in the corridor while her back was turned.’

This time Lily really did stop in the corridor. ‘What?’ 

Remus had kept walking, but he stopped and looked back at her. ‘Yeah.. James was really pissed about it as well, I’ve never really seen him that angry.’

‘Oh merlin.. I mean rightly so.’

‘Yeah no of course.’ Remus said, nodding his head. ‘But it was bit.. Over the top.. But you know how James gets and seeing as Dorcas is.. Well you know.’

Lily bit her lip. Oh god.. James never even mentioned.. But then again, why would he? It not like they were friends, heck, one year ago and Lily Evans would have been walking away from any conversation about James Potter…

‘-I thought he had let it go, but clearly not if you think-’ Remus was still talking, so Lily interrupted.

‘Oh, God, no I don’t think anything, I mean why would I, James would never tell me.’ 

Remus seemed in his own thoughts though.

By this time they had reached the classroom and they were among the last students to file in, Professor Ous, noticing Remus’ arrival, beamed over at him.

‘Wonderful, looks like we are all here, would everyone take their seats please.’

The lesson began as Lily slipped into her seat next to James, who wasn’t paying attention and was doodling away at his parchment. A small figure was in the margin of his parchment, placed precariously on a broomstick and reaching out for a snitch. Lily looked at it for a moment. 

‘James,’ she whispered, trying not to disturb the lesson. James looked up at her, sliding his arm over the drawing.

‘Evans.’ he replied.

‘Um, something happened just now with Remus I thought I should just men-’

‘Mr Potter!’ Someone cried. All the heads turned to James, who’s neck snapped up to stare back at his teacher.  
‘Do not talk whilst I’m trying to teach a lesson, it is so disrespectful! Five points from Gryffindor.’

The Gryffindors groaned, while James gaped like a fish, but decided to keep his mouth shut for once, instead glaring briefly at Lily, before sticking his neck back down to his work.  
Lily tried to apologise, but he just tutted and ignored her. Lily sat further in her seat and resorted to focusing on her lesson, she could talk to James later.  
Once the lesson had ended, James just stood up brushing past Lily without a word to leave with Peter and Remus, who were waiting for him at the back of the room. As soon as James arrived though, so did Ous.

‘Remus,’ she simpered. ‘You don't look well love, are you okay?’

Remus’s hand brushed the scar on his arm, but he just nodded. ‘Fine Professor, just coming down with a cold I think.’

She nodded. ‘Well we can’t have you getting ill again can we, not after that nasty bug you came down with last month. Do you need a cup of tea?’ 

Remus looked surprised. James looked irritated.

‘Um, no, thank you though, I think I just need to get some lunch.’

She just kept smiling and nodding. ‘Alright.’ Then her gaze turned to James. ‘Mr Potter, if you are looking for a good NEWT grade in defence against the dark arts, you are going to need to start participating more in class, volunteer to help with one of the spells next lesson.’

James rolled his eyes. ‘Why don’t you ask Remus to?’ he said. Professor Ous pursed her lips, unimpressed.

‘You may go now, boys, I need to eat as well.’

 

As they entered the Great Hall Remus was also looking annoyed with James.

‘She’s really not that bad Prongs, if you just weren’t talking and being mouthy all of the time..’

‘It was fucking Evans! I didn’t say a word.. I swear she has it out for me.’ 

‘Honestly you can be so paranoid sometimes.’

‘It's not paranoid if everyone can see it happening Rem.’

Remus was still grumbling to himself as he sat down on the bench, pulling out his arithmancy book from his bag. As he did, his shoulder cracked in a painful snap, Remus stopped, bit his lip for a moment trying desperately not to welp, before continuing hauling out the book. James sighed.

‘That sounded painful.’ He said quietly, though no one else seemed to have heard but him and Peter.

‘Sounds worse than it felt, it was just the joint.’

‘Still Moony..’

‘James.’ Remus snapped, looking irritated as he unfolded the pages, not looking over at his friends. 

‘I just think maybe if you were a little closer to the hospital wing then maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much on the mornings and-’

Remus looked up, his eyes flashing angrily. ‘Stop it James, I’m not having this conversation again.’

‘But you’re in so much pain in the mornings and-’

‘So what. My entire skeleton rearranged itself just hours before and then snapped back into place, of course it’s going to fucking hurt.’

‘I think what James is saying Rem-’

‘I know what he’s saying Peter!’ Remus cried. The girl a few seats down looked over curiously, but turned back to her friends again. James ran his hand through his hair. Remus ran his fingers over his scar.

‘I-I just.. I don’t mind this.’ Remus said shaking his shoulder slightly to emphasise the point. ‘I can live with this, as-as long it’s not-’ he pointed at the scar, his finger pressing down into the deep wound. ‘If- if it’s not that ever again then.. Well then fuck the rest of it.’

James looked at him. ‘It’s not going to be that ever again Moony. But I don't think you should settle for just less excruciating pain.’

‘Yeah.. well what else have I got Prongs?’

The marauders were interrupted by a small girl, either a first or second year, nervously tapping James on the shoulder, he turned.

‘Um..’ they girl started, some of her floppy black hair fall into her eyes. ‘M-mr Potter-’

‘James.’ he corrected. The girl blushed.

‘James,’ she said. ‘Professor Ous said that I need to see you about improving this essay that I wrote.’

‘What?’ 

‘I-I- it wasn’t very good and she said something about you getting your points back if you helped me and-’

‘How the-why the fuck does she want me to do that!’

‘James!’ Peter shouted. 

James shook his head. The girl looked increasingly embarrassed and had already half turned around to walk away in shame. ‘Crap- I mean.. Sorry mate, I didn’t mean to swear…’ 

Her cheeks were still burning bright read as she looked around the three much older boys, James sucked his teeth, before smiling in what he hoped was a reassuring way.  
‘Hey, why don't you show me the essay and we can look at it now yeah? Do you have it on you?’

The girl grinned slightly, before nodding and running to retrieve her bag. 

James looked over at the staff table. Professor Ous was rarely there, electing to eat elsewhere, James’ scowl was met by McGonagall though, who seemed to have noticed him talking to the young student and was looking over at him curiously. He attempted the same reassuring rin, before realising he probably looked like a bit of idiot, and turned back to where the girl was jogging beck up to him. She stood next to him, holding out a crumpled piece of parchment.

‘What’s your name?’ James asked her, motioning for her for her to sit as he took the essay from her His eyes scanned briefly over it.

‘Hestia Jones.’ she smiled, glancing over at where her friends were ogling at her sitting down next to James Potter.

‘Well, Hestia, you should know I’m really not the person to be asking about this stuff.. You should ask Remus over there, he’s the genius.’

Remus raised an eyebrow. Hestis giggled nervously. ‘I just got told that you should look at it… I didn’t-’

James just nodded still reading. 

‘Okay- well I guess here when you’ve mentioned the-’

Someone swooped in sat down next to Remus, everyone looked up. Sirius pouted.

‘Replaced me already Potter?’

James looked back at him. ‘Where have you been!’

‘I...I think I’m rich.’

Remus snorted. But Peter looked confused.

‘Wait, I don’t get it why is that funny?’

Sirius gave a Remus a look. ‘It’s not.. I-I just became a millionaire.’

Four pairs of eyes blinked back at Sirius, who stared back at them, an unusual look of astoundment on his face. James suddenly realised that Hestia was still sitting next him.  
He held the defence essay back out.

‘Ugh, Hestia do you mind-’

She just snachted it off him, shaking her head politely and jumping up to run back to her friends.

James turned back to Sirius, who was now amusedly watching Hestia dart back down the long table. 

James put his arms on the table and leaned forward.

‘What do you mean you’re rich?’

 

…

 

‘Where are we going?’ 

‘Dumbledore’s office.’

‘Why?’ 

‘I’m not sure.’ McGonagall replied, casting a weary eye down at Sirius.

‘Did he not mention why?’ Sirius asked as the walked down the corridor, he was struggling to keep up with the Professor fast paced walk, but he tried to look casual, his hands in his pockets.

‘No.’

‘Did he sound angry?’ 

McGonagall sounded exasperated. ‘No, Mr Black.’

Sirius didn’t say anything else, except an amused hum at the password, to which the stone Gargoyle bgan to turn. McGonagall pursed her lips and sirius wondered if she too was trying not to laugh.  
Sirius had been to the headmasters office before, only once. He and his parents had sat in there while Walburga had pleaded and threatened Dumbledore to let Sirius be moved into Slytherin like the rest of his family, to which Dumbledore had calmly replied no every time, until finally, he had reminded Sirius’ mother that the Sorting Hat’s decision was final, and if she was really unhappy with the choice than there was nothing short of removing Sirius from school that would fix it. Both he and Sirius’ parents knew that even having a Black in Gryffindor was better that having an uneducated one. Sirius would still swear to this day that Dumbledore had winked at him when he had left.

Professor McGonagall knocked gently three times, before a familiar voice called out, ‘Come in.’

The door opened and Sirius walked in. Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk, his hands rested on its surface, his usual look of amused serenity on his face.  
On the other side there was a man, leaning quite ungracefully against one of the large pillar supporting the office. He was rather round in stature and had a sweaty glow on his brow that siirus thought may be a permanent feature, he looked flustered, looking up from his pocket watch as they walked in. Sirius only noticed a moment later, but sitting in front of the Headmasters desk, not daring to look over his shoulder, was his brother.

‘What’s he doing here?’ Sirius asked before he had even thought it.

‘You’re late.’ the mysterious man grumbled, stuffing the watch back into his breast pocket.

‘Only by a minute, Dabrius.’ Dumbledore replied, looking over at Sirius, who was till standing in the doorway. Regulus stood up and slowly turned around to look at him. He as confused as Sirius felt.

‘Wait, him too?’

‘Me what?’ Sirius snapped back.

Dumbledore rose from his chair and walked around to the front of the desk, stroking Fawkes as he moved past.  
‘Sirius,’ he said, still staring at the bird. ‘I have been informed that a dreadful thing has happened. I am very sorry to tell you that a member of your family has passed.’

Sirius’ frown deepened and Regulus just shook his head in disgust. ‘He isn’t going to care, Professor.’

‘Now, Regulus. Even through the deepest rifts, one can feel the pain of loss. Especially in a family.’

‘No, he’s right, Professor, I probably don’t care.’

Dumbledore looked at him his eyes twinkling.

‘Who was it?’

‘Uncle Alphard.’ Regulus said.

Sirius looked over at him. ‘Wait.. really?’ Despite his previous statement, Alphard Black was probably the last name Sirius had wanted to here. He was a good person, a bit of an alcoholic, but funny and kind, especially to Sirius, who it seemed had always appealed to his Uncle’s rebellious nature, despite his sisters anger.

Regulus, aware of this fact, softened slightly. ‘Yeah..’

Sirius nodded slowly, everyone in the room watching the two boys. ‘Right. Okay.’

Then, the man Sirius hadn’t identified spoke again, ‘really it is getting quite late.. May we just leave? It is meant to be starting now.’

‘What is?’ both Sirius and Regulus said in unison, but neither one took the opportunity to laugh.

The man went to wipe his brow, looking annoyed. ‘The reading of the will, didn’t someone tell you it was today? I was meant to come and take you to the ministry and hour ago.’

‘The ministry?’ 

‘Mm..’

Sirius turned to look at Dumbledore. ‘Why am I here?’

‘Well, I’m assuming because you’re in the will, Sirius.’

This time, both boys did laugh. 

‘I doubt it.’

Not the man did look annoyed. ‘Well, I’ve been told to collect both of you and take you in the floo network, which Dumbledore has kindly allowed us to use in his office.’ He tipped his head a little at Dumbledore. 

Sirius turned back to Professor McGonagall, who was still standing behind him. ‘Really?’ he asked her, but she had no answer.

Dabruis walked over to the fireplace, grabbing some floo powder out of his pocket before chucking it in. the flames changed to vibrant green and a small whoosh came from them as the leapt up. ‘I’ll bring them back after Professor. It shouldn’t take long but there is quite a lot of people to get through- come on now boys get in here with me- that’s it.’

Sirius looked around the office again, Dumbledore was still watching, but now he looked a little concerned, as did McGonagall. Sirius felt Dabrius’ arm link through his, clenching it to his side. Reading of will? In the ministry? Uncle Alphard had put Sirius in his will? Of all the family members-

‘Wait.’ Sirius suddenly said. ‘Who’s going to be there?’

He was ignored though, and instead heard. ‘Deaths and Births department, Ministry of Magic.’ before his teachers disappeared.

 

Sirius stepped out coughing and spluttering as three people materialised in a fireplace fit for two. Regulus was doing the same, clutching his chest where Dabrius’ arm had pushed into it. The man himself, just stepped out, wiped hi brow again and atrode off down the hall, before turning back.

‘Well?’ he asked.

Sirius and Regulus looked at each other, before following.

Once they reached the end of the corridor, Dabrius went to open a small door labelled. ‘Will and will contesting.’, looking back at Sirius, who was trying to sort his hair out.

‘I should warn you both, it’s pretty crowded in here.’ 

Sirius’ neck snapped down. ‘What. Please don’t tell me that-’

But he door was already opened and the two of them had been pushed in.

Fourty eyes stared over at them, passing over Regulus almost immediately before landing on Sirius.

‘You have to be joking-’

‘What is he doing here-’

‘What on-’

Sirius felt like melting into the wall. Every person. Every single person he despised was either sitting or standing in one small room, cramped together like a pack of animals. His aunt glaring at him, his Grandmother, tutting and averting his eyes. His cousin Bellatrix snarled as she withdrew her wand from her side, her sister Narcissa doing the same. Even Walburga was here, sitting almost central next to Orion. The both looked at him, but no emotion passed their faces, a brief hint of disgust from his mother, until returning to nothing, instead she looked over at Regulus. Over the cries and abuse spat in Sirius’ direction in the first three seconds, every noise went down as Walburga simply said.

‘Regulus, here.’

Regulus swallowed. He too seemed to be a little overwhelmed with the presence of his whole extended family here. But he silently walked over to his Mother, the crowd parting for him and he went to stand next to her chair. Sirius remained pressed against the closed door, trying not to show that his hands were shaking.

Dabrius squeezed through the group, making it to his side of the room before sitting behind a large oak table, much less elegant than the one Dumbledore had been behind, but that seemed very far away now.

‘Right.’ he started. ‘lets begin then.’

‘Excuse me,’ someone cut off, even when staring at the floor, Sirius knew his Grandmother Irma’s voice.’ But why is that here?’

Bellatrix snickered, as did a few others. 

Dabrius’ jaw dropped slightly, and he wiped his brow for the umpteenth time, not removing any of the sweat. ‘Um, all I have done is call together the mentioned family members-’

‘He isn’t a family member.’ 

Dabrius looked uneasy, glancing over at Sirius. ‘Right… I have to begin anyway I’m sorry.’  
He reached into a drawer and pulled out a long sheet of parchment, unraveling it so it dropped over the side and onto his lap. He cleared his throat.

‘I am about to read the last will and testament of the late Alphard Black, written and signed by both him and myself, his witness, to testify that these are the his last wishes for the distribution of his property upon his death.’ Dabrius paused. Druella was dabbing away under her eyes as she read, tough no tears were present. He began again.  
‘To my elders, my parents, who I assume will have outlived me some years and to whom I apologise for leaving behind, I leave my healing cabinet, a collection of all my remidies for all types of afflictions in the hope it may save them for even longer, so long as they do not drink away their health as I have done.’  
Both Irma and Pollux Black looked at each other, shocked at their lack of earnings. Dabrius did not pause.  
‘To my aunts Cassiopeia and Dorea, may they both inherit my collection of novella. One day I too hope that they may learn something other than how to hate.’  
An angry ripple.  
‘My siblings, who I have no doubt are excited to hear which part of my large estate they get to lay there hands on. To my brother Cygnus and his charming wife Druella, I have left you my furniture, including the large chest of silverware that I am aware Druella has been stealing item form for years now.’  
Druella gasped in horror, Walburga smiled a little though.

‘Not untrue.’ 

Druella looked at her sister in law with contempt.

‘To my darling sister Walburga, I leave you a family portrait I have kept in my vault for some time, for it is so hideous I never wanted in displayed in my house, but I fell that it may be to your taste and for that reason, you and Orion may do as you wish with it.’  
Walburga was no longer smiling.

‘And finally, the last generation I wish to wish farewell, despite my lack of enthusiasm for those younger than me, hence my never marrying, I wanted to make sure the next selection of Blacks were well cared for and equipped for the world to come.’  
A few people nodded, people had assumed until now that the children were to receive the majority of the estate.  
‘To Bellatrix, a gold ring, for when your soon to be husband showed me the one he had bought, I saw its quality and immediately knew it had to be improved. I leave that for you to wear as a reminder of the importance of relationships.’  
‘To Narcissa, her name may suggest an arrogance, but it does not compare to that of her new husbands, so to her, I bestow nothing, but to Lucius Malfoy, a mirror, so he may examine himself in all his underwhelming glory whenever he pleases.’  
The two women remained still as they heard their pitiful bounty and several others began shaking their heads in disgust. At this news, already heads had begun to briefly turn to Regulus, none to Sirius.  
Dabrius looked up briefly at the room, he had looked more and more nervous the further down the list he had gotten, he seemed to have made it to the worst part. Sirius was thinking about all the wonderful ways in which his Uncle was going to use his last words to spite him.

‘And..finally.. To my two nephews.’  
Cygnus Black’s head swung over to look at Sirius.

‘To Regulus, a quiet and well mannered boy, though this may be his downfall, I hold a great deal of sympathy. It is not easy task being an heir to the Black household, and they way he manages to hold the responsibility with dignity, whilst still maintaining a kindness and empathy all other lack. I leave him my house in Greenwich, London, to which I resided in most of my life. He is free to do with it as he wishes, may that be living there or selling it it is up to him, though I hope whatever he does chose to do, he does with the greater good in mind.’

Walburga reached out and clutched Regulus’ hand tightly. So far, the large London mansion was the prize inheritance and many people had been hoping to get there hands on it. His mother was going to pleased her son managed to snap it from the others. Regulus, however, wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with it.

There was only one person left now, and Sirius felt all eyes slowly bore into him, no one looked excited to hear what unpleasant gift he had been left. 

‘Lastly, to Sirius Black.’  
Sirius swallowed.  
‘A most controversial character in my life, Sirius never failed to entertain me, in even the most darkest of settings. His charm and lack of respect for an household that has stood in this country longer than he can imagine… well, I have to say I admired it.’  
Heads turned back to Dabrius, who seemed aware of the gravity of what he was reading.  
‘Though I may not have agreed, Sirius showed me a great many new things that a Black could be, and though I never told him, I was grateful for the experience. My only regret, is that I was not there when he was cast out. Beaten and forgotten, Sirius, if you are hearing this, I want to you know that I am sorry that I was not the person I could have been to you and that your bravery in the most awful of circumstances has finally given me the courage to do something I should have done a while ago.  
That is why, to Sirius Black III, I leave the contents of my Gringotts vault, every knut sickle and galleon, every bar of gold, if for him to start his life again, hopefully with a better start than first-’

‘No! Stop, stop now!’ Walburga shrieked.

Sirius stood, his eyes wide. 

‘No, he cannot- he will not!’ his mother continued to cry. ‘He isn’t- we- no! He is not a Black anymore, he isn’t entitled to-’

Suddenly others joined in. ‘That’s not fair he can’t get all of it! He doesn't count!’

‘He isn’t a member of the family-’

‘It isn't his money he can't have it-’

‘How dare you disgrace our name like this-’

‘Enough!’ Darius screamed over them, he was profusely sweating now, leaning away from the many pointed fingers and wands. He folded the will back up and returned it to his desk. ‘I-you cannot- The person does not need to be a direct family member, legally or genetically, in order to inherit part of an estate.’

Several shouts erupted over him.

‘You don’t! If you draw issue with anything i have said, you will have to contest the will-’

‘Of course we will be contesting it-’ Walburga seethed. ‘He isn't getting away with this.’

‘But-but in the meantime.. I’m afraid I have another reading in ten minutes and i must return the boys to school-’

‘Don’t you dare just throw us out, do you not know who we are!’

Dabruis stood. ‘I’m sorry, I don;t make the rules, file the contest and we may talk again at another date.’ He held out his arm, and across the room to the door opened, sending Sirius stumbling forward. Bellatrix laughed nastily as she rose to walk out.

‘Look at him, the pathetic thing can’t even function like a wizard, let alone a Black.’

Sirius’ family laughed at him, but he was much to numb with shock and fear to react, instead he walked to the side, moving out of the way as people stormed out.  
Walburga stood.

‘Come Regulus.’ 

Regulus, who had been staring at his hands the whole time, looked at his mother, she looked terrifying.

‘I-I think I have to stay here, to go back to school.’

‘He does.’ Dabrius said, eyeing Walburga, before walking over, ‘Let me walk you out, Madam.’

‘Filthy mudblood.’ she spat back at him. Before dragging her husband out of the room with her. Dabrius grumbled at the two remaining occupants about making sure they all left, before following them out. Sirius knew he must be making sure they weren’t going to his boss or causing any problems in the department. Sirius looked at the clock on the wall and was surprised to see an hour had passed since they had arrived.

The room was silent. Finally, a small giggle came from Regulus’ direction. Sirius looked over at him. He was definitely laughing, Sirius frowned.

‘He left her a mirror… for her husband..’ Regulus continued to chuckle to himself, and Sirius couldn't help the small grin.

‘To examine himself in all his underwhelming glory.’ he snickered. Regulus laughed harder.

They were like that for a moment, before Regulus turned to his older brother.

‘So… you’re rich now I guess.’

Sirius stopped. ‘I guess I am.. And you’re a homeowner aged 15.’

Regulus grinned. ‘Would have preferred the money, you always told me Alphards place was haunted by a face eating ghost.’

Sirius snorted. ‘I maintain the theory to this day, let me know what happens when you move in.’ He paused, then looked again his brother.

‘Oh,’ Regulus said, his cheeks going slightly red. ‘By the way, happy seventeenth birthday..’ 

‘That was a month ago.. But thank you.’

‘I know I just didn’t get a chance to-well.. You know.’

‘Merlin forbid you spoke to me in public.’

Regulus squirmed. Sirius just rolled his eyes.

‘You looking forward to christmas?’

‘No.’ 

‘Did you buy anyone a christmas present?’

‘What? No.’

Sirius gave an evil grin. ‘You’re lying.’

The red of Regulus’ cheeks deepened. ‘I am not.’

‘I can tell when you're lying.’

‘That’s a lie.’

‘No it’s not, you're lying now, just like you were lying when you told Walburga that you couldn’t remember your mark in that History of Magic exam, you're not a bad liar, just a shit one to me.’

Regulus rolled his eyes. ‘Oh and you're the king of deception.’ 

‘Never claimed to be.’

‘Whatever.’

‘Why?’ Sirius said, leaning more casually on the wall. ‘Is it for a girlfriend?’

Regulus looked at him. ‘....No.’

Sirius narrowed his eyes. ‘Hm, though, to be honest, if it is, I really don't want to know about some death eater you’re trying to hook up with.’

Regulus looked like he was going to argue back, but instead he just turned away and slumped into the seat his mother had been in. 

‘Did you get Marlene a present?’

‘How do you know about that?’

‘Gossip.’

Sirius chewed his lip. ‘Yeah, I did actually. James helped me pick it.’

Regulus was very still. ‘Oh… have you got James something?’

‘I have.. Why do you care?’ 

‘I don’t, you’re the one who started this conversation.’

Sirius nodded in submission. ‘Sorry.. I got him a-’

Dabrius bustled back into the room, interrupting the conversation. ‘Sorry boys.’ He mumbled, this time using a new found handkerchief to wipe his brow. ‘Let’s get going, you’ve already missed more school than I thought.’

Regulus looked up and shrugged, before looking at Sirius again. He didn't show it, but he had wanted to here the rest of that sentence. The three of them walked back to the fireplace they had come from, though when Dabrius threw the floo powder into it this time, he didn’t step in. ‘Look, you two are alright to go back together yeah? Just to Dumbledore’s office, ‘s just I have another family coming in a minute so-’

‘Sure, don’t worry about it.’ Sirius said. Dabrius looked at him, the look turned to pity and Sirius quickly felt he wanted to be rid of the strange ministry worker, so he stepped in grabbing Regulus’ arm to pull him in too.

‘Headmaster’s Office, Hogwarts.’

Sirius and Regulus stepped out, neither coughing this time, and found their feet. Dumbledore looked up.

 

‘Ah! How did it go?’ he asked.

‘Interestingly.’ Sirius replied.

It seemed to satisfy the old man, who simply smiled at them. ‘Very well, I don't wish to be rude, but I think your lunch is starting soon and I would hate for you to miss anything-’

Regulus nodded. ‘We’ll be off, thank you Professor.’

As they were walking back, Dumbledore called after them. ‘Oh boys. You should know, your Uncle was once a student of mine, very bright and vivacious boy, who went on to become someone I was friendly with, I was saddened to hear of his demise, though I hold to qualms about his fondness for his nephews.’

They both nodded, thanking him again, before leaving down the spiral staircase and past the Gargoyle. Sirius stopped at the bottom.

‘Right.’ he said. ‘I’m.. going to lunch.’

‘Ugh, me too.’

‘Oh, okay.’

‘I er- maybe I’ll go to the loo first before I head down though.’ 

‘Sure, sounds.. Yeah. Well, bye then.’

Regulus nodded. ‘Bye.’

He began to walk in the other direction form his brother, but then, Sirius tuned back. ‘Reg?’

Regulus stopped and looked over his shoulder. Sirius took a few steps back over to him.

‘Look, I know we don't always.. And it’s my fault I know, but.. If you ever need anything-’

‘Oh I-’

‘No seriously, anything, even if it’s half of all this fucking gold he's left me, just say, yeah?’

Regulus thought for a moment. ‘Actually,’ he said slowly, there is one thing..’ 

Sirius smiled. ‘Yeah?’

‘If I was to, say, need to buy someone a christmas present, someone that was maybe… romantic- ugh.. Just, what should I get them?’

Sirius grinned. ‘I got Marlene a necklace and this hair product thing that she likes, I don't know what i is but it smells really nice so… just something they like I guess. Does that help?’

‘...sort of.’

 

…

 

‘So wait, let me get this straight.’ Peter said. ‘Your uncle died and left you.. All of his money.’

Sirius nodded. ‘And unless my family managed to wrangle it out from under me, which I wouldn't put past them.. Yeah, I inherit all of it.’

James shook his head. ‘Amazing.’

‘Right.’

James looked up at the same moment Regulus seemed to walk in. It was only for a brief second, but their eyes met. James raised his eyebrows. Regulus knew he must be hearing the whole story from Sirius right now, he just hoped maybe not the last part. He still had no idea what to buy someone for christmas, and he didn't need Sirius explaining to James about how Regulus was all worried about buying his girlfriend a present, because he knew James would be so embarrassed, and also he would tease him mercilessly for it afterwards.

'So, Padfoot, what are you going to do with your fortune once you get it.'

Sirius shrugged, 'Not a clue, but maybe get my own place.'

James clasped a hand over his heart. 'What! Is the room next door to mine not god enough for you now!' He looked at the other two. 'Merlin, rich people eh? nothing is over enough.'

Everyone else laughed and Sirius shoved him. 'Shut up... oh, wait till I tell you what Regulus asked me as well...'


	27. Mapping It All Out

Having the castle to themselves was something the Marauders would have seized with great joy when the were younger. However, now, with almost the entire school doing a final christmas shop in Hogsmeade, Sirius, James, Remus and Peter were sitting around their dorm. Sirius and Peter were trying to work out how they could stop people’s names from being blocked when they stood close to someone on the map, something James had casually brought up a few days ago. James and Remus were sitting on latter’s bed playing cards, Remus with a half burnt joint poking out from his mouth.

‘Blackjack.’

‘You’re just being funny now.’

James grinned, laying down his cards. ‘Yeah, but you have to admit, my poker game has seriously improved.’

Peter made a noise of disagreement and Sirius grinned. ‘Why don’t you just give up and play gobstones Rem, he’s so shit.’

Remus smirked back at him. ‘Exactly, and eventually I’m going to get him to bet money and then win all of it, it’s all part of my get rich quick scheme.’

James laughed, shaking his head. ‘Arsehole. Right I’m going for a cigarette.’

‘Why? Just have one here.’

Remus was still giggling. ‘He’s all embarrassed because he sucks.’

James pointed a finger at him. ‘You’re stoned.’ 

‘Fuck off, it’s medicinal. It helps with the pain.’

‘When you buy weed of the hufflepuff in seventh year Rem, it’s not medicinal.’ James paused. ‘Are you okay though?.. It is tomorrow and-’

Remus waved him off. ‘Fine. Go and have you cigarette of shame.’

James smiled and grabbed his jacket, already holding his pack of cigarettes and pin up lighter. He put it on. ‘Anyone want to join?’ 

They all shook their heads, Sirius looked up. ‘Nah, I think we’ve almost cracked it.’

James nodded, not really listening and heading out the door. ‘Mm ‘kay.’  
He walked through the castle, breezing through the main doors and into the cold december air that bit at the tops of his ears. James could see Hagrid pottering around the gardens around his hut and so elected to walk the little way further down to the greenhouses to smoke in peace. He settled, leaning against the fogged glass of the greenhouse, feeling safe in the knowledge that no one would be coming here on a saturday morning. He lit the cigarette and breathed out, the hot smoke not doing much to warm him.   
James suddenly realised that he was actually very lonely standing around here on his own, he probably should have just stayed in the dorm, but remaining there just to be berated by Remus or worse, lose yet another round of poker… James needed a break. He smiled to himself, he was a very sore loser.  
There was a small thump, like some had dropped a sack of dirt. James jumped and looked around him, but nothing had moved or changed. The cigarette hovered slightly over his lips, before he looked around once more. Believing that he was alone and had just heard a door creak, he continued his solitary smoke.   
Another bang, like something hitting metal, James froze.   
Fearing that it was Mrs Norris, James dropped the cigarette and stamped on it.

‘Shit..’ he mumbled. He really didn’t need to be caught by Filch smoking right now. He shoved the remainder of the packet and the lighter back in his pocket and stuffed his hands in his pockets, only to realise he had left his wand upstairs.

‘Fucking he-’

Something grabbed on the back of his collar, pulling James sideways. He had thought there was a wall, but instead he almost fell backwards into the small gap between and protruding bit of the castle and a greenhouse, barely big enough for two men to stand side by side. 

James spun around, and Regulus was standing behind him, grinning from ear to ear. 

‘Did I scare you?’

James gaped. ‘Yeah, a little mate…. what are you doing here?’

Regulus raised an eyebrow. ‘Could ask you the same thing.’

‘I was- wait, no, really, why aren’t you in Hogsmeade-’

Regulus leaned in a kissed James, who reciprocated, before Regulus jumped back.

‘Ugh, have you been smoking?’

James ran his hand through his hair. ‘So what if I have?’

Regulus stuck out his tongue. ‘Tastes fucking disgusting.’

‘Well I’m sorry, didn’t realise I was going to be snogging anyone moments later.’ James laughed.

‘Your mistake.’ 

‘Clearly.’ James grabbed Regulus by the hips and went to pull him back in, before noticing he was holding a carrier bag. ‘Oh, so you were in Hogsmeade.’

Regulus blushed and tried to move the bag behind his back, but James had already reached to grab it from him. ‘No, no wait don’t look.’ He said, trying to take it back.

James looked at him. ‘Why? Will I not like it?’ his eyes widened. ‘Shit, is it for me?’

Regulus snatched the bag out of James’ hand. ‘Stop it, you’re not supposed to see it.’

James beamed. ‘So it is for me then.’

Regulus sighed. ‘Yes, alright, it’s your christmas present.’ 

‘Really? I love presents, can I have it now?’

‘No.’

‘Why?’

‘Because.. Well I haven’t wrapped it yet.’

‘It’s in a bag.’

‘So, it needs wrapping paper and all the proper present things.’

James laughed. ‘What proper things, it’s just a gift, Regulus.’

‘Yeah but…’ Regulus sighed and shifted on his feet. ‘I’ve..I’ve never got one before and I wanted to do it right.’

‘You’ve never gotten someone a christmas present?’

‘I.. my family doesn’t really do christmas like that.’

James nodded. ‘But you got Sirius that toy dog.’

‘That doesn’t count.’ 

‘Why not?’ 

‘Sirius said he wanted it a while before so I just bought it when I was out nearer the time, he basically picked it.’

Regulus exhaled, dumping the bag behind him and stepping back up so he and James were close again. ‘You can open it later, right now-’

‘I got you something too, you know.’

Regulus looked at him curiously. ‘Really? You didn’t have to…’

‘I know, but I wanted to, and I have to tell you, I’m pretty good at gift giving.’

Regulus chuckled. ‘Okay, well I can’t wait to see it, I guess.’

James put his hand under Regulus’ chin and kissed him softly. 

‘I hope you didn’t get me a necklace and hair products though..’ he murmured.

Regulus’ face fell in shock as James burst into laughter. He hit him gently on the arm, a slight smile breaking through the annoyance. ‘Prick!’

James was still cackling, holding onto his sides and leaning against the wall. Regulus went to shove him again, but James’ hands reached up and caught onto Regulus’ arm before he could and tugging on him so Regulus tumbled forward and pressed James back against the wall. James smirk, freeing his hands and using one to push away a fallen curl of hair from Regulus’ eyes.

‘Ugh, I need to cut it.’

‘No, don’t, I like it like this.’

‘My mum would never let me.’

James bit his lip, but Regulus stopped him saying anything in reply by moving even further onto James, pushing him harder against the wall and pressing their lips together. They remained there, James hands moving down to pull Regulus’ hips in closer Regulus putting his hands against the wall so he didn’t actually fall over.

‘Stupefy.’   
Regulus was knocked off James and went sprawling onto the floor. James jumped. Hitting his head on the back of the wall as a hand softly pressed against his chest. He looked. Sirius still had hs wand pointed down at Regulus, but he didn’t seem to be paying attention. James froze.

‘You alright Prongs? Came to stop the fight, Remus said you-’  
Sirius stopped. Neither James nor Regulus had there wands drawn. Slowly, it dawned on him. His hands dropped away from James, who’s heart felt like it was beating out of his chest and stomach was about to drop out of him. His mouth felt very dry. Sirius stepped away, wand still pointed Regulus, who had half sat up, but was staring, terrified up at the end of his brother’s wand. He didn’t dare look at James, who looked like he might throw up.

Sirius looked at his best friend. ‘What are you doing?’ he whispered, almost inaudibly, he wasn't even sure the words had come out. 

‘Si-Sirius l-let-let me explain-’

‘But Remus said-’ Sirius said slowly, still whispering. James looked sideways, back down the passageway. Remus and Peter were standing at the end. Peter’s mouth was hanging open as he clutched the Marauders map in his tiny hands. The one he and Sirius had been working on minutes before. The one the had seen James and Regulus on. The one James had stupidly, stupidly forgotten about.  
Remus’ eyes were wide, but his mouth was a straight line, he looked more upset than anything else.   
Here were James three best friends in the world, standing and staring at the secret he had kept from them for months now. It was over. All exposed, and James could do nothing about it. His eyes watered.

Suddenly James felt Sirius grab the collar of his shirt and push him against the wall, but it was like he was numb. He could barely see anyway.

‘That’s my brother, James!’

‘Si-Pads please let me-’

‘What the fuck!’

‘Please-’

But Sirius just dropped him, he didn’t even have the energy to shout, he had no energy. There were so many things, to many things, happening at once and Sirius couldn’t process any of it. So he just turned away and walked off.   
James climbed up to his feet   
He shouted after him. ‘Sirius!’   
Sirius started running, Remus and Peter followed him. James still had tears running down his cheeks, but he went to run after them. Regulus, who seemed to have gotten himself up, grabbed onto him. James turned, and Regulus knew anything he ha to say would fall on deaf ears.

‘Don’t, Ja-’

‘Get off me’. He threw Regulus off, who just stepped back and watched as James ran out of the tiny space they had been standing and around the corner to try to follow his friends.

 

James charged back into the castle, bowling over some other students walking back in from their day out.  
He ran up to the third floor and around the corridors before detouring up behind a tapestry to the fifth floor, where James tried to duck in and out of classrooms a disused rooms. No one.  
James kept running around, enormously out of breath but he just didn’t feel like anything was happening inside him. He couldn’t feel his fingers and all he think was just keep running, find them, explain, do something but just keep running. Eventually, he was at the portrait of the Fat Lady. James felt like he had been everywhere else, but the rest of the Marauders were gone. He stopped and heaved in a deep breath, his first for a while. His ribs ached and nasty stich was on its way but he just gasped.

‘Crysanthemum.’ 

The Fat Lady shook her head though. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘Changed a few hours ago.’

‘What!’ James shouted, a third year girl turned her head to stare at him. 

The fat lady looked vaguely annoyed. ‘You need to go and find a prefect. I can't let you in. Where is your friend, he may know.’

‘That’s the whole problem.’ James snarled, before turning around and dashing off. She shouted something out after him, but James didn’t listen. Instead he kept running all the way back down the castle, until finally he was outside the girls bathroom on the second floor. He almost collapsed into the door and whirled around, looking for any sign of life, but, unsurprisingly, there was none. James thought about going back out, but he couldn't do it anymore. They didn't want to be found.  
Instead, he sank down to the ground in the middle of the floor, his head only just missing the edge of the large circle of sinks. His hands were shaking and the harder James tied, the less he felt like he could breath, instead, strange racking sobs were coming from his lungs. No tears fell, James just let his head fall between his knees, still uselessly crying on the bathroom floor. 

It was another half an hour before he could calm down enough to lift his head up, still shivering, he pushed himself back against the wall. It was all for nothing. All the skirting around, the secrets and fights… nothing. Now they knew, and they hated him. It wasn't their fault though.. It was James who had managed to screw everything up. He was all alone and the three people he loved most in the world hated him. It had all caught up to him and now it was tearing him apart. 

James took a deep breath, but it didn’t help at all. His eyes were watering again but he wiped it away, determined not to start on that road again.

The door opened, but James registered it too late to stand up. Lily walked in and looked around, her bright green eyes falling gently on him. She relaxed.

‘Thought I might find you here.’ she said quietly.

 

…

 

Lily had spent her afternoon in the three broomsticks with Marlene and Mary. Roberta was meant to join them but then Samuel Christian from Ravenclaw had asked if she wanted to go to Madam Puddifoot’s and the girls had to spend the next ten minutes convincing her to go. She had, with a light blush and big smile.  
The three remaining girls had drunk butterbeer while Mary and Marlene took it turns to try and coax or flirt with the new male bartender for firewhiskey. They were unsuccessful and Madam Rosmerta caught them, hurrying the poor man away to serve somewhere else.

‘No fair, Sirius and James flirt unabashadley and get whatever they want.’

‘Sirius does what now?’ Marlene said, only half joking.

Lily had enjoyed her day immensely. She was trying not think about the large pile of work she had to do before the term ended and instead was focusing on this time with her closest friends before she had to go home for Christmas.  
She was walking back up the steps of the castle when she stopped to tie her shoe, telling Marlene and Mary to go ahead and save her a seat in the hall for dinner. Lily stood up, watching Marlene’s blonde ponytail disappear inside the darkness when someone banged into her.

‘Hey!’ she said, turning as the figure raced up beside her, not looking back over there shoulder as they ran inside. Lily blinked as she watched jet black hair shoot past.  
‘Sirius!’ she called out after him, but he didn’t hear her. She sighed. Then someone else bumped into her, she hadn't even made it three more steps.

‘Really!’ she yelled as Remus and Peter flew past. They both kept running, but Remus reached the top of the stairs, before suddenly turning back around and staring straight at her. Lily stopped. Something was wrong. Remus walked quickly back down to where she was now standing. He looked pale, the scar trailing across the bridge of his nose standing out pink. But mostly he looked upset, and a little confused, he frowned as he approached her.

‘Did you know?’ He spluttered. 

Lily raised an eyebrow, aware that suddenly the staircase was very empty. ‘Know what?’ She kept looking at him, but she had no idea what he was talking about.

Remus exhaled. ‘About James. The other day, when we were walking to defence. Did you know?’

Lily’s mouth fell open slightly. Oh God. ‘Oh.. Remus.’

He shook his head. ‘You did didn’t you?’

‘It’s not like that Rem-’

‘Then what is it like? He told you and not us?’

‘What, no!’ Lily almost laughed, but it wasn’t funny. ‘No I- I sort of bumped into them by mistake.’

‘When.’

Lily sighed. ‘Remus what is going-’

‘When, Lily.’

Lily paused. ‘At the end of OWLs party last year.’ 

Remus looked away. He then turned and started walking back up the stairs. Lily reached out for his shoulder. ‘Remus, wait.’ But he shrugged her off and kept walking, before reaching the top and starting to run, presumably to find Sirius and Peter. Lily waited a moment, before following him up, but she turned to go to the Great Hall, her friends were still waiting.

‘Where’ve you been Lil, doesn’t take hat long to tie a shoelace.’ 

Lily shook he her head. ‘Sorry, I bumped into Remus, that's all.’ 

‘Oh, right.’ Marlene nodded. ‘You didn't see Sirius did you? He was meant to meet me here for dinner.’ 

Lily looked her. ‘Um, no I didn’t, just Remus. I’m sure he’s just got caught up with something.’

‘Yeah, probably mucking around or getting high with James.’ Mary snickered, Marlene rolled her eyes. 

Lily sat down next to Mary, who was staring at her along with Marlene. But she was worlds away. Sirius must have found out somehow. Though somehow must mean that they walked in on… Merlin, poor James. I wonder where he is.. I mean he wasn’t with them, which means he must be looking or them. He must feel crushed. I hope I didn’t……

By the end of dinner Lily had become so involved in her own thoughts she hadn't heard the last five minutes of conversation. She had barely eaten as well, her mind to wrapped up in what was happening to Remus and James.. And Sirius who she was sure was just as distraught.. Even Regulus, who she couldn't see sitting in his usual seat...

‘Lil?’

Lily was still staring off at the wall though, or to someone who was looking closely, the Slytherin table. Marlene saw and she looked over her shoulder. 

‘Lil, you better not be looking at.. him.’

‘Huh? No, I’m not.’ 

‘Seriously Lily, don’t do it to yourself.’

Lily smiled and touched Marlene’s hand who turned back around and smiled back. ‘Really Marly, I was just looking at the wall, sorry, I’m just distracted.’

‘Work, eh?’ Mary said, spooning more food onto her plate. ‘D’ya want some?’

Lily looked at the food, but she wasn't hungry. ‘No, thanks.’

Marlene narrowed her eyes. ‘Lily…’

Lily stood up from her seat. ‘Sorry.. I just- I need to do something.’ 

Marleen stood up. ‘Okay, what are we doing? Do we need to fight someone?’ 

Lily laughed and shook her head. ‘No, shut up, sit down.. It’s just some prefect stuff Remus reminded me off, I need to finish this evening. I’m really sorry you guys, I’ll come find you later.’

Mary didn’t look convinced, but Marlene sat back down. ‘Really? If you're sure…’

Lily nodded and walked off back to the exit. She walked out of the Great Hall, her friends still looking concerned behind her. She stopped at the top of the sairs. Where was she going? Who was she looking for? The second question seemed to be answered when Dorcas rounded the corner alone, carrying a pile of library books. Lily beamed.

‘Hiya, Dorcas, have you seen-’

‘No I haven’t.’ Dorcas snapped back. She stopped and sighed. ‘Sorry, that was really rude, I just have a ton of work due in on Monday that I haven’t done and I haven’t slept and..’ she took a deep breath. ‘You really don't need to hear this. Look, sorry Lily, I haven’t seen him, he is meant to be with the rest of them all day.’

Lily frowned. ‘Sorry, hope you get it all done, and if you need those arithmancy notes just let me know. Thanks anyway.’

Dorcas smiled. ‘That’s sweet, thank you.’

Lily was already walking off over to the next staircase. No one was going to know where the boys were anymore.. Except maybe one. She walked up the second floor and down the corridor, which became quieter as she ventured to the bathroom that no one used. She opened the door and looked inside. He was there, sitting back against the wall on the floor. He looked dreadful, his eyes were red and puffy and his glasses were crooked in. His face was an off shade of grey that made Lily worry that he may have thrown up, but mainly, Lily Evans just saw how sad James looked, sitting alone of the slightly damp floor of the girls toilets.

‘Though I might find you here.’ she said softly.

He looked up at her and hastily tried to dry his eyes, not that it would have fooled anyone. He coughed. 

‘What, you think I frequent ladies washrooms?’

She smiled. I didn’t even sound like his voice, hoarse and quiet, but it was still him. ‘As much as you can.’

He gave a weak smile and went to push himself to his feet, but Lily just shook her head and sat down opposite him. He seemed to analyse her for a second and Lily assumed he was trying to work out if she knew what was wrong.

‘Why-’

‘Remus told me.’

James paled even more, which Lily didn’t think was possible. ‘He did…’

Lily chewed her lip. ‘Well, not really, but I sort of… He figured out that I already knew and he… I think he was quite upset.’

James close his eyes for a moment and pressed his head back against the wall. ‘I really fucked up Lily.’ He said.

‘This was going to happen eventually James.’ 

‘I didn’t..not like this.’

‘What did happen?’ 

He looked at her and smiled a little. ‘The same thing that happened with us.’

She raised an eyebrow. ‘Oh god one of you didn’t have your trousers half undone did you because that-’

‘What! No! When has that ever-’ James thought for second. ‘..no my trousers were not half undone Evans, but thank you for bringing that up.’

Lily smirked, which James half returned, before frowning again. ‘They hate me.. Sirius hates me, Remus hates me, Peter must hate me…’

‘I’m sure they don’t-’

‘You would.’

‘I didn’t.’

‘That’s not the same we aren’t best friends.’ 

‘No, but after five years of harassment Potter, I can’t deny bumping into you snogging some Slytherin boy wasn’t a bit of a surprise, and even a bit of a let down.’

James raised an eyebrow. ‘Why, did you think I would have gotten you eventually?’ 

‘Not a chance, but I always thought that even though I hated you, with a passion, at least we had a connection.’

James laughed. Lily looked at him.

‘I’m sorry, I don’t have very meaningful advice for this scenario.’

James shrugged. ‘Surprised you even knew I’d be here.’

‘You have a few habits James Potter. Ruffling your hair like a prat, doodling all over you work, and coming to mope in the second floor bathroom when you upset are few key ones.’

‘Observant. But untrue.’ 

‘Hm.. really? When I hexed in fourth year for proposing in the middle of the corridor where do you go? Or when Rookwood and Severus stuck you to the ceiling in the potions classroom for half an hour, where did Sirius find you after the lesson?’

James opened and close his mouth several times. He had nothing to say. After a moment, he sunk back into his own thoughts, wallowing in the days events. Lily watched him for a minute, before feeling like she had outstayed her welcome in James’ moment of weakness. She stood up to go.

‘It will be alright James. It always is in the end.’

He didn’t reply.

‘And they love you a lot. They’ll forgive you.. He’ll forgive you. Even for this.’

Lily walked out.

James remained sitting for some time. He still didn’t have his wand so he just pulled out the only thing he did have on him. Those cigarettes and lighter. He smoked continuously until the entire carton was empty, his throat now feeling burnt and painful rather than cracked. It must have been an hour and half. All this time, sitting alone on the floor. James stood to drink some water from the tap, wondering when Myrtle would return, she had been absent the whole evening. He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like crap. James splashed his face with some water and then turned around, dreading the walk he now had to make.  
He slowly exited the bathroom. The halls of the school were quiet, most students had made there way off to bed and James saw almost no one as he proceeded to his common room. Luck was at least a little on his side today, as a first year was also entering the common room at the same time as James arrived.

‘What’s the password?’ he asked. They looked up. It was Hestia Jones. She smiled up at James.  
‘Wraggleworth’ she replied.   
The portrait opened as James thanked her. He let her clamber in first. It was late enough that only a few people remained in the common room, some sixth and seventh years were sitting at tables furiously writing essays and some younger people were playing exploding snap by the fire. They weren’t there though. James swallowed. He walked up the spiralled staircase, praying that the dorm would be empty, but then also praying that they would be there. He didn’t know what he wanted.  
What he didn’t want was to reach his door, only to see his duvet, a pillow and a set of pyjamas lying in front of it. James came to halt. They didn't even want him in the same room. He swallowed a lump in his throat. So be it. He deserved it after what he had done. He silently picked up his things and made his way back down the stairs. No one seemed to notice what he was carrying, but with people still here, James placed his things down to one side against the wall. He looked around, before walking over to the second years, still animatedly playing their game.

‘Can I join?’ he asked. They nodded and he grinned before sitting down and picking up some cards.   
They continued playing for an hour, but James’ heart wasn’t in it and as a good as he usually was at exploding snap, he lost as many times as he won. Eventually the others had started yawning and James had told them they needed to go to bed, which they did, a little offended that the cool sixth year had just ordered them to go to sleep. James smiled to himself.   
Two seventh year girls were still scribbling away at the table, but James didn’t pay them much attention, he just picked up the book on the coffee able ahead of him and flicked through. It was some muggle book about a man who lived in New York.. Or was it a easter egg.. James wasn’t sure but another man kept throwing enormous parties and James was confused as to why.. Eventually his eyes were drifting too far from the page and he turned his head, realising that the girls must have a gone to bed a few minutes ago, so James sighed and walked over to his pile of belongings, ignoring the pyjamas but throwing the duvet over himself before trailing back to the sofa and lying down. It was warm lying by the fire but it was another four hours before he finally drifted into an unhappy sleep.

James was awakened by a finger poking on his shoulder, he squirmed, slowly opening sleepy eyes and looking over. Peter was staring down at him, looking concerned, if not a little afraid. James jumped, suddenly all the horrible memories of yesterday flooding back to him in one fell swoop. He remembered he was lying on the common room sofa. He sat up too quickly, the blood rushing to his head and making him dizzy. 

‘Peter.’ he slurred.

Peter looked unsure what to say, but he settled on, ‘Why are you sleeping on the couch?’ 

James looked around him. ‘B-because you left my things outside the dorm last night.. I thought you didn’t want me in there.’

Peter shifted on his feet. ‘Oh.. I didn’t- that must have been S...I didn’t know he did that.’

James looked down. ‘Oh.’

‘Sorry.’

‘No I-doesn't matter.’ James looked up again, Peter was still staring at him, that look of pity and fear etched all over him. ‘Can you stop?’

‘Stop?’

‘Looking at me like that.. It’s just.. Please don’t.’

‘Oh.. oh right... yeah.. sorry.’

Peter paused, his face changed, it was more calm now he didn’t think James was going to either shout at him or burst into tears. ‘I’m going down to breakfast… I would inv… it’s just Sirius is down..’ Peter said.

James gulped. ‘And he doesn’t want to see me…’

‘James..’

‘It’s fine I… I have practice anyway…’

Peter dipped his head slightly. ‘Okay, cool. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.’  
He walked over to the portrait before opening it, then, Peter turned back and watched James disentangle himself from his duvet and stand up, putting his glasses back on and combing his hand through his hair. He looked smaller than Peter remembered.   
‘Oh, Remus is still up there in case.. Well he doesn't feel well so.’

James looked at him, realisation dawning on his face. ‘Oh shit.. It’s tonight isn’t it.’ 

Peter nodded and walked out. James looked at the staircase before collecting his things up in his arms and walking up. He paused at the door… before quietly knocking. It felt strange knocking one his own door. No one replied, but Remus rarely did, so James just quietly pushed the door open and walked in.

Remus had his curtains drawn, but his voice could still be heard through them. ‘Peter, I told you I don't want any fo-’

‘It’s me.’

Remus went quiet.

‘I-I just want my Quidditch stuff, I can leave in a second.’

Again, Remus said nothing. James took it as a pass to move and went over to his bed, collecting the items he needed, he could change down there.   
He walked back over to his door, Remus still hadn't made a sound. James put his hand on the handle, but he stood for a second.

‘Rem?’ 

Remus remained silent.

‘I.. tell me if.. I mean I understand if you don’t want me to come tonight.’ 

James breath hitched. If Remus told him he didn’t want him on the full moon..

A small creak came from Remus bed and then a portion of the curtain at the end of his bed pulled away, revealing Remus’ tired, pale face.

Remus licked his lips slightly. ‘I.. no, I want you there.’

James tried to conceal his joy.

‘But that doesn't mean..this.. Is okay.’

‘I’m sorry, Moony.’

Remus looked at the ground. ‘I… I just. I tell you everything, James.. Everything, and then you.. After all these months and you…’

‘I know I don't know what to day Rem, I wanted to every day but… I just didn’t know how to even-’

‘What, so you thought you would just wait until something like this- I mean Sirius is-’

‘I didn't know what to do, it’s not like there is a protocol for announcing something like this.’

Remus was silent. James shifted. ‘I really have to get to practice…’

‘Go on then.’ 

‘I’m so sorry Remus.’

Remus just closed the curtain again and James heard him shift back to lying down.


	28. Hurt You Back

That evening, Sirius had finally broken away from Peter, who had been tiptoeing around him all day. Not for no reason though, even Sirius could feel he was a bomb just waiting to go off.   
He was so angry. So deeply furious and hurt that he was past the point of shouting or hitting something. He wanted to burn. He didn’t understand why he had told Peter he was going to the loo, but instead found himself up in Marlene’s room. Getting up to the girl’s dorms had always been a well-guarded Marauders secret. Marauders. It made Sirius feel like he was on fire.   
After everything….  
He walked over to Marlene’s bed and rifled through the cabinet next to it, pulling out a almost full bottle of vodka from its depths. Sirius opened te cap and poured the liquid down his throat. It burned, but he didn't care, taking another swig before collapsing to sit down in the side of her bed.  
He hated him. He hated him so much. Sirius wasn't even sure who he hated more. Which brother. Fucking brother…. The both of them right behind his back how could he have been so stupid.  
He took another drink.  
He wouldn't go tonight. Not if he was going to be there. Not a chance. He didn’t want to even be in the same room.  
He couldn’t do that to Remus. He needed him there.  
Not more than I need James Potter to rot in hell.  
The thought stung him.  
He took another drink.  
Why him… of all the people, why did James…  
He would have to go. For Remus. Not for him.  
He took another drink.  
The door opened and Marlene walked in looking flustered and carrying her bag. She stopped and looked over at Sirius holding her now almost empty vodka.

‘Um, what are you doing?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Sirius, have you just drunk all of that?’

‘Shut up.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘Shut up, I don’t need you-’

‘What is wrong with you? All day you’ve been acting-’

‘Ugh, just fuck off Marlene!’ Sirius regretted it as soon as he said it. Here he was again, lashing out at people. 

Marlene just shook her. ‘Get out.’ She pointed at the door. Sirius rose, glaring at her, before trying to storm past her and out of the room. Her hand came down and grabbed the bottle out of his hand. He growled slightly, but kept walking.  
‘You’re just fucking nasty sometimes Sirius!’

He walked out of the common room, struggling to get out of the portrait hole, the masses of alcohol hitting his system all at once. He stumbled. It was late. Very late. And no one was around, but Sirius kept walking. James and Peter must be downstairs waiting for him. He wasn’t going. He had to go.

‘Fuck.’ he said and he wobbled into the side of the corridor. He wasn't even entirely sure where he was anymore.

He watched Snape walk around the corridor through eyes that were making things spin. It took him another few seconds before he even registered Regulus was standing next to him.  
Sirius almost tripped. Regulus froze, but Severus let out a cruel laugh.

‘Massive ego finally tripping you up Black?’

Sirius caught himself, before looking up. ‘You.’ he spat at Regulus, who wasn’t moving. Sirius pulled his wand out. Snape did the same, thinking the comment was aimed at him. Regulus almost flinched, but stood where he was, unmoving.

‘Are you drunk Sirius?’ he asked quietly.

‘Fuck you!’ Sirius shouted back. He made a clumsy attempt to curse one of them, but snape deflected easily, sending back a hex that made Sirius falls backwards. He laughed and Sirius jumped up, shooting another back that this time glanced Severus’ shoulder, he cried out.

‘Expelliarmus.’ Someone said from behind him. Sirius’ wand flew out of his hand and into Lily’s, who was still running up behind him.

‘Stop it Sirius. Marlene said you were-’ She grabbed onto his arm but he yanked her off, sending Lily stumbling backwards. Severus saw and ran forwards before thinking to try and help her.   
Sirius intercepted him, running into him and throwing him to the ground.   
Sirius practically jumped on top of him and drew back his fist. If he couldn't have his wand, he would just punch the stupid prick in the face. Regulus started yelling for him to stop and he could hear Lily racing up behind him.

Severus snapped out at him. ‘Where your pathetic little group of pals to hold you back?’

Sirius paused as Lily grabbed him and tried pointlessly to pull him away.  
‘You want to know?’ he snarled. A brilliant idea only barely forming in his mind. ‘You really want to know where they are?’  
He could do it. He could hurt all of them at the same time. See how James liked it then.  
Sirius bent down even closer. ‘Go to the Whomping Willow, the knotted branch at the bottom, touch it, it will freeze the whole tree. Want to know where we disappear every month with Remus? Go follow the passage below it. See how much you like it then.’

‘Sirius stop!’ Lily was shrieking, not that she knew what was happening. 

Sirius leaned back. Snape’s eyes seemed to have lit up slightly, and he took advantage of the moment.  
‘Stupefy!’

Sirius was thrown back off him and onto the ground five feet away, stunned and unable to move. Lily was knocked back as well, falling not far from Sirius. 

Snapes leapt to his feet.

‘Sev, what-’

Severus turned to Regulus, still standing in his original position, looking worried. Snape had an evil glint in his eye though. 

‘I think Black finally snapped.’ He grinned, before racing off towards the stairs.

Regulus stared down at his brother, who was lifting his head, holding the back of it. What had he done? What was he talking about with the Whomping Willow…..

The blow seemed to have sobered Sirius slightly. He looked around him. It was a like a cloak was being lifted. He could see what he had done. Why had he… Remus. It was Remus alone down there and it was ten to midnight. James and Peter might not even. And he had sent Severus down to.. If Remus.. If he got hurt.   
Sirius had made a bad choice. Not even that, he had fucked up. He had done a bad thing. If anything happened. No one was going to forgive him for this.

‘Oh my god..’

‘Sirius, what did you just do?’

He looked over at Regulus and pulled himself to his feet.

‘Oh my- FUCK!’ he screamed. Lily sat up. 

‘What did you-’

‘Fuck!’ he screamed even louder. ‘Oh God oh shit no no no no no i have to stop him oh shitting fuck no he can’t go down there…’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘SHIT.’ Sirius wasn't making any sense. ‘I need James oh shit where is James.’

‘What.’

Sirius turned and started running. He had to find them. He had to warn them before Snape got there. Oh shit he had fucked up he was going to get Snape killed.

 

...

 

James was moving from foot to foot, staring angrily at the large clock opposite him and Peter.

‘Where is he Wormy?’ He muttered angrily.

‘I don’t- you know he might not-’

‘He has to.’ James snapped back, more out of frustration than anger. ‘He can't just.. That’s not fair he can't do that to Moony irregardless of what-’

‘Calm down James, he may have just gone without us.’ 

James just murmured.

Remus had gone to the matron in the early afternoon of Sunday, though James hadn’t been there to escort him with Peter, he didn’t think he would have wanted him there. Sirius had been to see him briefly according to Peter, but that was all the boy would say. Peter had been feeling very stuck in the middle all dat. A feeling that made him desperately uncomfortable. It reminded him of his parents when they had been together and there was nothing that made him more nervous than when James and Sirius were fighting. Something had happened to Sirius around an two hours ago, Peter had been with him all day until he disappeared to go to the bathroom or have a cigarette or something and Peter hadn't seen him since… he was starting to get worried. He hand;turned up to meet James were they normally met, although that was always a possibility given that Sirius wanted nothing less in the world than to run into James.   
Peter was now alone with James, a feeling that didn't make him feel any better. It wasn't that they had found James kissing a boy that made he feel so strange.. But Regulus.. A Slytherin.. And probably a death eater.. Who was also Sirius’ brother. It couldn't have been a worse choice. And staring at his best friend, Peter just didn't feel like he knew his best friend anymore. But he had faith James must have a good explanation, he would give him at least some doubt until they could all talk about this, but that wasn’t looking like any time soon with how Remus and Sirius hd taken it…   
Where was Sirius.

‘Right.’ James said, finally standing still. ‘That’s it, it’s ten to twelve this is fucking ridiculous, I’m checking the common room.’

‘Don’t James.’ 

‘Why? If he is in there-’

‘Alright, but I’m coming with you, I don’t think you two should be-’

James was already wandering off, so Peter sped up to follow him.

They had to be as quiet as possible, knowing Filch was already suspicious about them, they were trying to move as quickly and cautiously as they could, but that was cut short when someone ran full speed into James almost bowling him over.  
James caught him with hands on his shoulders, black hair whipping around like an excited dog, but the strong smell of ethanol radiating from him.

Sirius stumbled and almost fell, but he managed stay standing before grasping onto James and looking up at him. He didn't look angry, or like he was about to attack him. He looked terrified, like he was running from something or fearing for his life. He looked him dead in the eye, which is when James noticed the tears stained down his cheeks.

James stammered. ‘S-Sirius are you drunk?’

But Sirius just clutched onto him for dear life and began sobbing, all anger at James seemed to have dissipated in his terror. He could hate James more than anything, but he was the only one who could.... 

‘Ja-James James do something oh fuck, fuck fuck fuck oh my god oh my God.’

James almost shook him. ‘What? What do you want me to do, what’s wrong?’ Peter just stood in shocked silence.

‘Oh fucking merlin’s god James I swear I didn’t mean- Remus is going to..I’m sorry I’m sorry…’

‘What is it!’

‘James I did something really bad- I ran into Snivellus and- it’s really bad I’m sorry I’ve done something.’

‘Sirius, what the fuck have you done?’

James processed what Sirius was saying. He was carefully trying to piece together whatever the fuck Sirius was- Oh.

‘You didn’t.’

‘James I’m sorry please don’t let him get hurt James I-’

‘WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU SIRIUS.’

‘YOU’RE GOING TO KILL HIM-’

Sirius was still sobbing.

Peter was saying something, but James didn’t care, he turned and ran. He had to get to Remus.


	29. Dog Eat Dog World

His feet were pounding through Hogwarts, the noise seemed to be enough to wake all its residents, but James didn’t care. He just kept charging forward, down the stairs along the hall trying desperately to get out of castle, oblivious to if Filch was anywhere near him.  
Jame rounded the corner and Lily and Regulus were running in the opposite direction. James didn’t have time to wonder why on earth they were together. He barely missed a step as the both came to a halt and quickly opened their mouths to ask what was happening.

‘Out of my way!’ he yelled, pushing past them to continue the sprint.

He was out of the main doors and began racing down the slightly damp grass, nearly slipping countless times, but he was halfway down before he saw a shadowy figure standing alone, wand extended, at the base of the Whomping Willow.

‘Stop!’ he screamed, picking up the pace, his hand reaching into his pocket. Please don’t let him get in, for the love of Merlin don’t let him-

The figure disappeared, he didn’t even turn in James’ direction.

‘Shit.’ 

He was at the tree in less than ten seconds, gasping for breath and he went to jump down the hole of beneath the frozen branches. But it had been to long and as he went to dive in the willow unfroze and an angry brach thwacked in James’ side sending him sprawling into the grasses. He felt his glasses crack and smash, but there was still too little time to worry. He rolled, avoiding a bang of another branch hitting where his head had been, and sprang up to his feet. James hastily touched the knot he was so familiar with and the Whomping Willow froze once more. James looked up at the sky. The full moon was out.

‘Fuck.’

There was a cold slap as his feet went along the pitch black passageway. Usually, James was more careful not to fall of trip himself up, but running along didn’t leave much room for worry and James had other more important things on his mind. He had to get to Severus. He had to get to Snape or he.. Or Remus would… James just kept running. He started calling out for Snape, shouting at first but then progressing to screaming at the top of his lungs in an attempt to find the other boy. He was met with silence. Please let him be okay.   
It was difficult enough as it was to see through the murky air, but the missing glass and cracks through the lens of his glasses made it almost impossible. Still, James could just make out a blurry figure, 15 meter ahead of him, small gaps of light escaping from the cracks in the trapdoor ahead of them illuminating his outline.

‘Snape, stop!’ James yelled, picking up the pace, only to finally succumb to the uneven path, his foot catching on a jagged rock and toppling over on top of himself, saved only by his hands.   
James looked up through the chuck of hair that had fallen into his eyes, his glasses had completely fallen off. It didn’t stop him seeing the vengeful smirk spread across Snape’s lips and he pressed a hand against the wooden door.

‘Please don’t you don’t underst-’

Something growled and there was the sound of something sharp scraping across the otherside of the door. James’ stomach dropped. He had turned. He could smell them. 

Snape had heard it as well, and with a strange curiosity across his face he turned back and went to push the trapdoor open.

‘Stop!’ James shrieked, jumping up and starting towards him again. He was too late, the trap door opened and Snape pushed harder, throwing the flimsy wood back so it banged against the ground. James faltered, he stopped and stared in horror, an icy rush passing through him. A grey snout appeared in the corner, followed by the rest of the large head, seeming to the untrained eye to be an enormous wolf, only given slightly away by the bright amber eyes that had often stared in disgust over at Severus.

The werewolf growled loudly. Severus screamed and turned to run, knocking into James and sending the both sprawling back onto the stone. The werewolf snarled and leapt forward into the passageway and moved swiftly towards the wriggling Severus, it’s jaws opening to attack. Snape closed his eyes in fear, only the feel someone grab his collar and shove his entire body back. He opened them again. Somehow James had managed to thrust himself in front of Snape, pushing him back into the wall and crouching between him and the still running werewolf. Then James wasn’t there anymore. Instead, a large stag was standing, and then jumping forward, hitting the werewolf head on and using its antlers to grab under the animals head and throw it back into the wall in one swift moment.  
It almost picked up the winded werewolf again in its antlers, not looking back at Severus as it then flung it back into the trapdoor that it had come from. Severus gasped as the loud crash of Remus hitting a cabinet, craning his neck to see what had happened. That was Remus, right? He looked back over at the deer, but it was gone. James was standing there, as ash white and before, heaving great breathes as he leaned against the wall. He stepped forward and slammed the trapdoor shut again as the werewolf rose to its feet and let out a angry noise.  
James reached into his pocket and pointed his wand.

‘Colloportus.’ he said. Something (Remus) slammed into the trapdoor as it locked itself. But a locked door would not hold him back for very long and James fear was confirmed as he heard the werewolf begin to attack and scratch at the wood. He turned back to Severus who was still on the ground, his head swaying slightly, he must have banged it. James didn’t have time to help him here so he tried instead to just pick the thin boy up, but Severus felt him and wriggled and shoved James off him.

‘Get off me!’

‘Then run, we need to get out of here!’

‘Touch me again Potter and I’ll-’

‘I don’t have time to deal with this Sniv- We don’t-’

Another loud bang, the wood creaked. Panic ran through James’ mind.

‘Move, he’s going to break the door!’ 

Snape understood and they both began to run. Not five seconds later, and a final splinter and crack of wood, and then the bang and patter of paws chasing after them. James screamed for them to go faster, they were only thirty meters ahead and the werewolf was much faster.  
They sprinted out of the whomping willow and onto the grass field beside the castle.

To James’ horror, he saw both Lily and Regulus walking towards him, they seemed to have started towards them as soon as they saw both boys emerge. Peter was a few meters behind running after them to try to stop them.

‘Go away!’ James yelled. ‘Go back inside, now!’

Lily frowned.

‘Do it!’ Snape yelled, he could hear the werewolf getting close to emerging.

Peter reached them and put a hand on Lily shoulder to pull her away, but she was reluctant and tried to brush him off, until she saw what happened next.

The enormous wolf came leaping out from below the tree and landed just feet away from James who turned back and almost stumbled onto the grass.   
Lily screamed and Peter kept trying to yank both her and Regulus away.  
James and Snape turned, the werewolf started to pace towards them, still snarling and snapping it’s teeth, it went to pounce on Severus.

Regulus watched in horror as the wolf leaped, only to once again be met by the antlers of what looked like a deer. A deer right where James had been… But he could still see the enormous wolf and he felt terrified, so he too grabbed Lily’s hand and began to run up with the other two they way they had come. Away.

 

Jame threw Remus back again, but the wolf jumped right back up and went again for Severus. James felt a pang in his chest and he swiped again at his best friend, to out of his mind to know he was trying to kill them all.  
James turned as the werewolf went flying back and saw Snape had pulled out his wand. James turned back for a second.

‘Put that away.’ he yelled.

‘He’s going to kill me!’

‘Then run, don't hurt him!’

James had to transform yet again to fend Remus off, but this time before he could get near, Remus was thrown back by a red light and onto the ground. He didn’t move.  
James switched back as Severus stormed past him. He grabbed out for him. 

‘I told you to get away from him!’

‘He would have killed me if I don’t do this!’

‘I’ll kill you if you lay one finger on him!’

The boys tussled, Snape’s wand still extended as he went to hex the unconscious werewolf again.

James let go. Snape raised his wand and pointed it at the werewolf.

‘Sectumsempra!’

James jumped in front of him. The white light slashed across his torso and he fell back into the grass. The everything was quiet. It was like someone had hit pause. All the noise just stopped. James felt like some had dragged across him with letter openers and something sticky was seeping through his clothes. He looked down. Blood. Everywhere. Seeping out of his chest as his heart pumped it out.

‘Oh- oh fuck oh fuck-’ Snape muttered. James looked at him. He looked terrified, but James was losing his breath and no words were coming of his lips. His already none existent vision went even blurrier. His head feel back in the grass. The blood was still dripping down him, over his sides and pooling slightly around his fingers.   
Everything went black a second later, but not before he saw Snape’s shoes run back up the grass and away form James and Remus.

 

Someone was leaning over him. No, two people were. One was murmuring something in a low voice, their wand waving over his body. James tried to open his bleary eyes more. He was overcome with a coughing fit and rolled to the side, feeling like a two ton weight was pressing against his chest as he hacked up what looked like blood, but it was hard to tell. He lay back and gulped down some air. His vision blurred again.

‘Take him up to the hospital wing, please.’ 

‘Of course, Headmaster.’ 

James opened his eyes again. ‘What? He rasped. ‘No, no where’s Rem- what happe-’

‘Shhh..’ Dumbledore said, removing his hand from over the teenager and standing up. ‘Don’t worry James. This is for the morning. Rest.’

James tried to talk back to him, but he could feel something sliding underneath his body and he was drifting back into unconsciousness already, and blacked-out the next second.

 

James came too again. I must have only been a few hours, but the first glimmers of light were already creeping through the windows. He opened his eyes further. There was a window almost directly opposite him. He looked around. He was in a hospital bed, the sheets wrapped snugly around his body, which ached all down his stomach. James rolled slightly and reached for a convenient glass of water next to the bed. He took a sip. It wasn’t water.   
He spluttered and coughed the foul liquid from his throat and as he did, Madam Pomfrey came rushing in.

‘Oh dear, did you really just try to… probably my fault I should have cleared it away but it has been such a hectic evening…’

‘I’m fine.’ James gasped.

‘You’re not, that’s why you’re here.’ She replied sternly, pushing him gently back down and bringing over a real glass of water, which James sipped. 

He moved his torso slightly and winced as an aching pain raced through his muscles. He looked down under the covers. Scabbed over wounds were tracing across his body at every angle. They hurt like a bitch. What was that spell? What-

James sat up suddenly it almost gave the healer a fright. ‘Where is Remus?’ He asked. ‘I want to see him now. Is he okay, does he know-’

‘Shush.’ Pomfrey hushed him down and cast a wary eye around, though there was no one else here. She sighed and looked back at James. ‘We put him back in the… I’m going to go and get him in a minute.’

‘I’ll come.’

‘You most certainly will not.’

‘I-’

‘You will stay here and rest. I don't know what happened to you Mr Potter but you had almost bled out on our lawn by the time the headmaster and I found you so you will not be moving from this bed for a few days at the least. And you will definitely not come with me to Mr Lupin. He needs to be treated delicately, something had broken several of his bones last night.’

James swallowed. How could he have done that.

‘In fact,’ Pomfrey continued, looking at the rays of sunshine. ‘I am going now. Stay here, Mr Potter.’

James barely had it in him to protest, but he did try, she ignored him and left anyway, and it wasn't like James had any strength to walk. He lay back in the bed.   
Severus had tried to cut Remus up.. Actually tried to seriously hurt him….James heart pounded with fury and for a moment, he was thankful it was him lying in this bed and not Remus. But Snape had almost gotten killed… he would have been had James not come and dragged him away from the shrieking shack.. But he had only been there in the first place because..  
Sirius.  
What had he done.  
And why had he done it? Why had he tried to kill Snape, or even Remus.. If he had gotten Remus hurt… well, he had.. James took a deep breath. This was probably all his fault. It was his fault they were all angry at him in the first place. But to do this.. And not even to him. To endanger Remus over something like this..

The door of the hospital wing creaked open and, expecting to see Madam Pomfrey or maybe Dumbledore, James was surprised to see a short crop of red hair appear. It was immediately followed by a much shorter cut of blonde hair. James pushed himself up as Lily and Peter ducked quietly into the room, Peter turning to close the door behind them, Lily just marched over.

‘Peter, wh-’

‘Are you alright?’ Lily interrupted, pushing the back of her hand against James’ forehead. He winced. ‘Sorry,’ she said, withdrawing the hand. ‘You look dreadful..’

‘Thanks.’

‘You okay?’ Peter asked, standing next to Lily. 

James nodded in what he thought was a reassuring manner, but Peter looked down at him and saw the thin cut that was coming up and over his shoulder. His eyes widened.

‘Oh God Jamie, he didn’t-’ 

James pulled the sheets up. ‘Shh! No of course not, Peter don’t say that… it was Snivellus.’

‘What?’

‘He tried to use some spell on Rem but I got in the way and it.. Well it’s slashed up my whole chest up- he just ran off of course, the slick bastard… when I see him I’m going to-’

‘Wait, sorry.’ Lily started again, staring incredulously between the two boys. ‘What on earth happened last night? What do you mean Sev tried to use a spell on Remus? Remus wasn’t there.’

James looked at Peter. Clearly Lily hadn’t understood what she had seen.

‘..Was he?’

No one replied. Slowly, it dawned on Lily and the colour drained from her cheeks as she looked over at James. She sat down on the edge of his bed.

‘Oh my God. That-it-it was hi-Remus... he's a w-’

‘Lily, please, you mustn’t tell anyone, please, I’m serious, no one can know about it.’

‘Since when?’ 

Peter shuffled his feet. ‘Since he was five I think.’

‘Four.’ James corrected. 

Lily’s mouth feel open so many things began to click into place all of sudden, it was like pulling back the curtains on a window and letting all the light food in. ‘H-how?’

James folded his arms. ‘That’s not for us to say Lily.’ 

She nodded. She looked over at James. ‘I don’t understand..’

James narrowed his eyes, expecting her to say something about Remus, his defenses already up.

‘I don’t understand.. Did you turn into a deer?’

James blinked. ‘I- wel.. Yeah.’ 

There was small bang from the end of the room. 

Lily stood again. ‘I- I should go, I only wanted to make sure you were alright…’

‘Okay.’

‘I’ll come and visit later?’ 

‘Sure.’ James nodded. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’ 

Lily walked away over to the door, and Peter went to follow.

‘Wait, Pete.’ 

Peter must have been expecting it, because he stopped and walked back over. Lily turned, but she still left. Peter checked she was gone before looking back at James.

‘Where is he?’

Peter shrugged. ‘He ran off almost as soon as you did. But, I think he was the one to get Dumbledore, he’s been in his office ever since…’

‘Really?’ 

Peter nodded slowly and sighed. ‘I don't know what to do..’

‘Neither. But.. Right now, I-I can’t believe he did this.’ 

Peter seemed like he was going to nod, but he just looked at his shoes. ‘He was so upset James…’

‘He doesn't get to take it out on Remus, or even Snivellus, he could have gotten them killed.’

Peter did nod this time. ‘It’s all just.. Fucked.’

‘I’m sorry Peter.’ 

‘It’s okay.. I- I forgive you, not that I really need to but.. I’m just so over all this. I’m so over feeling like everything is all wrong and we all hate each other and everything else in the world is getting so messed up, this really isn’t the time to be fighting.’

‘You’re right.’

‘Mmmm’

The door opened and both boys jumped and Madam Pomfrey bustled back in.   
She had one arm wrapped around another figure.  
Remus’ head was almost hanging down, his hair plastered over him, wet with sweat and blood. All up the right side of his torso was black and green with bruising, big patches of blue also dotted across his upper chest. There was a nasty gash lower on his stomach, but it was already beginning to scab over. He was almost shaking as he half stumbled into the room.  
Madam Pomfrey was murmuring in his ear as they went.

‘You’re doing so well Remus. Two more steps then bed. One more step then-’

She looked over James and Peter.

‘Mr Pettigrew! Out! Now!’ 

Peter went to scamper away, but Remus raised his head and looked over at the two of them. He saw James lying in a hospital bed. He saw the thin cuts trailing across the exposed parts of his body. He froze.

James had seen Remus after a full moon many times. He, Peter and Sirius had been sneaking in to see his friend since they were much younger. He had seen the hollow eyes and the pain in them as Remus had ay in bed the days after. He had seen the bruises and the cuts and the destruction Remus had brought on himself. By this point, the marauders operated under the assumption that Madam Pomfrey must know that they were sneaking in every month to eat breakfast and dinner with Remus, but she must have liked that he had some company, because around these times she never seemed to emerge from her office.   
James had never seen Remus look like this though. He looked almost feral, the second he saw James.   
Remus started screaming and shouting and clawing at the healer holding him, trying to push her of him as she fought to cling onto him. He kept freaking out and screaming staring in horror at James. 

James tried to get out of the bed and rush over to help his friend, but he couldn’t. Instead he just started shouting back at him.   
‘It wasn't you! Moony stop, it wasn’t you!’

Peter was there in a flash, grabbing Remus flailing arms and pushing his back onto the bed. ‘Remus stop James is fine you didn’t do that, he’e fine.’

‘What happened!’ Remus yelled. ‘You weren’t-’ he stopped. Madam Pomfrey was still holding onto him. ‘What happened?’

James took a deep breath. ‘It’s fine Remus… Snape just- he almost got in.’

‘Got in where?’

‘Mr Pettigrew go and get Professor Dumbledore, please.’ 

Peter rushed out but the doors opened in front of him. As if he had heard his summon, Professor Dumbledore swept into the room. He stood there for a second, his eyes scanning over Remus and then onto James.

Remus stopped shouting. Madam Pomfrey let go of him and walked over to the Headmaster and whispered something in his ear. James looked at Remus again, he was silently crying.  
Dumbledore nodded and mumbled something back, before looking again at James.

‘Mr Potter, would you be able to come with me to my office?’ 

‘Professor, I don’t think he is strong enough-’

But Dumbledore’s brilliant eyes were burning into James. 

‘I’m fine, I’ll come.’ James said, pushing himself more carefully this time out of the bed this time and slowly heaving himself to stand. He walked slowly over, aware he had nothing on his chest and stood in front of the two adults for a moment.   
Madam Pomfrey rushed off into her room and returned a moment later with a clean shirt, which James gratefully pulled over himself. DUmbledore chuckled, before walking to the door, beckoning James to follow. James looked back at Peter, who just stared back at him as he walked out.

 

They reached Dumbledore’s office and the elderly man went over to his desk, standing next to it to stroke Fawkes for a moment. James remained in the doorway. They were alone.

James leaned against the wall, his chest jabbing with pain, his eyes went a little blurry. As if he felt it too, Dumbledore turned and with a calm move of his hand a chair slid back to James.

‘Sit.’ he said softly. ‘I won’t keep you.’

James slumped down and looked around the room. Several small devices whirred away happily, the constant buzz sounded almost soothing. Sirius wasn’t here. James wondered where he was now.  
Dumbledore walked over to him and Fawkes went back to picking his feathers. He brought a chair with him and sat opposite James.

‘I- Sir, I’m sorry that I was out of bed last night and that I endangered Remus I never meant to-’

‘James.’ Dumbledore said as quietly and as calmly before, he sounded almost like he were talking to a friend. ‘What makes you think you are in trouble?’

James gaped at him. ‘Well- well I broke the rules and-’

‘That never seems to have stopped you before.’ His eyes were twinkling with amusement. ‘James, what you did last night was incredibly brave. Might I add, selfless. It is a hard decision to go and rescue a friend in grave peril, at your own risk, let alone an enemy.’

James remained silent for a moment. ‘So I’m not in trouble?’ 

Dumbledore leaned back. ‘No, I wouldn’t say in trouble. But I must impress upon you the delicacy of the situation. I don’t know if you were aware of Mr Lupin’s affliction, but-’

‘I wasn’t.’ James said quickly. ‘Remus kept it a secret, like he was told to.’ James kicked himself. Shouldn't have added that last part. But Dumbledore smiled back at him, clearly he wasn’t surprised by the atrocious lying.

‘Then I trust I can have your confidence in the matter?’

‘Course. I would never tell anyone.’

Dumbledore was quiet for a minute and both were lost in thought, before he broke the silence.  
‘I have asked Mr Snape to do the same.’

‘Sorry?’

‘I have asked Severus that he keep the events of the night to himself.’

James scoffed. ‘Yeah, fat chance of that.’

Dumbledore nodded. ‘Well, we don’t take serious bodily harm inflicted on another student lightly here at Hogwarts.’

‘Remus didn’t touch him Professor.’

‘I was talking about you, James.’

‘Remus would never-’

‘I think we both know that when transformed, that is no longer true Mr Potter. But never-the-less I know that those marks weren’t given by a werewolf.’

James was quiet.

‘I hope you understand that Mr Snape’s discretion is in fact genuine.’

James nodded. ‘You told him he won’t get in trouble for trying to kill me as long as he doesn’t tell.’

‘Bluntly put. Yes.’

James sighed. ‘If you don't mind me saying.. That’s bullshit.’

Dumbledore seemed unfazed though.

James chewed his lip. His chest was becoming more and more painful, he needed to lie down again. ‘But, if it keeps Mo-Remus safe..’

This seemed to be the answer Dumbledore had wanted. He rose and returned his chair.   
‘You must be in a great deal of pain, I’m sorry to have taken you away form the great care of Madam Pomfrey, come I’ll walk you back.’

James stood slowly to leave, before he finally found the courage to ask. ‘Professor, where is Sirius?’

Dumbledore opened the door. ‘He left a little before I came to get you. He needed to sleep off his...inebriation.’

They walked out of the office and back to the hospital wing. Once outside the door, Dumbledore turned to James again.  
‘Last night was not something I ever hoped would happen during Remus’ time at Hogwarts, nor was it something I would have wanted students to be involved with. I can imagine Remus is going to be very upset with himself, and possibly others.’

James knew who he meant. 

‘You must understand, James, that when we are scared and upset, it can drive even the kindest of creatures to do the most thoughtless of things, but without forgiveness, there is no chance for redemption.. or growth.’

There was no time to react to the comment however, as Dumbledore opened the infirmary door and James walked back over to his bed to take a needed rest, his whole body now terribly sore. Madam Pomfrey was on him in seconds othering over him. James watched Dumbledore disappear behind Remus’ drawn curtains.  
He rolled slightly onto his side, but it sent sharp pains through him, so James had to relent and remain on his back. Sleep was coming easily though, the journey had exhausted him. He felt like he was drifting away as he thought about all the people starting their normal day at Hogwarts right now, probably just waking up and going to breakfast. He thought about Snape probably sitting eating with his friends, pretending nothing had happened, getting off from almost killing another student with no repercussions. James wondered what Regulus was doing. He would have so many unspoken questions. His stomach churned.  
He thought of Lily, walking around the castle, maybe with Peter who seemed to have left. She would have questions too, but she would blurt them out to Wormtail as soon as she had a moment. James wondered if he was the best person to answer them.  
He thought about what Sirius was doing right now. If he was okay. But it was his fault all of this happened in the first place.. Although maybe it was really James. He did know that when thinking about him, a hot rage went through him.  
He thought about what Dumbledore had said. He was right, Remus was going to be distraught, with himself especially. But also with Sirius. He would be so upset. As was James. Forgiveness was going to be hard, and James wasn't sure he wanted to do it.


End file.
